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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 10 March :: 7.01am

ugggh i can't take any morrrrrrrrre




...school, that is.

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


swimfan14

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Panic! At The Disco//Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

Aww I love those moments when you say those things. It's so adorable.

This week has gone by so slow but it's definitely been worth it. So much has happened this week and so many things have changed it's unbelievable. I'm happy. Everything is pretty much wonderful. I'm off to bed. Goodnight!!

I love you all.

<3 Ashley

How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.58am

• c o n f e s s i o n s •

Created by stevo23 and taken 1882 times on Bzoink

~•*be honest*•~
- y e s - o r - n o -
I'M AFRAID OF SILENCEyeah
I TALK A LOT WHEN I GET NERVOUSno
I AM REALLY TICKLISH yeah
I'VE BEEN CALLED A TEASEno
I'VE BEEN CALLED "JAIL-BAIT"no
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARKout side but not so much inside
I'M AFRAID OF FACING MY BACK TO OPEN DOORS AT NIGHTi duno
I CAN'T SLEEP IN A ROOM IF THE CLOSET DOOR IS OPENno
I AM A HOMOSEXUALno
I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVEyeah
I'VE RUN AWAY FROM HOMEyeah
I LISTEN TO POLITICAL MUSICi dont even know what that is
I COLLECT COMIC BOOKSno
I SHUT OTHERS OUT WHEN I'M SADkinda
I'VE STAYED OUT ALL NIGHTyeah
I OPEN UP TO OTHERS EASILYkinda
I AM KEEPING A SECRET FROM THE WORLDno
I WATCH THE NEWSsometimes
I OWN OVER 5 RAP CD'Syeah
I LOVE DISNEY MOVIESno
I AM A SUCKER FOR GREEN EYESno
I AM A SUCKER FOR BROWN EYESno
I AM A SUCKER FOR BLUE EYESno
I DON'T KILL BUGSno
I CURSEyeah
I'VE CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIENDno
I'VE SLIPPED AND FELL IN PUBLICnot that i can remember
I'VE SLIPPED OUT A "LOL" IN A REAL CONVERSATIONwho would do that.
I LOVE SPAMno
I'M A GOOD COOKno
I HAVE WORN PAJAMAS TO CLASSyeah
I HAVE OWNED SOMETHING FROM ABERCROMBIEyeah
I WANT A BETTER JOB..OR A JOBeh more money i guess. who doesn't
I'VE TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR 6+ HOURSyeah
I LOVE DR. PHILno
I LIKE SOMEONEsure
I AM GUILTY OF TyPiNg LiKe ThIsno
I AM SELF-CONSCIOUSyeah
