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2003 28 December :: 7.13 pm
:: Mood: I dont know
I hate being bored, it makes me think, and i hate to think. Today has just been a blah day. After church i went to my grandma's house for some christmas thing. We would usually have it on the 24th but everybody was sick, so we did it today. Well everybody got great gifts and everything, except for me and Kamie. We each got $20 woo. When everyone else probably got about $80 just in gifts. So that was gay. Oh yeah and my brother got in a car accident on the way over there, so that was joyful too. And now i'm sitting at home being bored with nothing to do. Life is all screwy. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. Its like i dont care about anything anymore. Its wierd though, but i guess it will change soon. Who knows.......
How does it feel? |
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2003 27 December :: 12.00 am
I dont even know what to do anymore. On one hand i have this.......and on the other hand i have this........but nobody ever gets what they want out of life.
Yeah i'm really bored.
4 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 24 December :: 12.08 pm
Yesterday was cool! Well besides the fact that i worked all day, but after i got home it was awesome! My dad went to Best Buy and bought a whole new entertainment system. It includes........50" wide screen tv, 4 speakers on their own little stand, 1 subwoofer, a small center speaker, a radio thing that includes cd and dvd, and a 5 disc CD/DVD player! It is so awesome! I love having the huge tv and surround sound through out the living room! Anyways, thats all i've got to say, cause i'm a boring person with nothing going on in my life and nobody likes me.
1 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 22 December :: 9.39 pm
Well, today was fun. Went to the mall with Stacy, Erika, Becky, Dustin, and Joey. I gave Erika her christmas present today. I got her this really cool green sweater from gadzooks that she's wanted for like ever. Then when we were at the mall i got her these cookie monster slippers she's wanted for the longest time too! She loved both of them. And it makes me feel good that i can do something for her to make her happy. Thats all i want to do is make her happy. It was good to hear her talking about how much she loved her sweater and slippers! She kept asking why i'm so nice to her and everything. And i wish i could explain, but part of it is cause i like to do stuff for her. It makes me feel good. The other part is just the way she makes me feel all the time.....its just undescribable. No matter what she always amazes me, and she deserves everything. Even t hough i can't be with her....i still love to make her happy. It just makes me feel good again to see a smile on her face because of something that I did. I put that smile on her face and it makes me happy to know i can still make her happy i guess. Anyways, thats it.
Kevin
8 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 22 December :: 12.09 pm
I watched the movie Bruce Almighty last night. Wow, thats a great movie! Yeah its hilarious, but it also explains everything with god and his powers.
Anyways, i am extremely BORED! I'm nawing my arm off over here. Somebody please shoot me and save me from the boredness. Then i can't be bored if i'm dead.
How does it feel? |
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2003 21 December :: 7.48 pm
I am so freakin bored! Sorry, i'm trying to cut back on the swearing. So, hopefully you guys can understand what other words mean instead of a swear word. Anyways, yeah i'm extremely bored and i have nothing to do. This weekend was pretty cool i guess. I'll just mention the good parts, not the bad parts. Friday me and alot of my parents friends threw my mom a suprise birthday party. That was pretty cool. Then i stayed the night at JD's house after that. Saturday was a day filled with nothing. Until i went to the movies with Stacy, Dustin, Jay, and Beaver. We went and seen Lord of the Rings. Wow, what a long movie, but cool! So yeah the whole movie deal and burger king after was excellent! Then i went to church this morning where someone didnt show up, *cough cough erika cough*! But hey its ok. Just joking erika! But since i have nothing to do or say any more, i'm gonna go now. Anybody feel free to call me tonight, to atleast get me off of the bored level! Yeah, like that will happen......
1 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 20 December :: 5.52 pm
"Your love is like the wind, i can't see it......but i can feel it."
