home | profile | guestbook


i LoVeD dEePeR aNd I sPoKe SwEeTeR

recent entries | past entries


xonixieox

:: 2004 21 November :: 10.25am

ok sdo i decided that i only have like 5 Really good friends.. the ones that are always there for me and dont care when i get into bad moods or anything like that.. the ones that i know i can talk to no matter what shit is going on! like last night..

i really dont know whats whrong with me.. im starting to get really sepressed again.. and i dont know how to get out of it.. i just dont know whats whrong with me.. i have been thinking alot about suicide and shit like that.. and when i get into one of those moods.. anyone who goes near me BEWARE :/ it sucks becasue i dont realize what im doing until after..and i can like hurt my friends and the people i love when i dont realize what im doing.. (not in a violent way.. just like with words) i really want to go talk to my doctor or something this shit needs to stop.. i stoped taking my zoloft becasue it gave me chest pains so i think im gunna start taking it again.. i dont care what happens to me.. as long as im happy for a little while i guess...

anyways Gini.. Brittany.. Mada.. Julie.. and Amanda thank you girls so much for always being there.. i love you all so much and im sorry for anything that i have ever done to hurt you :/ i love you guys!

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...


silentcriez

:: 2004 20 November :: 10.31am
:: Mood: ehh
:: Music: wait and bleed x slipknot

i dont know what is upsetting me.. but im leaving tomorrow and im excited but i feel like people are just gonna get along without me and when me and lizzy get back people wont wanna hang out with us anymore not naming any names but it happened to johnny and i dont want "someone" to do it to me too...

just thinking about shit lately has given me this horrible feeling in the pitt of my stomachejust thinking about the past and the future whats gonna haopen i cant handle it i really cant..

"why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?"

So be it, I'm your crowbar
If thats what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend
That I dont know of your sins
Until you are ready to confess
But all the time, all the time
I'll know, I'll know

And you can use my skin
To bury your secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, all the time
i'll know, I'll know
Baby-I can't help you out, while she's still around
So for the time being, I'm being patient
And amidst this bitterness
If you'll consider this-even if it dont make sense

All the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's ok, dont need to say it


editi think im hanging out with jimmy and dana tonight when lizzy get shere end edit


new song!!!!!!!

your in my head again
for another night in row
this is getting to comfortable for me
i need to be able to let you go

ill use you up while you use me
no one gets hurt it sounds so easy
ill breath you in youll breath me out
thats what intoxications all about

you be the knife ill be the vein
hold me close while im driven insane
useless is this medicine
feel better in the arms which make me hurt

(chorus)
twilights
of reds and whites
slowly coloring you in
mystery
haunting me
as your cooly playing your guitar

piano notes are echoing
and the showers still running
the beds still unfolded
and your pictures still so stunning

im numb because youve shot me up
im dumb because i fell in love
i broke because i need your help
im here because you do me well

cant let you get into my heart
sex and love are best kept appart
i know your body i know your face
to give up now would be a waste

(chorus)

the scent of skin has filled the room
my body you have begun to consume
im lost in you heaven take me now
youve locked me here i dont know how

your in my head again
for another night in row
this is to comfortable for me
i cant let you go..

you used me up while i used you
keeping my heart wasnt easy to do
i breath you in while you breath me out
thats what this game is all about...

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...


xonixieox

:: 2004 18 November :: 1.23pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: none

everythibg is going wrong..
i dont even know why i try in life anymore.. nothing ever turns out well.. i try in school.. and what does that give me ? F's? exactly.. i try even harder in cheerleading and what does that get me? a permanent spot on jv? i cant take it anymore.. no matter how hard i try everything turns out like shit! ikm done with it.. im not even gunna try anymore.. everyone on varsity is either gorgeous or really really thin.. and im not either of those things :/ honestly i wish that i was even one of those things.. its like the harder i try the farther i fall.. i just cnt take it anymore.. i truely want to die.. so i wont hurt my friends or my family anymore becasue im a fuck up! i hate my life and everyone involved in it :(

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 17 November :: 7.51pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: crazy in love: eminem.

...:(
yeah so it turns out that nikkie and julie cant come up this weekend...it would have been hard to plan rite neway cuz my mom is bein such a bitch about everything lately... i guess it can happen another time..

it feels like everything is falling apart...i hope i dont have to spend my birthday alone.

but my dad told me he'd drive me to natick sometime to see them... so i guess i happy bout that.

