godessalthena
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2015 4 October :: 1.20pm
:: Mood: malaise
mental illness is constantly evolving and adapting to circumvent the measures one takes to conquer it.
instead of feeling eternal pain and misery, I feel hollow, aimless, restless. I feel bored, impatient, confused.
I don't know what I want or what I need. I don't know what to do. I have completed a major chapter in life, looking bewildered into the future, feeling utterly overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time.
I keep waiting to get sick. I feel like I've had the "day before the flu" feeling for two or more weeks, but nothing ever gets worse. I'm just waiting for something to fall.
it's dark in here by myself
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 22 September :: 5.34pm
was he even real?
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 21 September :: 8.41pm
"but you're special"
I am a unique snowflake
in the middle of a blizzard in Antarctica
but what happens after global warming
we will all melt away
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 15 September :: 11.55am
how can you keep trusting when all you ever do is get hurt
how can you keep believing when love is so obviously dead
how can you keep breathing knowing that love and trust don't exist
how does the world keep spinning when nothing matters?
grasping for any straw you can see, hoping you'll find the one that doesn't break off
and ultimately realizing that straws will always break, and there's nothing to save you
falling into the dark abyss but knowing the only difference is the blindfold of innocence has been removed
it's too dark to see the others who are falling too so you lean back and wait for the bottom to raise to great you
if the heartbreak of slipping doesn't kill you, the impact at the end will finish the job
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 14 September :: 11.45am
completing projects feels really good.
finally finished the baby blanket I've been working non. it looks so good, the biggest project I've done!
tie dyed the sheets I've been sitting on. was waiting for company but just decided "fuck it" and did it. they turned out really fantastic.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 10 September :: 6.14am
this week has been really rough.
treasured friend has malignant brain tumor
Dali died
horrible slander about me thru the grapevine
a dead bird at work
it was nice sleeping all last weekend, forgetting about how fucked up things are, how shitty and petty people are, how shitty I've been.
I am swallowed up by the current. my head is a meter under water.
if I could just be held, and told it was alright, maybe I could breathe for just one moment.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 9 September :: 9.13pm
happiness is fakin' it til you make it.
maybe you'll never make it, but at least people will remember you as happy when you're rotting in the cold wet earth.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 8 September :: 12.09pm
you can't kill what's already dead, so leave my soul alone.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 7 September :: 1.35pm
most days I wake up and I wonder... what the fuck am I still doing here?
and I still don't know.
Play with Me
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godessalthena
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2015 4 September :: 6.44am
I just don't want to feel invisible anymore.
Play with Me
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