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| spinoangel (profile) wrote, on 12-4-2003 at 11:42pm | |
| Current mood: tired Music: tristan - "void" Subject: siiigh. |
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| sigh. irritablility is finding me once again. but tomorrow is friday. right now i need a break from the homework so i decided to return to my woohu journal. home sweet journal. where do i start? i'm so drained at the moment. like emotionally and mentally. damn study guide. i got home and i found out i was missing like the bulk of my notes for art history so i freaked out. i never found em. ari faxed me hers but i feel like something is missing. oh well, i hope it's okay. i hope i do okay. i heard the test was hard. *crossing fingers* can i just go to bed? no i can't. yeah today was a weird day. it was just so unusual. weird, having majority of our pib/myp class of 06 in one place. very strange. but comforting at the same time? i felt like i needed to go to 3 diff places at once. i love my pib family. most of the time. i went to the art show. it wasnt exciting, but it was cool being able to chill with people i don't usually get to hang out with. tomas has a niiice guitar. miss blair isnt teaching us anymore. kinda sad. strangely gonna miss her. tomorrow is friday. thank god. i will be .... sigh. whew. i'm gonna take a break from regular atl life and go out with nicole. i will see my much anticipated movie, "honey" no matter what, with or without someone. i'm looking forward to it. this weekend i'm devoting to projects. like... really. i'm getting xmas shopping done. we're decorating our house. i'm doing my long ass poetry project. i'm doing my spanish project. probably writing our script. i have to write the family newsletter. other people: i see many people falling into a stressful, depressive state. i think it's just a trend with all high school kids, especially PIBers. we all feel happy together and then we get home and realize we have to do work and then we're just like uuugggggggggghh. and then we start thinking and stressing and freaking out and it's just a big nervous breakdown. i know what that feels like. and some of us are just... some of us have true problems. i hate to see my friends not smiling [on the outside and on the inside] because i feel so helpless. and yeah words of comfort and hugs may help but it never truly makes the hurt stop. we're all in different stressful and annoying situations. doesn't life suck? yeah... dammit. my feelings about my "situation" [whether you know what it is or not]: the school - life has become so busy lately and i feel like there's not enough hours in each day to do what i want or do what other people want. so many invites, and dates to keep straight, i think i just might go crazy. i simply asked my parents if i am gonna be free next weekend and they went off into a tangent about how i need to focus and keep my grades up otherwise i won't be able to go anywhere at all ... and all this shit. like they seriously tell me this everyday. like i havent heard it before. just ask danielle, they always mention it. only when danielle is here, they act like they're kidding. when no one is here, they are like threatening and scary. to get a B ... is like shooting myself in the head. i'm wishing so badly for economics to stay an A. and if it doesnt... well i'll be screwed and i'll spend every night crying. the social life - is anyone as confused as i am? cuz i sure as hell am. why can't people be truthful? and why can't people move on? i like talking to this journal, cuz then i don't feel like i'm being redundant [even if i am] and i'm not annoying anyone with my stupid ass trivial problems. they're not even problems. it's just some little motherfucker trying to play with me, whether he realizes it or not. and i dont think he does. i think he does it subconsciously cuz he DOES care about me, i know he does, but he always reverts back to this state to make me feel like... like he's using me. and maybe he is. but ya know that quote? it's like ... if this is how it feels to be used, then use me up baby. well i'm not exactly that extreme, but sometimes i feel happy being in that state of hopefulness again. even though it may result in tears [like always] ... maybe it's worth it. i'm not sure. i'm not sure of a lot of things. and then there's the other route i could take and maybe find happiness, but i'm not sure whether or not to start on that path, because maybe it'll lead to a dead end. and then i'd be lost. sometimes it's just easier to stay where you are than to try something new with the possibility that you did it for nothing. do you understand what i'm saying? i dont even know if i do. could i be happier? do i want it to be like this? who knows... there was something else i wanted to say. i have no idea what. too much going on in my mind right now. its a freaking traffic jam. can i just fly away? *i am void. let's see you try to fill me. mostly i'm just annoyed with the situation that never fails to find me. i should know better than i did. i should have listened but oh well.* |
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alwaysfalling | 12-05-03 5:21pm my opinion: i say go the other path and if it comes to a dead end, simply make a three point turn and head back to that fork in the road.
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spinoangel | Re:, 12-05-03 6:20pm lol. <3 |
angeleyes | 12-05-03 6:30pm <3. |
theroofisonfire | 12-06-03 9:18pm remember me? of course you do! i say think of it like running out of gas. you have walk to the gas station which will give you thinking time. and then walk back. more time still. then when the tank is full.. do what you feel like. = ) |