As suburban children we floated at night in swimming pools the temperature of blood; pools the color of Earth as seen from outer space, We would skinny dip, my friends and me. . . We would float and be naked- pretending to be embryos, pretending to be fetuses- all of us silent save for the hum of the pool filter. I think the price we paid for our golden life was an inability to fully believe in love; instead we gained an irony that scorched everything it touched. And I wonder if this irony is the price we paid for the loss of God. But then I must remind myself we are living creatures--we have religious impulses--we must --and yet into what cracks do these impulses flow in a world without religion? It is something I think about every day. Sometimes I think it is the only thing I should be thinking about. Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person. I seriously question the road my life has taken and I endlessly rehash the compromises I have made in my life. I have an unsecure and vaguely crappy job with an amoral corporation so that I don't have to worry about money. I put up with halfway relationships so as not to have to worry about loneliness. I have lost the ability to recapture the purer feelings of my younger years in exchange for a streamlined narrow-mindedness that I assumed would propel me to "the top." What a joke. Compromise is said to be the way of the world and yet I find myself feeling sick trying to accept what it has done to me:the little yellow pills, the lost sleep. But I don't think this is anything new in the world. This is not to say my life is bad. I know it isn't...but my life is not what I expected it might have been when I was younger. Maybe you yourself deal with this issue better than me. Maybe you have been lucky enough to never have inner voices question you about your own path--or maybe you answered the questioning and came out on the other side. I don't feel sorry for myself in any way. I am merely coming to grips with what I know the world is truly like. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and merge with the foggy world of dreams and not return to this, our real world. Sometimes I look back on my life and am surprised at the lack of kind things I have done. Sometimes I just feel that there must be another road that can be walked--away from this became--either against my will or by default. Now--here is my secret: I tell it to you with the openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love. -Douglas Coupland, Life After God

 

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Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person.

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Upchuck

:: 2004 14 May :: 4.04pm
:: Mood: pathetic
:: Music: "Keep On The Sunnyside" The White Family Hoedown

Falling
This is getting almost riduculous. You can all call me crodgy and horrible but I hate falling for someone. I hate seeing people who are in love and I hate doing it myself. Things just get weird, and you do stupid things. And you begin to worry about stupid stuff, like what if she reads this?

What I really mean is, is that it's great. Being stupid is great. No, that's not what I'm saying.

As much of a hopeless romantic that I tend to be I always find the act of falling for someone quite distasteful. I mean, nothing should have the power to pull you out of a bad mood instantly. It's getting almost comical for me though.

She wasn't even there today. Physically, she was not even close to me, but she was still able to brighten my day. It sucks! I like being in a bad mood. All I had to do was see her name when I put chili's on the stove today, and it was like an instantaneous smile. I swear, if someone had been with me in the cooler when I saw thos today they would have thought I was absolutely going insane. Well, they think that anyway, not much I can do about that I guess. It's just ridiculous. I wish there were a way just to skip this part of it all and get into the steady type.

Not to say I'm totally lost yet. I know I'm falling for her. While I'm not quite sure why I hate it so much, I don't think I would prefer something else. Whether I keep falling is another question. I haven't quite hit the point where I feel like I could say that too her, but if this keeps up then, it's going to happen.

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m&ms487

:: 2004 12 May :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: drained

I've learned so many things in the past few months, about me, about others. I happy that I have that chance. I'm happy that I'm still here, and I can look out the window into the shrouded light and green, and new life, and I can take one moment of happiness, and make all the other mistakes and bad things go away. Maybe just for once, but once is enough to realize it.

In other news, rueben and i are going out now.
heh, not much more needs to be said about that.

8 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 12 May :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: content

*There is a folder sitting on Babbit's heater with a picture drawn on it*

Bill:Hey, look, someone drew a picture of Hitler on their folder!

Me: Actually, I think that's Mr. Babbit.

