silentcriez
|
::
2004 24 March :: 10.46am
A great numb feeling washes over me as I let go of the past and look forward to the future. Pretend to be a vampire. I don't really need to pretend, because it's who I am, an emotional vampire. I've just come to expect it. Vampires are real. That I was born this way. That I feed off of other people's real emotions. Search for this night's prey. Who will it be?
- rules of attraction
it is in the greatest depths of depression which i learn what it truly feels like to be happy. without this terrible heartache ive grown so fond of, which is now just part of me i wouldnt know what to do. It is almost some sort of sort of dark comfort to know that this pain is always there. always lingering over head. i guess in this blackened room i can collect my thoughts and reflect upon the lives ive so recently bruised. it is in this darkness that i completely understand the light. it is here that i understand why we pain why we fail... it is now that i appreciate completely how i used to feel. how i remember happiness, summer days with my mom and kaitlin. i miss days like that. days when the sun never seemed to shine so bright and the birds never seemed so loud and melodic, when a bouncy ball never seemed so entertaining. days in the summer when nothing mattered accept me my mom and kaitlin being together. when something i had seen 500 times felt like the first expedition into an unknown land. i miss adventure... and i miss the sun. i guess it is like they say, one realizes their love for something when the void is in action. when something is gone.. you realize how significant it was to your life. i dont mean to be this way. i really dont. im sorry. and it is when i become the worst attributes of ppl that i am able to banish them. so at one time or another i am what i hate. i feel what i so long for.. i cast away what makes me happy. in this darkness i sit and bubble over.. and only the sun can warm these chilled bones, these brittle bones. Only the sun, only time will tell...
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 22 March :: 9.49pm
time and time again i give myself to you
plunging into you, like a picture that i drew
i dont know just where to go
i just send the love below
and the pain i sit waiting to be caught
but love is like breathing, never has been taught
emotions deep for you, that were always felt
and when you look at me with ice blue eyes, my heart is sure to melt
your kisses bring sweet mistery
your hidden deep in mystery
intimate sensations overthrow my world
a new light of devotion, suddenly unfurled
i guess they were never true nor' right
fore' when i held you close last night
these feelings all came back to me
with one kiss one touch from thee
im under sheets of silk and sweat
since the first day that we met
love beat through lacy shorts
through drug abuse and trips to court
acid love pours into me
broken condoms broken plees
veil my life and leave the lies
these tears are only allibies
that blood runs through these broken veins
your body holds me together, im not insane
nights spent up wondering what to do
i guess my drug it must be you
tell me lies and kiss my lips
pulsing pressure on my hips
into me you sink yourself
i am oppulent just not in wealth
and pink roses shower me with kisses
if it isnt love please tell me what this is
sprinkles of happiness, liek fairy dust
whether this be love or lust
i feind and plead for you to see
just give me a chance just look at me
no matter what intoxicates our hearts
ill still dream about you while were appart
sex it plays such tricks with our minds
leaving all weve left behind
emotional attatchment draws near
it is just that, that i do fear
in love and lust we play this game of truth or dare
and over time ive learned this love, is never fair
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 22 March :: 9.05pm
Consider the forces which might influence a person's behavior and choices. What influences have played a role in the play so far? How has Romeo responded to the presence or absence of these forces? What can you say about his character based on his behavior?
Well being the stubborn person I am, I have taught myself self control and learned to pave the way for myself. Life has thrown temptations and barracades in my way, but I have a strong head on my shoulders which rarely fails me. In everday life we face people who cause us to be one way, and others another. Constantly juggling us back and forth, from likes, and dislikes. Love playing a big part in our society everyone wanders around searching for love. At 14 and 15 feeling left out when we don't know what love is. Well I believe that personally I have never experienced love, but whose to say for others, my definition surely varies from my peers. Basing a boyfriend or girlfriend upon love at this age is most likely just a hoax. With such immature logic, and undeveloped philosophies love consists merely of puppy dog emotions, lathered with infatuation. Love based upon vision and what is being scene, rather than felt.
Romeo believed that he truly love Rosaline, that he would never be free from her spell. He was infatuated by her, almost intoxicated by her beauty. Under the influence believing that nothing lived finer than she. When the reality is that he was blinded by this drug, this beauty. We are able to see that this so called love was not pure by how quickly he gets over her after the sight of Juliet. This makes me wonder if his intentions were pure. Does he see in her what he did in Rosaline as well? But with Juliet, he is sober, his eyesight is not blurry and loves for her soul. Love can make a person do crazy things. With this as one of the main themes in the play, it shows us that love is about taking risks, and being willing to lose everything you had earned for 5 minutes of happiness. That bliss felt when in the presence of eachother, like two parts of a song coming together, void when played alone, but when together forming a harmony like no other. When each instrument can finish the others song, love feeds off of this song, and grows with each note added, each day passing. Love is something to earned over time, not to be won in an instant.
