godessalthena
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2017 20 June :: 10.45pm
applied to a job outside of LM
i really, really want this
i need out, everything is screaming at me GET THE FUCK OUT
so why do i hesitate
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 16 June :: 8.38pm
boring bland artificial vanilla pasty vapid windbag is all i have amounted to
remember the days when you still felt alive?
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 15 June :: 3.02pm
utterly
and
totally
alone
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 15 June :: 12.17pm
how much would everyone hate me if i just decided to get knocked up and did it all myself
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 14 June :: 8.24pm
today i smoked a blunt which was wrapped with a single marijuana leaf.
it tasted delicious and made my lips tingle pleasantly.
i just love weed so god damned much.
it's my life line out of this insanity.
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 7 June :: 1.25pm
dear computers everywhere:
FUCK YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT WHY CANT YOU EVER FUCKING WORK IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST FUCKING ONCE DO WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO ILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL BUT YOU WONT BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID INANIMATE UNFEELING THINGS THAT EXIST SOLELY TO PISS ME OFF
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU
sincerely,
fuck you
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 28 May :: 8.56pm
i am so incredibly stoned right night
i have consumed mucho el smoko to help me feel like i can't feel
i like joints because they remind me of cigarettes i miss those little
motherfuckers
what i miss is knowing i'll die sooner
because this world makes me so loathe to be here
i just miss you. more than i thought i would. but i'm working in trying to stifle my emotions and act like a strong independent woman, as much as i don't want to.
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 28 May :: 10.50am
don't worry about me. i don't need anyone. im strong enough on my own.
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 26 May :: 7.34am
every day my heart breaks a little more
empty words spoken by false friends
if you really wanted to help me you'd be there for me
just saying you care isn't enough
maybe i should care more too.
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 25 May :: 2.19pm
i sit at work and think about what's going on in the world
what's BEEN going on in the world since the rise of man
thinking about all the plastic in our oceans and in our animals and our landfills
thinking about all the cancer and disease nuclear weapons and power have cause
all the cancer and dealt that corporations have caused
all the countless cultures that were erased due to christianity
people who were once, or still are, slaves to the greedy and powerful
and the. i look at the boxes with the never ending red dots
and all the cuts to our benefits
and all the retaliation and politics
and it's all i can do to not burst into tears
everything is so absolutely hopeless.
what's the point.
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 15 May :: 10.08am
i said goodbye with my mouth
but my heart still holds you inside
twisted and contorted
did i do the right thing
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 13 May :: 1.26am
as you grow older and notice patterns in behavior
when i'm extremely stressed and feeling particularly out of control i floss
i also push my body way too hard and in the bad way i hope i wasn't as mean to myself as i think
sooo excited about j's new place! makes me nostalgic for my apartment
especially now that it's summer
sigh
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 4 May :: 9.27pm
first time playing quarters TOTAL DOMINATION
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 29 April :: 2.34pm
i am so so tired
why so tired
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 22 April :: 10.45am
i think my boyfriend and i have the same cycle
that or he really hates when i do stuff without him
either way i don't like it
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 15 April :: 7.28pm
finally home after the portland trip. concert was bitchin. had a super fun time.
can't tell if i'm depressed or just pms'ing
just love being home so much
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 11 April :: 10.00pm
every year i try harder and harder to love my birthday
and every year it gets harder and harder to enjoy it
it's just a reminder of how many people i've had to leave behind how many people i loved deeply who hurt me people who i trusted people i shouldn't have trusted dreams set on false pretenses and a deep desperate desire to be needed
all my self doubt and fear about the future
my shame and regrets
my failures
then combine with hanging out with people who i only talk to through text who all hate each other the futile attempts to have everyone have fun and get along and then becoming the DD because i can't trust anyone else
i just am a fucking wet blanket and i hate it but i feel powerless to change it
i hate this
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 7 April :: 5.42pm
happy birthday to me
vacation's all i ever wanted
vacation got to get away
2 <3 |
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 31 March :: 11.09pm
shit shouldn't be this fucking HARD
my chest contains a heavy stone, where my heart used to be.
some days feel like heavy clouds trying to choke any semblance of joy out of me.
i always have been and always will be worthless.
life is pain. we are all alone. no one will every really understand us. nothing really matters in the end. when your flesh is burned or buried. to be eaten by worms or breathed in by animals. but you will be dead.
Je t'aime...
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godessalthena
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2017 31 March :: 8.36pm
i still have as much of a clue as to what i'm doing with my life as i did 10 years ago.
absolutely no fucking clue
Je t'aime...
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