This Is My True Freedom

:: 2005 31 May :: 1.06am

while i was mowing the lawn on saturday morning, i figured out why we white men are such awful dancers.

throughout history, while most men and women around the world were trading dancing tips with each other, practicing to get better, and teaching their children (both male and female) how to get down in style, white men were too busy raping women, stealing land, and killing other people to pay attention to anything so uneconomical as dancing.

:: 2005 30 May :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Mars Volta

Sweet Tsunami Sour

Excitement flows from your mouth in the form of laughter and permeates my skin. It pulsates through my nerves and veins. I can feel it like an electrical current, surging through my entire body. I am saturated in this liquid, thrilling feeling.

:: 2005 30 May :: 10.28am
:: Music: The Used - I Caught Fire

Let it Flow

You may have put out the fire,
But I still have the ashes
I still have the scars from your scratches
And I�m picking away at the scabs
Causing memories to flow out like blood
All these memories flow out like a flood

I hope you don�t think of this as unforgivable
Do you regret it, beautiful?
It was exciting and thrilling and emotional
Do you regret it, beautiful?

:: 2005 29 May :: 12.53pm

now i know how joan of arc felt.

3 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2005 28 May :: 9.13pm
:: Music: Brazil - Hostage

Silence in the Storm

I'm not in the mood. It's become a nightly ritual.
You've got your own chant, and I have my own dance.
And you repeat it, while I move my feet and, we fall asleep on opposite sides of the room. You usually take the window seat, you've always liked the view. That leaves me with either the door to the hallway (a perfect escape route), or the closet (safe, secure, and cozily cluttered). Not caring whether or not I'll be able to shed the confines of coziness if a fire started, (though I doubt it could, there are no sparks in this bedroom), I take the closet.

Silence.

Silence so loud that it hurts. I hear you slowly exhale and it sounds like thunder. A tear falls and it splashes against your cheeks like rain on the roof.

:: 2005 28 May :: 2.09am

they want to kill us all.

:: 2005 23 May :: 11.57pm

to anyone who notices the edge of a leaf
don't let the world get to you. i know you are few and far between, but i want you to keep doing what you do. don't give up.

:: 2005 21 May :: 2.41pm
:: Music: A Perfect Circle - The Package

The Hunger

I don't want it, but I need it
I've got a hunger and I must feed it

:: 2005 21 May :: 12.59am

all that no one sees,
you see
what's inside of me.
every nerve that hurts,
you heal,
deep inside of me.
you don't have to speak,
i feel.

rina	:: 2005 19 May :: 11.12pm :: Mood: content :: Music: i love you - dandy warhols but you, you're the catalyst its my birthday tomorrow. happy birthday, me. 8 day[s] remain \| the end is here

:: 2005 19 May :: 5.07pm
:: Music: Tool

Liar.

She said, �Don�t feed me your lies; I�m already full of shit�
So I told her that this was the truth, and she ate up every bit
She said, �Don�t give me that look; I see it enough in the mirror�
So I looked right through her, and told her she was clear

15 day[s] remain | the end is here

xhan

:: 2005 19 May :: 11.43pm
:: Mood: accomplished

If for some strange reason you wish to be added to my friends list, comment and ask. I don't mind you online people. In fact I've grown quite fond of you. As I said before, the only reason why I'm doing this is to keep someone out.

Adios, Xhan.

rina

:: 2005 18 May :: 9.52am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: consider this - anna nalick

boys will be boys
i'm skipping second period, and chilling in the media department.
i love how badass you can feel when you walk by administration while skipping and they don't even ask you for passes.

i still am having an awful time getting to sleep at night.
and i just got over this wonderfully horrible habit of eating nothing but two bowls of cereal a day.
nothing for breakfast or lunch, come home and eat cereal, and then skip dinner.

next year i'm going to be in newspaper instead of computer graphics, and i'll be editor of the literary magazine our school puts out.
i feel so geekish that i'm so excited, but i can't help it.

and boys? pah. who needs them.

5 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2005 16 May :: 6.42pm

the things we created to bring us together have only torn us apart.

1 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2005 16 May :: 2.24am

activists are freaking hot.

women activists in cultures that treat them as nothing but baby-making, dinner-cooking, laundry-washing objects, good for sex every now and then, are fucking goddesses.

7 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2005 15 May :: 6.03am

Control; a lack of
My mind is racing and I can't sleep. Once I get thinking I can't stop myself. I have no anchor to hold my thoughts down, so they always drift away. They go farther and farther, and the water moves faster and harder. Soon they're going down waterfalls and it gets to the point where my heart actually starts to hurt. I need something to dam up this water and just let it settle. I know if I could think rationally, without jumping to conclusions, I would see that I have nothing to worry about. Writing everything down helps me do that.
_____________________________________________

"These thoughts fall like water. Landing and splashing to form puddles of new consciousness."

I wrote that May 1st, before any of this even started, and only now does it make sense to me. I knew that line would come around again. It's strange how I write things and don't even realize how true they are at the time. But when I go back and look, it's mind blowing. I'd like to say I could write the future, but that would just be too weird.

2 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2005 14 May :: 3.44pm

just spell it out for us, Madison
"The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home."

"It is a universal truth that the loss of liberty at home is to be charged to the provisions against danger, real or pretended, from abroad."

"It will be of little avail to the people that the laws are made by men of their own choice if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood."

"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy."

"Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives."

"Do not separate text from historical background. If you do, you will have perverted and subverted the Constitution, which can only end in a distorted, bastardized form of illegitimate government."

"I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments by those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations."

"No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare."

"Of all the enemies of public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other."

"The advancement and diffusion of knowledge is the only guardian of true liberty."

"We are right to take alarm at the first experiment upon our liberties."

"What is government itself but the greatest of all reflections on human nature? If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary."

2 day[s] remain | the end is here

:: 2005 14 May :: 2.55am

i'd like you to meet someone