xpiratepunkx's Journal

:: 2006 18 November :: 6.25pm
:: Mood: confused

help

okay seriously. why cant i do my homework. i just wont allow myself to do it. i seriously wont. what is wrong with me?

and it's not just this.

i can't

do

anything.

ugh. but hey i already knew that so whatevv. ............................ i knew i'd be like this. i knew it. is it wrong that i just want to get married and have kids. it's not that i dont ever want to get an education or have a job. i'm smart. and i like feeling like i'm good at a job or whatever but i just dont .............want that...?? i just want to be a mom. that's so bad! no it's not. it's not bad. it's not bad that i want a family and that i want to be a great mom and have a great family why is that wrong? that's not wrong? but yet i dont want all that SO YOUNG. i dont want all that right now . but i just dont enjoy .................. i dont enjoy like ...working for this undefinable goal that i'm supposed to have since i have a scholarship and blah blah blah but every one says that medical assisting is not enough. well i'm sorry, i'm not striving for this goal to become a doctor or pharmacist or biochemical engineer or whatev. i just dont ... want that

so is something wrong with me because i feel like that? explain it to me.

3 &hearts | to comment

:: 2006 12 November :: 9.24pm

Create Your Own!

:: 2006 10 November :: 9.43pm

ugh i am scheduled to work at FIVE AM tomorrow again. that is so stupid.

so stupid.

they should make people who dont go to school work at 5 am. people who it doesn't really matter if they have to work at 5 am because it doesn't throw off their life because the only thing they have scheduled to do in their life is work. people who don't have to write huge research papers that are due on monday. that's who should work 5 am shifts.

well i got moved up to head cashier so at least if i stay at that position i wont ever have to open at 5 ever again. and i love hardly ever having to talk to guests. ahhh it's so nice. stupid stupid guests how i hate you.

:: 2006 6 November :: 11.46am

i dont know what to do with my life. and i hate it.

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:: 2006 5 November :: 9.28am

does anybody believe that your dreams have deeper, real meaning?

4 &hearts | to comment

:: 2006 2 November :: 10.25pm

what is wrong with me........

:: 2006 1 November :: 3.09pm

Listen up ya'll, Cuz this is it
The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious

Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo
You could see you, you can't squeeze me
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy
I got reasons why I tease 'em
Boys just come and go like seasons

Fergalicious (so delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-
Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy
They always claim they know me
Comin' to me call me Stacy
I'm the F to the E, R, G the I the E
And can't no other lady put it down like me

I'm Fergalicious
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness
I put yo' boy on rock rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got

So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
Fergalicious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

Baby, baby, baby
If you really want me
Honey get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste
I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey
It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie

All the time I turn around always brotha's gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my
I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin to round up drama little mama I don't wanna take your man
And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it
But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele
Cuz' they say she

Delicious (So delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (got, got, got)
Four, tres, two, uno
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness (oooh wee)
I put yo' boy on rock rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious
So delicious
So delicious
I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t tasty, tasty

It's so delicious
So delicious
So delicious
I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, four, tres, two, uno
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, to the, to the.....

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:: 2006 30 October :: 11.24pm

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

:: 2006 30 October :: 10.36pm

well shit isnt' this just peachy. what the hell i want something to do.

:: 2006 29 October :: 7.30am

OH MY GOD. people are so STUPID!!!

ugh

:: 2006 21 October :: 4.34am

oh my gosh.

i woke up at 4 am today .

do you want to know why?

so i can go to menards. MENARDS. what kind of crazy person shops at 5 am at menards. or anywhere for that matter.

i have no idea why they scheduled me for 5 am. i thought they had designated people committed to ruining their lives and getting up that early and working the 5 am shifts. but i guess not???

i can not believe i am going to work this early. god i'm crazy. I HATE MENARDS!

:: 2006 11 October :: 12.20pm

So I must vent just a tad to just feel just a tad bit better.

I have changed my major from Paralegal studies to Nursing. Reason being: my full scholarship Lettinga Campus scholarship things has JUST changed the rules and instead of only being allowed to use the scholarship at the either of the two Grand Rapids Davenport campuses, I am now allowed to use the scholarship at any Davenport campus. There are many.

There are 3 campuses that offer the nursing program. Midland, Dearborn and Warren.

Long story short, next year, if all goes well, Roman and I will be moving to the Detroit (Dearborn or Warren) area and living there and going to school and being 2 and a half hours away from any sort of Cedar-ish area.

My scholarship is renewable up to 4 years. But there is a catch. I must earn a 3.4 GPA or better. So, if my math is correct, if I am taking four 3-credit hours, I can afford to get two B+'s as long as I get two A-'s or A's. I am pretty sure I can do it, but I need to set my standards higher. I used to think that a B was a pretty good grade, not that great, but I can deal with it. Now, I need to accept nothing less than an A.

I'm scared.

Okay different subject.

I know i'm just a lil ol white girl from non-diverse Cedar Springs and I'm not saying that peoples' feelings or thoughts especially of themselves and their history and yada yada isn't important but it is really necessary to cry in an English 110 class over a fricken article? IS IT? okay, that sounds very insensitive, but come on, if anyone knows me they know i am very sensitive. It's okay to feel strongly about it and to have those feelings in you and to really be that upset about the thing as a whole but not this article. It was a thought-provoking satire. A THOUGHT-PROVOKING SATIRE. THAT'S ALL!

I honestly can't take it.

in other news. roman and i bought bikes and rode a lot and had fun and rode them all the way downtown as in ridin along on wealthy and fulton and division. it was fun. and the day before that we rode on some trail and saw a deer and a fawn and then we ended up on 52nd and rode all the way back to burlingame and then home. it was so fun. coolie cool.

"Hey popo! We're ridin dirty but I betcha can't tell!!!"

:: 2006 11 October :: 12.11pm

ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgggggggggggggggggggggg

seriously, i'm gonna kill myself. i knew i shouldn't have came to english today. why is it that everything that people say seriously feel like knives poking into my spine. i CANNOT stand people.

"my fiance"

bull shit you prissy little bitch. two weeks ago you were screwing the milkman.

i wanna throw up and also i want to leave school. i'm so stressed out

shannon do you have my yearbook? can i get it? do you have it? whadoido

omgggggggggggggggggggggggggggg I HATE .......... it's like blah blah blah blha blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. people think everything they have on their mind is so damn important. not everything a person thinks needs to be heard by everyone in the room. shut your mouth and if you really feel like expressing your feelings, go right it in a journal. I seem to be doing a fine job of it myself...

UGH

:: 2006 9 October :: 10.18am

so i've decided i'm going to do nursing like i orginally wanted to do and i think there are gonna be alot of changing coming to my life.

and ps.

i love roman garcia yeehaw

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:: 2006 2 October :: 8.40pm

it's so bad. because i'm sitting in this class. i'm giving it three hours of my Monday night... and it's not even what i want to do with my life. i dont want to be a paralegal. gaaaaaaaaawd what am i doing... i dont want to be here at davenport. this isn't even what i want.

i just wanna go have babies and be a happy mommy and i duno. something else that isn't a paralegal exactly.