I LOVE TO LAUGHyeah
I DRINK ALCOHOL FREQUENTLYno
I'VE SMOKED A PACK OF CIGARETTES IN 1 DAYno
I'M NOT A VIRGINyeah
I LOVE LORD OF THE FLIESno
I EAT COUGH DROPS WHEN I'M NOT SICKnot usually
I CAN'T SWALLOW PILLSno
I HAVE A LOT OF SCARSno
I CAN'T SLEEP IF I KNOW THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE ROOMno
I LOVE CHOCOLATEyeah
I BITE MY NAILSsometimes
I TWIRL MY HAIRsometimes
I AM COMFORTABLE WITH BEING MEeh
I PLAY COMPUTER GAMES WHEN I'M BOREDno
I TAKE THESE GAY SURVEYS WHEN I'M BOREDyeah
I'VE SEEN A SHOOTING STARno
I'VE HAD A "MENAGE A TROIS"whats that
I'VE GONE OUT IN PUBLIC IN MY PAJAMASno
I'VE KISSED A STRANGERno
I'VE KISSED SOMEONE FOR THE HELL OF ITno
I'VE HUGGED A STRANGERno
I'VE BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEXno
I'VE LAUGHED AND HAD SOME TYPE OF BEVERAGE COME OUT OF MY NOSEyeah
I'VE PUSHED ALL THE BUTTONS IN AN ELEVATORno
I'VE MADE OUT IN AN ELEVATORjust kissed
I'VE KICKED A GUY WHERE IT HURTS ON PURPOSEno
I'VE BEEN SKYDIVINGno
I'VE BEEN BUNGEE JUMPINGno
I'VE HAD STITCHESyeah
I'VE BITTEN SOMEONE..AS A JOKEyeah
I'VE BEEN TO NIAGARA FALLSno
I'VE HAD THE CHICKEN POXyeah
I'VE CRASHED INTO A CARno
I'VE BEEN TO JAPANno i wish
I'VE RIDDEN IN A TAXIno
I'VE SHOPLIFTEDyeah
I'VE BEEN FIREDno
I'VE HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T HAVE THEM BACKyeah
I'VE STOLEN SOMETHING FROM MY JOBno
I'VE BEEN ON A BLIND DATEno
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHERno
I'VE CELEBRATED MARDI GRAS IN NEW ORLEANSno
I'VE BEEN TO EUROPEno
I'VE SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER, AND/OR EMPLOYEEno
I'VE BEEN MARRIEDno
I'VE GOTTEN DIVORCEDno
I'VE BEEN PREGNANTno
I'VE SEEN SOMETHING/SOMEONE DYINGno
I HAVE A LIST OF PEOPLE I WANT TO KILLehhhhno
I'VE DRIVEN OVER 400 MILES IN 1 DAYyeah
I'VE BEEN TO CANADAno
I'VE BEEN ON A PLANEno
I'VE SEEN THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOWno
I'VE THROWN UP FROM DRINKINGno
I'VE EATEN SUSHIno
I'VE BEEN SKIINGno
I'VE BEEN ICE SKATINGyeah
I'VE CRIED IN PUBLICyeah like a million times
I'VE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDEyeah
I'VE LIKED SOMEONE EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVEyeah
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT SOMEONE ALMOST 24/7yeah
I'VE HATED THE WORLDyeah

