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| spinoangel (profile) wrote, on 12-7-2003 at 9:09pm | |
| Current mood: discontent Music: christina aguilera - "beautiful" Subject: suddenly it's hard to breathe. |
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| edit - yeah i took off the "emotions". it was annoying the hell out of me and it was ruining the specialness of the song. i might put a diff song up later. ha. wow the days are going by really fast, arent they? every time i update i feel so different from the last and it's just so weird. my head is like in a chaotic mode, and i have no sense of time, no sense of the environment around me, and no sense of what my heart is trying to tell me to do. but it's ok. you know why? because that's a part of growing up and maturing... oncufsion. yeah confusion. things are all messed up, jumbled up, and going everywhere at once. i can honestly say that i think everyone of us is in that mode right now. it's right before the holidays, we're cramming, and experiencing the consequences of procrastination. if we all get through these next two weeks [which we will], we'll all be a lot better. so friday wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i surprisingly wasn't tired really. just kinda... out of it like always. that night, nicole told me she was sick soooo even though i said i would see honey no matter what, i didn't. i stayed at home and talked to altan. yeeeeah. saturday danielle came with us to go xmas shopping at town center. i didn't accomplish much but hey it was alright. and we had some good quality time, ya know? that night danielle and i went to see "the last samurai" with altan. it was more like altan and i went to see it and danielle was in the same movie theatre. because altan was late, like always and i waited for him. it was a good movie. i would like to own that movie. it's very... it feels so epic. it's very moving. and in danielles description, "disturbing". afterwards we chilled at borders. once again... it was more like altan and i and danielle was just in the store. the whole night was very... disturbing. ummm, no details, because nothing happened. things said that i shouldn't say. we went home and danielle slept over. she was quite angry with me. i must say i was/am quite angry with myself for the way i act(ed). danielle and i ended up having like an hour or two of talking. she just kept on talking so of course, i kept on responding. it was funny. but we got a lot of things out. and when we have nights laying in bed and talking like that, i feel a lot better because our friendship strengthens once again. she's going through a tough time. like all of us. we are not alone. heh. today i spent the WHOLE day doing homework. i just now finished. stupid poetry project. i must admit though, it makes me feel a lot better that i spent my time actually doing something. i can't wait for vacation. i'm going to be SOOO happy after that exam on friday. and then i can fly away for a little while. my heart... is like in torture. i can't... i have no idea what to do and how to act and how to not end up being hurt. but... i'm just not sure if it's all worth it or not. i feel so unwanted sometimes. and then other times i feel too wanted. does that make sense? it's like back and forth and back and forth. can't something be done so this tug-o-war on my heart ends? all we have to do is stay strong and depend on each other for support. which we do all the time. as long as everyone leans on someone else, we will all stand in the end. and trust me, we will. because... love is all you really need. and we already have that. what will i do when you leave me? 30 ppl online on my buddylist. not talking to anyone... *every day is so wonderful... then suddenly... it's hard to breathe. now and then i get insecure from all the pain. i'm so ashamed. we are beautiful no matter what they say. their words won't bring us down. we are beautiful in every single way. their words can't bring us down. so don't you bring me down today.* don't be brought down. i know i'm trying my best. i know i'm a hypocrite and i should probably read my own words. but you just have to believe. have confidence and faith that it'll all be okay like it's meant to be in the end. and if not... there will always be love and friendship. |
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christini | 12-07-03 9:58pm its scary how so much of that first part makes so much sense.
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pinkyfers | 12-08-03 6:19pm "my heart... is like in torture. i can't... i have no idea what to do and how to act and how to not end up being hurt. but... i'm just not sure if it's all worth it or not. i feel so unwanted sometimes. and then other times i feel too wanted. does that make sense? it's like back and forth and back and forth. can't something be done so this tug-o-war on my heart ends?"
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alwaysfalling | 12-08-03 8:57pm you lean on me and i'll lean on you. i will always want you. and i never got to thank you for letting me blab. i got some good out of it.
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