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| Tails (profile) wrote, on 5-28-2005 at 3:22pm | |
| so i is graduated....something supposed to happen now? cause like nothings different i still have to go to work i still live at home i still have to wake up in the fall and go to school and ill still see everyone ever other day and im not an adult....ok what a waste of my fucking life. something is supposed to happen soon i think god i fucking hope so because im wasting away at how fucking annyoed i am that nothing is happening and im not feeling anything. i havent felt anything in days. like even a smile is hard to do. and i have to force myself to do the things i once loved. its like they have become a task. now there is totally something wrong there. .....ok rambling now......ARGH save me something. go to me open house and make me feel like i did something good. be proud of me for doing something common place and average. fucking everyone graduates no big deal. is that paper a reward for 13 years of servatude? so thats it im off to the real world....wait no im not. im stuck in college for four years where ill waste away and spend money on shit i dont even want to do. i really want to go to a fine arts school and develop my acting talents. thats what i want. thats what will make my life worth living. itll make me happy to wake up every day. and thats what life is supposed to be. if you want to wake up then you will put all your power into what you do and it will feel fantastic. but i cant tell dad i want to go to fine arts school cause there isnt a gaurentee that i will find a job as an actor and there is a guarentee in some other field so i should just do that and hate waking up right? god i want what i want. i mean if we are paying for it might as well make it worth something... | |
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.j.e.s.s. | 05-28-05 3:54pm aw matt. yeah you should go to a fine arts school.
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Tails | Re:, 05-28-05 4:31pm HAHAHA sicko lol |
spud | 05-28-05 5:35pm yeah dude.
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seaofsorrow | i wrote this in my actual journal and i think maybe it could help a little bit., 05-29-05 3:47pm we talked all night everyone, honestly, this will be the most important entry you read today, or maybe ever. you all seem to be going through bad experiences, deep down inside i know who i am and i know that everything WILL be okay. you just have to let it. don't blame anyone for anything, blame yourself, but don't dwell on it. the problem is that you take life one bad event at a time, you get caught up in this, your life becomes a timeline of negative happenings. pain is real, we remember it more than other emotions. you will not be happy indefinatly, but at also, things will remain bad if you let them, playing the role of the victim. we are so perfectly fucked up; i smile when i see the crows eating deceased rabbits because we are interdependant, not independant. together, we are alone and each moment is amazing if you know how to feel it. i struggle but you know sometimes all of my thoughts fade and my body fades into the energy that we are constructed of. everthing is nothing and nothing is everything. there is so much more to say but now isn't the time. i almost took my life two years ago, one year ago, and two days ago but things never worked themselves out. here i am, i hope am not wasting my energy in writing all of this, but please stop being so fucking self-centered all of the time, you are the center of your own universe, however, it is infinatly large, MUCH FUCKING LARGER than you, look around yourself, learn. this very well be my last entry, at least for a while. people ask me why i don't talk often it is because i feel like no one would listen if i did, and if and when i do talk, you don't really care. but please, i hope you read this. i didn't want to hold this in from the people who might actaully need it. i even made this public so that more people could see it. karma happens allow yourself to feel what you aren't used to do things you aren't used to take chances cry smile laugh bleed, be human. try PLEASE, PLEASE KEEP BREATHING (reply to this) |