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink



PRIDE (Deadliest of Sins)
Have you ever thought you were better than anybody else?:no
How many competative sports do you do, and what are they?:hate them
When in a group, is it your way or no way?:no
How much time do you spend in front of the mirror?:too much
What religion are you?:chirstian
When you are sitting in your place of worship, do you actually listen?:yea
Do you show good sportsmanship or do you rub it in their face?:good
Do you tend to love yourself?:no
Can you be Vain?:probably
Are you arrogant in some ways?:yeah
When watching a reality TV show, do you say <>:say what
Do your sights overthrow your ability?:no
Do you HAVE to be the best?:no
Does the pride of others bother you?:yeah
ENVY (The love of other peoples personal things)
Do you wish you could be in someone elses shoes?:yeah
When someone gets a gift, do you often wish it was yours?:maybe a car
If you had one wish, would it be for a personal item?:yeah
Do you want to be a celebrity just for the stuff you get?:no
Have you ever used someone for their stuff?:no
Do you wish to be a model so people will look at you?:no
Have you ever used prayer so god will give you something?:yeah
Have you every truely Loved someone?:yeah
Do you take pleasure in doing service work?:eh
In your life, how many servise projects have you done?:duno
Do you honestly like doing it for nothing?:no
Do you throw the word want around?:sure
ANGER (The Emotion of the Falsely Righteous)
What gets you angry?:like everything
What do you do when you are angry?:scream
Are you and angry person?:yes
Do people fear you when you are angry?:sure
Do you have a short fuse?:yeah
What gets you more angry, words or actions?:either
Who gets you the most angry?:dumb fricken idiots in school and just school altogether
Have people told you you need anger management?:a few
Are you a kind person?:yeah
Does anger give you energy?:um maybe the wrong kind
Do you have to count to ten when in a fight?:no
Have you ever gotten in a verbal fight?:yeah
Have you ever gotten in a phisical fight?:no
SLOTH (Even the busy can be lazy)
How often do you do nothing?:eh
Do you have a job?:yeah
Do you enjoy doing manual labor?:no
if so how often do you do it?:5 days a week
How much junk do you eat?:too much
Do you sleep a lot?:yes
Do you cringe at the sound of manual labor?:eh
Have you fallen asleep in class? Whose?:all the time
How many hours of TV do you watch?:maybe 1
How often do you neglect people?:eh
Have you ever had to do something but said oh, im too lazy?:yeah
Do you over use the term, i'll do it later?:yeah
How often do you take the time to do things all the way through?:eh
Do you actually do what your told?:eh
GREED (Constant want)
Do you love money?:dont love it but want it
Do you love it more than people?:no
Have you sold someone out for personal benefit?:no
Do you have to get the best stuff out there?:no
Do you give credit where credit is due?:yeah
Do you fear not being rich?:no
Do you need the limelight?:no
Do you want power?:no
What do you fear?:eh
If it comes down to it, for love or money?:love
Do you donate to a charity?:no
if so, which?:penny kind
GLUTTONY (to overdo)
Do you use indugence to feel better?:yeah
Do you overeat?:yeah
How many meals do you eat?:too many
Do you overdo?:yeah
Do you demand too much of people?:no
You just <>:
Do you know when enough is enough?:no
What is your favorite food?:cereal
What is your favorite drink?:long islands
How much of both do you have each week?:too much
Are you Overweight, or do you have a healthy lifestyle?:
When you see something that you like, do you have to have it?:want to
LUST (Constant want of the body)
How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you ever had?:i duno
How many in the past month?:1
Are you into porn?:no
Stripclubs?:no
Can you control your urges?:sure
have you lost friends because of lust?:no
Do people get the impression you are a slut/whore:no
-JUDGEMENT DAY-
Did you like this quiz?:no
After finishing, which sin do you most represent?:gluttony probably
What can you do to try and break free of it?:die
Which sin do you least represent?:lust
Will you tell people about this quiz?:no

7 Deadly Sins brought to you by Bzoink

Whats your nickname/s?:jess. pappy. baby
What makes you happy?:not being in school and not having to work
What makes you sad?:not seeing roman forever
Whats your favorite color?:i duno... blue or something or pink
Whats the last text on your phone say?:love you baby can't wait to kiss your pretty cheeks. lol
Whos the last person that called you?:roman
Whats something you should never do when your drunk?:try to drive
Whats the best advice youve ever gotten?:ummmmmmmmm to think i'm pretty
Whats your lucky number?:2
Whos the last person who made you laugh?:roman
Whos the last person who made you cry?:roman's sister
You are...:sick of school
You want...:to leave school and to move in with roman
Yo mama...:is at home and i wish i was with her
What are you listening to right now?:a teacher talking
Did you pay for the ringer on your cellphone?:no
Do you sing in the shower?:yeah
SAY SOMETHING RANDOM...:i hate school and allt hese stinky boys
Last dream you had...:that i got a big tattoo on my arm that said love in bright red
The last time you left your house you went to...:movies and dinner w/ roman last night
Favorite pizza toppings?:nothing
Favorite ice cream sundae toppings?:m and ms
Most random way youve ever picked up a guy/girl...:on a bus lol
Best pick up line you know...:i wanna scrump ya
MJ:ok
SAY SOMETHING RANDOM...:you suck
What are you wearing?:ugly clothes
Do you like boxers or briefs?:boxers
Rain or snow?:rain
Was this survey the most randomess ever?:no

SHORT RANDOM SURVEY brought to you by Bzoink

How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.48am

oh so i'm t rying out for the talent show. guess what i'm gonna do.

6 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.48am

ohhhhhhhhh my gawd. i hate schoool. so much.