3 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...


silentcriez

:: 2004 16 November :: 8.04pm

found my moms diary from her sophmore year today.. i remmeber reading it when i as really young and imagining what it really meant. its ironic that i could find it this year..

i feel like sending it to her with a letter that just said.. read this and tell me how you think i feel..

ah theres a lot of things id like to do but dont.. i make up reasons not to.. so i cant get hurt or fuck up.. im alwatys doing that like think about it.. i wont singin front of ppl cuz im afraid of messing up.. i wont play sports cuz im afraid ill mess up wont say shit cuz im afraid ill get made fun of god damn i need confidence..

well im half way through the journal and will mostlikely finish it tomorrow.. ill let you know

heres a few things i found interesting from it

"when we got there the boys came up to us and said "why werent you at the hockey game? dont you like to fool around"

"i wish to be a great writer and marry richie, and be beautiful and know alot more"

"promise me one thing oh beautiful human being, that time shall ease no love we shared, that a bird shall noy wisp away the strands which link us together. so fragile, and so easily broken. oh god i miss you and how will it be if you are a year gone, i want to make love to you - again."

"when mom and linda were at the mall i took a swig of southern comfort yum- but uck if i dont have to pretend. alchohol is something i dont understand, its so bad tasting and yet everybody love it.. yuck!"

"i love richard, he was the first one to 1. french kiss 2 say "i love you" 3. pet me 4. ask me about pot 5. write me 6. call me etc etc etc (p.s. you arent listening"

"i really wonder about life sometimes. these days are supposed to be such happy times. im so worried about whats gonna happen that i cant enjoy today"

"i had this really dumb test in health. it was about drugs woopie.! didnt really study but heres the good stuff. afte rthe test the teacher goes "i read that thi kid was on LSD at a party and he slit his wirsts and wrote a suicide note that said im sorry mom"

...SoMeWhErE...


krazykelc1

:: 2004 16 November :: 6.51pm

Code for linking pictures to a journal


close all spaces after you copy it.. excluding the one between img and src.

< img src = " URL tag goes here " >

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...


xonixieox

:: 2004 13 November :: 5.39pm
:: Music: kenny chesney x when the sun goes down!

AMAZING SONG!
ok so this song started it all...

magic 5 baby!!!

Sun tanned toes ticklin the sand
Cold drink chillin in my right hand
Watchin you sleep in the evening light
Restin up for a long, long night

Chorus:
Cause when the sun goes down, we'll be groovin
When the sun goes down, we'll be feelin all right
When the sun sinks down over the water
Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down

All day long just takin it easy
Layin in the hammock where it's nice and breezy
Sleepin off the night before
Cause when the sun goes down, we'll be back for more

Chorus:
When the sun goes down, we'll be groovin
When the sun goes down,we'll be feeling alright
When the sun sinks down over the water
Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down

This old guitar and my dark sunglasses
This sweet concoction is smooth as molasses
Nothing to do but breathe all day
Until the big moon rises and it's time to play

...SoMeWhErE...


krazykelc1

:: 2004 13 November :: 10.55am
:: Mood: good

Happy Birthday Brother..





...SoMeWhErE...


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 13 November :: 8.55am

hahahhahaha
DARIEN BIRD!!!!!!

hey HO!!! its nikkie!!! whats up man! i decided to hack in and write you a little thing! read my comment in your last entry becasue its really long! your birthday is pretty soon! well actually im stupid and i forgot when it is but i know its soon lol!!

its SNOWING HERE!!!!!!!!!

T T T T T T T



yay i love you forever and ever and ever!

-NIKKIE

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...


silentcriez

:: 2004 11 November :: 4.18pm

last night was the night... 1 year ago.. it makes me sad to think about how much has changed since then.. how different we all were.. and all the different things we wanted..

11-10.. always a day to remember..

lizzy and i slept at michaels house and smoked a dutchy early in the am.. and it was SO coldddddddddd

kelsey hates me now apparently..i dont know i guess jimmy told her i hooked up with robbie.. which i did but it was ONCE and it was a long time ago before the summer..and obviously i didnt say anything to her about it because i knew shed be sad and i didnt want that to happen..i obviously should have told her because having someone else tell someone something is much worse.. i wish that she wouldnt get so angry tho.. its not like she owned(s) him.. i dont know its all so dumb.. it was in the past...like many other things id like to forget..

well thats it for now..

- amanda

3 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

Woohu.com | Random Journal