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lilkristen
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2004 30 August :: 2.25pm
thanks to Kalie and Jena who left comments two entries ago.. i needed that..
guess who landed herself a job!?!?!?!!!! me!!!!!! yayyy! and i get to have fun, too! im a ref for soccer and i get like 20-30 bucks a game!! its almost every weekend and each weekend you get 2-3 games so im like sooooo psyched about it.. my mom was like, you know that the coaches give the refs a real hard time about it and im mom, you know me i dont give a shit what people say to me! and shes like yeah alright and i gotta go to a meeting next week sometime, john's gunna lemme know and.. oh yeah so you guys know, it was john slattery who called me.. he's a nice guy.. remembers my name lol =]~
i need to go running.. soccer tryouts tomorrow! wish me luck! eh, you'll see an entry before tomorrow.. forget it lol
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lilkristen
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2004 30 August :: 10.24am
hey, you, living for tomorrow,
you sell your dreams for a bucket of change
hey you, smoking up your sorrow
just pointing fingers at someone to blame..
this life's like living in the gutter
all this pain just makes you feel dead
you're just giving it all away
slow down, and just look a little closer, you might find that it's not the end,
you wonder how your life could get better,
when you're alone you just tear yourself down..
try and find your better half now,
open your eyes and find yourself,
hey girl screaming for attention,
once you get it you throw it away,
im broken, picking up the pieces,
i wont live in all your mistakes..
you;re just giving it all away...
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lilkristen
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2004 30 August :: 9.30am
sometimes i wonder why i post my thoughts anymore.. all it gets me is trouble.. im thinking of abandoning this.. starting over on greatest journal or something.. and giving only certain people the link.. no more randoms, no more commenting to other people, even though thats how i met kelli and erika and jena and kalie.. who are great people..
sometimes i wonder if its worth it.. the people who have to misinterpret what i say and cause shit..
i didnt mean everyone in the world has it fuckin better than me!!! yet people accuse me of thinking that!!! and someone, who will not be named, thinks that this is the first person that i've ever lost.. which i think is pretty funny.. he thinks just cuz he lost more than the one person i updated about that he's special.. and this causes trouble..
people dont know me or anything that's happened to me.. and i hate that accusations have to be made and trouble started up.. cuz i dont want that.. i want everything to just be ok..
is that too much to fucking ask!?!
comments would be appreciated..
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2004 29 August :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: taking back sunday - a decade under the influence
i woke up at 9:00.. i went up my aunts and helped her get food ready for my baby shower.. by the time we were all done with everything it was almost noon.. and we had to leave by 12:30 to start setting up and everything for the shower.
people started getting there around 1:30. everyone except 2 people from jims family that we invited came.. i was so glad! almost all my family that we invited came to. i was so happy that people actually came. i stressed myself out for nothing.. [you were right kristen! lol]
we got so much stuff! a lot of the big things on my regestry were bought for me like my swing, highchair, palyard, and exersaucer. we got so many outfits and blankets, and everything. when we brought everything home i didn't have enough room in my room so we had to fill my living room up.. ahh. i don't know what i'm going to do with all the things!
jim came to, his mom had to leave early for work so he video taped the whole thing.
i'm still so happy about the turn out. we got so many things that we needed.
anyways, jim came back to my house with me for a couple hours, we went swimming and went through some of the things that we got. he's coming back over tomorrow.
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lilkristen
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2004 29 August :: 5.41pm
the beach today was crazyy.. we get there and like 5 minutes into it, the lifeguards have to go running into the water cuz theres two guys screaming for help.. they went out to the sandbar thats out there and its easy to get out but its a bitch to get back in.. and then the lifeguards had to pull the other 20 people off the sandbar.. there were like 8 lifeguards in the water.. but the two guys that yelled for help, one was ok but then one collapsed and they were like giving him oxygen and carried him away on a stretcher and one of the lifeguards said he was unconcious.. so we were all like.. uh ohh..