How does it feel?


swimfan14

:: 2006 8 March :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: tired

Tonight was fun. I hung out with Emily Esch and Elyse until the game. Emily always wants to drive my car but when she asks me we are always on our way somewhere so I always say no but then today she asked me again and I told her she would have to call my dad and ask him if he would let her since he wont let barely anyone drive it unless it's him or me and I really didn't think she would call him but she did and sure enough he said yes because she is definitely one of his favorites out of my friends. They sat there and talked on the phone for like five minutes. I was like seriously just drive lol!!


Once I get everything straightened out and I begin to enjoy life...something happens. It happens because there has to be some kind of event that hits me in the face and makes me realize that it's not all gonna come easy.

Part of me just can't let go of the past and the other part tells me I have no other choice.

Having that talk with you made me realize that we have so much more in common than we ever thought. We are almost like the same person and it's good to know that someone thinks the way I do. I guess you always understood those things in me.

I think this is how things are going to be and I'm really happy right now. For once I finally feel like this is something real.

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 8 March :: 10.41am

AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DONT GET EXCITED FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE. OF COURSE ROMAN CAN'T COME AND WHAT A SUPRISE RIGHT.

I EFFING AM SO MAD. IT'S LIKE IF I GET JUST A LITTLE EXCITED, GOD PUNISHES ME AND IS LIKE HAHAHA GET EXCITED ABOUT THAT BIATCH

I SWEAR I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE. WHAT A FREAKIN GREAT BIRTHDAY HUH.

WHAT A FREAKING SUPRISE. A GREAT BIRTHDAY SUPRISE

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


swimfan14

:: 2006 7 March :: 7.51pm

Everytime we touch I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. I need you by my side. Everytime we touch I feel the static and everytime we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat slow? I can't let you go. I want you in my life.


brokenmentality

:: 2006 7 March :: 12.15pm

stacy: bdlaaaaa

hahahaha.....

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 7 March :: 10.55am

I can't believe and I still am hesitant to get too excited but Roman's sister is letting him use her van tomorrow so he's going to pick me up after school and take me out to the movie and Coldstone and downtown and then at night to the Margarita Grille. I'm so excited.

And supposedly he has a really big suprise for me on Saturday.

yay. We Gon' Boogie.

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


swimfan14

:: 2006 6 March :: 10.53pm

I'm not exactly sure what I should say. Everything I do is a mistake. Your attention is attention. It doesn't matter if it's real or fake. I'll take it if I get it. I've made up my mind. I'll do it over any time.

You're over it, over me. Present just physically. Last words from the dying scene, you're over me.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 6 March :: 1.38pm

Oh and would anyone like any more complaining from me?

Well good.

I just called all the cosmetology schools and one of them wont do visits on saturdays and the other 2 are bitches who dont pick up their phone so basically I have no "reason" other to go down there so I am like 70% sure my mom wont let me go down there.

You know, because our 2 year anniversary and my birthday and roman's birthday obviously aren't reasons to go see my boyfriend.

Obviously.

How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 6 March :: 11.19am

Seriously how bad can our luck be.

So there is so much going on and ugh this.... almost this whole year has just been bad. and this specific year- 2006 has definetely been bad.

My mom won't throw me an open house because I'm moving out. Yeah okay. She's like embarrassed by me and my decisions I'm guessing because she said she doesn't want me to tell people I'm moving in with Roman. I want to be with Roman and really close to him so I can see him within 5 minutes if I want to, but that doesn't mean I'd have to live with him. I would live with friends and really close to him if I could. But I can't. I can't afford that and neither can my friends and I. And... he lives in Jackson so I have to be down there and my friends aren't down there and I am not living with my parents. So yeah , i'm moving in with roman, but not just so that i can be living with him. I'm moving in with him so I don't have to live at home and so that I can be near him. I'm gonna go to one of the 3 cosmetology schools I have picked out.