How does it feel? |
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2003 19 December :: 3.13 pm
:: Mood: content
Well......good news......we're on Christmas break! Bad news.......i hate myself. I'm starting to do really crappy in all of my classes for some reason. I hate how i'm just so......stupid. I can't even write words out of a book when the answers are right in front of me. My week started off pretty good. But then it started dropping downhill slowly. One bad thing after another. It kills me that she doesn't have the feelings for me. I really wish she did. Its constently been on my mind all week. I dont really think i'm that bad of a guy. I try my best to keep everybody happy. I dont even really know what to say anymore. My feelings are just......undescribable. If i can't even explain them, they must be pretty strong feelings, right? I dont know. I love her. Thats all there is too it. But hey stuff happends. What can ya do......
1 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 17 December :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: blah
Today was just not my day. :( It wasn't really horrible, but it just sucked. I'll put it this way.....nothing went right, but then again everything could have been worse. I'm just kinda......blah.
2 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 16 December :: 9.49 pm
:: Mood: tired
Well.......today was ok i guess. I went to the basketball game, which wasn't really worth my time.
At first i wasn't sure of things. But then i decided what i want to do, or how i felt or what ever. And by the looks of tonight.....all that went down the drain. I dont know what the fuck happened, and i should have the right to know. But no, lets play keep away from Kevin. Whatever, i can't take this shit anymore. Its either you like somebody, or you dont like somebody. That simple, not fucking multiple choice here. So.....i dont know whats going on right now. But i guess either way i still have my good friends here for me. So somebody please let me know when the confusion is over with and i can actually be informed about things instead of not telling me anything.
Kevin
How does it feel? |
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2003 15 December :: 6.00 pm
Today was a pretty rough day. Most of the time i didnt show it, but i felt it. Today could have been better, but then again it wasn't as bad as i thought it was gonna be. Looking at you, talking to you, laughing with you about everything, and being friends really made me feel good today. I dont want to settle for anything less than what we had going today. Yeah its not exactly how i want everything, but i've got you as a friend, right? As of right now.......thats all i ask for.
Kevin
How does it feel? |
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2003 14 December :: 4.57 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Green Day
my thoughts and stuff about my life and how i feel
Ok, since i am really bored, i think i'll do a little list thing just like Stacy did, cause i look up to Stacy! lol
-winter has its advantages and disadvantages.
-summer is the best time of the year.
-friends are complicated.
-my friends mean alot to me.
-my favorite bands are Good Charlott and Nickelback.
-i hate math, i have no use for it in the future.
-i dont like when people assume things, unless they assume a proven fact.
-i dont like people who think t hey are better than everybody else.
-i hate back stabbers.
-personality is a big issue to me. have to have a good personality.
-i dont really like my personality. it gets me in trouble.
-i think i'm an ok person, but i could be better.
-i want people to accept me for who i am.
-i wish i could please everybody.
-i wish i could stop joking around so much, but its a habbit i can't get rid of, but i'm working on it.
-i want people to know what i know.
-i want people to know how i feel about everything and everybody.
-i wish life was easy.
-i love texas.
-i miss my mom, she lives in texas.
-i wish it was easy to move out.
-food is my friend.
-my friend is food.
-i love eating tacos.
-my favorite sport is baseball.
-2nd favorite sport is golf.
-i'm usually happy, every once in a while i get to a sad or depressed stage.
-i know i'm not that good looking, not the best personality, not the best person period, but hey i try.
-i can always count on stacy and dustin to make me laugh. i can always count on being able to trust erika. i can talk to her about anything i want and i know she will listen and care. She's the one to go to if i have a problem of any sort. i can count on becky to always listen to what i have to say, no matter what it is. I can always count on all my friends period to be here for me no matter what.
-stacy will always be the funny one.
-dustin will always the the other funny one, but alot more outgoing than stacy.
-stacy and dustin are always both happy, if they are sad they never show it. they always find the good in something, either to laugh at or make fun of.
-erika would be the more layed back friend. she has the most unique personality out of everybody. she might not try and find the good out of everything like dustin and stacy, but she does do what she thinks is best for anything, no matter what it is, bad or good, and that takes guts. i always find the good in her and know what she is capable of. she would be the most amazing person i've ever met.
-dustin and stacy would be the most amazingly funniest people i've ever met lol .
-movies are the best.
