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lilkristen
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2003 6 December :: 11.34am
:: Mood: weird...
:: Music: feeling this - blink182
well i tried to be a good friend to kaitlyn... im goin to chill w/herr later n i could really tell she wanted to invite ali so i told her i didnt wanna be the only reason she didnt invite her cuz she knows im mad @ her... so she invited her... but she cant comee so o well lol... omg i cant believe im gunna do this... i think ima call her now... wow i dont kno whats making me want to do this... more in a sec... brb
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2003 5 December :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: switchfoot - ment to live
everybody knows..
my pap is in the hospital again.
he's not doing well. everbody in my family knows that, but no one will openly talk about it.
why is it so hard to talk about someone dying? ..it seems to be a simple question, but it's hard to answer.
..it's just to hard to face, so we cover it up and pretend like nothing is happening; when really we're losing a huge part of ourselves.
4 freebirds |
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thebandroom
[ Admin ]
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2003 5 December :: 1.17pm
:: Mood: bored
Does anyone in here like anyone in his or her band? Hollywood you don’t have to answer that one EVERYONE in our band knows that! lol
3 freebirds |
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lilkristen
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2003 4 December :: 3.40pm
people wasting their life are all around me why people would do such horrible things to themselves is what i keep asking. each life created by god is precious, and each one deserves not to be trashed.
the pain felt by those who care, and by those who supposedly didnt, is unreal. i need some relief from this stress. what you're doing... it doesnt just affect you...it affects other people. slow down, take a look at whats been given to you. stop what you have started, and realize you're fooling no one but yourself. i see right through you...
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lilkristen
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2003 4 December :: 3.40pm
:: Mood: tired n stressed
:: Music: figure - linkin park
Soemones still there, thats what I realized last night,
It's almost unfair, that my thoughts might just be right,
If I think like this, you're the only one who's wrong,
Your thoughts dismissed, somehow I'll think of some,
You keep pressing me, like I don't know what I need,
If you could only see, what it takes to be me,
Why should I, prove a simple point to you,
I close my eyes, and hope that I don't hit you too,
I've begun to feel, like I don't know you at all,
I'm not your shield, or bitch at every beckon call,
I do understand, this won't make life perfect,
But can you comperhend, the words, "It can't hurt it",
I do remember, the times I counted the days,
And December, when you said it was just a phase,
So don't preach, about how you were right,
You can't reach, what my feelings are tonight,
Pull yourself away, just says it's a lost cause,
I start today, breaking and making the NEW laws,
You're my bitch, how does it feel to be me,
Try and stich, whats left of your individuality,
You can just walk past, you can just talk,
You can kiss my ass, and royally fuck off,
I could care less for you, but all for me,
I'll do what you do, and walk around selfishly,
I could be the "smartest", and put on the biggest show,
But it's still the hardest, to dip down as low as you go.
Fly high...
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thebandroom
[ Admin ]
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2003 3 December :: 1.15pm
Hey all,
Sunday our band is marching in a holiday parade. if any of you live in Wellington you should check out the parade.
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2003 1 December :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: linkin park - numb
everything's just getting worse
jim and i were supposed to go to the mall today, but his fone was busy busy busy- and i couldn't get through, so we didn't go. once again jim, thanks for basicly ditching me. 3rd day in a row.
You are the crying eye. You think nothing out
theres worth it an u just want to be alone. You
know uve been hurt 2 much wen u open ur eyes n
all u see are tears.
The type of pain ur eyes behold
brought to you by Quizilla
1 freebird |
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lilkristen
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2003 30 November :: 3.54pm
i got into the biggest fight last night w/ali im not talking to her @ all... not only do i feel like shes taking advantage of me, but she totally dissed ashley and im pissed off about that! gr i hate herr... ashley made me feel soo much better ((email from her: ))
awww i'm your new best friend! wo0t wo0t!.. you know i'm always gunna be here for you right? even if sometimes we do fight and say things to eachother to piss eachother off.. i do love you kris, you're like a lil sister to me, and i'm just sad that i can't be there for you right now, cuz i'm here and you're there.. but kris, josh kept talking about you.. he was like hmm maybe i should start getting online again! i was like wo0t go krisssssss!
every time i read that im like "omg i love you too idk what i'd do w/out youuu"... thats a best friend... someone who wont be afraid to just come right out n say "i do love you kris you're like a lil sister to me"... shed never say that to me... i mean, minus the lil sis part, but even ur like a sister to me... great now what do i do about the cd we bought together i want it, i paid more for it... muahaha i'll tell her mother it has that parental advisory on it n i'll have to take it off her hands for herr... w/e im like positive we probably aint goin back to how it was... this aint the first time she's ignored one of my problems... one of my big problems... she completely ignored me at the dance w/tim... wow i mean, i didnt expect her to like stop having fun for the whole dance just for me but i wanted like 5 minutes to talk and she couldnt gimme like 5 minutes... i forgave her that timee... im in no mood to do it again... she doesnt deserve to be forgiven again... i mean, would you forgive someonee who takes advantage of you over and over? geez all the voicemails she leaves me are whining about something and the day i go to the jets game and tell her im not taking my phone, she leaves about 100 messages "OMG YOU BITCH TURN ON YOUR GOD DAMN PHONE!" im like wtf is the matter with you? she just laughs about it... im sayin to myself... no, not funny, call me a bitch sounding that serious its not funny... ugh w/ee ima update this cuz if i just keep typing about how pissed i am @ her im gunna like punch the wall or something...