My mom and I are going to visit the schools hopefully this Saturday. Stef has graciously agreed to me spending the night at her apartment in K-zoo.*thank you again stef* So that is like, exactly halfway between Cedar and Parma(Jackson) so if I spend the night there Saturday night, I can still see Roman after our college visits and spend his birthday and our anniversary together and possibly Sunday.... but he has to work so probably not. And yeah my mom won't let me spend the night with him even though i'll be LIVING with him in 2 months. Does that make any sense... but whatever.

Wednesday is my 18th birthday and Roman was supposed to come up, pick me up from school. We were going to see Brokeback Mt. and then go to Coldstone because i've never had ice cream there. And then we were going to go to Margarita Grille. I thought it would be so fun. For my 18th birthday woo.

BUT GUESS WHAT

big shocker right? He has no car ever since the Taurus' transmission went out, and the truck that the brake line broke got fixed on one side but they are going to fix the other side too so it doesn't happen to that side as well or blah blah whatever car stuff that i dont really understand and his sister probably won't let him take the van so HOORAY no transportation.

He wants to get a car and we want it so bad, but he doesn't have the money right now for a down payment and he doesn't really have anyone who will co-sign. So there are like, no options. He's going to see he how much he needs for the bank to give him a loan but other than that there are no real options so it just sucks so much.

Like seriously. i never want to hear anyone complain about their boyfriends. I mean, obviously if they are going through a break up then yeah, they have it worse. but i can't even see my boyfriend on my 18th birthday which comes once in a lifetime. Seriously if he doesn't come , then i will be doing absolutely nothing on my birthdya. just sitting at home. how much does that suck. Seriously and it's like well i can't get mad at roman. its not his fault. he's been doing all he can. and all he can do right now is work. and he's working 36 hrs a week, he can't be full time just yet but he will be and he works all the time so i what more can i ask from him? for him to grow wings and fly here?!

Oh and one more thing. Can you believe I actually came up with this idea and these words actually came out of my mouth? I suggested us not seeing each other for a whole MONTH so that he can save up for a car . It costs near 50 bucks to fill up that trucks gas tank so by not seeing me for a whole month he could save like a grand and make a down payment for a car. UGHGLAKJSLKF i dont even know. it might happen. how much does that suck.
You know, there's just nothing we can do.

I hate this so much.

And it's like what am I supposed to do, there's nothing to fix it. my parents wont let me drive down there.

theres nothing i can do.

seriously i just hate everything right now.

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


swimfan14

:: 2006 5 March :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack//The Future Freaks Me Out

<3
I think I'm just being paranoid. I always feel like I need to know what's going to happen and if I don't know what's going to happen then I freak out. It's not really necessary but I can't stand that feeling.

This weekend was extremely exhausting. I barely slept. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family in Lansing and then I went to my friend Missy's house. She also models with me. We went ice skating with her two sisters Holly and Katrina and then their friends Tori and Haylie. It was really fun. They have an ice skating rink at their house. Weird? I know. Saturday we had modeling from 11-6 which was the exhausting part. Afterwards we had a fashion show and international dinner. They both we're really fun. Sunday we went to church and then I just went to my dads for a while to see him before he left and then I came home.
A few pictures from this weekend.
Read more..

When I got home today I found out that my mom put a phone line in my room so now I have my own internet. It's actually quite nice. I'm just being a lazy ass right now and I'm laying in my nice comfy bed talking to my friends on my laptop.

This week should be a busy week. I'm most likely going to all three basketball games on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday with Lisa and Elyse and then Tuesday i'm hanging out with Cohen and then Thursday I'm going shopping :D

tomorrows monday..what a drag.

I would stay here if I could but I know it wont do any good. Maybe one day you'll understand something in me. It's something I gotta do. It's not you. It's something in me.

I still love you.

Did you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 3 March :: 5.36pm

well 5 hours has turned into 15 minutes and i'm SO EXCITED!!!!

have i said that enough!?!?!?

How does it feel?

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