silentcriez
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2003 30 December :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: i fall appart - twiztid
happy new years...
hello
well im here with lizzy, and i love her :-)
tomorrow is new years :-) i have looked forward to this day for all year... well maybe i liked last year, my best year.. most eventful year.. 2003, 3 being my lucky number. i looked forward to it all of 2002 in 8th grade awaiting highschool.. well... i guess i made as much of it as i could.. i guess you cant have aperfect year.. but hey.. i made new friends, and lost the expendable ones...well, im sure i have plenty of resolutions for this new year... hopefully ill actually fulfill them unlike last year...
im not sure whats goign on for tomorrow.. i think people are coming to my house.. not quite sure who yet, its undecided......
i went to the meet tonite.. for like 10 minutes cuz we were soo late :-p well... im not sure what else there is to write aside from..
..to a new life... much different from last year.. a new me... and a new everything...
i guess a little change can be good..
-manda
You are the naughty but nice bra! You are a flirt, but in a cute and innocent way. You love being with friends, and your always on the look-out for cute guys!
What Bra Are You?(Pictures) brought to you by Quizilla
2 .from you. |
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 30 December :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: castle on a cloud- les miserables
well today was pretty sucky. i was supposed to go to chuck e. cheese with my mom, my sisters,my moms best friend,and her 3 sons and marisa buttt it turned out my mom was a bitch today so when i woke up at like 9:00 i went back to sleep until the phone woke me up at 1:00 and it was marisa then we decided we'd hang out later and then i woke up again at like 4:15 soo today was a wash but then i called and called people and it ended up being lauryn,marisa,and jess m came over and then we invited krystyn,chris, perri,jess r,grums,caz,and dani...were having a jolly old time and we decorated my house for new years and stuff. well, this should be fun because were all freakin crazy psychos. have a fun day everyone! xox !
[[ *..theres no one left thats real..* ]]
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 30 December :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: anything from atreyu
well, as you can see i refaced again.
its time people, if you want to be added as a friend just comment and i'll add you, im looking forward to get hmm lets try maybe 10 comments on this entry? pleaseeeeee?
[[ *..theres no one left thats real..* ]]
4 .from you. |
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 30 December :: 12.09am
:: Mood: horny ;)
:: Music: anything from brandnew
well, i wasn't satisfied with the background and everything so i changed everything to a 'pinkish theme' and i have a nice new icon, im going to get a better one soon, i just couldn't find any good ones and 'crazy love' was the best that i could do. jaymes and mills just left alittle while ago and they are the best and i love them, haha! last night i talked to this kid richie from the cruise that i went on last year on the phone for like 20948054098543543 hours, it was actually fun and we had a lot of stuff to talk about. today was nothing special just really hung around,talked to amy (it was her first day in FLORIDA! which im excited for her.
i got a phone call from od today <3
[[ *..theres no one left thats real..* ]]
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 29 December :: 5.38pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: invisible- clay aiken , lol
well you'll see that my mood says accomplished and its true, im very pleased with myself i just refaced my journal! i put a new background in,changed the font color, the journal background color,and the link colors and i got the pretty star cursor :) im actually really proud of myself. i did this with NO HELP! haha well, anyways im sitting here with krystyn,lexi,vaughn,and mills and were just thinking of things that we can do, oh well, ackkk i miss my sammibabes and amy!
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 29 December :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: i hope you die- bloodhound gang
short and sweet since all my entries keep getting deleted before i update, here --->>
i went to the movies with jenn,scutch,vix, jaymes,tim,and larry, and i got drunk and i started with some bitch and almost fuckin punched her. i finally saw OD after a very long like 4 freaking months and i really do like him so much and i just realized how much i missed him after not seeing him for a whole 4 months when i used to see him everyday. and then jaymes my best friend always came back to my house and we chilled alittle there and casey picked jaymes up. last night i called A LOT of people and i have no clue what i said to a lot of them so im kinda scared that i said something really bad to someone....ack. oh well its all good. and i just realized that.....
[[..timothy odonnell..]] // has my heart <3
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 28 December :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: anything by jack off jill
haha very high BORDERLINE! lol, i dont know what half of this shit means but yeah. i think jenn,alaina,vicky,jaymes,tim,and larry are coming over for alittle to yeah...sooo im just sitting on my computer doing nothing for now.
