home | profile | guestbook


Blood Flavored Lollipops

recent entries | past entries


godessalthena

:: 2020 4 October :: 8.18am

i need you like water in my lungs

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 15 September :: 12.59pm

I hurt myself today

2 Bite Marks | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 14 September :: 10.06am

that feeling when your soul is an open window, and everyone can see the wind blow through.

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 29 August :: 10.21pm

someone actually paid me back today what the fuck

this is a strange feeling

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 21 August :: 7.59am

I very literally hate every day.

I hate my life.

I hate my choices in life.

I hate the future.

I just want to give up so badly. all this struggle and for what. nothing fucking MEANS ANYTHING.

it's all just cheap plastic emotions and cheap plastic people and cheap plastic money.

I'm so lonely.

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 11 August :: 5.54pm

quarantine is taking me back to the sus era.

I feel so isolated and lonely.

I don't like living, I'm done having my dreams crushed.

time to stop dreaming. and start existing in the mud like the fat ugly pig I am.

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 30 July :: 9.38am

who have I become?

I don't even recognize myself anymore

there's a stranger under my skin

Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 25 July :: 12.38pm

trapped in a box, reaching my breaking point

I need a vacation

2 Bite Marks | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 15 July :: 8.35am

I am really depressed, but a secret depressed that is hiding under a somewhat composed exterior.

I don't know the words to say, or not to say. I know massages and hugs are always comforting. but feeling this God damn helpless to bright his future horizon.

imagine your father dies. imagine he does because some asshole didn't think it was important to wear a mask in public because it's stepping on their "liberties". now imagine the last conversation with your dad was not a positive one, and there is literally no chance now for you to make things right.

now imagine this is the 3rd time it's happened since September.

what the fuck does your best friend/lover/fiance do to help? saying "it'll be okay" feels so cheap and hollow in this situation. "think of the good things" when they are being dragged to the bottom of the ocean by chains of guilt seems an impossible taste, as the darkness of the deep swallows slowly the sun light.

and I never got to give him a grandchild he'll see. I never really got to know him. and now that's a part of my life i have to miss. and our possible child will miss too.

my mind turns to my folks. what if they catch it? will I only have 5 days and no ability to see them or talk to them? will I have to make a life support decision?

my mom lost both her parents by my age. I literally can't even imagine how I would survive that. and now it's a reality for so many millennials. and my heart absolutely breaks for everyone who's lost family or friends to this stupid fucking virus, and these stupid fucking rude americans who all just live in their own hellish little bubble of self pity self loathing and inability to take responsibility for anything.

I can't help but agree with him though, like... in the face of all of this... what's the point? what is the fucking point of this absurd existence on an insignificant dot in the middle of no where in the vast infinity of the universe?

the only meaning life has, is the meaning you give it.

1 Bite Mark | Play with Me


godessalthena

:: 2020 11 July :: 9.44am

and just like that he's gone.

3rd in 12 months. life is really fucking unfair.

Play with Me

Woohu.com | Random Journal