j e s s i c a

j e s s i c a

:: 2006 10 December :: 11.31 am

omg look at my journal. isn't it awesome

okay so i can't really read the words but i dont really care. i need to figure out how to change the font cuz i can't do it the normal way but ohe well.

i'm obsessed.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 8 December :: 8.31 pm

My boyfriend is wonderful.

do you know why?

because he bought us tickets to go to the Nutcracker Ballet. I went there once when I was in 4th grade. it was so fun. I can't wait.

it's gonna be great. hooray hoorah oh happy day.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 8 December :: 6.59 pm

you would not believe what i just did.

so i'm not even gonna tell you.

it's for your own good. or rather, mine. totally mine.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 7 December :: 12.12 pm

i cannot take this anymore.

i was just emailed by my professor letting me know that the legal memo i handed in , our biggest project that takes forever to do... is wrong. i did the wrong case. i DID THE WRONG CASE.

which means i have to do it all over again. he handed us two different cases i must have somehow picked the wrong one even though right on the front page it says YOUR ASSIGNMENT and talks aobut all the requirements and everything you need when you hand it in.

this is terrific. and i have to work all weekend.

i will never finish everything.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 6 December :: 11.34 am
:: Mood: Upset.
:: Music: none.

I have come to the conclusion that I hate this so-called thing called "The Real World".

Is it wrong of me to sit here and listening to this MKTG 412 class start to leave the class room and converse with one another and feel completely certain that 85% of the words that come out of their mouths are so fake and empty? Is it wrong of me to feel that every sentance that is supposed to come out of them with feeling and emotion sounds to me as a lie. Is it wrong of me to feel totally weird that when they talk to one another it's just all an act.

is it wrong for me to think about how they are acting like robots.... when they go home don't they change into sweats and lounge on their couches?? doesn't everyone? they dont honestly go home and stay in their buisness suits and panty hose and high heels and sit in an upright chair making charts and graphs... no one does that. okay maybe not no one. but REAL people. that is what i'm talking about. real people. don't they head home after this and start using SLANG words and maybe throw a cuss word or two around? isn't that comfortable? doesn't anyone go home and open a bag of oreos and dunk it in their milk like a normal person??? can you imagine a bunch of "suits" dunking their oreos? can you? please...

is it wrong of me to walk into a church and get tears in my eyes because i feel like there are conformists. is that the right word? no... i feel like there are people who are certain of where they are going but are yet to find out they are not. ( this is not to offend ANYONE . this is not sarcasm, these are just my feelings FYI)

Is it wrong of me to hurt when people are just talking to each other? I just analyze it all too much i know. But it hurts me that people are just... yeah

where have all the real people gone

i dont want to go to this school

i want to go to a school where there are gays and there is a lesbian club and there are crazy artistic expressive people. i want to go to a school where everyone accepts each other and everyone gets to know each other. i want to go to a school that has an I LOVE JESUS club and tries to introduce everyone to the Lord. I want to go to a school that expresses individuality.

i want to go to a school where people are real.

i can't be cooped up here anymore. i dont know what i'm going to do with my life as far as a career and i can't stay here any longer pretending that i'll be satisfied with myself as a medical assistant or as a health whatever managment blah blah blah 4 year degree office type.

Is it wrong of me to want something creative and new and fresh and meaningful ... is it wrong of me....................................... i know i wont ever MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. but i have to do something.... smarter with myself. please
I NEED TO HELP PEOPLE.

i need to have a satisfying rewarding career.

i need to know that with my everyday work, i make people feel BETTER. More ALIVE. More REAL.

ugh. what do i do. ? please.

5 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 5 December :: 8.54 pm

can anyone please help me fix my computer. i am getting SO pissed off.

my dvd player in my computer,,,,.... it will play dvds and the video is fine and up to speed but the sound just skips and skips and no it's not the dvd i'm not that dumb but please help me someone or i am going to throw this thing off my balcony. please!

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 5 December :: 6.39 pm
:: Mood: bored

The Most Random Questions You Will Ever Fill Out

1) What side of the heart do you draw first?
Left side

2) Can you dive without plugging your nose?
i can't dive

3) What color is your razor?
pink

4) What is your blood type? i think b pos

5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
roman or jess prob.

6) What is a rumor someone has spread about you?
ummm that i'm a bitch or that i am mean or hmm i duno i can think of one specific person who just never has enough shit to say about me to another certain...person!!! but oh well she's a bitch anyway. and that's not a rumor.

7) How do you feel about carrots??
they are orange and okay-tasting

8) How many chairs at the dining room table? well if you mean my table.. there are 2...

9) Which is the best Spice Girl?
who knows ...who cares

10) Do you know what time it is?
6.42

11) Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?
no that show annoys me

12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
i was just thinking about that today as i rode an elevator... um i would probably just relax and take a nap while someone came to rescue me. i might actually be happy about it.

13) What's your favorite kind of gum?
orbit the green kind

14)T or F: All's fair in love and war. no

15)do you have a crush on anyone? no

16) Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
riiight that doesn't make sense.

17)Do you like to sleep?
way too much.

18) Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings Time?
are there any? i dont think so

19) Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
yes pretty piano in it.

20) Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?
sure i'd sell it though

21) What's something you've always wanted?
a wonderful family

22) Do you have hairy legs?
i guess when i dont shave them :0/

23) What does "Semper Fidelis" stand for?
duno but denee' says it means 'always faithful' and since i copied this survey from her, i know that.

24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
lake i dont like salty oceans

25)Do you wear a lot of black?
yeah actually lately

26) Describe your hair?
stupid

27) Do you have Entomophobia?
is that even a real phobia?

28) Are you an adult?
according to my age.

29) Where is/are your best friend(s)?
roman is right next to me playing video games, jess is at the airport i guess and jessie g is at school

30) Do you have a tan?
no not yet but i juust finally bought a tanning package thank goodness

31) Are you a television addict? no but i love grey's anatomy

32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? yes because i miss her now that i dont live with her. and she is an awesome person. *tear*

33) Are you a sugar freak? i like my chocolate. a lot.

34) Do you like orange juice? it's ok.

35) What sign are you?
pisces

36) Where do you wish you were right now?
halfway around the world. not havingto worry about money or anything.

37) Who did you copy this from?
denee'

38) How do you know them?
been friends for a long long time. how can you not know the millerings?

39) Have you kissed anyone in the past week?
yeah

40) What are your plans for the weekend?
work of course and most likely nothing else. kinda like all my weekends.

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 2 December :: 11.18 pm

i'm gonna volunteer to be a mentor at wedgwood . isn't that cool? i'm excited

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 2 December :: 11.40 am

yeah nevermind i'll just be a nothing.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 30 November :: 11.06 am

Don't you ever feel like you are just stuck in a bubble and rolling rolling rolling down the road of life just doing the same dang thing over and over and over and getting absolutely no where.

doesn't anyone ever just want to move away out of the country and just like move away from everything and get away.

........................................my life is boring and i dont like it.

i feel like i am more than what my current life is letting me be.

i feel like i'm never going to get anywhere with what i am doing now.

i need to live more. i need to live more before i settle down and just settle for being a medical assistant or whatever. but i could never go any further with working at fricken menards.

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 26 November :: 6.52 pm

i think i finished my papers.

wow you have no idea how long that took me.

DUMB!!!!!! college is dumb.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 25 November :: 6.07 pm

kids:
dont move out of your parents house

no actually do

go away to college and live in a dorm and use all your parents money so you dont have to worry about anything for like maybe 4 years

but don't move out and try to get your own place and go to school and work and shit. it's not worth it. i want a life. i want a life.

fuck.

i hate my life.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 24 November :: 1.30 am

ughghghghhgg...

i can't sleep when i'm all alone.

bleh. should i go shopping tomorrow?

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 22 November :: 11.57 pm

okay well i wrote the hugest entry about how i love roman. and it got deleted ...

but let's just sum it up shall we.

Romey, I love you babe.

and i love my family too.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 22 November :: 6.04 pm

I am so upset by the whole Michael-Richards-going-crazy-and-being-all-rascist-and-then-going-on-Letterman-and-looking-even-more-stupid-trying-to-apologize thing that I can't even enjoy Seinfeld anymore.

I CAN'T EVEN ENJOY SEINFELD ANYMORE!!!

good goin' Kramer.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 18 November :: 6.25 pm
:: Mood: confused

help

okay seriously. why cant i do my homework. i just wont allow myself to do it. i seriously wont. what is wrong with me?

and it's not just this.

i can't

do

anything.

ugh. but hey i already knew that so whatevv. ............................ i knew i'd be like this. i knew it. is it wrong that i just want to get married and have kids. it's not that i dont ever want to get an education or have a job. i'm smart. and i like feeling like i'm good at a job or whatever but i just dont .............want that...?? i just want to be a mom. that's so bad! no it's not. it's not bad. it's not bad that i want a family and that i want to be a great mom and have a great family why is that wrong? that's not wrong? but yet i dont want all that SO YOUNG. i dont want all that right now . but i just dont enjoy .................. i dont enjoy like ...working for this undefinable goal that i'm supposed to have since i have a scholarship and blah blah blah but every one says that medical assisting is not enough. well i'm sorry, i'm not striving for this goal to become a doctor or pharmacist or biochemical engineer or whatev. i just dont ... want that

so is something wrong with me because i feel like that? explain it to me.

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 12 November :: 9.24 pm

Create Your Own!

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 10 November :: 9.43 pm

ugh i am scheduled to work at FIVE AM tomorrow again. that is so stupid.

so stupid.

they should make people who dont go to school work at 5 am. people who it doesn't really matter if they have to work at 5 am because it doesn't throw off their life because the only thing they have scheduled to do in their life is work. people who don't have to write huge research papers that are due on monday. that's who should work 5 am shifts.

well i got moved up to head cashier so at least if i stay at that position i wont ever have to open at 5 ever again. and i love hardly ever having to talk to guests. ahhh it's so nice. stupid stupid guests how i hate you.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 6 November :: 11.46 am

i dont know what to do with my life. and i hate it.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 5 November :: 9.28 am

does anybody believe that your dreams have deeper, real meaning?

