<marquee>i LoVeD dEePeR aNd I sPoKe SwEeTeR</marquee>

i LoVeD dEePeR aNd I sPoKe SwEeTeR

:: 2004 25 December :: 3.08pm
:: Mood: angry

wow its fucking christmas and my family still treats me like shit.. every single one of them.. Dj is the only one who is ever nice to me but hes not even here right now... at least when he gets home maybe he will take me to gini's or something! man.. what would i do without bang? i would be nowhere.. i would fucking kill myself if i didnt have them or julie.. those girls are my fucking life!!!

thats all

ohh and quotes for my aim so i dont loose them when i go to my computer

"A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty."

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"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, somtimes you can't always see the pain someone feels."

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a million words couldnt bring you back i know because i've tried, neither could a million tears i know because i've cried

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"When it rains, look to the sky and think of the drops of water as tears from angels."

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"Kissing you is like dancing in the rain; it is an exciting kind of sensation that you can't help but fall in love with."

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anyone who thinks sunshine brings pure happieness has never danced in the rain

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ok thats really all now!

*edit* ohh ya and im getting so pissed at people breaking plans and shit.. and being like oooohhh ya i cant do this.. i cant go here.. i forgot to tell you! grrr i hate when people change plans last min. or dont give an answer right away and then you get all excited and then the plans get ruined! that really pisses me off.. thats one of my pet peeves and now im just gunna not make plans with people becasue whats the point.. for like 3 days in a row they have been ruined or changed or some shit like that so w/e im done with that shit now! ok needed to get that out ! *edit*

-Nik

...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 25 December :: 12.23pm

so its christmas.. and it doesnt really feel like it.. i had fun last night tho.. im glad kaitlin was home for me this year. i wouldnt have been able to get by this christmas without her. she took me out with chris and darrah last night for a drive to nowhere lol we all took some oc's and had a great christmas i love them. we drove the prison lol and into boston and everywhere imaginable. im glad i didnt get a chnace to sit by myself and cry this year... im just thankful that i have my sister i love her

:: 2003 25 December :: 12.17 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: too much of not enuff - silverchair

what a fuckin merry christmas

its offically christmas.. and i am officially most likely the saddest person on earth at this moment in time

i want so bad to see my mom.. but i have to be dumb and push her out of my life when that is whats making me so deppressed.... ive tried to be strong and show her i dont need her but the truth is that i love her so much and i hate her becuz i miss her but i cant tell her that now, its too late.. she wouldnt care anyways

i feel so alone and its christmas, no1 deserves to feel alone.. my dads asleep and i cant find anything to do with myself. i just sit and think and teh only thing i can think about is my mom and i start to cry.

and my moms out with my sister prolly having a great time..

i promised myself i wouldnt cry tonight, and here i am drowning in my tears....

if only she knew everything i feel. i just want to wrap my arms aiound her and have her tll me everything will be ok.. i just need to know that im gonna be ok, becuz i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. its eating away at me. i cant handle it.

each present i may receive today will never quench my thirst for happiness..

becuz no superficial materialistic pile of crap could ever bring my mom back, and that kills....

im sorry i sound self centered tonite, as if no1 else has problems. im sorry. but to me this is as bad as it gets, i dont know pain greater than this so forgive me for these tears...

--

crying again... ick...

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 24 December :: 3.19pm

soo its christmas eve.. i guess its better than last year.. maybe thats just because i actually havemy sister this year or maybe because i havent really had enough time to sit downa nd think about it because ive been rushing around everywhere..

who knows but xmas blows and so does being alone..

...SoMeWhErE...

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 24 December :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: rich girl

blah...
well tomorrows christmas...and it doesnt even feel like it...it seems every year my enthusiasm for christmas is decreasing. oh well. i got a few presents for christmas so far...but ita ll just reminds me of how much i miss natick. i dont know. nothing else is new...i guess i have to babysit on new years and the 26th...which really sucks. my aunt from FL is coming on the 27th.... oh yeah and im on birth control...and its for regulation lol! figured id share. well nothing else to say i guess. i miss everyone, and i really want to visit soon, but i just dont know about that.

oh yeah...picture of me and michelle...:)

please leave a comment.