heh, when the lifeguard at our post was going into the water, he had to take off his sweatpants and he's halfway down to the water when he realizes hes only in his boxers and that his shorts came down with the sweatpants lol he was so embarrassed.. us and the guy near us were teasin' him lol it was funny but i felt bad for him lol
alright i'll write a lil more about yesterday.. we watched the tape of Kasia's play.. it was soooo funny cuz me and mary knew exactly where there was gunna be noise in the crowd.. when Kasia had to pretend to cry, there was a burst of laughter coming from up front.. that was me, mary and Kasia's friend Geelaine.. (sp?) ima call her Gee.. so then when she had to kiss Bryan, you hear Gee going woowoo!!! lolol it was sooo funny.. and then you could see the weird look on Bryan's face when him and Kasia were standing next to each other and we were making faces at Kasia but she didnt see us, Bryan did, and he thought we were making faces at him.. THAT was funny.. i had to explain to him after the show that i was Kasia's cousin and that was her sister and her best friend making faces at KASIA not YOU lol.. yea but it was funny.. and then Aunt Ann made Kasia sing and i mean, I've heard her sing in her shows but she can belt it.. damnn..
im mad that i didnt get to go running today.. well, theres still time, but i'd have to eat and blow out my hair before i went and i dunno if im up to blowing out my hair today.. i like to just let it dry..
alright, lemme update, i have much more to do right now..
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lilkristen
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2004 29 August :: 12.34pm
:: Music: dead on arrival - fall out boy
yeah we had alotta fun last night at Kasia's... me and her dont hate each other anymore lol.. we're cool.. we had soo much fun though.. anywayyy.. um, yeah..
my aunt eileen left a message last night she was really upset about something, my mom shut it off cuz she knew i was listening when you started to hear her crying.. yeah, so we got insane family problems about to go down.. she called like 10 minutes ago too and i talked to her and she didnt sound happy at all.. this isnt the aunt eileen who was at my house the other night.. this is Jessica's mom, Eileen.. and no, it had nothing to do with the dinner lol.. she said it went alright but i could tell she didnt wanna talk about it.. you could hear in her voice she just wanted to talk to my dad (they're cousins lol)).. im going to the beach in like a few minutes.. and i dont want to.. i have too much to do.. i have to finish my summer hw, vacuum my room before my mom kills me, and i have to go running today.. damn.. too much to do with the beach in there at the same time..
i didnt go to mass today.. shit.. my mom didnt wake me up to go.. i woke up at 1030 and i was like uh ohh.. my dad had already left, duhh..
Ali, i replied to all of your comments and left you an entry that had been friends only so you could know how i felt..
Jena, i wanna fly in a helicopterrrrrr lololol.. xoxo
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2004 28 August :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: nervous
omgosh, my baby shower is tomorrow at 2:00.. i'm so nervous. today my aunt loraine, aunt di, kelly and i went to set up for it.
what if no one comes?
i keep sitting here and thinking about it, i've been stressing myself out about it for a week or so now.. god i can't believe how scared i am.
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lilkristen
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2004 28 August :: 9.20am
:: Mood: tired..
:: Music: meghan's air conditioner..
I thank Jena for being the only person to comment in like 6 entries!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you
The rest of you suckk..
probably no more entries for the day.. im going to jersey to go in the pool thank goodness i need a pool i've been so hot lately..
I think its funny how if I don't call Ali, she forgets I exist.. heh.. I haven't talked to her in days and she doesn't check my journal for like a week unless I tell her to so she still hasn't seen the entry I posted to her or the reply to the comment and I'm thinking about making that Friends Only entry public so she can read why I'm so pissed.. maybe I'll do that when I'm done here..
I really really really wanna see Green Day in concert on the 21st.. like really really really.. Fall Out Boy is playing a show here too! And I got sooo excited when I saw that! But its the day after Christmas!!! I'm like nooooo wtf!!!! My parents will NEVER let me go the day after Christmas... I'm so pissed!!! But if I don't see them, I'll definitely go see them when they're on the tour thats even better.. Mest, Fall Out Boy, and Matchbook Romance.. three GREAT bands.. like GREAT.. you know, I typed two before I typed three great bands cuz I cant count.. =]
I want Molly and Courtney to come back!!! I miss them!!! Arghh I hope Molly's not too mad that I couldn't come to see the teen show.. uh oh.. I'm making Anthony like me again without trying to!!!