-playing pool is fun. especially when me and dustin kicked erika and stacy's ass a while ago.
-i dont care what anybody says.......girls are better friends than guys.
-guy friends are the people you go out and hang with to have fun and get into trouble.
-girls are the ones that you go to talk to. they listen and understand what you are saying. but at the same time they expect the same thing in return from you. which isnt a big deal to me cause i like to listen to problems and help as much as needed.
-i am someone you can easily talk to.
-erika is the best person i've ever known.
-my real mom is right there behind erika, only i dont know my mom very well cause i only see her 2 weeks out of every summer, out of every year.
-i dont have a girlfriend right now.
-most recent one was erika childs.
-i dont know if i will have one soon.
-a friendship should come before a relationship.
-but still be able to maintain the friendship if the relationship falls.
-i like people.
-but only in love with 1 person.
-i hate hurting people's feelings. only cause i care about others and i know i wouldn't want my feelings hurt either, so why do it to other people. i dont try to t hough.
-i'm really slow minded.
-i want to play volleyball in a sand court. its fun.
-i want to go to the zoo.
-i want a pet monkey.
-i hate listening to people talk about how perverted they are and how all they want is a piece of ass from a girl.
-i never want to disrespect a girl.
-to me they are fragile.
-you must respect them.
-the looks of a girl arent the biggest thing for me. personality is the biggest thing.
-you need to find reasons to be with a girl. not just cause they are easy and a for sure sex toy. you must find something about them that sparks your mind, like personality.
-most guys are assholes.
-i'm glad guys dont have pms. all though some guys seem like t hey do.
-i can be an emotional person.
-i dont keep my feelings inside me.
-once again.....i'm still in love, and have been for the longest time now.
-texas chainsaw massacure is one of the best movies ever.
-i love newyears eve.
-the superbowl is fun.
-i want to be rich.
-i want a good career and a nice house i can support a family in.
-i'm sorry for always asking so many questions and jumping to conclusions.
-i'm happier with the person i am now than the person i used to be almost exactly a year ago.
-i've gotten into church, which is a good thing. i like it.
-i like to hang out with my friends and just do normal stuff. not have to worry about anything.
-lately i've worried about alot and thought about alot and still confused on what to do or say.
-i want to tell her how i feel, but she knows how i feel already, so it would be nothing new.
-i hate making her mad all the time and giving her reasons to be angry with me.
-she's the last person in the world who i would want to hurt her feelings. i dont want to hurt her feelings.
-but.....even with all the confusion and everything.....i'm glad we're friends right now.
-i would rather have you as a friend than a nothing and not in my life at all. :)
Ok, well this was fun. Sorry if i bored any of you with this. If anybody even read it at all.
-
4 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 13 December :: 4.48 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Eminem
"Go to sleep bitch, die mother fucker die!
Go to sleep bitch, close your mother fuckin eyes!
Go to sleep bitch, why are you still alive?!"
3 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel? |
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2003 12 December :: 5.47 pm
Wow, this week flew past very quickly! Today was just not my day i guess. For stupid reasons......i got 2 detentions. One was for me supposably skipping 6th hour, which is stupid. Cause if i skipped 6th hour then i wouldn't have came back to class like i did. And the other was 2nd hour i had an unexcused absence. Which is bull shit cause i was here on the day it said i was gone. And i even had the work to proove it. But it still pisses me off cause i have to serve them. On top of that Mrs. Dolbee was treating me like i was stupid today. And that really pissed me off. But anyways, i'm just glad its the weekend now. And i dont really have anything else to say. I'm off to Brad's house now. See you guys later!
1 Felt the pain... |
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2003 11 December :: 3.05 pm
It gets to me, it really does. But i can't say anything, and i dont know how. Either way it doesnt matter, nothing can change it and nothing will change it. Everything is painful right now. And it will be for a while. But i guess i deserve it. Everything seems to be ok i guess. But then again i dont want to assume things, i've found out it gets me in trouble. Plus, i'm not Einstein, i dont know everything. Anyways, off to baseball conditioning i go. Then probably youth group tonight.
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