<marquee>i LoVeD dEePeR aNd I sPoKe SwEeTeR</marquee>

i LoVeD dEePeR aNd I sPoKe SwEeTeR

:: 2004 18 August :: 6.02pm
:: Music: lol the tv downstairs

lala
well basically i leave natick next thursday. i hope i wont leave forever, but i wont be living here nemore :( well tueday was fun, i went dt with katie and julie came too! we ate at geogres tiwce and hung out at johnson and downtown. then we walked to kelcs later at nite and brett drove us home. lol apparently i smelled really bad of smoke, according to my mom but w/e lol.idk i sat around todya and did nothing. thats my exciting life. tomorrow im up to nh to see the merrimack highschool and attempt to get situated. :-/ i just wanna get past all the bullshit ive been dealing with. ttyl...darien.

...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 18 August :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: cold x crossfade

:( nobody leaves me comments anymore and its sad you bums arent cool.. lol

the sky above me is dark
like a black hole
speckeled with white spotches of stars
they hover above me
as if taunting me
whispering haunting melodies
into a summer nights breeze
i hold my hopes so high tonight
as i glance up at the ocean of a sky
my eyes trace the murky waters
until they land upon one tiny speck
one small star
i pour all of my hope out
and all of my dreams
making a wish
with all of my might
everything inside of me
just wants to scream out for you
the pristine landscape around me
echos my fears right back at me
i covet these things i cant have
and crave for a life i cant live..
wasting my days
under this atlantic sky
that i wish would engulf me into it
despondancy takes control of me
as i fall to the ground in tears
no more will i wait up at night
wishing on those hopeless stars
i dont see that in reality
i only get things that i need
and no more will i wish for you
i know that those dreams
wont come true..
thank you great big ocean of a sky..
no longer will i ask why..
my hopes are lost with the stars forever
as i watch the sun come up

---

im starring up at the ceiling
making wishes on paper stars
i know they wont come true
but i just keep wishing for you

baby why do i bother
why do i try?
i know that you
would just pass me by
i dont know why
i sit here thinking
you could ever be with me
i guess i like to dream

a dreamer
they never get what they want
no a dreamer never sees the stars they wish upon
oh dreamers they are left waiting alone
because they dont know what to do
they want something more
all the time
they want something more
than whats in front of them
they keep wishing on those
hopeless stars in the sky..
while real life passes by..

---

some poetry.. reflecting how i feel...

5 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

xonixieox

:: 2004 18 August :: 7.56am
:: Mood: sore!
:: Music: slow motion

julie!
julie is so cute! she left this comment...
Nikkie you have to update your journal like right now and tell everyone about the fun time we had in boston and Dariens dad being a dick head when we were bowling but how it was still fun! tttyl <3 Julie ;)

so on like saturday or something.. maybe sunday.. me and julie went to boston with darien nd her dad to pizzaria reginas! the pizza was amazing like it always is.. then we went bowling and dariens dad was being an ass so me and julie decided to piss him off! lol.. hes so gay.. first he called me a slut and then was yelling at us for "not trying hard enough" what a fuck head! lol

anyways im soooooooo sore! double sessions yesterday, today and tomorrow! ahhhhhhh

anyways yesterday tamisha was like school starts at 9 o'clock this year... 9-1 the first day,9-2 the second day, and 9-3 from there on... and we were all excited the coach went to check and he was like guys you start school on 9/1 not from 9-1 it was fucknig hillarious! lmao! im still laughing! we are so fucking stupid!!!

<3 NikkiE

3 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

krazykelc1

:: 2004 18 August :: 12.05am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Franchize-White Tee

I don't understand guys.
help me out.. leave something

...SoMeWhErE...

cocopuff

:: 2004 17 August :: 10.20pm

hello...

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 17 August :: 9.24pm

sometimes i feel
like im taking over myself
sometimes i feel
like these things that i feel arent real

dont know what to do
when im losing you
cant stand being wthout your smile

whens it my turn
to feel the things that they feel?
whens it my turn to shine?

living in the shadows of another
aint the life that i had planned
just wanna be something special baby
just want you to be my man

but i guess that wont change
i guess ill stay the same
i guess i cant feel
these things that i want to feel
i guess i cant see
these things i want to see
im blind to everything
except this pain i feel
oh its nothing new to me..
my heart is used to this pain

sometimes i feel
like im losing it all
cant touch the ground
theres no one to catch me when i fall

sometimes i feel
like the world is falling down
and everything around me
crumbles to the ground

theres nothing left
for me to hold on to
oh theres nothing left
for me to stay true to
no theres nothing left
nothing left thats real
nothing left to feel
except for this pain

oh its nothing new to me
no nothing new you see
im the same old girl i used to be
baby nothings changed
nothing is new to me
like these stars i see
i wish on them
they wont come true
but its nothing new..

...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 17 August :: 2.39am

this feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because I hurt those who I love. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives me happiness. Once in a great while I will get "too happy" and then anxious because of that. Then I self-medicate with drugs. Then I physically hurt myself. Then I feel guilty because of that. Shame. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I'd feel too much guilt for those I'd hurt, and then feeling angry about that so I cut myself or smoke to make all the feelings go away.

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

...SoMeWhErE...

krazykelc1

:: 2004 17 August :: 1.34am

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with"

-SEX AND THE CITY

3 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

krazykelc1

:: 2004 17 August :: 1.29am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Qstrange-Eternal Bliss

new journal layout
let me know if you like =)

living in the |shadow|
of someone elses dream
tryin to find a hand to hold
but ever touch felt .cold. to me

...SoMeWhErE...

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 16 August :: 1.53pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: jewel

poo
well last week was a fun week i guess. it started out when i saw anchorman with hannah and kaitlyn. tuesday, i did the usual thing and sat around and did nothing :-D. wednesday i went downtown and met brittany. kelc and meaghan were sposed to come, but there was a bit of a misunderstanding hah. after we went downtown we hung out at michelles for a while. lol on friday i hung out with brittany and michelle again and we ended up sleeping over her house. we walked to benhem at like 11:00 and freaked out the old people sitting on the bench there. and on saturday i went to dans and four other bands concert. and then we ate at dunkin donuts. llol and on sunday i went out to regiunasin boston with julie and nikkie! the pizza was good and then we went bowling and my dad was a bit of a jerk (sry nikkie!!) iits ok, overall we still had fun i hope. so yah, that was my week. idk i mite be going dt today but we'll see :-/ . lol theres ntohing else to say...lol byebye

*Darien

3 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

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