FeArDaRkSLaYeR [9:28 AM]: you sound like the coolest chick ever
he asked me why I wanted to go somewhere so bad and I said cuz we act like we're two and it got into a conversation about like why I love molly and coco so much, cuz i can act completely stupid in front of them and then hes all 'you're like the coolest chick ever' and im like noooooooooo not again... =[
I had a dream about Ashley last night.. my big sis Ashley.. something about Josh and a pair of jeans and a swimming pool? I dunno.. and she lived where Shawn lives.. hahaaa that would be a nice switch!!! hee hee I'm so mean behind his back lol.. ohh wait! The dream also had something to do with a car.. oh well, i dunno.. Ash, if you read this, dont be afraid of me I have strange dreams.. but call me I'm really about to disown you!!! actually I'm sending you an email right now disowning you.. this is what I sent Ashley:
::Dis-owns you::
This is your warning.. I am dis-owning you for now as my big sis because you never talk, never call, never email, never nothing.. this is the warning message.. if we dont talk in the next few days I'm making it official.. talk means more than hello...
-Kristen, for now not known as lil sis
i dont want to dis-own her... but I may have to.. =[ i miss ashley! ::cries::
last night, a helicopter flew by and i got sooo pissed cuz it was 1 am and it was soooooooo low and sooooooo loud.. RrRrRrrr.... i gotta put Dookie onto my iPod.. that's Green Day for those of you who are stupid..
I'm going to update.. cuz I'm very, very afraid I'm going to lose the entry.. another update tomorrow.. once again, Jena, thank you for leaving comments.. the rest of you are not nice
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2004 27 August :: 8.49pm
Kasia, Mary, and Lizzie's birthday party is this weekend.. the Levatinos (my cousins) are coming, but they have to leave around 6.. why? Because Aunt Eileen and Uncle Bobby are going to Jessica's bfs house to meet his parents!!! Which means its totally serious! this is like really big for our family, cuz none of the kids have gotten married yet and I've talked to Jess about him, she's crazy about him! So everyone's like 'oooh maybe she'll get married!!!' Yayy! I hope she does.. i love Jess soo much she seems to be happy with him<3 I mean, I know its nothing definite theres a good chance they wont stay together, but its so funny cuz the whole family is talking about how the Levatinos are going to meet the in-laws lol.. aah! good luck Jess!!! <333
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2004 27 August :: 1.09pm
:: Music: getting away with murder - papa roach..
its soooooo hot.. i feel really dehydrated right now.. and i still have to go running.. oyy.. if i dont run today, my dad's gunna yell at me.. i said i was gunna go running every day and i havent gone in like a week and a half.. oops..
someone give me water!!!
::dies::
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lilkristen
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2004 26 August :: 9.28pm
fuck you Ali.. you want an explanation? look at the reply to your last comment
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lilkristen
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2004 26 August :: 12.30pm
:: Music: american idiot - green day
geez im pissed at ali.. she tells me she knows how i feel about mr. caserta dying.. she didnt cry for an hour!!! she didnt even go to the wake!!! she didnt cry hysterically when she found out she couldnt go to the funeral!!! she didnt pray for an hour straight after hearing the news!!! i know she couldnt have.. she was in the mall! she has no fucking idea how i feel!! she didnt come home from the wake and lock herself in her room and talk to meg about it for an hour and just cry.. to have to blast music so her parents couldnt hear her crying so hard.. it pisses me off so much when people say that.. its one thing to say it if you feel somewhat similar but i know she didnt come even somewhat close to crying the way i did!!! she has no fucking clue!! i want absolutely nothing to do with her right now...
