<marquee behavior=alternate>.:*Chubby*:.</marquee>

:: 2005 1 January :: 6.40am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: too early for music

2005

happy 2005 baby! this years gunna be the best

wow new years was pretty fun.. well the begining was.. so let me see.. it was me amanda gini kevin dj cam bill anthony and chris.

i smoked 2 bowls with my fucking brother!

ya so it was suprising and pretty fucking interesting! ya so then they drank but wouldnt let us girls drink so that was kinda gay!(even though we drank a little anyways) lol then we all came upstairs and watched the ball drop on the fuzzy tv that barley works lol.. that was fun.. then my mom made all the boys go downstairs and the girls stay upstairs .. so then we all went to bed and now we're here in the morning feeling quite lovely lol

ok so now amanda just left.. and me and gini are trying to convince the boys to bring us to bickfords! yay!

-Nik

:: 2004 31 December :: 8.21am
:: Mood: bored

homewrecker x gretchen wilson
well i had a doctors appointment yesterday and got put onto prozac instead of zoloft :/ whatever as long as im happy i dont care what medicine im on.. anyways.. i was thinking.. anyone who is depressed just put on cmt or 99.5 or vh1 country.. guarenteed to put a smile on your face.. i think thats bang are like the only people at NHS who listen to country music .. with the exception of Katie and Dj! lol

ya so its new years eve and hopefully baNg is coming here.. but i hope my brother is having a party so that alcohol will maybe be involved lol! hahahahhahah im so funny.. hahaha i wish that i had kodak on here but w/e if ya'all wanna see my pictures go to..

picturessss!!! click!!

ok thats all for today..

Remember when___________________?
(fill it in)

comment now bitches ! lol

-Nik

:: 2004 30 December :: 5.06pm

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you

:: 2004 29 December :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: dont be rediculous x shania twain

do it!!
well i was reading peoples journals i came across a cute little thing..

so..

in honor of emme...

remember when_______________________?
(fill in the blanks)

ya so amanda and gini are sleeping over right now so im gunna go but i just thoght that that was wicked cute and i wanted everyone to comment to it and stuff!

-Nik

3 .from you. | .to me.

:: 2004 28 December :: 12.10pm

in the heat of the night, im playing our song
while hitting the resin you left in the bong
im so lonely now, as i smoke you away
were so distant now, as im driven insane

you coat my lungs with a venomous tar
like a cancer to the heart you kill from afar
your holding me back, im blocking you too
your smoking me black, and im broken in two

(chorus)
devilish, deviant is the look in your eye
burning deep into me as your waving goodbye
suck the life right out of me, ill be fine
everytime..

in the dark of the room, im playing our song
while hitting the resin you left in the bong
like the organ at a funeral you eat me away
booming with anger, and fury and rage

peircing my skin, with the bite of a leech
take me down and bury me deep
show me another one of your new tricks
and slip me some more toxin, i need a fix

(chorus)

in the heat of the night, im playing our song
while hitting the resin you left in the bong
im so lonely now, as i smoke you away
were so distant now, as im driven insane

bite through the flesh bleed out my veins
youve corrupted my mind, and spoon fed me pain
im distant and hollow at the mercy of you
you bite and you practice your wickid voodoo

suck the life right out of me, im telling you i will be fine
everytime..

:: 2004 27 December :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: its 5 oclock somewhere x alan jackson and jimmy buffet

blah ass day
well last night i slept over Gini's house w/ julie.. lol we had a ton of fun.. we pansed julie and she just stood there for like 10 mins.. hilarious let me tell you! lol.. then we went ot practice and good thing i went becasue coach needed my help!

ya so then me and Gini went to the mall and met britt and amanda there!! BAnGin' at the mall lol! ya so then gini's mom wouldnt let her sleep over.. she never lets her do anything here.. its always at her house or nowhere.. its kinda gay.. and she always lectures virginia about gay ass shit that is irrelevent to her life.. honestly she needs to let virginia live her fucking life.. that girl gets leff freedom than fucking people in lockup and shit.. its really fucked up..

ya so now im sitting at home by myself.. and my parents are gay so im petty lonely! ya thats all.. not like anyones gunna read it..

comment please!

-Nik

Cocopuff

:: 2004 26 December :: 10.24am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Matchbox 20- "3 am"

Merry Christmas

Wow!! Christmas has already come and gone... its weird becasue it doent even feel like december.. this year has flown by, but so much has changed...

i didnt get much for christmas under the tree but thats cuz i got my class ring and i went to St Martin with Manda.. but i got a few things.. including 300$ on scratch tickets and a 500$ pack of corvett stuff...

yea so its the day after christmas.. and what are manda and i goann do... duhh stuff are faces go get high and stuff are faces again... so bubye

~Lizzy

:: 2004 25 December :: 3.08pm
:: Mood: angry

wow its fucking christmas and my family still treats me like shit.. every single one of them.. Dj is the only one who is ever nice to me but hes not even here right now... at least when he gets home maybe he will take me to gini's or something! man.. what would i do without bang? i would be nowhere.. i would fucking kill myself if i didnt have them or julie.. those girls are my fucking life!!!

thats all

ohh and quotes for my aim so i dont loose them when i go to my computer

"A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, somtimes you can't always see the pain someone feels."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

a million words couldnt bring you back i know because i've tried, neither could a million tears i know because i've cried

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"When it rains, look to the sky and think of the drops of water as tears from angels."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Kissing you is like dancing in the rain; it is an exciting kind of sensation that you can't help but fall in love with."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

anyone who thinks sunshine brings pure happieness has never danced in the rain

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

ok thats really all now!