I believe that Romeo is led by his heart. With the night as his veil, his insecurities are hidden and only his true self shows. Locked up in his room all day blocking out the day it shows us that he doesn't like to face reality, avoiding the light. Romeo and Juliet also show us that, "a life without love, is no life worth living."
.to me.
|
cocopuff
|
::
2004 22 March :: 3.50pm
:: Music: none...
hello
well its monday again..... i hate mondays... not only cuz i have to go to school but because there are 4 more days ov school that follow it... like if the days went rigth to liek wed. day lol it would b cool... but yea im a geek
well a few new things have happend... once again the krew and the crew are fighting... and once again it is over somethign stuppid... now im not takeign sides cuz i just don't want to get involved... but what was written was no where as bad as what has been written or said about ne of us girls... and u know u can't blame us for gettign sick and teired of jsut letting u guys amke fun of us... but w/e i can see that it wasent somethign that needed to b written publicaly but hey shit habbens... and u know what IF PEOPLE WOULD JSUT TAKE RESPONCABILITY FOR THERE ACTIONS AND ADDMIT THENGS THEY HAVE DONE OR DID OR W/E THEN NONE OF THIS FIGHTING WOULD B HAPPENING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! GOD DAMN IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO GROW THE FUCK UP!!?? CUZ ALL OF U NEED TO!! and u can say i was sticking up for my boy... do i care no if its not ur problem stay out of it liek a grown up person woudl to... and b grown up and handle ur fights yourslef... don't get ppl to do ur dirty work for u.. its unessacary to drag other ppl into thes tiny ass fuckign fights!!!! sooo word of advice SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GROW THE FUCK OUT AND U WOUN'T HAVE NE SHIT TO DEAL WIHT!!! ITS NOT HARD FUCKIGN RETARDS!!!
welll on a happier note... im gonna go get some ice cream heheh i lvoe ice cream!!!
Happy Fucking Monday
1 .from you. |
.to me.
|
xonixieox
|
::
2004 21 March :: 1.36pm
:: Mood: sad
i officially hate my life!! well i dont wanna sound like one of those people who whine, but....
ok so this whole weekend i was sick... my ear kills and my throught hurts, i cant breth cuz my nose is all stuffy! but today, on sunday is the worst day!
i woke up and did my english project cuz i got a message from Jackie saying we should do it on our own... then my dad woke up in an awful mood anyways... fuckin drunken asshole!
so i called my aunt to come get me because i know how my father can be, but then my mom called and said id didnt want to go!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... so i went downstairs and told my mom to call her back and my dad was like your to loud shut up.. i was like no mom messed everything up, so he told me to get out of the fucking house, and when i didnt move he fucken lifted me up by my arm and threw me into the tile floor! then i went upstaris and called my aunt, and he came up and fucking hit me again!
i hate him so much, but what hurts me the most is that he has never touched Dj or Mellie, he only hits me, evin if they do something 5 times as bad:(
well i guess i will be wearing sweatshirts for the rest of the week :(
.to me.
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 21 March :: 9.49am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: a static lullaby
11 days that grandmas been in the hospital :-/
soo friday i did nothing. saturday i went to look at two apartments and then we went out to eat and then after that i looked at one in east rockaway and we liked it even though its a tad out of our range. after that i went to visit my grandma in the hospital and we stayed there till about 9 and we came home, got white castle (yuck) and i called brian to find out that he was out already and he didn't call me because he didn't know my number! grrrr. well, i came home, talked to derek on the phone for alittle,watched
'camp cool' and room raiders 'maroon5' and then fell asleep. today i want to get my nails done and we have 2 apartments to see today. oyyy school tomorrow and i cant forget to type up my economics project
iloveyouall
35 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 20 March :: 12.21pm
when i tell you how i feel
you pretend that you care
and it hurts me to know
that love was never there
tainted lies,
you fed to me
ive bled for thee
and ill take you to ecstacy
babe you couldve had it all
wouldve been there
to catch if you ever fall
you gave me up
and lost your chance
but im still here
in need of your romance
i love you baby,
my love for you drives me crazy
kisses melt into everything i am
hold me closer, will you be my man
never kiss me
when you dont mean what u say
words can hurt me
you dont want to keep it that way
pain it kills me
in my sleep
i dream about you
and my heart you keep
so tell me tales...
