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| spinoangel (profile) wrote, on 10-16-2003 at 11:51pm | |
| Current mood: searching for something. Music: silence. Subject: ugh. |
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| man i wrote this long ass entry and i closed it. UGH. and i wrote so much and all my feelings. PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:01 PM): why do u say that? FallenNGAngel (11:29:23 PM): its a feeling. PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:33 PM): just a feeling? FallenNGAngel (11:29:36 PM): jealousy will drive you mad. PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:39 PM): i thought u didn't care about it anymore PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:47 PM): exactly! PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:50 PM): i concurr! FallenNGAngel (11:30:04 PM): i dont actively... im more passive or at least i have been FallenNGAngel (11:30:12 PM): but but PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:30:14 PM): i know i know. FallenNGAngel (11:30:15 PM): i dunno. FallenNGAngel (11:30:23 PM): its like really empty inside lately PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:30:35 PM): wow. FallenNGAngel (11:30:35 PM): =( FallenNGAngel (11:30:37 PM): *shrug* KatanaDragon77 (11:30:49 PM): why sad? FallenNGAngel (11:31:08 PM): i dunno... i've been kinda empty inside lately FallenNGAngel (11:31:19 PM): and it results in reoccuring feelings i dont want KatanaDragon77 (11:31:42 PM): whoa...... KatanaDragon77 (11:31:55 PM): U know why? FallenNGAngel (11:31:59 PM): why FallenNGAngel (11:32:02 PM): i dunno FallenNGAngel (11:32:04 PM): i want FallenNGAngel (11:32:07 PM): i dunno KatanaDragon77 (11:32:11 PM): Tell me FallenNGAngel (11:32:16 PM): i guess... its because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing FallenNGAngel (11:32:30 PM): and yesterday i felt the nothingness overcome me and i was just like idk FallenNGAngel (11:32:40 PM): and so now today i'm like thinking about things and im going back KatanaDragon77 (11:33:07 PM): yeah I've done that. KatanaDragon77 (11:33:10 PM): Its not good KatanaDragon77 (11:33:19 PM): You should like think about cool things FallenNGAngel (11:33:37 PM): ... =\ KatanaDragon77 (11:33:40 PM): Well like i dont know for you but. To make me happy is like driving fast or dancing. KatanaDragon77 (11:33:41 PM): something.. PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:13 PM): you're not dead inside. PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:20 PM): something's blossoming in there.. FallenNGAngel (11:39:22 PM): i was... PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:24 PM): it's just not ready yet... FallenNGAngel (11:39:31 PM): but being dead is so FallenNGAngel (11:39:34 PM): so bland PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:39 PM): yah. FallenNGAngel (11:39:42 PM): i cant help but force myself to feel something. PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:58 PM): don't force. so what is this all about? man i have to explain it ALL over again. i dunno. now i'm tired and i'm hot and i really dont want to explain it. bottom line? he doesn't like me... i've always known that. and i accepted it. i was fine these past few weeks. i was like so proud of myself too. but something happened? maybe it's the breeze coming in. bbut the nothingness inside i guess forces me to want to feel something, anything. it's like i will sacrifice my heart for some feeling, even if it's pain. what the hell is wrong with me? i need someone deserving of my love. sigh. it's just all wrong. it's all wrong and i can't stand it. do you know what i'm even talking about? some of you do. danielle? [who, btw, looked sooooooo extremely sexy in her homecoming dress after i did her makeup.] sigh. i dunno what i'm supposed to do with myself. jealousy will drive you mad. i dont have the right to be jealous and i dont have the right to expect him to cater to my will... but. i just don't... i mean. how can i fight these feelings? i can't. i keep going back to them whenever i need to feel something. llife and love is a bitch. greta found some great icons for me... here are some phrases from them: "how does it feel to know i still want you?" "hugs needed... feeling grumpy?" "i can't help feeling dead inside." "even the beautiful bleed." and now i'll go off to dream ... for that's the only place i can fly. |
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angeleyes | 10-17-03 12:13am the sun will come out, tomorrow....
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mossimo14 | ohh, 10-17-03 8:55am christina. dont be dead inside its not fun, but u hide it pretty well, hey dont we all. but atleast u let it out, denial is worse. i cant get out of denial. i mean i dont know the situation exactly, just the feeling. u can talk to me tho. |
Sameen | Tini!, 10-17-03 9:06am Hey girl,
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nettyness | 10-17-03 9:48am Christina, you don't have to be so sad! Don't worry, your prince charming is still out there, and in the meanwhile, you have silly old us to keep you company. And if all else fails, you and I can be spinsters together. |
alwaysfalling | 10-17-03 10:14am i love you and i do know what you are talking about. listen to some mariah carey. she'll let the those wings fly. though it might take sometime. i care and are here for you.
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spinoangel | 10-17-03 12:32pm man... those comments made me feel so much better after babysitting those crazy kids. i love you all... =*( it makes me wanna cry when i realize how much my friends care. dont worry about me, it's just another episode. it shall pass, and everyone will be havin fun at homecoming. cant wait.
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