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
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silentcriez
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2003 28 December :: 3.31pm
i shall call him squishy, and he shall be mine :-)
i love it they look sooo happy :-)
::www.mimisk8.com::
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silentcriez
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2003 28 December :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: champagne supernova - oasis
post christmas...
well the past 3 days when i hadnt written have been interesting i guess
i went to teh mall with some dusty friends...((not literally...)) i was there with meg kelsey and katie and met up with emmy for a little..then i went to ryans house with meg. it was so odd to be there with her.. but hey weed brings everyone together..
then last night i was happy... :-x ahhhh... well thats all i really have to say...
tomorrow is my moms birthday.. she can go fuck herself up the ass for all i give a shit.
i think ima bout to go to lizzys.. i need to get dressed tho.. and rap teh boys gifts in case we run into them....
just a little poem...
the golden horizion around me
binding me
saving me
as the sun is setting
my heart is full,
this beauty overwhelms me
and these salty tears fall down my face...
this love not even time can erase
the pain in this beauty, the heartless sting
not even time changes everything..
each silver lined kiss
each whisper, when i felt bliss
they fall blankly now, on my pale cold skin
im waiting for you.. this fire burns within
wont you stay here my heart is here to take
dont tell me you love me if its pseudo, i cant stand whats fake
dont stop and look theres not sight to see
its only me.. left empty
but as this saphire sky encompasses the pain
just when im on the brink of the insane
each stars reflection, shed light on my fears
dries up this river of tears
What the Inside shows the outside hides
teh soul of a child may i please decide?
and up in the sky the angels are heard as kisses in my ears
and i shall love you throughout the coming years
ill write back later
- manda
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 27 December :: 11.08am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: cameltosis- korn
aright so last night was shall i say, interesting? i had not gotten dressed all day cause needless to say the only people at my house were my mom and my sisters so i talk to amy online and we figure that we want to do something but we dont know what to do. so idk i suggested that we go to glen cove and just maybe meet up with nick there so we had a way to get to glen cove (amys dad) just no way back. we'd have to take the train and then switch in jamaica at like 12 at night and wait there for gd knows how long and that wouldn't be good. sooo we kept thinking and thinking of something to do and we couldn't think of anything so finally amy got a call from richy and we made plans with him. we ended up getting picked up at around 10 after 10 and decided to go see a 10:40 movie of elf, which i was told by nick was a really good and funny movie. soo we went up to the counter and asked for the ticket and they were sold out so we had to find another movie to watch and all the movies were starting really late and the next one was lord of the rings at 10:45. considering that movie was like 3 and a half hours long it didn't end till about 2:15. after we bought the tickets we went to play video games and these two guys were staring at us. consider this: we were in the BIG green acres movie theater the one with the metal detectors and then one in which we were about the only 3 white people in there. i didn't mind just at sometimes it was alittle creepy. soo anyway we walk into the movie sit down and whatever we watch the movie and towards the end of the movie we all started getting mucho tired and wishing it was over. then when we finally got out of the movie amy and i had to pee really bad so we went to the bathroom and by the time i got out from peeing they had shut the water off...ew gross. sooo we walk out of the bathroom and i call nick because im bored and i smoke a cigarette then we walk to the front to wait for lonnie. he was really mad because when he picked us up it was 2:30 or something. eh. so we get home and my mom is like waiting at the door because she told us to be home by 12 and it was 2:45 or so, whatever. we thought she was going to be mad but she wasnt - THANK GD soo we did whatever and went to sleep and now its 11:20 and im on the computer writing this and im really tired and i just got a phone call from my dad who is in california with his girlfriend. ughh i wish that i could be there right now and get out of this fuckin shithole. aright so the rest of the vacation should be fun. one day were hanging out with amys friend jessica,another day amys friend jackie,another day where going out to glen cove to chill w.nick,another day were hanging out with this girl i used to be friends with in bellmore,joanna and idk everything else will have to go as it goes :)
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
.to me.
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 26 December :: 1.38pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: when hell freezes over- guttermouth
a survey cause im gay
HAVE YOU EVER:
1) kissed your cousin: wow thats a little gross
2) ran away: ohh i've wanted to but i would never and have never
3) broken someone's heart: i doubt it and if i have...AWW IM SORRY!