feed me lies
im sick you
and all your allibies
my greatest sympathy
for teh pain that you feel
but how i can i feel for you
when these scars you left arent healed
amends will soon enough be made
sit me down and speak to me my love wont be contained
burning empathy my heart feels about to burst
quit speaking those lies, you can tell they sound rehersed
things shouldnt be that way baby
u should have to practice what you say
cuz my love burns stronger than a flame
and i know that every minute is completely worth the pain
------------------------------------
who teh hell are you?
i dont think i know you
what the hell are you doing here?
im lost in teh darkness
forgetting where i came from
the path isnt so clear from here
i dont know who u are
or where your lies have come from
i guess i knew you more before
history repeats itself
history lays dusty on the shelf
your gone now, but i guess i
knew you wll before
but now history remains nothing but memories
------------------------------------
sentimental loveing
hidden in my kiss
loving in denial, can i find this bliss
everytime i search around i see your face
everytime i looka round nothing but a trace
of my memories
of my memories
nothing but memories
lost in memories
concentrate my loving
in a world of lies
hidden in my reputaton
and allibies
am i in the past
on this kiss?
cant forget teh meaning
how it felt liek this
everytime i search around i see your face
everytime i looka round nothing but a trace
of my memories
of my memories
nothing but memories
lost in memories
gotta move on from the way things were
take a step up
gotta lose my journey
gotta wipe the tears
dry my eyes
and wash away the lies
everytime i search around i see your face
everytime i look around nothing but a trace
of my memories
of my memories
nothing but memories
lost in memories
-------------------------------------
baby, i truly thought
that i was feeling love
baby, you told me
that i could trust in you
btu when you say things taht you dont mean
it makes me question if your love is ture
and ill hold you but only in the dark
when no one can see
because our love rises with the sun
and sets with the moon
climbs upon backs of angels
is it me your true to
baby i feel that youy dont know
what its truly liek to love
because if you did
then you wouldnt hurt me
i put no one above..
the fact that you are mine
the pact between
your blood and mine
and i will love you right or wrong
baby i know that
the night is young
and we have our fun
but when the sun goes down
and theres no one around
i want it to be you and only me
giving all our love
because our love rises with the sun
and sets with the moon
climbs upon backs of angels
is it me your true to
baby i feel that youy dont know
what its truly liek to love
because if you did
then you wouldnt hurt me
i put no one above..
the fact that you are mine
the pact between
your blood and mine
and i will love you right or wrong
------------------------------------------
im just sitting here waiting by teh fone
just wishing for you to come back home
i miss you
i miss you
just trying to get over the fact
that you could just walk away liek that'
and leave me all alone
because ive found
a reason for me
to change who i used to be
i miss you and i wish youd come back home
you said youd always love me
never leave me on my own
but when it comes down to it
you need to take the things you do on your own
and my heart will beat for you tonight
just hoped ud kiss me hold me oh so tight
cuz i know a different way to go
baby love me... baby hold tonight
baby kiss me... baby this wrong is never right...
.to me.
|
|
cocopuff
|
::
2004 20 March :: 11.33am
:: Music: Sublime-"40oz. To Freedom"
lol well its been a while
and i really have nothin to say.....
yea well i write in here when i do have somehtign to write..
>>I tried, i really did, but i quit.. ill let u walk away, someday ull miss me....<<
<3Lizzy
2 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 18 March :: 12.56am
read me
if only you understood me, im not as i let on..the pages of my book written over in lemon juice... only revealed when held up to the light... but no one usually goes the extra distance to read my print... only within my bindings whats blankly scripted on the page.. the nothingness of my rambles... when that is not what my true face is...but a strive to be perfect.. and deep between sheets of white paper... i truly am...waiting to be read cover to cover
just dust me off and everything will be alright...or store me away for a day when you have more time...maybe sometime in the spring hidden in the forest u can read me.. and take in all i have to offer but until then ill wait squished tightly against other novels other lives...ill just wait for someone to understand.. someone to actually care what my pages honestly have to say... becuz my pain says so much without speaking
i guess ill stop now.. your silence says it all
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 16 March :: 7.19pm
:: Mood: pissed
:: Music: creed
hmm...thinking about making my journal friends only
<3
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 16 March :: 6.51am
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: nothing
i probably only have like 2 periods of school today because im going to the holocaust museum in glen cove. shiiiiit that reminds me of colin :-/ well, i'll update about the day later. hopefully someone wants to pick me up from school?
iwanthim<3
24 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 15 March :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: dirty
:: Music: rockell- in a dream
well, school was not too bad. besides for the fact i tried begging my mom not to make me go it was aright. everyone was like 'are you ok?' blah blah blah. i was fine. i felt shitty but i was OK. well, my mom couldn't drive me to school so i got off at the west hempstead stop and paris and mikey drove me home and hung out with me for alittle bit. i got home and blah blah LOL. tomorrow is tuesday and we're going to the holocaust museum in glen cove (about 12 of us) well, that should be fun - derek is going to call me in a bit so im gonna go wait :)
iheartyouall<3
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 15 March :: 12.03am
Click to hear my music.. i dont have any right now... but i will
.to me.
