xx\`~[Shinigami ;; Kawaii]~`/xx

Since I've only been updating my myspace blog, this is an update entry with all of those said entries from my myspace blog.

[16 Aug 2006 | Wednesday]

Into the Abyss
Current mood: depressed

Into the Abyss
8/9/06
Stefani Scheck

The darkness devoured her face
took her to a place
where dreams were dead
and nightmares ruled.
Surrounded by blackened skies
no way out.
Screams of torture echoed into the abyss.
No one could save her
not even herself.
No one around, not a single face.
Fear in every corner, but leaving no trace.
Endless halls and flashes of pain
Everything to lose, and nothing to gain.
Blood splatter on every wall
Terror pacing down the hall.
Rattling chains, as though from a movie
but there's no happy ending in this one.
The ending is filled with emotions so dark
So deep and frightening..
That the only way to make this ending happy..

is death.

Currently listening: Smile Empty Soul
By Smile Empty Soul

Emotional Enema
Current mood: crappy

Emotional Enema
8/2/06
Stefani Scheck

There's no more room
from all the knives
shoved deeply in my back
I've been betrayed
for the last time
I don't know why
I didn't see it before
How is it that you're so beautiful
but so fucking ugly inside?
I thought you were different,
that you were better than this
But you're just the same
as everyone else
I'm sick and tired
of all your shit
I don't ever want to look at you again
or be associated with you in anyway
ever again
I'm isolating myself
It's terrifying to realize
how easy it is to be affected
It seems and emotional enema
is next on the agenda
Flush out the excess humanity
and all that's left is emptiness
waiting to be filled again
with the same false trust
and backstabbing lonliness

Excerpts from: Johnny The Homicidal Maniac

Currently reading : Johnny The Homicidal Maniac: Director's Cut By Jhonen Vasquez

---

..She Drives At 90 By The Barbies And Kens..
Current mood: disappointed

Summer college program is over.. I kinda miss having that routine of getting on the train in Marcus Hook and walking to the college and doing art work. But what I DON'T miss is waking up at 6AM and walking down to the train station.

Life's boring.. I've had some plans recently with people but for some reason they like to blow off plans without letting me know. And others told me they would call.. that never happened. So if anyone out there thinks they're my friend, can you please prove it? It's nice to not be ignored, you know.

I got my Invader Zim DVDs back.. I've missed them dearly.

Clerks 2 was a good movie. The credits were histerical.. all those damn myspace names... hah. The first Clerks was on Comedy Central the other night/early morning.. Uncut and Unedited.. I taped it. Yay me, I now own the first Clerks and can watch it whenever I want. SALSA SHARK.

I went to the mall on Sunday.. new peircer at Body Vibes, he's a neato person. Lots of metal on his face. Said he'd fix my industrial for me for only 20 bucks.. but I only have 12 since I went shopping.. bought Jack Sparrow poster, AFI poster, MUSIC=LIFE pin, and a white plastic ring. Mom gave me money to buy school shoes (I got some sweet new etnies) and the guy that was helping me at journeys was FUCKING HOTT! Snake bites.. mm. And he was kinda dark.. looked a little mexican-ish. Very sexy. It was funny though, when I went in.. 'cause I went sneaker shopping wearing like, four inch platforms (FROM SHELBY!). I haven't measured them yet, but I'm pretty sure they're four inches. And there was some weird dude that walked in wearing some kind of weirdo pattern on his suit-thinger.. me and the sexy shoe guy were making fun of him. ^_^

Yesterday I went to the Orthdontist, and I saw a lemonade stand with teenaged guys working it.. so I stopped on the way back to get some. They were actually making a movie and asked if I wanted to be in it, and I said "sure!" so I'm in a movie about some lazy kids who don't get jobs in the summer, but make a lemonade stand.. and they're even lazy working that. I'm a customer! Yay! And I got a cup of lemonade!! ^_^

I'm not allowed to go to Nocturn tomorrow night. Thanks mother for taking away the last ounce of my social life.

And now I'm just sitting around waiting for school to start. Life is fun! (sarcasim).

Currently listening : Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
By My Chemical Romance

---

[29 Jul 2006 | Saturday]

..If I'm Just Bad News, Then You're a Liar..
Current mood: annoyed

Life is fun. Hah.. so is sarcasim.

