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godessalthena

:: 2023 17 September :: 1.41pm

everything is going so well

so why do I feel my soul imploding

my whole life no one ever wanted to listen to me, trust me, have faith in me.

how do I earn those things? I am at the end of my rope.

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 6 September :: 8.11am

my husband and I have been trying to conceive

I've had at least 2 chemical pregnancies. it's been heartbreaking, and difficult not to think there's something wrong with me.

but since I am considered geriatric in terms of womanhood, it will probably be a very difficult journey.

not sure I'm ready, but my husband is the most amazing man in the world and with his support I feel like I can accomplish anything.

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 19 August :: 7.01am

it's all burning down.

and I'm going up in smoke right with it.

I can't express the depths like I can't express these breaths.

I am a fundamentally damaged person, and maybe I'm broken completely?

what good am I, anyway..?

2 Bite Marks | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 24 July :: 2.45pm

been sitting back and watching the flux of the universe

ebbing and flowing, bringing bounty and ruin

through the chaos, bubbles form in the matter

sparking a sense of organization and meaning once lost on me

despite the constant flood of bad news and terroristic acts, my heart has found a raft in his love

weather beaten and storm torn, I still feel stunning and resolute when his baby blues rest lovingly upon my corpulent frame


I just want to be better every day to make him proud of me, because I want to be proud of me, because I believe in the him that believes in me

we are all living on a spiral, and instead of out, I am lovingly spiraling up

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 7 July :: 2.03pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

I am now a Mrs! we eloped on Tuesday because the small group we invited to the ceremony started getting very... selfish? so we just did our own thing. we had sushi at our favorite restaurant and everyone got along and had a beautiful time.

the fire pit and patio are huge successes!! we have had 4 fires so far, and I just can't get enough toasted marshmallows. our butterfly garden is starting to really take off, but some critter keeps coming in at night trying to fuck shit up!

also finally losing weight. my last day at work is the 14th and I already feel like this huge weight is lifted off my back....

next on the agenda... buy a house so my disabled friend can live in it and get out of the shitty section 8 housing complex she is stuck in. this has been a dream for a very long time, and my partner is completely on board with the idea. having an actual partner who always meets me at least halfway is just... remarkable.

I didn't think life could feel this good. I just hope it's not short lived. I know this marriage will take a lot of work, but he's worth it.

I could just pop, so happy.

3 Bite Marks | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 26 May :: 10.27pm

life is a rollercoaster ride that you are either too short or too tall for.

my heart is the fullest it's ever been. I finally feel optimistic for the future. I finally see there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

plans for a hummingbird garden and a fire pit are coming together. the big day is set for the end of next month. I can't believe this is real life. I feel stupid for waiting so long to reach out, but I love the whirlwind I'm wrapped up in.

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 6 March :: 5.14pm

I hate these chronic feelings of being completely unimportant

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2023 1 March :: 10.35am

I am just a piece of shitty trash in the Pacific ocean garbage patch

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2022 23 December :: 3.44am

I keep dreaming of us living in different places together.

I dream that you are all torn up, that you're broken and sad.

I hurt for you, with you. I do miss you.

"you once called me forever, now you still can't call me back"

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2022 26 November :: 1.35pm

https://youtu.be/iWG6apzIWAk

Play with Me

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