4) been in love: yes<3
5) cried when someone died: oh gosh, plenty of times
6) broken a bone: NEVERRR
7) drank alcohol: umm just a few times? har har har
8) lied: who hasn't?
9) cried in school: a couple of times :-/ ughh baby!
WHICH IS BETTER:
10) coke or pepsi: diet coke but if anything coke
11) sprite or 7up: sprite if anything
12) girls or guys: guys deff.
13) flowers or candy: candy, yummm
14) scruff or clean shaven: clean shaven
15) quiet or loud: depending on where ;)
16) blondes or brunettes: brunettesss,they look older a lot of the time
17) bitchy or slutty: bitchy
18) tall or short: tall
19) pants or shorts: pants
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
20) what do you notice first: eyes and lips
21) last person you slow danced with: umm my best friend timmyy
22) worst thing to do: SEX
THE LAST TIME:
23) showered: this morning
24) had sex: i'm a virgin
25) had a great time with the opposite sex: i haven't in a while
WHAT IS:
26) your good luck charm: jaymes at my soccer games
27) person you hate the most: hmmm jessica martinez and jessica ragusta
28) the best thing that has happened to you today: aww i talked to corey <3
FAVORITES:
29) color: red/black
30) movie: schindlers list,gothika,the ring,jack
31) book: mothers blessing
32) subject in school: global..i get good grades in there
33) juice: cranberry
34) cars: as long as it goes..
35) ice cream: mmm chocolate brownie dough from carvel
37) season: fall
38) breakfast food: toaster strudle..? maybe thats how you spell it?
39) music to brood to: WHAT?!
DO YOU EVER:
40) sit by the phone waiting for a phone call at night: well, i keep the phone right by me
41) save internet conversations: no b/c dead aim automatically does it, lol
43) wish you were someone else: all the time :-/
44) wish you were a member of the opposite sex: actually, i do.
45) cried because of someone's mean words: once or twice maybe
BEST:
46) cologne: ummm something nice?
47) friend: samm/amy/jaymes/tim <3
48) kiss: shhh (joey)
49) romantic memory: sititng on the beach with joey right b4 he moved at sunrise
50) most recent advice given to you: if someone fucks with you tell me (given my selma)
DO YOU
51) color your hair: brown w.blonde highlights
53) have piercings: ears but i want my eyebrow pierced
54) have a boyfriend/girlfriend: i want a boyfriend soo badly :(
55) own a webcam: yuppers
56) own a thong: what girl doesnt??
57) ever get off the computer: yeah, sometimes...
58) sprechen sie deutsche: no, i dont?
59) habla espanol: I NEVER TOOK SPANISH!
60) quack: quackkkkkkkkk
HAVE YOU/DO YOU/ARE YOU:
61) stolen anything: oh man, yeah i have :-/
62) smoke: cigs sometimes...
63) schizophrenic: hahahaa....
64) obsessive: i really doubt it
65) compulsive: about some things
66) obsessive compulsive: depending on what
67) panic: ALL THE TIME
68) anxiety: yuh
69) depressed: yeah, i am :(
70) suicidial: i used to be, but its dumb
71) obsessed with hate: hate,no. dislike,yes.
72) dream of mutliated bodies, blood, death, and gore: nahh sorry
73) if you could be anywhere, where would you be?: away from here
74) can you do anything freakish with your body: i can flutter my eyelids?
75) what facial feature do you find the most attractive: eyes are soo pretty <3
76) would you vote for a woman candidate for president: yeah, its about time we had a woman president!
77) would you marry for money: not at all
78) have you had braces: nah
79) do you pluck your eyebrows: NOPE
80) do you like hairy backs: ew?
81) could you live without a computer: nah i dont think so
82) do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list, etc...? aim most often
83) if so, how many people are on your lists: 200 [the most you can have] :-/
84) if you could live in any post time period, which would it be? a century from now
85) do you drink enough water: nahh
86) do you wear shoes in the house or take them off: in my room,off. anywhere else:on usually
87) what is your favorite fruit: mmm i like raspberrys
88) do you eat wheat bread or white: wheat bread
89) do you kiss on the first date: probably.. 90) are you photogenic: i've been told i am but i dont think i
91) do you dream in color or black and white: color mostly 92) are you wearing fingernail polish: not right now
93) do you have any dimples: nope
94) do you remember being born: riight...