3 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 11 May :: 8.48pm

What is your favorite..
gum:Orbit-the green kind
restaurant:i don't know
drink:Smoothie...hehe
season:Summer
type of weather:Sunny and 62 degrees
emotion:Elation
thing to do on a half day:Go to value land with lisa....
late-night activity:hehe....need I say anything here?
sport:Tennis
city:Charlevoix
store:Bath and Body Works
When was the last time you..
cried:Last night
played a sport:When i played tennis with lisa a few weeks ago
laughed:Talking with my brother before he left for work a few hours ago
hugged someone:This morning.
kissed someone:not for a while...
felt depressed:Two minutes ago
felt elated:This morning at approximately 7:21..heh
felt overworked:Right now
faked sick:I don't.
lied:Umm..can't say, but it was about an hour ago...
What was the last..
word you said:no
thing you ate:tooth paste..didn't really eat it, but, yeah, that dental hygene is a must
song you listened to:Sway by Vanessa Carlton
thing you drank:Water
place you went to:School
movie you saw:Some movie about cloning on Lifetime this afternoon, right before the documentary on Hitler
movie you rented:Final Destination II...eh...blood, icky
concert you attended:Does my flute choir concert count? if not...Fuzzy Logic at the Kent on Halloween
Who was the last person you..
hugged:Rueben
cried over:...someone being mean to me. No names.
kissed:ex boyfriend
danced with:Shae
shared a secret with:Jessie, of course
had a sleepover with:Jessie
called:Jessie
went to a movie with:Jessie
saw:My mother
were angry with:Charlie
couldn't take your eyes off of:heh.....they know who they are
obsessed over:I'm thinkin' we all know...
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:yes
kissed someone:yes
done drugs:yes
drank alcohol:yes
slept around:no
partied 'til the sun came up:yes
had a movie marathon:yes
gone too far on a dare:no
spun until you were immensely dizzy:all the time
taken a survey quite like this before:yes

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!

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m&ms487

:: 2004 11 May :: 7.35pm
:: Music: ordinary day-vanessa carlton

Smells....yummy stuff.
I'm thinking that I just put on some sweet pea hand lotion, some strawberry lip gloss, and my hair smells really good.
*shrugs*
eh, what can ya do?

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m&ms487

:: 2004 9 May :: 5.06pm

That was the best weekend I've had in so long. I love being sixteen and I love having parents who understand, well, most of the time.

critique me


spud

:: 2004 9 May :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: much better

we lost our soccer game.

it was total bullshit. the whole thing.

i suppose it was an appropriate conclusion to a bullshit weekend.

but i went for a bit of a joyride, and cut across the school lawn to bogart one of the bastards in their bmw that mommy and daddy bought.

so i feel better. waay better.

since katie told me i never update when i'm happy.

i'm happy right now. and i'm updating.

she's not happy, but whoopty-fuck.

not my job. not my problem.

i'ma take a shower now.

cool.

3 comments | critique me


spud

:: 2004 9 May :: 12.26am
:: Mood: seething
:: Music: thunder

adrenaline junkies come along, let's go sing our pissed off song.
I Am A: Lawful Neutral GnomeRanger Mage


Alignment:
Lawful Neutral characters believe in the triumph of law and order above all else. It does not matter whether the leader is for good or evil; the leader will be followed, because the order they provide is the most important thing.


Race:
Gnomes are also short, like dwarves, but much skinnier. They have no beards, and are very inclined towards technology, although they have been known to dabble in magic, too. They tend to be fun-loving and fond of jokes and humor. Some gnomes live underground, and some live in cities and villages. They are very tolerant of other races, and are generally well-liked, though occasionally considered frivolous.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.


