:: 2003 18 August :: 5.50 pm
:: Mood: calm

Hmmmm...i dont know
hey everyone whats up notihn much here just chillen....umm i really dont have much to say lance called me last night and we talked for like 138 mins lol (i have a timer in my telephone...n e ways he just talked and talked i was like ok my god...lol n e ways ummmm

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:: 2003 18 August :: 12.04 am

Why??
Why??
Why does it have to be me,
everyone seem to be putting more and more pressure on me
why do people hate me so much?
some people just keep going and dont stop
why?
Is it fun to make a person so miserable to where he or she cant stand it anymore and they get so depressed that they want to kill themselves?
If so then why?
would you care if that person came to schoolso depresed that they killed someone else
would you laugh at them then?
do you really think that if you keep going on that they will just get over it?
some people don't..
people these days just go crazy and dont think about what kind of danger can happen
what if you were in there place? there life? there shoes?
then how would you feel?
would youcare then?
would you laugh because thats your accomplisment and you feel good you did it?
just for one take a moment and ask your self WHY?

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:: 2003 17 August :: 5.11 pm

Giving my grandma a piece of my mind!!!
Giving my Grandma a piece of my mind...

Grandma,
I am kinda mad about the whole talk we had..it made me feel like i was being blamed for something i didnt do.... I knew that was why mom brought us up there and you know what you dont even know the whole story.. your never around to know what is going on.. you just listen to my mom because she is *sweet little kristie* but you know what she has been lying to the family a lot...it to the point of where she is lying to me and i know it and she is lying to aunt Darci about stupid stuff like how she is getting the money for the trailer she is getting.. you know what? she told me a lie, Aunt Darci a lie, and Grandpa F a lie...what does that tell you... and you cant say that us kids need to grow up cuz you know what your not around us enough to know how we are you dont know hardly anything about us...so you shouldnt go off telling us to grow up thats bull crap... and the thing about mom going to see wes on that weekend we had first been with her he shouldnt hvae been more important that is WRONG!!! she should have had all her time with us that weekend she had all those other times she had to be with him so do even say that wes was more important that is a very BIG mistake.. you always think my mom is telling the truth you believe her before you get the story....so im telling you GET THE STORY!!! why do you think that eveyone in the family has a bad feeling about wes you have only met the guy 3 times well you know what that aint enuff to say that you can stereotype him that quick...why do you think that mom is making up a bunch of lies?? she is doin this for her benifit she is being selfish thats why we aint around her a lot...oh and she cant have both us and wes that is wrong she needs to put her kids first before any guy comes in the picture...you tell me grandma if you know him so well that you think he is such a great person why dont he show it? why dont he *care* for us? why dont he aske us things like how was your day? if he is so good for us what are the positive things in him that should be brought out in us? you cant tell me becuse you arnt around us anough and you arent around mom enough... around her and wes for that matter..around aunt darci, uncle dan, grandpa you have no stinking clue as to whats going on so far you have only listened to mom you dont want to hear it from anyone else but her because she is you little kristie... so you cannot tell my sisters and i to grow up and give my mom a chance you are in the wrong grandma...my sisters and i have grown up thank you so maybe you should be the one and grow up and actually try to come around more often and get the story of BOTH SIDES! you cannot just sit there and listen to one side and say omg the other side is wrong... GET the STORY!!! if you really cared you would...and maybe you should come around a little more than you do...get to know your grandchildren just before we had that talk at your house like 2 hours before you were saying how grown up i am then 2 hours later your telling me to grow up?? that dont make since at all....I am 16 years old and know what is right and wrong and i know i am in the right....if my mom is so in *love* with wes maybe she should just leave us behinde because i know that if she knows that we dont like him and that we arent comfortable with him it seems like she would care about that but obviously she dont....my dad even says that we get along with everyone we meet and usually if they arent stuck up snots they like us too....so its not our problem that there is somthing about him we dont like its his fault he didnt give us a good first impression, oh and just to tell you this whole thing about not liking wes is not because of my mom and dads divorce...not at all there divorce was almost 7 years ago...so its like its normal for me...im not sad cuz my mom and dad are divorced..not at all....and no we cannot just forgive and forget this thing has affected the whole family and i dont think they are all gonna do that you see what i mean by you dont come around??? well anyways i thought i would tell you what i am thinking talk to you later... love ya byes!