95) why do you take survey's:nothing better to do
96) do you drink alcohol: yes i do
97) what is the best accent: austrailian,english
98) who do you want to kiss: corey<3
99) do you like sunrises or sunsets the most: sunrises<3
100) do you want to live to be 100?: if im doing good, yeah.
101) is a flat stomach important to you: there nice.
102) are you loyal: to people i like
103) are you tolerant of other people's beliefs: yeah, unless there insane
104) when you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? off
105) do you have nightmares frequently: no, i dont
106) do you like your nose: actually for a jew, yes!
107) do you think you can draw well: haha no.
108) at what age did you find out Santa Claus wasn't real? im jewish so...NEVER
109) how many pairs of shoes are in your closet: 10-15 or something like that
110) do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like variety? i wear my etnies or vans and SOMETIMES i wear my converses, but not very often
111) do you write poetry: not really
112) do you snore: haha yeah, unfortunately
113) do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? stomach
114) dog/cat? i love my cat 'dusty' aww
115) do you lick stamps: no because i have the sticker stamps
116) do you use an electric can opener? yupps
117) have you ridden in a hot air balloon: nope
118) which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain: emotional
119) favorite TV show: everwood
120) do you know anyone who is clinically depressed: yeah...
121) do you prefer a piano or violin: piano
122) are you a sex addict?: impossible cuz im a virgin
123) do you know someone who has cancer? my grandma had breast cancer 3 times :(
124) do you like to argue: no, i dont like to but i do
125) do you hunt: uh no
126) do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants: fast food.
127) would you rather vist a zoo or an art musuem: zoo
128) do you have a middle name?: leigh
129) are you basically a happy person: not at all
130) are you tired?: right now? yes and im cold
131) did you drink anything with caffeine in it today?: actually, no.
132) how many phones do you have in your house: 4 in 2 rooms, thats pretty good
133) how long is your hair: halfway down my back.
134) do you get along with your parents? my mom most of the time and my dad barely ever
135) what color of eyes do you prefer: blue
136) first name: marissa
137) were you named after anyone?: my great grandma miriam
138) do you wish on stars?: i do but i dont think it works
139) when did you last cry: the other day
140) if you were making a movie about yourself, what would the title be? the stupid life of me
141) do you like your handwriting: eh its ok
142) who do you admire and why: my grandma, and jaymes <3 haha
143) what is the #1 priority in your life?: to be successful
144) what is your favorite lunchmeat? ohh yummy, turkey
145) any bad habits: a bunch
146) what is your most embarrassing CD? yum britney spears,hanson,backstreet boys
147) if you were another person, would you be friends with yourself: actually, yeah.
148) are you a daredevil: not really
149) have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? LEAVE ME ALONE
150) have you ever stolen anything: i already answered this
151) do looks matter: nah they dont really matter
152) have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid: haha all the time
153) do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: i've never checked
154) do fish have feelings: no?
155) are you trendy?: what i wear is what i wear
156) how do you release anger? throwing/banging things
157) Where is your second?: huh?
158) do you trust others easily: sometimes alittle too easily
159) what was your favorite toy as a child?: oohhh cabbage patch dolls!
160) what class in school do you think is totally useless? gym and science
161) do you like sappy love songs? hehe yeah
162) have you ever been on radio or television: yupps
163) do you have a journal: an online one, yeah
164) do you use sarcasm a lot: yuppper doodles
165) have you ever been in another country: mexico,canada
166) what do you look for in a girl/guy?: personality,pretty eyes
167) what is/are your nickname?: mariss,riss,rissa,pissa,lil pisser
168) would you bungee jump?: omg no.
169) do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: nah
170) what are you worried about right now?: going back to school
171) do you think you are strong: not at all
172) what's your least favorite thing in the world: YOU?!
173) how many wisdom teeth do you have?: idk
174) what would you change about yourself: almost everything
175) i need: to have more people i trust
176) i find: that people betray me a lot
177) i want: to be just like you
178) i have: a lot of stuff wrong with me
179) i wish: i had a boyfriend
180) i love: samm and jaymes
181) i hate: a lot of things
182) i miss: marlo,ryan,jack,and eddie <3
183) i fear: death and being alone
184) i feel: cold
185) i hear: me sniffling
186) i smell: nada
187) i wonder: about life
188) i regret: almost everything i do
that survey sums up a lot about who i am...