Deity:
Silvanus is the True Neutral god of nature. He is also known as the Patron of Druids. His followers believe in the perfect balance of nature, and believe that nature's bounty is preferable to any other 'civilizing' method. They wear leather or metallic scale mail, constructed of leaf-shaped scales. Silvanus's symbol is an oak leaf.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXX (6)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXX (5)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXX (5)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXX (8)
True Neutral ---- XXX (3)
Chaotic Neutral - (-3)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXX (4)
Neutral Evil ---- (-1)
Chaotic Evil ---- XX (2)

Race:
Human ---- (-1)
Half-Elf - (-1)
Elf ------ XXXX (4)
Halfling - (-4)
Dwarf ---- XXXXX (5)
Half-Orc - (-2)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXX (7)

Class:
Fighter - (-1)
Ranger -- XXXXXXX (7)
Paladin - X (1)
Cleric -- XXX (3)
Mage ---- XXXXX (5)
Druid --- X (1)
Thief --- (-2)
Bard ---- XXXX (4)
Monk ---- (-2)

2 comments | critique me


Upchuck

:: 2004 7 May :: 1.01pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: "Livin' On a Prayer" Bon Jovi

Really Really Really tired
It just keeps getting better. Six straight nights we've spent time together and I didn't think that was possible. Going for seven tonight and then we'll end our streak on Saturday, guaranteed. No body wants to know what's been going on. Well, I think the only one that does is Connie. Last Saturday night was odd. Of course, the last week has been odd in itself.

For all of you who are out there wondering, which probably isn't many of you, we're taking this slow. I don't want to mess anything up. I've learned my lesson. Take things slow and it reduces the chance of making a mistake. And I really don't want to mess this up.

And I think really what is making me tired is the fact that I am not sure when I'm going to sleep again. I know I definitely will after I get out of work Saturday night (Sunday morning) but in between now and that time I have no idea. This could get slightly interesting. You all think I'm strange now, wait until I don't sleep. Of course then again, I may be fine. Who knows?

1 comment | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 6 May :: 5.40pm

Jessie is making me tell you this...
Last weekend Jessie spent the night to come to my flute choir concert. That night, we were lying in bed and we were about to fall asleep. All the sudden, my leg twitched! I kicked the wall really really hard. It was so FUCKING hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing!

So there is my random leg twitching story for all of you to review, good day.

1 comment | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 5 May :: 7.33pm

Damn it, nothing is going right..and your happiness is making me sick, really. Just...i don't know...go away.

Can i cuddle with you or something....?
:(

1 comment | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 5 May :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: content

I took my nail polish off.
It almost seems that teacher have such a strong distain for senioritis, they give the rest of us PILES of homework that isn't humanly possible to complete. Example: I had 4 hours of homework last night. Did I do it? Only the important stuff, because, i wanted to bath, to eat, oh, and maybe, relax......

Anyway, they're just gonna have to deal with it. It's the end of the year, we have 19 days left, and half of them we won't be doing anything anyway. We just need to be done and out of here, everyone wants to be, and I wouldn't mind it, except everyone's attitudes are just going to shit, and everyone's getting bitchy, and pissy, and being jackasses....

And don't get me wrong, it's catching, it includes me.

-michelle-

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m&ms487

:: 2004 3 May :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: Hoobastank-The reason

I'm finally done with it!
I know you still look,
At me like you did then,
And it's so confusing.

That's what kept me going
Back and forth
Back and forth
And driving me to the
Point of insanity,
Until the cup spilled,
And it all came rushing out.

And now I find,
That I have the strength,
Not to participate,
Any longer.
And that is a relief,
I haven't known for a long while.

6 comments | critique me


spud

:: 2004 3 May :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: sleepy.
:: Music: accu radio jazz

grr.

*makes self do homework

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

* hates self for not being able to make self do homework

1 comment | critique me


Upchuck

:: 2004 3 May :: 11.48am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: "Freshman" the Verve

This sucks
I've been wanting this for so long, and now that it finally has happened it's really messing with my head. All day yesterday I kept thinking, no, I kept worrying. I was so scared. What if I screw this up? I really put a lot of pressure on myself. But then I saw her last night and that all went away. That's what led me to what I was saying to Jeanne:
You can't change the past because it has already happened. You can't change the future because it hasn't happened yet. You can only do something about the present and that is all that matters.

On the other hand, I do have to say how much last night made me realize how great my parents are. For trusting me, for not treating me like shit.How good they were to raise me when I was young to be the person I am today so they can trust me and not have to treat me like shit. Mom and Dad, I love you.

critique me


spud

:: 2004 2 May :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: alan parsons - Nucleus

this is great to listen to on headphones.

alan parsons is kind of like the unsung hero of progressive music.

probably the greatest recording engineer to ever live.

he was the one who did "dark side of the moon" with pink floyd, to give you an idea.

