This Is My True Freedom

6 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2006 4 April :: 12.58am

prospero's having a party.

:: 2006 3 April :: 2.04am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: lilium [opening version] - konishi kayo, etc.

et lingua eius loquetur indicium
i've discovered only recently,
that i might just have chronic insomnia.
i've looked through a written journal of mine and found entries about lack of sleep as far back as before april of last year.
how depressing.

it has also come to my attention that while my mother is nice, productive, etc,
i'd like her a lot better if she didn't ever speak.

i might be taking up to five ap courses next year, excluding a semester of calculus at the college.
i loathe that i feel obligated to do these ridiculous academic endeavors, for everyone's benefit but my own.
i'm seriously considering going to a college in switzerland. it's located in an italian villa and seems nearly perfect.
the only problem is that it does not offer one of the majors i'd like.
too bad, i suppose.

:: 2006 30 March :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: rin'ne - konishi kayo & kondoo yukio

mostly i'm wising for a change of seasons
drabble. l/v. set season two. logan pov.

logan was strolling through the hallway (a-books-barely-held-shoulders-slumped-reckless-abandon) when the tips of their shoulders shocked against each other, a high voltage touch of defense.

her head turned oh so slowly, her mouth forming apologetic phrasings until blue crashed with blue and her pupils dilated. her almost-formed-words escaped her lips as an angry breath and began to create a senseless pattern of cutting phrases.

he shrugged them off and left equally jagged and hurtful parting words that he really really wanted to mean. he wanted to enjoy the salt-on-your-wounds and sarcasm-as-a-spear devastation. though deep down he didn't much care for this charade-facade-masquerade-play they were constantly taking part in.

what drama, he thinks. as if life had anything other to offer him than senseless plots and painful suspicions.

do yourself, the world, and your future children a favor.

:: 2006 30 March :: 8.36pm

1 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2006 30 March :: 7.15pm

"With him [President Bush] at the wheel, Uncle Sam has become thought of as the SUV of nations: It hogs the road and guzzles the gas and periodically has to run over something -- such as another country -- to get to its Middle Eastern filling station."

- journalist Mary McGrory, on the international perception of the United States
Sunday, October 27, 2002

1 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2006 29 March :: 5.32pm

perhaps even thoughts are energy and create energy and affect the life around you
Read more..

1 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2006 26 March :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: an englishman - the kings of convenience

god turn me to stone
religion is the root of mankind's dependability.
we need something to blame, something to reason, something to be absolutely consistent.

if life just so happens to fuck you sideways, well, it was all in the name of a plan laid out for just you. your decision from this terrible experience will shape you as a human being and you will join society with a riveting tale of trials and tribulations and oh! what an outstanding and good-moraled person you are. all thanks to allah. or jesus or whatever.

as of now, the only thing i can believe in is balance.
not necessarily good and evil fighting tooth and claw for their dominance in the universe;
more like,
what happens to you is what happens to everybody.
congratulations, you were handed the short end of the stick. and now, with this ordeal finished, it can continue on its way, leaving in its wake something you can only describe as increasingly good luck; when in fact its the absence of the dear old karma that was present.

truth be told, i could be absolutely full of shit.
but this is where i am at right now.
this is where i will stand in my beliefs until my life indicates that i should open my mind to other possibilities.

rina	:: 2006 23 March :: 10.46pm :: Mood: infuriated :: Music: zerospace - kidney theives i fucking hate this. i fucking hate you and your ridiculous restrictions. way to go life, thanks for the great fucking times. the end is here

rina	:: 2006 21 March :: 11.51pm :: Mood: contemplative :: Music: elephant woman - blonde redhead there is no superiority, there is only capability. the end is here

2 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2006 18 March :: 12.50am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: plus d'hiver - yann tiersen

i'm so tired of never sleeping
insomnia's so bad i almost broke down.
five days awake, and my eyes feel like they're going to bleed.
i'm having very small 5-7 minute narcoleptic fits, i suppose. i keep missing tiny chunks of my time, and its terribly annoying.

but i'm glad i have a friend,
who will sit with me through all of my fifth period,
skipping his class so he can make sure i get some sleep.
then taking me to get some pancakes after school,
because they are my ultimate cheering up food.
(:

technically,
i can use the term 'clinically insane' on myself,
since such sleep deprivation can lead to insanity or brain disorders.

in all seriousness though, i hope to sleep tonight,
because i'm going to the king tut exhibition tomorrow morning.

:: 2006 13 March :: 12.13am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: set yourself on fire - stars

we might be hitting clearer skies
i shouldn't be here, she says,
from the bottom of her bed,
as he weaves their limbs together once more.

one. breathe. two. sigh. three.
the countdown has begun, she thinks,
but there's nothing left to see.

imagine our halves making a whole, he sighs,
the way wind meets water for stormy skies.
she always thought love was a supernova.

filtered sunshine, dust-light gleams,
half-covered in sheets with satin seams,
he holds her the way the ocean holds the shore,
says, love shouldn't be so sore!

but with skin meeting skin,
mingled against whispers of wonder,
she thinks this is how she should spend forever.

:: 2006 12 March :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: he lied about death - stars

killers always have killers on their track
i am constantly setting myself up for failure.
i take on projects that are too much for me too handle simultaneously.

like i need to feel the stress of multiple deadlines on me every minute of every day.
i hate it.

2 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2006 7 March :: 4.45pm

this is amazing.
Read more..

:: 2006 5 March :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: cold cold water - mirah

is it not enough to be complete
sex, drugs, self destruction,
you're becoming less and less like yourself,
and assembling into this misconstrued mess.

i'm sitting through headache and heartache,
and you're washed up, washed up, washed up,
wasted.
and there's nothing i can do.

me, you, we,
our plans were to leave.
but let's not get carried away.

rina	:: 2006 2 March :: 6.10pm :: Music: wandering star - portishead for whom it is reserved i am not happy here. i cannot be happy here! so why am i trying so hard? 1 day[s] remain \| the end is here

:: 2006 2 March :: 5.12pm

someone kill me.

make sure to read the whole article because some of the best information is at the end. at least my senator 1) has a brain or 2) listens to his constituency.

there are some good points brought up in this article

:: 2006 28 February :: 6.49pm

2 day[s] remain | the end is here