brad
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2006 16 February :: 1.19pm
:: Mood: renewed
:: Music: Elvis - Gospel
"There's a heaven somewhere"
(So Valentines Day was completely unexpected. It was very nice for a change. I have no regrets. And I'm very happy to see a change in the writings I read.)
So things are good now, i'm happy. Work is fine, although we're moving the store which is going to suck, mainly because it's going to be moved into a tiny little store a forth the size of what we have now. Oh well.
I learned a few new songs on my guitar, one being a song that two lovers once shared, an Elvis song.
Must go and get ready for work, later.
Bradley
(I miss you)
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 16 February :: 12.54pm
I don't want you to know where I am because then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line, well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said that, it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to try and never become that way again, cause who I am hates who i've been.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 16 February :: 10.21am
So right now I pretty much hate anyone who lives within any reasonable distance to their significant other. So that would be like everyone except Justine.
K, try living 2 hours from your best friend and the person you need to be there for you the most and the person who lifts you up when you are down and makes you smile and makes you feel good and listens to you and cares about you.
Try going 3 weeks without seeing that person's smile.
I hate any of you who ever take it for granted.
I would give anything for Roman to live 40 minutes away from me again.
GUASDKLGAJSGKLSDJGLKSJGLGK i hate money!
okay and why in the heck do you peole say i'm "violent"? I'm not violent, I don't physically hurt people. ;askldfj
1 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 15 February :: 9.36pm
Aww tonight was fun *smiles*.
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 15 February :: 8.04pm
okay i dont know how to make it a link but PLEASE do this.
please :0(
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Jessica Michele
and this!!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Jessica Michele
2 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 15 February :: 10.54am
uggggggggggggggggggggggh you annnnnnoyyyy meeee sooooo mucccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
shut uppppppppppppp and stoppppppppppp braaaaaaaaaaggggggggiiiiiiiinggggggggg
. Perhaps, though, I'm just a little mad at the world.
oh and i'm not going to prom. Just so you know. And by you I don't know who I mean.
I miss Roman, as per usual.
4 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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brokenmentality
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2006 15 February :: 8.56am
Swirl was wonderful.... except for the whole music part. pshh.. who needs music right? I'm sorry, but if you go to a dance, expect to hear hip hop music, because you really cant dance to much else. a few here in there is fine... but when the majority of the dance is comprised of rock songs, it kind of ruins it. we were really dissapointed when we left. the decorating was sensational though. it was absolutely gorgeous!
before swirl i suprised keegan... finally i SUPRISED the man. (man... hmmm sounds so.. weird...) i told him we were going out for dinner, but i actually had my room all set up with candles and roses and chocolate covered strawberries. i set up a table in the middle of my room with a red table cloth and confetti and "sparkling grapejuice" and wine glasses (because we're cute and LEGAL like that) and i had the note book playing with no sound on my computer just for an added affect. it turned out wonderful. it was the best dinner we've ever had together as far as "romantic" goes. after the dance we came back to my house and fell asleep.... we had to get up early for the rampage game.
then on sunday keegan brought me to bobbys around like 10 (he had to be to the arena WAY early) where i went back to sleep (what a gentleman.... sleeping on the floor so i could have the bed) BUT i couldnt fall asleep because i was to "awake" by that point.. but bobby wouldnt wake up.. so i had a lot of down time. which was nice.
the game was awesome. we had really good seats (free seats i might add) the routine was even BETTER this week. and once again... i have the coolest boyfriend in the entire world. not to mention like a zillion other adjectives that would HARDLY even do him justice.
now... Valentines Day.
first of all, Stacy.... I could just DIE im so happy right now. I just want to squeeze you and hug you and be all giddy and jump up and down and rent laguna. but i'll refrain.
last night was so wonderful. i went home and took a shower, then keegan came over and whisked me away. (giggles... OH and while i was at school i walked into my senate office second hour and there was a flower arrangement with tulips and roses... my favorites.... from the flower pace and chocolates... i was so suprised. i didnt think we were getting eachother anything for valentines day.. then he goes and does that. how sweeet. i was shocked when i walked in there.. it took me a minute for it to click that he had brought me flowers.) we went to this restaurant in Grandville called Kobe, its an Ichibon restaurant where they cook your food right at your table.
when we got there we had to wait like 20 minutes so we ordered sushi.. and OMG it was the best sushi i've ever had. we've had the same kind (philadelphia roll... which has samon, avacodo, creme cheese.. and then of course in a hand roll, rolled in rice... for all you "eewww raw fish" people out there) at terriyaki and sushi.. and this stuff just blew it away! so then we get seated, and you sit around a grill with nine people and he comes out and cooks all your meals RIGHT there. its so cool. he lit the grill on fire to make it hot and it just exploded up into the air.. he cracked the eggs in the coolest way (which sounds nerdy.. but for real), he made a volcano with a pile of onions.. it was just incredible. and holllly cow i've never had food that tasted better in my LIFE. i like fried rice more than white rice.. the guy takes white rice and makes it INTO fried rice right in front of you. it was awesome. you REALLY have to go there and see for yourself. i warn you however, its really expensive... but WELL worth it.
so that was our valentines day.. we were gonna go to Cold Stone.. but they had already closed. nothing big, nothing spectacular.. just us being us.
