There has always been heartache and pain...
But when it's over you'll breathe again. ❤️

Heyyyyy woohu~ Well, this is new. I'm actually typing a journal entry from my phone. Gods help us... I can already imagine all the autocorrects and typos. xD But on the plus side... Emojis? 😂

So... this is going to be another one of those private entries... which kind of sucks, but also doesn't really even matter, because no one I know of would even read it anyway. But I digress!

Well, I guess I'll just come out and say it. I have... a boyfriend! ... Yep. 🤣 That's still really awkward to say. Especially considering that I can't really tell anyone about him. Which is TORTURE, because he's pretty amazing...

We'll call him Zach, because... well, you know how this goes. ;3 We've only known each other for about a month, but, well, our crazy tends to match each other pretty damn well. Let's just say that he asked me to be his girlfriend in the first WEEK, and I was insane enough to say yes.

Fate has been giving us both CRAZY signs left and right, and while I've second guessed myself a lot on how fast everything has gone and on the situation in general (seeing as how it's my first poly relationship ever), my gut keeps pushing me forward. 😅

He's married and his wife is a total sweetheart who is very supportive of us. Same goes for my husband, who's been absolutely amazing. We're both super lucky. 🥰 I wasn't sure if a poly relationship would be a good fit for me, and I'm still not 100% sure, but so far, he's been very sweet and reassuring and has definitely helped me to feel MORE comfortable than I thought I would. Time will tell in that regard though, I'm sure.

I'm still scared a lot though... I feel like I care way more than I should. It's hard not to when it honestly already feels like we've known each other all our lives. ❤️ That's so dumb to say, but... Damnit, I'm saying it. 😂

A week ago, he drove out to meet for the first time (yes, I broke quarantine for a boy 🤣) and it was... INSANE. For someone I'd only spoken to on the phone threeee(?) times and had otherwise just been texting for a few weeks (albeit with novels going back and forth xD), the connection was INSTANT. There was immediately chemistry, immediately comfort, immediately love. Needless to say that I miss him already. 😅

When fate hands you someone where both of you are continually asking "how are you REAL?! how do you EXIST?!" because they just seem so perfect to you... It's hard not to wonder when the other shoe is gonna drop. Granted, we've already talked about some deep shit, and have already had some serious emotional talks, and every time, he's been absolutely wonderful in working through things with me, so it's hard not to be hopeful. 🙂

I should probably actually say something ABOUT him, huh? Well, he's a nerd, because I have a type. He's another Pathfinder DM, who's got crazy high charisma and tells great stories. ;P He's also a super talented musician, a fellow lover of travel and philosophy, sweet and shy but also a total dork and a goofball. But he's also been through some shit too, and understands the dark side of the mind, so I don't feel like I'm totally corrupting him. Also, did I mention he's absolutely gorgeous? 😘 I don't fangirl over men often, but I admit, this one got me. 🤣

Bah. I feel silly saying all that now. But I wanted to remember. To say something that makes this real, in case I do wake up to bitter reality one day. 😅 I wish I could tell the world about him. Maybe one day...

I'm trusting you intuition... Don't lead me astray. 😜

Je t'aime...