//if u feel ur best friend is taking advantage of u, get outta the friendship or tell that person immediately cuz it'll just keep happening...\\
Fly high...
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2003 30 November :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: silence
there will always be that one special boy.. that no matter what he does to you, or how bad he hurts you.. you can never let him go.
..thats all i have to say.
2 freebirds |
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2003 29 November :: 2.22pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: p.o.d. - will you
i don't even know anymore..
so last night jim was like "yeah, i'll call you when i get home." he didn't even fuckin' get home until 1:30 a.m. or so he says and thats why he's calling so late. so i was like okay whatever.. and being that today is our one year anniversary- i figured he'd be like "happy anniversary" or SOMETHING. but of course not. he didn't say shit. a week or so ago we were talking about what we were going to do today and he told me that we were going to the mall, movies, dinner, ect. i kept asking him what we were gonna do today and he was just like "i don't know" "who knows" i'm like okay..? i got really pissed after about 4 minutes, because 9 out of 10- he didn't remember. so i said bye and hung up.. but he didn't call back. so i was just like "fuck it" to myself.. cried for a while. a long while. watched a movie, cried after the movie. did something bad, cried some more. went to sleep at 4:30 or so.. i thought maybe he'd call me back and say something nice, tell me that he didn't forget.. or something.. but no. he didn't.
my aunt called at like 9:30 this morning, because i was supposed to go to centry three with her and my gram, but i didn't go. who the fuck wants to go somewhere when their heart has literally been ripped out of them? i feel like shit.
i always feel like shit anymore.
maybe i'm wrong, maybe he didn't forget.. maybe he'll call me in a little bit and talk to me and say happy anniversary and tell me how much he loves me and everything, but i doubt it.
i'm doubting everything anymore.
//.jena
"your lies leave scars on my wrists"
2 freebirds |
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2003 28 November :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: legally blonde on tv
bad day
it was just a bad day today..
You are Sally. Jack is your love but he doesn't
even think of you that way. you long to become
your own person and get away from your
posessive creator.
What character from Nightmare Before Christmas are you???
brought to you by Quizilla
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thebandroom
[ Admin ]
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2003 27 November :: 7.55pm
Happy Thanksgiving! It really is an honor to be able to march in The National WWII Memorial Dedication Parade in Washington D.C. I’m so glad we are going. Washington is going to be fun!
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2003 27 November :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: bush - glycerine
happy thanksgiving everyone.
well, first off i'd like to tell everyone happy thanksgiving! and i hope everyone is having a wonderful one, with friends/family.
i was up my aunts, and a lot of my family. i would just sit in my chair and watch them. now about 1/2 of them have little kids, and my cousins greg and tiff just had a little girl about a year or so ago.. and i would just sit and watch how my cousin greg would look at her. you could just tell she was the center of his world. it was so cute. hailey [thats her name] is so cute. very very cute.
so i'm glad about everyone being up there.. but i wish more people could have made it. my pap isn't doing to good, so who knows what will happen, ya know? i just wish some people would understand that.
i think this year was the first year i actually stayed ate at a table with some people. i usually just go off by myself and eat in the living room- or whatever. but hey, i can change.. right? =]
jim said he was going to be out around 3, haha fuckin' yeah right. i hate when he tells me something and then doesn't do it! he could call me or something. but no. no no no.
i don't even care.
i'm in a pretty good mood- even though i am disappointed in him.
but hey, what else is new?
it'll be a year for jim and i on the 29th of this month. ONLY 2 DAYS AWAY! ahh! it's so scary! but it's wonderful. =]
i'm gonna go back up my aunts. like i said, i hope eveyone is having a wonderful thanksgiving!
xoxo.jena
"i made the choice to finally go because i can’t stand this pain. it’s time for my last tear to fall and me to smile again."
1 freebird |
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TheBandRoom
[ BunnyBlonde ]
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2003 26 November :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: none
Hey everyone...this is my first time joining a community, so I hope I'll be accepted here, I play clarinet and oboe in my school marching/parade, concert and jazz band and I'm most likely going to be in the 7th Annual All-Valley Honor-Band...sooo yeah
I hope I'm not hated here...
x0x
)*Aubrey*(
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lilkristen
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2003 26 November :: 6.35pm
wow long time no write, well i dont like mr. no-namee ugh now im pissed off i'll write in like 5 minutes ali's annoying me again being her bitchy self like she gets sometimes... *alot...from now on im leaving a final quote @ the end of each entry based on my dayy n what happened in it... it'll be in the //\\ things
//boredom can mentally destroy a person; dont let it happen to you\\
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