I'm getting sick of being stabbed in the back, ignored, and taken advantage of. I give up. I'm done dealing with people, I'm done waiting for them. If you want to be my friend, then be my fucking friend. Don't wait for me to call (I won't), don't wait for me to come over (I won't). Why don't you call me for once? That would be nice.. stop over, I'm home 90% of the time. Oh, and don't complain that you wanted me to hang out with you the night before but you never invited me. That makes no sense.. if you wanted me to do something with you, but you didn't invite me, OF COURSE I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE! Fucking dumbasses.

Oh, and with other people who AREN'T my friends anymore.. STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUISINESS. I don't like someone because of my own reasons, don't stick your dirtyass nose into my buisness and ask why. If they wanted to know, they would ask me themselves. Leave me the fuck alone, you're annoying, no one really likes you, they just "tolerate" you (which you CLAIM they do for me.. BULLSHIT). My friends actually like me.. and I thought you were my friend at one point.. BOY WAS I FUCKING WRONG! And don't send me messages asking "Why did you delete me off of your friends list? What did I do wrong?" The answer? EVERYTHING.

I WANT MY FUCKING CDS BACK! MY COUSIN WANTS HER MARILYN MANSON CD BACK WHEN I SEE HER ON TUESDAY! And I don't want anymore bullshit excuses like the last time. I want the CDs, and I want them now. And I know you read this, and if not, your "new best friend" (mentioned above) does.

I give up with romance too. I'm done flirting, I'm done trying to get anyones attention. I'm done. I told my cousin this, and she said I need to grow some balls. I replied with "I had balls.. but someone ripped them off a long time ago and I'm reverting back to how I was." I'm done being forward. I'm done confessing shit right away. I'll just go back into my little shell and live life by myself in my own little world.

If anyone wants to help fix any of this, I'm home all the time, and the phone line is ALWAYS open due to my internet being completely broken.

Goodbye.

Currently listening : Tell All Your Friends
By Taking Back Sunday

---

[25 Jul 2006 | Tuesday]

I Can't

I Can't
Stefani Scheck
07.13.06

I'm not going to write your name in hearts
I'm not going to put your last name with my first
I'm not going to picture a future with you
I'm not going to imagine your perfect face
I'm not going to think about you

I'm going to go on with life
I'm going to forget that you were ever here
I'm going to turn my back and walk away
I'm going to erase you from my mind
I'm going to stop waiting

But I can't do any of these things
You're too much for me
I want to break you down and know everything
I want to know who you are, what you are
Where you've been and where you're going.

When you'll be mine.

Leave It All Behind

Leave It All Behind
Stefani Scheck
07.08.06

If death is so appealing
Why haven't you done it yet?
The cool knife against your skin
the warm trickle of blood
drip, drip, drip on the floor.
Fill your need with the poison
choose the vein carefully
slide it in, release the toxin
feel it fill your body
fall numb to it's calling.
The icy metal of the gun
hold it to your heart
press it against your forehead
taste it in your mouth
trembled finger on the trigger
pull it, it's your last shot.
Open the medicine cabinet
browse your options
or choose them all
handful after handful
chase it with liquid and wait it out.
Tie the rop
make sure it's tight
slide it over your head
all you have to do is jump.
Jump. Just jump.
Whatever your choice, it's going to happen.
Leave it all behind.
Never knowing what it could have been..
What it should have been.
Instead you've ended it...
..why?

---

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before
Current mood: lonely

So yeah.. life.. wow. Rob is awesome.. although he has a girlfriend, he's still a pretty cool friend. And his nail marks STILL have not dissapeared from my right arm. The bite mark is gone from my right arm.. heh. But as I've been told by a close friend.. some of the things that have been said to me (which are good) have also been told to another girl. And if it comes down to that, I'm not getting involved. Anytime I try to get with a guy that's also involved with this said girl, it always turns out really bad. So.. only friends.

I have kickass friends at school: Phoebe, Lauren, Christian, Joe, Leah and Ben (Kyou). They make me actually want to wake up at 6am and come to school. I'm going to miss them once Aug 11th rolls around.

I haven't heard much from friends.. It gets really lonely. People need to call me and let me know that they're alive. I got into a bullshit argument with Eric and at this point I don't really care to talk to him.. I just want my cousins Marilyn Manson CD back.