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2004 25 August :: 5.58pm
:: Mood: tired
first day of school today for me.
i'm trying everything in my power to stay occupied so i don't fall asleep. going to school today made me so tired, but i don't want to take a nap because i won't sleep tonight.
all my classes are great. i have a super schedual, i love it. my first 3 classes are upstairs, then the rest are downstairs. i only have books for 3 of my classes, one of which i won't even need for half the year; so that kicks ass.
everyone was telling me about how i looked great and how well i was doing. everyone thought i was only like 4-5 months; i was like "no.. i'm due september 28" everyone was like "whoa, you look SO little!" it got old after a while.
in my 5th pd. fitness class this ariel and erin [freshmen] kept sayin' shit. first ariel pulled my hair so i turned around and told her not to pull my hair.. she denied it and everything i said something else, turned around and they started giggling. then a little bit later the same girl put her foot under my butt a little bit so when i sat back i would sit on the tip of it. and when i did she was like "you sat on my foot!" i was gettin' so pissed off by then so i turned around and yelled "well maybe you shouldn't have put it under my ass; then there wouldn't be a problem!" and we aregued for a minute.. being that she did both of these things while mitch [our gym teacher] was talking was rude. then a few moments after that she was like touching me with papers all over the back so i turned around and i swear to god i had to hold myself back from like hitting her in the face and i said something to her and turned back around. after that she was talking to he friends and mitch got really pissed off. she started yelling at them, i had to laugh cause she'll kick the shit outta them if they don't straighten up. haha, i can't wait.. anyways; after mitch was done explaining everything about the class i asked her about how i was going to make my gym classes up after i had the baby- and she told me to come down and let her see my schedual. when i was going back to my seat ariel was like "hey, come here" and i was just like "what do you want?" and she appoligized to me and said that she didn't know that i was pregnant. --i mean what does me being pregnant have to do with anything? i don't know. i find it kinda funny.
i saw jims cousin racheal today! i forgot she was coming to this school this year, she went to trinity before. she said she was suprised to see me because jim told her that i wasn't going back to school and just getting home schooled.. what a dork he is. i only have lunch with her; and that sucks.. but i'm glad i at least have one period with her.. she's really cool.
i'm really excited about my baby shower.. it's this sunday! i can't wait. but i'm really nervous- i keep thinking no ones going to show up; that scares me so much.
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lilkristen
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2004 24 August :: 9.32pm
you cant go forcing something if it's just not right
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lilkristen
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2004 24 August :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: sad
i just went to the wake and it was sooo sad =[ =[ i choked back so many tears cuz i felt like i didnt deserve to cry.. it was joe and mrs. caserta and kaylee who deserved to cry.. not me.. when i saw mrs. caserta.. oh goshh i almost broke down.. she looked like she was such a mess..and i know she could see the tears in my eyes.. but i knew that if i cried, it really wouldnt have been so much for him.. its for his family cuz they are just such nice people.. it makes me sick to my stomach.. shes the nicest lady.. and i saw joe and i almost cried then too and i gave him a huge hug and i told him how sorry i was and when i asked him how he was doing, he didnt say something like 'ehhh.. alright' in the secret code meaning horrible.. he actually said alright.. like he was really doing alright.. and i dunno if he was used to the question or if hes really getting through it.. if he's getting through it, god bless him.. but hes such a nice kid..i wish i could be there for him.. i wanna be there for the kid SO BAD.. i could have hugged him and mrs. caserta all night.. when i talked to mrs. caserta, she said she knew how sorry i was and was so sweet that she didnt even think of that anymore, she thought of me and wished me good luck with school.. cuz shes so nice and even in such a horrible time, she makes sure that shes not the only one that receives the attention.. goshh i feel SO BAD! i didnt see kaylee at all.. i wanted to.. just to give her a hug and see that smile.. shes such a sweet girl.. a smile from her can make your day.. i understand why meg cried last night.. it was just soo sad, i cant describe it..
why did something so fucking horrible have to happen to such fucking nice people!!!!!!!!
the tears finally flow..
leave a comment, please.. just give me some type of way to get through.. and kalie, i know you told me to cry, but i couldn't.. and its killing me that i let a tear fall cuz not even his son was crying.. can i have different advice? all of you, please?
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