*

anyway.

i finished my english stuff.

sorta. still haven't touched pre calc, or history.

for tomorrow, i suppose.
history needs it desperately. trig isn't much better.

oh well. we won soccer today. i feel pretty good. i don't know what the final score was.

yep.

"what do you get when you cum in a big foam costume?"
"what?"
". . . sticky . . ."

2 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 2 May :: 6.47pm

I feel like shit. This is just SO much fun. UUUUGGHH...mommy, i don't wannna be sickkkkkkk........

Just drug me up and send me off. I'll be okay.

3 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 30 April :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: contemplative

This is my 368th journal entry. Go me.
Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss your teeth so you'll have healthy gums in your old age, and then you get in your car and drive down I-10 and die. Life is so stupid I can't stand it. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams


8 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 30 April :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Where are you now-michelle branch

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness. ~André Gide, L'immoraliste
People are so frustrating. I don't know why they do what they do. I'm not sure I want to know, because then I would know the truth. I don't think I want to know that. Remember, you are only as sick as your secrets.
Have fun with those, kids.

critique me


spud

:: 2004 30 April :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: incubus - talk show on mute

yeah. tonight is prom.

rock.

i'm reading isaac asimov, "the gods themselves."
pretty cool so far.

i should start the next georgie diary that beans lent me.

but right now i have to take a shower.

funny thing. i wrote a drum lick while i was listening to red hot chili peppers. i called it "asimov" because that's what i was looking at when i wrote it.

here goes: (sixteenths unless otherwise noted. accents=CAPS)
> ....... > ...... > ....... > . >
R l r r , L r l l , R l r r , L r L r

.. > ....... > ... > ...... >---(6)--
l l R l , r r L r , L r l l , R l r r l l

well, if you can read that.

i thought it was pretty cool. good exercise for accents/taps, and paradiddles.

now i just have to add to it.

some other time.

1 comment | critique me


spud

:: 2004 28 April :: 3.24pm

tuxedo.

6 comments | critique me


Upchuck

:: 2004 28 April :: 8.14am

I'm Happy Now
HST-203- SWS WORLD HST TO 1500 A
HST-204- SWS WORLD HST SINCE 1500 A-
PLS-313- INTERNTL ORGANIZATION B-
PLS-327- POL DEVELOPING COUNTRIES B+
PLS-340- AMER POL & MASS MEDIA B

3 comments | critique me


infinite

:: 2004 27 April :: 10.53pm

i screwed up so bad monday. spent all the money i had prom shopping with jess and now i barely have any money at all. how could i screw up so bad? i didn't even realize how much money we spent shopping and BAM! no money left. i feel so bad because now jess had to help pay for the things i promised to pay for and i hate feeling like i've failed her. well, i'll find a way to make everything work because that's just what i do, i guess.

2 comments | critique me


spud

:: 2004 27 April :: 3.23pm
:: Music: Da Vinci's Notebook - Another Irish Drinking Song

yeah.

Brown dog is looking at me.

and trying to sneak into my armpit.
BAAAUGHHHH!!!

claw to mouth style, how'd you like it?

*
and we'll throw up, pass out, wake up, and then we'll drink it once again.
*

yeah.

the waterfall on this calendar is really pretty.

i need to go out somewhere and do a nature hike type dealy.

really.

like in lord of the rings, that'd be cool.

yeah.

7 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 26 April :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: content

This is what I'm thinking:

1. Segement Two is done Wednesday

2. I'm not going to take the MEAPS this year

3. I've run out of interesting things to talk about

4. That means that this entry is over

critique me


spud

:: 2004 26 April :: 12.42am

on 3-19-03, i randomly ended a journal entry with "mom says i have to quit jacking off in the shower."

that may have been one of the funniest things i've ever said.

not because jacking off in the shower is supremely funny,

but more because of my delivery.

you'd have to read it.

i posted it on anonymous, if you're interested.

i was just flipping through, when i felt like pointing that out............ primarily in order to feel better about myself, and boost my morale for tomorrow.

i figure it's a good feeling to sleep on.