6 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 23 December :: 7.28am

goodmorning
*whoever reads this remember it is just a dream*

i had this horrible dream last night.. that we were at school and i brought a knife... and lizzy had planned on killing meaghan.. but instead killed amanda burch.. the cops came and took both lizzy and i away we were put into our cells and we just sat theres for hours.. some people showed us around the prison.. like where we eat and stuff.. i looked over to the side and their was a giant concert with moshpitts everywhere and me and lizzy went in...then the night came and they brought us our pills, i figured some were sleeping pills etc.. lizzy took hers and i took a few of mine..somehow i got released but lizzy was still in jail.. i randomly saw matt hamel and he said that jodi gold ripped me off HAH then i was in my kitchen looking at the 2 pills i had left and all of a sudden they unfurled and they were worms with long arms that were running all over my counter i killed both of them and missed lizzy alot :( i dont remember what happened next but i also remember being in las vegas which was also st martin and lizzy and i swam where we had on out trip..

i dont know what these dreams mean.. theyre a bit fucked up...

- manda

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 21 December :: 6.34am
:: Music: dont turn around x ace of base

when did the sun start to rise so early? and so fast? in a matter of minutes the once dark world is overwhelmed by a glow from the warm crisp sun of winter.. glistening over the snow reflecting a time of change and animosity..

on a different note.. i talked to anthony last night, i hadnt talked to him in a while i think hes gonna try n come to natickk sometime this week :-) yayyy

im so ready for break.. no matter how much sleep i get im still tired.. every day..ick people suck too.. but whatever i wont bitch

ill write more later..

- amanda

*were too far gone to make it work
your too empty now to make it worth
the trouble id see for breaking his heart
and why would i risk getting torn appart
were too far gone to be the same
too distant now to call you by name
were too different people with our hands at our throats
begging for love begging for more
were too far gone..*

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 19 December :: 4.39pm

someday

i was 6 years old hiding in my room
crying to myself thinking nobody loved me
so i made my own and got on with my life
i stepped out of the dark and into the light

i watched my mom walk away
after making me who i am today
for the good? for the bad? dont think ill ever know
but ill always think of her whenever it snows

where were you when i needed you
too fucked up to care
where were you? were you there?
too fucked up to care

(chorus)
sun comes out now
dry your eyes now
someday your time will come
and everything be alright

teenage girl left in control
with a selfobsessed dad and a case of depression
borderline life between health and pain
this try to be normal shit of a life drove me insane

in a dark room writing my life
thinking of how to press down my knife
maybe once its over maybe once its gone
theyll realize they cant carry on

where were you when i needed you
too fucked up to care
where were you? were you there?
too fucked up to care

(chorus)

im damaged, broken, bleeding and bruised
my heart is bolted wont let no one through
think about my mothers arms
too fucked up to care anymore..

maryjane and ecstacy
make for a wonderful disease
make me happy make me feel
like this emotion is somehow real

where were you when i needed you
too fucked up to care
where were you? were you there?
too fucked up to care

(chorus)

im different.. your different
its different lifes different
im too fucked up
i dont care
im too fucked up
to care anymore

3 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

xonixieox

:: 2004 19 December :: 5.18pm
:: Mood: crazy

computer!
wow my computer sucks and it broke again so i havnt been onlner for a really really long time :/ ya that all i gotta say.. comment!

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

Cocopuff

:: 2004 18 December :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Kelly Clarkson-" Since u been gone"

long timeee

wow its benn soooo long since i have written in here... well umm what have i missed... ohhh umm 11-10 which is a day i cant forget... and i went to St Martin with Manda which was funnnnn...i wish i was still there... other then that i havent really left neone who really reads this out on nethin special... all i do is work...then go to johns and go to school... i have no life lol wich is y i stopped writing in this thing... but i guess ill try and star writein in here again....

Lizzy

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 18 December :: 12.00pm
:: Mood: ok
:: Music: ...

...
i know i needed to update, i just have nothing to say.

comment please.

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

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