*smiles... i am by far the luckiest girl in the world. i have keegan.... and nobody else can say that except for me. sure we argue and sure there are times we drive eachother crazy.. but there has NEVER been a time that we even considered breaking up. we're stronger than that. we bring out the absolute best in eachother.
:) you're the greatest.
1 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 14 February :: 11.30pm
I can't sleep.
I don't even know what to say. I really think you lied to me. It doesn't even make a difference though. You'll get what you wanted. I wont. End of story.
Well I've heard it all before and i'm tired of all the lies.
You definitely dissapoint me. So much.
I guess now I know how you feel.
Sorry.
4 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 14 February :: 9.42pm
UGH i swear . are you the only one now!?!? you are!
2 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 14 February :: 4.44pm
The things I thought you'd never know about me were the things I guess you always understood.
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 13 February :: 9.06pm
If there's one thing I've learned about high school it would be that POPULARITY changes anyone and EVERYONE.
Aasdgafgjdfj
How does it feel?
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lynds4090
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2006 13 February :: 6.10pm
oh man... i'm so tired and burned out but yet i still keep going.
so tomorrow is v-day.. what a great day.... hmmm...
2 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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fallenfaces
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2006 13 February :: 2.06pm
You're my distraction.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 12 February :: 11.11pm
omg 11:11 it's such a sign
AHHHAHAHAHAHAH finally saw the love of my life tonight. no, not Bob Sagett, silly- ROMAN!
love love love love him. wanna shout it from the rooftops i am pretedning to be rascal flatts and i dont know the words but i love himmmmmmmmmmmm
and quote of the day
"I eat your boogers for fun, Jess!"
Well yes then everything is settled I shall never go another THREE FRICKEN WEEKS without seeing my glorious lover boy ever ever ever again because it SUCKS
and i love him so much
i love you baby!!
oh and at Olive Garden:
"So wait, is it Free salad OR soup? So are you gonna bring him the salad? and if i get the soup it's free? Are you bringing him a big bowl? So i could just have some of his?"
"Wow, it's only $28 this time? Last time it was like $50." "Oh, they must have charged us for the free bread sticks"
"Could I get a box for the soup too?" "Oh i'll bring you a bowl"
"How bout one for the water?"
"Bring us some more mints." "You'll get a bigger tip!"
"What's your name again?" "Amanda D." "We're gonna have you EVERY time! Aren't you excited?"
"Is she guarding the alcohol?"
"No one said Bonjourno to us" "What did you say to me?! I'm sick of all you damn Italians!"
"Bring her a big sombrero" "Ma'am I'm sorry I dont know if you were aware, but we're in Italy, not MOROCCO"
"What would happen, PERSAY, if it happened to be one of our Birthdays?!"
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"You know you get. I just had to collapse.." "Right, you just had to take a sit down"
"What? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" "I had to puke"
"Did you think that was gross???" "Psh, no. I eat your boogers for fun, Jess"
"LIVE GIRLS! And come see our 25 cent movie arcade!"
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lol lets just say we had a bit too much fun lol. Oh and dont take any of that too literally!! lol.
yeah so and .....
a ten dollar silverware set!!
bomb!
i love you baby! so much! today was JUST what i needed and i wish the rest of my world would disappear.
UGH!
4 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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fallenfaces
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2006 12 February :: 4.40pm
:: Music: Bob Dylan
Today was such a weird/emotional day.
First, I went to church. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Not because I am Agnostic, but because it brings back bad memories. I stand there knowing that the person who used to stand next to me will never stand next to me there again. Or anywhere for that matter. The person I loved is gone and we'll never step into that place together like we used to. Growing and learning as one. Then I looked at my brother's wife, singing in the choir and my brother facing her singing in the crowd. They are such an amazing couple. They are so incredibly strong and in love. And they'll never divorce, cheat, or lie. They truly don't care about negative things or make them a part of their life. Yeah, they do bother me with their God stuff sometimes, but at least it works for them. At least they're happy. At least they are in love, and neither of them ever have to worry about lying between them. They are so strong, it's insane really.
I am happy for them, they're going to live a life I wish I could have.
Maybe I will some day.
Then we went to their apartment and my mom started talking about my dad and how he had some sort of attack the other day. He's dying and she said she's actually going to miss him. For so long she wanted him to die and now that he is, she wants him to live. She started crying and it made me feel horrible. After all the things he's done to her, us, and the entire family she still loves him and doesn't want to live without him. She loves that man so much and I have no idea why. Actually, I do...because once you love someone you can't stop. It doesn't matter what they've done or who they have become. You just love them. Just because.
I know, because I am there now.
The church service today was sad enough as it was. It was all about how to be good to your partner and how to get back to love if you're not in it now. Everything really hurt to hear, because I know our relationship could have lasted if only we did those things. If only I tried harder and he didn't do the shit he did. If only he wasn't who he truly is.
That's the only thing keeping me strong to not ever be with him again (not that I have a choice. He decided that for me a while ago). He cheated on me, he lied to me, and hurt me all of the time. And that's just who is he. He loves things too much that I can so easily live without. And that's where we differ. That's where I finally see that we would never make it. We're too different to ever exist as us.
That makes me want to cry.
But, at least I know now there has to be someone else. I can't stay stuck on someone like that. I will for a while, but my mind is too strong to go back to it.
If I knew he would never lie or cheat on me again I'd go back to him. I'd move to wherever the hell he ever ends up. But, I don't know and I'll never know anything. So, it's over and that's sad.
But, that's just me; sad.
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