3 comments | critique me


spud

:: 2004 26 April :: 12.19am
:: Music: dav brubeck - weape know moore

you would not believe how frequently we have this discussion, and how much worse she gets about it every time.
Katie says:
somethings up with my friends list on wooh

Katie says:
u

Katie says:
i've added a couple of people resently and there name aren't in my profile

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
they've been screwy since the server switch.

Katie says:
and then i go to add then again and i get a error message saying that they're already on my list

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
don't add them again.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
they should show up on your friends list, just not your profile

Katie says:
well they don't

Katie says:
yesterday i saw there entries in on my friends page and now they aren't there

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
ugh. you know i hate that.

Katie says:
what

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
there they're their.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
notice any difference?

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
i do.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
i know you hate me for it, but you're not stupid, so i don't expect you to write like you are.

Katie says:
what on earth are you talking about

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
yesterday i saw THERE entries in on my friends page and now they aren't there

Katie says:
ok whatevef

Katie says:
i'm going to go

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
i know you don't care.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
but it bothers me.

Katie says:
no i do care

Katie says:
i care about the fact that you have to point it out and just make me feel sooo stupid

Katie says:
even though that is not your intention

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
it's not to make you feel stupid.

Katie says:
but it still does

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
you aren't stupid.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
that's what i'm saying.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
you're not stupid, so it's silly to make yourself look stupid unnecessarily.

Katie says:
yeah but it doesn't work

Katie says:
you have to point out my inperfections and expect me to take no notice

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
no, i expect you to acknowledge them.

Katie says:
like i care

Katie says:
so what

Katie says:
there

Katie says:
they're

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
obviously you do

Katie says:
their

Katie says:
what fucking difference does it make

Katie says:
you get the fricken point

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
one way makes sense.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
the other way doesn't.

Katie says:
you know exactly what i'm saying when i mess

Katie says:
up

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
not always.

Katie says:
ok

Katie says:
i'm just stupdi

Katie says:
and illiterate

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
no, you're not.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
i'm stupid, and i need you to spell it right in order for me to fully understand.

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
go to bed.

Katie says:
fine

I had a view of the water, ... and the consoling proximity of millionaires - all for eighty dollars a month. says:
leave me to my bullshit.

*

you know.

i don't think i'm in the wrong here.

i know i get annoying with my grammar bullshit, but it really does serve a purpose.

it's communication efficiency.

and she doesn't even realize all of the times that i truly don't understand what she said, but she just assumes that i did, and moves on.

with other cedar springs retards i can just disregard it, and pretend i know what the fuck they're saying.

but it's different with her, because i care. i WANT to understand what she's trying to communicate to me.

but sometimes she doesn't want to put forth the effort necessary on her part for me to understand.

i put forth a tremendous effort to attempt making my language as clear as possible, so she can understand what i'm trying to communicate. and sometimes she still doesn't.

sometimes i frustrate myself with it, because i can't get the phraseology perfect, and i know that i'm not communicating my thought in the most understandable way that i possibly could.

and people inevitably get confused.

so, if she's worth it to me, why am i not worth that effort to her?

and if i'm not, why does she keep trying to force through the half-assed bullshit.

i'm obviously not going to comprehend the same stuff you've been giving me.

so if you're not going to put forth the effort to fix what you're saying, then don't waste your time trying to force through the broken stuff.

that's just bullshit.

even more than my anal retentive bullshit.

i'm going to bed.

fuck.

it's late. ............... again.

6 comments | critique me


m&ms487

:: 2004 24 April :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: blink 182- I miss you

My very unimportant life
Yesterday was a long long day. I went to school and was throughly confused like every other day. Our substitute for Chem failed to show up, so we had free reign of the classroom for all of second hour. In third hour (drama) we had that super fun lady, mrs. kaiser. what a bitch. I think you've all had her at one time or another, she's the one that wears the air purifier around her neck, and screams at anyone that accidentally puts on lotion. I couldn't help it if turtle and i had dry hands.