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:: 2003 17 August :: 5.06 pm

HEY IF ANYONE HAS N E OF MY CLASSES TELL ME OK!!!! PLZ!!!

n e ways nothing much is going on i went to church today and then to my dads g/f house and met her son billy and he is really hott!! lol n e ways i was on my dads motorcycle all day yesterday and today it was fun fun FUN!! lol n e ways ill talk to you all later byes!

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:: 2003 17 August :: 12.10 am

1.soc stud pers 1/1 w/ahmed
2. sophomore comp/ lit w/Dolbee
3.algebra 1 w/Andrus
4.food and nutruition w/Babbit
5.concert choir w/martino
6. life science w/reyburn

Well i have been very busy this week wednesday i went with my mom to my grandmas house (her moms) that was a big mistake... we got yelled at by my grandma and she told us that we are acting childish about our situation with my mom! i was like WTF! and she was like grow up and like 2 hours before that she was like your so mature heather and then that! so i fucking couldnt take it n e more and i fucking yelled at my grandma and my mom! and i told my g-ma that the first weekend we were with my mom after how many months she went to see wes on out weekend she was like well is it so bad that wes was more important to her than you guys at the time! i couldnt believe she had the guts to say that i was like YEAH ITS BAD!! so i told my aunt darci and was like you know what i give up I AM GIVING UP! nothin is working so obviously she isnt careing much well i am gonna go and give my g-ma a piece of my mind on email so ttyl love yas! byes!

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:: 2003 12 August :: 11.21 am

hey everyone whats up? nothin much here tomorrow i am going to my mom and if she has thursday off we are gonna spend the night an go see my grandma rain and then spend the night there and if my great grandma GG if up to it (GG = Great Grandma)
and i cant wait i hope she is cuz i mis her a lot she is like 87 years old and is flezible and hell lol! she can stretch her leg up to her head! and its like damn GG!! lol n e ways thats about it ttyl byes

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:: 2003 10 August :: 8.20 pm

the mom i will always have
my mom always took me by the arm and walked me to my room or else where and put a mark on my arm...
she always brushed my hair but when she did she would tear the hair outta my head,
she always yelled at me cuz i didnt do something right..
she always ignored me when i wanted to tlak to her and when i did she just yelled at me and said well thats a stupid question...
maybe thats why i dont ask questions in school...
she always told me to *oh just stop* when i needed her most...
when i cried she never held me...
and then she used my religion against me...
but of course this is the mom i will always have

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:: 2003 9 August :: 8.54 pm
:: Mood: confused

The Mom I Never Had.....by me Heather
she was there for me when i needed her,
she always listened to my problems,
I told her all my secerets and didnt have to receive them back from someone else,
we went places to have fun and learn more about eachother,
we always sat and talked about personal beings and talked about old times,
we went for walks and rode bikes, we went to the movies and laughed, cried, screamed, and others we would fall asleep cuz they were so boring,
there were times we just sat and talked about boys, boyfriends and just had gurl talk,
and you never got mad,
but this was thje mom i never had.......