I've further proven my point that girls kiss better than guys. Although, tongue rings do help.

I've had a recent obsession with Taking Back Sunday.. bought two of their CDs in one day.. can't stop listening. All thanks to Robs ringtone. Then I actually read the words to MakeDamnSure and they relate to a situation right now.. that I won't explain.

I've also written another poem since my last blog and the next two will be them.

Thanks for reading, and please comment to let me know that you're actually out there.

=]

Currently listening : Louder Now
By Taking Back Sunday

---

[12 Jul 2006 | Wednesday]

..I saw a star..
Current mood: okay

Okay.. long time, no blog. I have to make this quick.. I have 5 minutes (since myspace has been being slow).

Internet's broken, on here at Library.

AFI Concert: Awesome pictures, bad bruises, kicking assholes in the head while crowdsurfing.

Dresden Dolls Concert: Got Drumstick, met the Dolls, met awesome people.

New Poem: Coming soon.. I need to actually bring it to the library.

School: Awesome people, lots of walking and being on a train with 43285641306 people. Moore College. Fun.

People: Kaitlyn's home, Shelby's awesome. Been hanging out with Jim Barkley and met his friend Rob. I like Rob. I've been told Rob likes me. Cuddling with him is fun. I miss him. I hope I see him today.

I guess that's it.. people need to call me from now on since I won't be on aim. And I don't have the cell phone.. so don't call that.

Later ♥

Currently listening : Very Proud of Ya
By AFI

---

[09 Jun 2006 | Friday]

..I'll let you tear it up..
Current mood: sleepy

This is so fucking retarted. I don't have time to explain it all but my mom is just a fucking bitch and needs to be murdered. She went psycho yesterday. I want out. RAWRRRR.

She took my cell phone. DON'T CALL IT, I might get in trouble.

I better still be able to go to the AFI concert on June 24th. AND see Dresden Dolls on July 1st.

Speaking of which.. my mom might make me sell my Dresden/Panic ticket. And I need to sell my other AFI ticket once I'm sure that I have it. Lena, if you're reading this, do you want to go with me and buy it off of me?

That is all for now.

Oh. Only three hours of sleep. Was at the mall last night till 11:30. I know.. it closes at 9:30. Fucked up, right? I layed on the sidewalk and almost fell asleep in the rain, lol.

Currently listening : decemberunderground
By AFI

3 ..accepted the challenge.. | ..you are to become a shinigami..

:: 2006 24 May :: 11.42 am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: AFI - Rabbits Are Roadkill on Route 37

..all i truly know..
Well.. this is has been a .. werid week. Kaitlyn came over the other day and we went over to Steph's house so I could get my dvds back.. well.. in the alley we saw like.. 5 little kids back there and they started following us and making fun of how "goth" we are. The one kid threw a bottle cap and a rock at my face and said to his friend "his them with your scooter!!" so I turned around and gripped the one up by his shirt and punched him really hard in the jaw and said "if you fucking do that again i'll fucking hurt you worse" and I turned around and continued to Steph's house. They threw one more rock at me before running away... but then I started talking to Steph so.. we're talking again. Uhh.. OH this was on Thursday. Okay.. lol. Then I went out with Eric, Lyndsie, Taylor, Daniel, and some other girl to Tom Jones.. me and Eric ran to the mall to see Dawn and she had left so we found her and Pete at the Chinese place near Tom Jones. Pete told us that he told them four, so we could help ourselves. Then we hung out in the Pathmark parking lot for like.. a half hour. Friday, everyone and their mom was at prom so I went to the mall by myself. Dawn left while I was there and I just hung out with Chad for like.. three hours. Ran errands for him and helped him close up. Went back on Saturday with Eric and let Chad borrow some DVDs (Foamy, Invader Zim, and some music ones). I don't know what I've done since then.. lmao. Uhhh... I think I hung out with Eric on Sunday or something.. and Kristyn.. I HOPE I CAN FUND A RIDE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT!!! GHA!@U$YEQ@&*%R BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE IS PLAYING IN PHILLY AND I WANT TO FUCKING GO!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR.

Oh yeah. AFI. June 24th. I'm so FUCKING there.

And.. I love J.R. <3

1 ..accepted the challenge.. | ..you are to become a shinigami..