*edit* ohh ya and im getting so pissed at people breaking plans and shit.. and being like oooohhh ya i cant do this.. i cant go here.. i forgot to tell you! grrr i hate when people change plans last min. or dont give an answer right away and then you get all excited and then the plans get ruined! that really pisses me off.. thats one of my pet peeves and now im just gunna not make plans with people becasue whats the point.. for like 3 days in a row they have been ruined or changed or some shit like that so w/e im done with that shit now! ok needed to get that out ! *edit*

-Nik

:: 2004 25 December :: 12.23pm

so its christmas.. and it doesnt really feel like it.. i had fun last night tho.. im glad kaitlin was home for me this year. i wouldnt have been able to get by this christmas without her. she took me out with chris and darrah last night for a drive to nowhere lol we all took some oc's and had a great christmas i love them. we drove the prison lol and into boston and everywhere imaginable. im glad i didnt get a chnace to sit by myself and cry this year... im just thankful that i have my sister i love her

:: 2003 25 December :: 12.17 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: too much of not enuff - silverchair

what a fuckin merry christmas

its offically christmas.. and i am officially most likely the saddest person on earth at this moment in time

i want so bad to see my mom.. but i have to be dumb and push her out of my life when that is whats making me so deppressed.... ive tried to be strong and show her i dont need her but the truth is that i love her so much and i hate her becuz i miss her but i cant tell her that now, its too late.. she wouldnt care anyways

i feel so alone and its christmas, no1 deserves to feel alone.. my dads asleep and i cant find anything to do with myself. i just sit and think and teh only thing i can think about is my mom and i start to cry.

and my moms out with my sister prolly having a great time..

i promised myself i wouldnt cry tonight, and here i am drowning in my tears....

if only she knew everything i feel. i just want to wrap my arms aiound her and have her tll me everything will be ok.. i just need to know that im gonna be ok, becuz i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. its eating away at me. i cant handle it.

each present i may receive today will never quench my thirst for happiness..

becuz no superficial materialistic pile of crap could ever bring my mom back, and that kills....

im sorry i sound self centered tonite, as if no1 else has problems. im sorry. but to me this is as bad as it gets, i dont know pain greater than this so forgive me for these tears...

--

crying again... ick...

2 .from you. | .to me.

:: 2004 24 December :: 3.19pm

soo its christmas eve.. i guess its better than last year.. maybe thats just because i actually havemy sister this year or maybe because i havent really had enough time to sit downa nd think about it because ive been rushing around everywhere..

who knows but xmas blows and so does being alone..

:: 2004 23 December :: 7.28am

goodmorning
*whoever reads this remember it is just a dream*

i had this horrible dream last night.. that we were at school and i brought a knife... and lizzy had planned on killing meaghan.. but instead killed amanda burch.. the cops came and took both lizzy and i away we were put into our cells and we just sat theres for hours.. some people showed us around the prison.. like where we eat and stuff.. i looked over to the side and their was a giant concert with moshpitts everywhere and me and lizzy went in...then the night came and they brought us our pills, i figured some were sleeping pills etc.. lizzy took hers and i took a few of mine..somehow i got released but lizzy was still in jail.. i randomly saw matt hamel and he said that jodi gold ripped me off HAH then i was in my kitchen looking at the 2 pills i had left and all of a sudden they unfurled and they were worms with long arms that were running all over my counter i killed both of them and missed lizzy alot :( i dont remember what happened next but i also remember being in las vegas which was also st martin and lizzy and i swam where we had on out trip..

i dont know what these dreams mean.. theyre a bit fucked up...

- manda

:: 2004 21 December :: 6.34am
:: Music: dont turn around x ace of base

when did the sun start to rise so early? and so fast? in a matter of minutes the once dark world is overwhelmed by a glow from the warm crisp sun of winter.. glistening over the snow reflecting a time of change and animosity..

on a different note.. i talked to anthony last night, i hadnt talked to him in a while i think hes gonna try n come to natickk sometime this week :-) yayyy

im so ready for break.. no matter how much sleep i get im still tired.. every day..ick people suck too.. but whatever i wont bitch

ill write more later..

- amanda

*were too far gone to make it work
your too empty now to make it worth
the trouble id see for breaking his heart
and why would i risk getting torn appart
were too far gone to be the same
too distant now to call you by name
were too different people with our hands at our throats
begging for love begging for more
were too far gone..*

:: 2004 19 December :: 4.39pm

someday

i was 6 years old hiding in my room
crying to myself thinking nobody loved me
so i made my own and got on with my life
i stepped out of the dark and into the light

i watched my mom walk away
after making me who i am today
for the good? for the bad? dont think ill ever know
but ill always think of her whenever it snows

where were you when i needed you
too fucked up to care
where were you? were you there?
too fucked up to care

(chorus)
sun comes out now
dry your eyes now
someday your time will come
and everything be alright

teenage girl left in control
with a selfobsessed dad and a case of depression
borderline life between health and pain
this try to be normal shit of a life drove me insane

in a dark room writing my life
thinking of how to press down my knife
maybe once its over maybe once its gone
theyll realize they cant carry on

where were you when i needed you
too fucked up to care
where were you? were you there?
too fucked up to care

(chorus)

im damaged, broken, bleeding and bruised
my heart is bolted wont let no one through
think about my mothers arms
too fucked up to care anymore..

maryjane and ecstacy
make for a wonderful disease
make me happy make me feel
like this emotion is somehow real

where were you when i needed you
too fucked up to care
where were you? were you there?
too fucked up to care

(chorus)

im different.. your different
its different lifes different
im too fucked up
i dont care
im too fucked up
to care anymore

3 .from you. | .to me.

:: 2004 19 December :: 5.18pm
:: Mood: crazy

computer!
wow my computer sucks and it broke again so i havnt been onlner for a really really long time :/ ya that all i gotta say.. comment!