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2004 8 April :: 9.48 pm
:: Mood: Inspired
::A Day At The Beach::
Went to the beach today. It was beautiful. Everything was amazing. Perfect.
I remember how wonderful it smelt. The fresh salt, the ocean air. I loved it all. I remember walking down stairs. I stood taller than anything before. I looked out over this cove. The waves crashing close to the sand, the sound was breath taking. Loud. I sat there in shock of something so big. So closed off. So private. There were few people, families of the sort. Surfers that new of this place, and fishermen. Everyone so alive. I walked down each step, carefully.
I stepped onto the sand. O, the sand. How soft, how moist between my toes. Each grain of sand scratching my legs as it jumped up with each step I took. The salt smells of the ocean filled my nose as soon as the next wave crashed. The wind was of a chill, cold, but satisfying. The sky was overcasted with light clouds, giving a grey-ish effect to the day.
The wind blew gently through my hair. Leaving bits of sand run through it. The beach was small, houses towered over the ocean up above me.
To Be Continued...
2 ::Always Lonely:: |
::Find Yourself:: |
::
2004 8 April :: 4.09 am
:: Mood: Crying
:: Music: My silent sobs
::Forgive Me::
God, I've done so wrong. Sinned. I am damned, and should be burned in hell.
I could destroy you.
With everything I have.
I could hurt you.
With all that I own.
I could take you down.
With everything I breathe.
I could tear you
With all that I touch.
These hands
Are what destroy man.
These eyes
Are what hypnotize.
I'm sorry.
For all the shit I've done.
I'm apologizing.
For all the shit gone wrong.
Please, Take me back.
And I'll never return.
Please, Don't look back.
And I'll always keep ahead.
What a stupid girl I am. Can't believe I did it. I can't believe I made such a mistake....more than that, a war. A destroyed mission, I failed and failed once more.
Paden, I know, that with everything I have I could take your heart, break it with a squeeze of my fist, with a whisper of the wrong word. But Paden, that glass heart of yours will always be safe, next to mine, yours will be alright. In my hands I hold your life, your every being, and I'm safely going to protect it with my strength that I so galantly try to keep. Please, help me be strong, help me through this. Help me through life, through hard times, and through strife. Please, never leave my side, for I need you, or I'll die. Please, always love me, no matter what, I will always love you. I will love you, after we grow up, after that "I Do's", and even in death with you. I promise you, that I never meant to hurt. I never meant to cause Pain. I Love You.
My Gaurdian, My God, I love him.
1 ::Always Lonely:: |
::Find Yourself:: |
::
2004 2 April :: 6.06 pm
::Nothing Happens::
Today was just a fucked up day.
Boring. I'm so tired. Tired of peoples bullshit. Have this weird feeling. Hasn't stopped. I Hate It. I Hate Everything, Everyone but Him.
As it rains, I see myself in all the days. Perfect smile, perfect eyes, perfect lies. I sit and stare out my window. Perfect time, Perfect laughs, Perfect "I don't knows". I watch it fall, I see my life crumble. Perfect memories, perfect love, perfect stumbles. It pours, as I wonder why. Perfect life, perfect hands, perfect to die.
Each day I am so unaware. The words that travel around me. And yet, still here, I am so very lost. Secrets pass, and friends say "hi". But they're so blind to my eyes. They do not see what I hide. Days go on, and laughter dies. But I'm so careless. I do not care.
Where I go from here, I do not know. Where I listen to them, I do not know.
As it rains, I see my life pass. The clouds covered with ash, and the angels kept up in the light. The sun barely shining, the moon barely bright. The drops barely warm, and the tears very wet. Yet, my smile shines to the whole world, and only He can see. Only he loves me.
::Find Yourself:: |
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