|
|
cocopuff
|
::
2004 14 March :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Twiztid-"Hydro"
welcome
i woudl leik to welcome Marilyn into my life lol she has been looked for for a while lol finally a way to make life easy!! she will b here for a while lol don't worrie Kelsey lol.....
well this weekend was fun lol sat on my ass and was really high alot lol... i guess me and manda are goin to boston next weekend... lol but thats ok....othe thtne that thers nothin more to say
sooo im off bubye
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 14 March :: 2.08pm
:: Mood: PISSED
:: Music: hold on- good charlotte
quiz - soo freakin bored
--Background--
DOB:: Nov, 16th 1988
Age:: 15
Location:: front of my house
Siblings:: 2 sisters
Pets:: my cat
IF YOU WERE_ WHAT WOULD U BE?
Veggetable:: carrots
Animal:: dog
Fruit:: banana
Color:: black or red
Household Object:: computer
Season:: fall
Article of Clothing:: clevage shirt- lol
Drink:: chocolate milk
--Emotions--
What's one thing that will always make you laugh?: when samm yells 'IM A LESBIONIC CRACKHEAD'
What's one thing that will always make you cry?: hold on by good charlotte or thinking about eddie or marlo
What's one thing that will always make you angry?: when people lie to me
Do you laugh a lot?: sometimes
Do you cry a lot?: ehh
Do you get mad easily?: oh HELL YEAH i do
What's your strongest emotion right now?: depressed pretty much and sometimes i feel alone
What song brings out your strongest emotion?: Fukk Authority
--What's your favorite...--
Season:: fall
Holiday:: channukah
Age:: 2
Phrase/Quote:: 'i want you to want me, i need you to need me'
Thing to do:: going to concerts
Type of Cookie:: thin mint girl scout cookies
Class:: ummm health issues
Person in the whole wide world:: richie <3
--If You Could--
If you could be anything you wanted (animal, object...) what would you be?: can i just be invisible?
If you could have any super power, what would you have?: being immortal
If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?: being friends with her...
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?: that im so anti social
If you could change one thing about your best friend, what would it be?: change how pretty she is...
If you could be a millionare, what would you buy?: my favorite band to play whenever i wanted
--A Deeper Look--
The most important thing in your life is:: my mom and my grandparents
The most important person in your life is:: my mom,grandparents,sammi,jaymes
Your life motto:: care about yourself first before you care about other people
Your best advice for someone else:: don't keep shit inside
The best advice ever given to you:: life is hard, deal
One word to describe your personality:: i think its good
--Friends and Enemies--
Who is your best friend?: sammi
What do you do together?: drink,listen to music,smoke cigs,watch movies,go to conerts
What is it about this person that makes you get along so well?: she is just so amazing
How long have you known them?: 15 years
Who is your worst enemy?: mark
What is it about this person that makes you not get along?: he tried to rape me
Your close friends (besides best friend) are:: jenn,vix,scutch,laur,ris,sherri,josh,tim,larry,sal
Your other enemies are:: jess ragusta,stefanie rodjin,maxine alazraki,jess martinez(not so much anymore)
--Days and Nights--
What time do you get up on weekdays?: 5:00 if i take a shower 6:00 when i dont
What time do you get up on weekends?: around 10 normally but no later than 12
What time do you go to bed on weeknights?: 12?
What time do you go to bed on weekends?: haha like never
What's your favorite time of the day?: 8 at night
Why?: it just is
What's your least favorite time of the day?: the beginning of a school day
Why? cause i got the rest of the day left
What time are you most productive?: mid-day
Are you an early bird or a night owl?: night owl
--Love & All That Good Stuff--
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
If yes, how long have you been dating them?: i dont have a fuckin boyfriend.
If no, do you want one?: yuypp
Who would you want them to be?: i dont know, someone who cares about me...
Are you sure about that?: YEAH
Do they know you like them?: um everyone i like does...
Are you sure about that?: yupp+
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like this person?: 10, if it wasn't 10 i wouldnt wanna date them
Do they like you back?: most of them
Are you sure about that?: yeah i guess
How much time do you spend thinking about this person?: a lot of time
--On a scale of 1-10, how important is ...... to you?--
Music:: 9.5
Friends:: 10
Family:: 10
Love:: 9
Happiness:: 10.
Solitude:: huh?
Education:: 6
Having Fun:: 7
i was bored...so i took this, comment away
.to me.
|
|