Fourth hour, had a quiz. Nothing new. I'm going to go and finish that novel tomorrow. Huckleberry Finn. Not a hard read at all, and I like it because it's fast paced and is so literal. Lunch, food. I'm weaning myself off of caffiene. It's not working too well.

Fifth hour, Civics, with Ahmed. It was time for my lovely debate, and I do believe that my statistics about the bodies found in the WTC rubble really did help my arguement. Over 19,000 separate body parts were found. There were only 259 bodies intact. Almost 3,000 people died. I wouldn't have wanted to clean that up at all. Oh, and my subject was about secrect evidence via the Patriot Act signed into law on October 26, 2001 by Bush. Really, not much to argue for, I certainly don't believe it helps anything, but that just makes it all the better that I'm winning on absolutely nothing but my debating skills.

I took my quiz in sixth hour (algebra II) and I got an eighty. I forgot what the mantissa and characteristic were. Actually, i switched them around. I should have double checked in the book, but i didn't. oh well. I still have to do that whole chapter of homework before the test. The test is Monday.

Jessie rode the bus home with me. I enjoyed that. Carl tied his shoe to the air vent in the top of the bus, and left it there. He also put pieces of yellow duct tape on the ceiling, almost like streamers. It actually looked pretty cool.

We had to be to school again around four, so we got chinese and ate it in the band hallway. Yes, my friends, that's why it smelled so bad.

The bus ride to Coopersville is scenic. Cows and fields and more cows and barns.

Wind Ensemble got straight two's. We deserved it. Our performance was no where it could have been, but we performed as we did in class. Our band could be so damn good if a few people just practiced a little more, but you can't force people to do something that they don't want to do. I got really stressed out about a few things that shall remain unknown at the moment while we were there. Being around certain people for too long is like slowly poisening yourself. I ended up balling my eyes out for about an hour. I talked to Alice about a few things and it really helped to know that I wasn't alone for what I felt and what I thought.
On the bus ride home i sat across from the lesbians known as becky and jessie. No, i'm just kidding, but i think they should stay away from caffiene and sugar, though. We can blame it on the cupcakes. I sat with Zac and we talked about a lot of things on the ride home. I haven't talked to him like that since Florida, and it was really nice. The only bad part about the whole bus ride home was the really annoying red flashing light in the front of the bus from the camera. At least I'm short enough to duck below the seat so I couldn't see it. It was giving me a headache. I just devoted two sentences to a flashing red light. That's pretty sad.

Anyway, so I got home and completely crashed. Well, I read my tarot cards first. And then I went to sleep. It helped me understand everything a lot better.

This morning I got up at seven and went to flute choir. Our snare drummer for our march came today and it helped that song so much. I play bass flute on it, and it was awesome because everyone finally stayed together. On our mass number, Ode to Joy, i stood next to this one girl. She played really really loud. And she couldn't count. I didn't say anything to her because i didn't want to be mean, but I won't be by her next weekend. By the way, our concert is next Saturday night (In grand rapids), see me or the poster on the bandroom door if you're interested.

So then I went up to the lake and worked for a few hours. We went out for supper to the Coral Bar. That was fun. The band that was playing there really sucked though, and they were way too loud. Although, I wasn't too worried, because they're a bar band. That's just what bar bands do.

I got back to the lake, and I had already decided that I wasn't going to stay the night for certain reasons, so I came home. Sam and Alaina and various cousins of mine were there. They're probably all watching some movies right now. Oh well. You do what you gotta do.

Congrats if you made it through my enormously long entry. If you didn't, I don't care. It's just my life. I'm not sure it even interests me sometimes.

michelle.

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m&ms487

:: 2004 24 April :: 8.17pm

I decide to stay home tonight and not be with all of them. It would have been fun. So I get here, and no one is on.
Wait, Jacqui is on.

This is good.

6 comments | critique me


spud

:: 2004 23 April :: 3.43pm

sleepy time.

yeah.

i wish.

4 comments | critique me

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