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
.to me.
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LOSERxDORK
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2003 25 December :: 6.01pm
:: Mood: shitty
:: Music: fuck you and your cat- reel big fish
hah well today was crazy i didnt go to sleep at all and when i got home i was SO TIRED. so this is what happend my mom picked me up and i had to hold my cat in the car so he wouldn't cry and my mom stopped for bagels and i saw this girl that looked like a crackhead at 24 hour bagel. she was really skinny and she looked like she had suntan lotion on her noise. well, all of a sudden i see the girl holding a dog that looked A LOT like my aunts dog and then the girl comes to the car and im like OMFG thats my cousin lauren. she had gotten a noise job and her noise looked SO GOOD. thennnnn we went home and i ate a bagel and then i fell asleep like 8 times. lonnie and richie are coming over tonight to eat dinner with me and my mom and sisters and amy, yayyyyy lmfao
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
.to me.
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silentcriez
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2003 25 December :: 12.17am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: too much of not enuff - silverchair
what a fuckin merry christmas
its offically christmas.. and i am officially most likely the saddest person on earth at this moment in time
i want so bad to see my mom.. but i have to be dumb and push her out of my life when that is whats making me so deppressed.... ive tried to be strong and show her i dont need her but the truth is that i love her so much and i hate her becuz i miss her but i cant tell her that now, its too late.. she wouldnt care anyways
i feel so alone and its christmas, no1 deserves to feel alone.. my dads asleep and i cant find anything to do with myself. i just sit and think and teh only thing i can think about is my mom and i start to cry.
and my moms out with my sister prolly having a great time..
i promised myself i wouldnt cry tonight, and here i am drowning in my tears....
if only she knew everything i feel. i just want to wrap my arms aiound her and have her tll me everything will be ok.. i just need to know that im gonna be ok, becuz i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. its eating away at me. i cant handle it.
each present i may receive today will never quench my thirst for happiness..
becuz no superficial materialistic pile of crap could ever bring my mom back, and that kills....
im sorry i sound self centered tonite, as if no1 else has problems. im sorry. but to me this is as bad as it gets, i dont know pain greater than this so forgive me for these tears...
superficial superstition
terror wheels and gloves and mittens
slowing falling down upon my cheeks
melting icicles, snow knee deep
the scent of pine needles filling my lungs
there are no stockings to be hung
this empty home deploys its fears
locked up memories broken tears
one soul is missing, one soul feels pain
one soul is indifferent, another insane
the holidays, what superficial shit
just give me my love back give it...
cant take the pain as is rolls down my cheeks
i see your face and fall to my feet
this ribbon which veils my eyes
cant see your evil scheme, your demise
i cant just back down now, ive gotta be strong
but i cant live this way my whole life long
i cant sit here and watch these seasons pass
flying too swifty why wont they last
theres no snow on the ground this year
the soils soft now, cobered with tears
fertile heart awaiting its seeds
give what it needs, give what it feeds...
dry these eyes which shoot out my fears
drain my heart drowned in tears
evacuate each and everyone of my senses
i want you back no matter what the expense is
i wish most of all for one thing i dare not speak
it may sound stupid, shallow and weak
i cannot express the terror inside
i just need some1 in which i may confide
take back the presents they dont mean shit now
superficial empathy, it dont make it better anyhow
they cant make me happy, only put a fake smile on my face
theres a gap in my heart, no toy could replace
i would rather feel true emotions than smile with a lie
although it brings sorrow, and tears to my eyes
on this christmas eve, i ask for one thing
the love that i need, i wish for the angels to sing
for good to beat evil, for love to beat hate
for these kisses not to come second rate
for the truth in your eyes when you look at my face
for you to come back home..and fill this empty space..
fill this gap which brings rain to my heart
the miles and shit just tear us appart
i lie when i tell you i dont need you
i hate, what i need, becuz u dont need me, i do love you...
2 .from you. |
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loserxdork
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2003 23 December :: 3.39pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: straylight run
what straylight run song are you?
The choices you've made probably weren't the best. You won't admit it, so you just keep going on. Show some feeling. We will love you even if you do cry.
What Straylight Run song describes something about you? brought to you by Quizilla
.:.theres no one left thats real.:.
.to me.
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