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:: 2003 5 August :: 7.38 pm

hey everyone whats up! lol...nothin much here i am kinda in an awkward mood i am sad but happy...my mom is just bringing me down big time.....we arent gooing to her house n e more except wednesdays again...do you think she cares about me and my sisters? can n e one answer that for me? plz? i dont get it...she says i cant wait till you are in a relationship like this and are in the middle of your kids and your bf...i was like what the fuck..i was...with bj....only it wasnt with kids it was my sisters...they came to me telling me that i wasnt hanging out with them or talkin to them a lot n e more and i looked at it in there situation and they were right...i wasnt...and i love my sisters very much..if i didnt i wouldnt be writting this in my journal...so that is one of the other reasons i broke up with him...and my mom still just dont fuckin get it i feel like dying everytime i think about it and i know that you guys are all saying Heather just get over but you know what....this is my mom...i used to be really really close with her...and that is gone because of some fucked up ass hole who has my mom and she is under his *control* i guess you could say..and it is pissing me off...my dad was talking to her one day about all this shit going on and that our relationship with her is tearing apart..you know what she said to my dad...rodney i need to sit down and she got on all fours on all fours on the ground AND FAINTED! i cant believe that she says it cuz she aint eating but you konw what i know its that and i think she is on drugs...so my dad went to get the phone to call 911 but when he got back she was sitting up and he was like WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! and she said she hadnt eating that day....omg...so yeah n e ways i dont think they even broke up in the first place i think they just did that so that us kids would go back to seeing her but you know what i hate to say this but FUCK THIS SHIT! I AINT GOING BACK! she is pissin me off.... so n e ways the reason i am happy is cuz i been going to a lot of my friiends houses and its a lot of fun! lol but yeah n e ways i think this is a long enuff journal ttyl byes! FOR A HINT OF ADVICE IF YOUR HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP KEEP IT UP OK!

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:: 2003 3 August :: 12.33 am

hey everyone! whats up! not to much here i went to a party but it was kinda boring i didnt know n e one there! so i hung out with my dads gf janet she is really kool! i mean she is awesome! n e ways..tommorow we are going to church with her and she is gonna come back and cook dinner lasana! lol well ttyl byes!

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:: 2003 31 July :: 3.28 pm

hey everyone whats up! not to much here i went to my moms house yesterday ad we all got into a fight her and wes are moving in with eachother again only somewhere else and she expects us to give him another damn chance i dont think so! so we arent gonna go there for a while again....so yeah its not going the best there...this weekend my dad and us gurls and his new gf are going to one my dads biker friends partys thats gonna be fun! lol so yeha n e ways......HEY JESSICA ARE YOU GOIN YOU BETTER!!! LOL ttyl byes!

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:: 2003 27 July :: 7.20 pm

well i am finally home! lol we went to big bend this last weekend and wow!! lol thursday a dog got into our tent and stayed there with us lol! friday we had a frickin party..saturday didnt do anything really went out on the boat tubin..and then sunday omg!!! lol we were up till like 5 in the mourning drinking!!! ppl were smoking weed lol it was crazy!!!!!but it was SOOOOOOOO fun!! lol this gurl (21) we met her there she was like heather help me and we walked towards the bathroom and before that evn happened she puked lol! it was great! well n e ways ill talk to yall laters! byes!

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:: 2003 24 July :: 2.41 pm

hey everyone whats up i wont be her forl ike 5 days we are going to the hardy dam again and yay! i am so happy lol we are getting amandas new boat out and up there saturday its a big boat there are 2 beds in it!! and there is a stove and if you want a microwave so its all good lol well hope you all have a great weekend! SCHOOL IS ALMOST HERE!!!

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:: 2003 22 July :: 4.51 pm

well all i know is this is one of those fights where me and janice are not going to be friends n e more my dad was right i shouldnt be friends with her she is a bitch (thats what i am saying) and he dont like her cuz she is disrespectful and i know he is right so this is not going to be like one of those lil fights...n e ways enuff bout that i am stilll at amandas house having a blast we are going back to the hardy dam hopefully there are more hot guyslike we seen before lol well n e ways ill talk to yall later! byes!

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:: 2003 22 July :: 12.21 am
:: Mood: cheerful

well as you all can see i am not friends with janice n e more she is a bitch and i dont like her....so n e ways i still dont know who did my journal i still think it was janice but who cares i dont i changed my password! lol so n e ways oh well i am still at amandas house i went to hardy dam with her on like saturday till like sunday and that was funn we met a bunch of hott guys! we all played hide and go seek flash light tag in the dark yeah it was fun amanda came right out and said you are hott lol it was great he was like thanks lol well ill ttyl update later!

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