godessalthena
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2021 29 November :: 4.04am
been up since 3am, slept like shit. getting as high as I possibly can so I can stop crying.
I just need someone to talk to, but no one is around. don't have my car and stuck with these fucking mongrels.
I'm tires of feeling unimportant I'm tired of sleeping alone even though I'm with you.
I'm yet again just a bank account, a cold unfeeling ATM that needs some tender love and care.
I should have done more to keep Corry alive. if he hadn't died, this spiral would have started so early.. maybe we could have weathered the storms a little better if you were still here. I got you to the hospital and then I fucking abandoned you like a fucking yellowbelly rat.
I'm so so sorry. and I'll never get to tell you that. and you wint know. you won't know...
I feel so lost. 12 years of my life wasted with narcissistic alcoholics. I definitely have a type. and I'm really over it. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life then risk another mistake.
I'm such a half assed fuck up. thanks mom n dad for always loving me, no matter what stupid fucking mistakes I've made. I don't deserve you
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2021 18 November :: 8.35am
:: Music: baroness
first inside show since the pandemic started and it was hopping
very small crowd very intimate and very bad ass
I'm glad we went, it was just what we needed
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2021 3 November :: 9.14am
what's your favorite pass time?
mine is sleep
1 Bite Mark |
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godessalthena
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2021 21 September :: 10.35am
another rejection.
we get what we deserve.
trash deserves to be burned
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2021 20 September :: 1.26pm
I just want to hear back about this job
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godessalthena
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2021 29 August :: 12.45pm
:: Music: sleep
an open letter to the people in my life
spinning in place, hurdling thru eternity, being painfully aware of the absurdity of life, and consciousness..
I'm thankful I'm on my journey with the people I am. even if we haven't actually met. it means so much that you all joined me at one time or another. if you're still with me or we've had to say good bye... you changed my course, and I'm grateful we touched each other in some way.
life is so precious, and fleeting, and absurd, painful, frustrating, beautiful, ephemeral... I know I'm ungrateful and thankless often, but I do appreciate the little time I had on this planet, and all the people who have made it possible.
sincerely - thank you
1 Bite Mark |
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godessalthena
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2021 2 August :: 10.49am
things can't be perfect all the time, that I know.
I will not say one word, I'll just hang around... I won't annoy you at all. when you move out I'll stay until I'm thrown away . but then it won't matter.
sometimes we just have to let some things go.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2021 2 August :: 6.43am
all my dreams are dead.
I'll never afford a nice house, or a yard.
I'll never have that high paying job that will grant me a lil financial independence.
I'll never achieve anything.
this world is beyond fucked, and everyone has their heads in the sand.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2021 15 July :: 12.12pm
broke my first bone today... in my right foot. being a clumsy dumbass.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2021 11 July :: 8.05am
when you can't shake the feeling that you're a stranger in your own body
unrecognizable feelings and ideas, who am I, what am I doing. in the immense weights and hopeless nights.
the absolute absurdity of life, emotions, memory... ultimately we are all forgotten, like we never existed.. consumes me every waking moment. I see all the colors, but I don't even know if I'm seeing them right
Play with Me
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