4 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 2 November :: 10.25 pm

what is wrong with me........

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 1 November :: 3.09 pm

Listen up ya'll, Cuz this is it
The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious

Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo
You could see you, you can't squeeze me
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy
I got reasons why I tease 'em
Boys just come and go like seasons

Fergalicious (so delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-
Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy
They always claim they know me
Comin' to me call me Stacy
I'm the F to the E, R, G the I the E
And can't no other lady put it down like me

I'm Fergalicious
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness
I put yo' boy on rock rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got

So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
Fergalicious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

Baby, baby, baby
If you really want me
Honey get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste
I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey
It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie

All the time I turn around always brotha's gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my
I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin to round up drama little mama I don't wanna take your man
And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it
But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele
Cuz' they say she

Delicious (So delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (got, got, got)
Four, tres, two, uno
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness (oooh wee)
I put yo' boy on rock rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious
So delicious
So delicious
I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t tasty, tasty

It's so delicious
So delicious
So delicious
I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, four, tres, two, uno
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, to the, to the.....

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 30 October :: 11.24 pm

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 30 October :: 10.36 pm

well shit isnt' this just peachy. what the hell i want something to do.

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 29 October :: 7.30 am

OH MY GOD. people are so STUPID!!!

ugh

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 21 October :: 4.34 am

oh my gosh.

i woke up at 4 am today .

do you want to know why?

so i can go to menards. MENARDS. what kind of crazy person shops at 5 am at menards. or anywhere for that matter.

i have no idea why they scheduled me for 5 am. i thought they had designated people committed to ruining their lives and getting up that early and working the 5 am shifts. but i guess not???

i can not believe i am going to work this early. god i'm crazy. I HATE MENARDS!

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 11 October :: 12.20 pm

So I must vent just a tad to just feel just a tad bit better.

I have changed my major from Paralegal studies to Nursing. Reason being: my full scholarship Lettinga Campus scholarship things has JUST changed the rules and instead of only being allowed to use the scholarship at the either of the two Grand Rapids Davenport campuses, I am now allowed to use the scholarship at any Davenport campus. There are many.

There are 3 campuses that offer the nursing program. Midland, Dearborn and Warren.

Long story short, next year, if all goes well, Roman and I will be moving to the Detroit (Dearborn or Warren) area and living there and going to school and being 2 and a half hours away from any sort of Cedar-ish area.

My scholarship is renewable up to 4 years. But there is a catch. I must earn a 3.4 GPA or better. So, if my math is correct, if I am taking four 3-credit hours, I can afford to get two B+'s as long as I get two A-'s or A's. I am pretty sure I can do it, but I need to set my standards higher. I used to think that a B was a pretty good grade, not that great, but I can deal with it. Now, I need to accept nothing less than an A.

I'm scared.

Okay different subject.

I know i'm just a lil ol white girl from non-diverse Cedar Springs and I'm not saying that peoples' feelings or thoughts especially of themselves and their history and yada yada isn't important but it is really necessary to cry in an English 110 class over a fricken article? IS IT? okay, that sounds very insensitive, but come on, if anyone knows me they know i am very sensitive. It's okay to feel strongly about it and to have those feelings in you and to really be that upset about the thing as a whole but not this article. It was a thought-provoking satire. A THOUGHT-PROVOKING SATIRE. THAT'S ALL!

I honestly can't take it.

in other news. roman and i bought bikes and rode a lot and had fun and rode them all the way downtown as in ridin along on wealthy and fulton and division. it was fun. and the day before that we rode on some trail and saw a deer and a fawn and then we ended up on 52nd and rode all the way back to burlingame and then home. it was so fun. coolie cool.

"Hey popo! We're ridin dirty but I betcha can't tell!!!"

1 ::..So what? | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 11 October :: 12.11 pm

ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgggggggggggggggggggggg

seriously, i'm gonna kill myself. i knew i shouldn't have came to english today. why is it that everything that people say seriously feel like knives poking into my spine. i CANNOT stand people.

"my fiance"

bull shit you prissy little bitch. two weeks ago you were screwing the milkman.

i wanna throw up and also i want to leave school. i'm so stressed out

shannon do you have my yearbook? can i get it? do you have it? whadoido

omgggggggggggggggggggggggggggg I HATE .......... it's like blah blah blah blha blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. people think everything they have on their mind is so damn important. not everything a person thinks needs to be heard by everyone in the room. shut your mouth and if you really feel like expressing your feelings, go right it in a journal. I seem to be doing a fine job of it myself...

UGH

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 9 October :: 10.18 am

so i've decided i'm going to do nursing like i orginally wanted to do and i think there are gonna be alot of changing coming to my life.

and ps.

i love roman garcia yeehaw

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 2 October :: 8.40 pm

it's so bad. because i'm sitting in this class. i'm giving it three hours of my Monday night... and it's not even what i want to do with my life. i dont want to be a paralegal. gaaaaaaaaawd what am i doing... i dont want to be here at davenport. this isn't even what i want.

i just wanna go have babies and be a happy mommy and i duno. something else that isn't a paralegal exactly.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::