jedibumblebee
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2024 24 April :: 7.31pm
:: Music: AJR- inertia
I wanna be big like my plans/ So why am I so tiny, and why am I so mad?
I've worn the same skinny jeans
Since I was 15, it's probably nothing
(Inertia) my friends say they're quitting this week
To chase down their dreams, they're probably bluffing, but
Don't you like it bigger, better?
But you do what you can (do what you can)
Don't you like it a little better
When you don't understand? (Don't understand)
I was gonna save the planet, but today I got plans
I guess this is just what I am
I'm an object in motion, I've lost all emotion
My two legs are broken, but look at me dance (dance)
An object in motion, don't ask where I'm going
'Cause where I am goin' is right where I am (oh, man)
Oh-ah, oh-ah
Where I am going is right where I am
you said you'd break up with her
But she met your family, and dating's the worst, yeah
(Inertia) now, you're not in love anymore
But you'll stick it out for, like, 20 years more, saying
don't you like it bigger, better?
But you do what you can (do what you can)
Don't you like it a little better
When you don't understand? (Don't understand)
I was gonna save the planet, but today I got plans
I guess this is just what I am
I'm an object in motion, I've lost all emotion
My two legs are broken, but look at me dance (dance)
An object in motion, don't ask where I'm going
'Cause where I am goin' is right where I am (oh, man)
Oh-ah, oh-ah
Where I am going is right where I am (oh, man)
Oh-ah, oh-ah
Where I am going is right where I am
I wanna move out of this town
But everyone knows me and packing is tiring
(Inertia) I said I would start working out
But I'm f- hungry, and screw you, I'm trying
I wanna be big like my plans
So why am I so tiny, and why am I so mad?
It's inertia, guess this is just what I am
I'm stuck in this life, and I'm stuck in these pants
I'm an object in motion, I've lost all emotion
My two legs are broken, but look at me dance (look at me dance)
An object in motion, don't ask where I'm going
'Cause where I am goin' is right where I am (oh, man)
don't you like it bigger, better?
But (oh-ah) you do what you can
Where I am going is right where I am (right where I am)
(Oh-ah) don't you like it bigger, better?
But (oh-ah) you do what you can
Where I am going is right where I am
Oh, inertia
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godessalthena
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2024 17 April :: 10.46am
been reading thru my old diaries from 1996 to 2012 and they are literally the saddest things I have ever read. it breaks my heart how much pain I poured into those things.
it also makes me laugh at how fucking boy crazy I was.
I hope my daughter isn't anywhere near as sad as I was. I'm so scared she's going to live a life that's filled with misery and pain, and I won't be able to help.
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godessalthena
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2024 15 March :: 8.28am
struggling with this weight gain, balancing eating and exercising and not starving the baby.
feeling like every. single. thing. I do/think/feel is wrong.
feeling lost and hopeless and pointless.
all my art projects turn out like shit.
my friends won't come and visit me, it's always me going there.
I just want to stay in bed and cry all day.
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jedibumblebee
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2024 14 March :: 11.21pm
:: Music: Noah kahan, homesick (better version)
Time moves so damn slow I swear I feel my organs failing
Two months since you got back
How have you been and are you bored yet?
The weather ain't been bad
If you're into masochistic bullshit
And every photograph
That's taken here is from the summer
Some guy won Olympic gold
Eight years ago, a distance runner
And that makes a lot of sense
This place is such great motivation
For anyone trying to move
The fuck away from hibernation, yoo-hoo
Well, I'm tired of dirt roads
Named after high school friends' grandfathers
And motherfuckers here still don't know they caught
The Boston bombers
Time moves so damn slow
I swear I feel my organs failing
I stopped caring 'bout a month ago
Since then, it's been smooth sailing
I would leave if only I could find a reason
I'm mean because I grew up in New England
I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them
Spend the rest of my life with what could have been
And I will die in the house that I grew up in
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
I would leave if only I could find a reason
I'm mean because I grew up in New England
I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them
Spend the rest of my life with what could have been
And I will die in the house that I grew up in
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
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godessalthena
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2024 15 February :: 10.48am
so fucking sick of bad dreams. I miss malish. I miss him so fucking much.
I felt the baby move for the first time yesterday. such a trip. but also so exciting. I can already tell post partum depression is going to be really fucking rough, as this ante partum depression is literally destroying me.
I'm just so sad every day. and every night. and in my dreams. I don't want to do anything to prepare for her arrival. I'm dreading the sick days and the crying and the sleeplessness. the husband is thinking about taking a job in TN... moving south sounds fucking horrid. being alone two weeks each month sounds horrid after the baby comes. I am just not sure how to cope.
my bestie is getting a German shepherd and I am really upset about it. it's her life and she deserves the happiness of a dog, but why did she have to pick one of the biggest and scariest ones? my baby isn't going anywhere around that dog. and that dog isn't coming into my home. so... another barrier up.
life progresses and it just seems to get more disappointing.
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