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2006 6 March :: 1.38 pm
Oh and would anyone like any more complaining from me?
Well good.
I just called all the cosmetology schools and one of them wont do visits on saturdays and the other 2 are bitches who dont pick up their phone so basically I have no "reason" other to go down there so I am like 70% sure my mom wont let me go down there.
You know, because our 2 year anniversary and my birthday and roman's birthday obviously aren't reasons to go see my boyfriend.
Obviously.
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 6 March :: 11.19 am
Seriously how bad can our luck be.
So there is so much going on and ugh this.... almost this whole year has just been bad. and this specific year- 2006 has definetely been bad.
My mom won't throw me an open house because I'm moving out. Yeah okay. She's like embarrassed by me and my decisions I'm guessing because she said she doesn't want me to tell people I'm moving in with Roman. I want to be with Roman and really close to him so I can see him within 5 minutes if I want to, but that doesn't mean I'd have to live with him. I would live with friends and really close to him if I could. But I can't. I can't afford that and neither can my friends and I. And... he lives in Jackson so I have to be down there and my friends aren't down there and I am not living with my parents. So yeah , i'm moving in with roman, but not just so that i can be living with him. I'm moving in with him so I don't have to live at home and so that I can be near him. I'm gonna go to one of the 3 cosmetology schools I have picked out.
My mom and I are going to visit the schools hopefully this Saturday. Stef has graciously agreed to me spending the night at her apartment in K-zoo.*thank you again stef* So that is like, exactly halfway between Cedar and Parma(Jackson) so if I spend the night there Saturday night, I can still see Roman after our college visits and spend his birthday and our anniversary together and possibly Sunday.... but he has to work so probably not. And yeah my mom won't let me spend the night with him even though i'll be LIVING with him in 2 months. Does that make any sense... but whatever.
Wednesday is my 18th birthday and Roman was supposed to come up, pick me up from school. We were going to see Brokeback Mt. and then go to Coldstone because i've never had ice cream there. And then we were going to go to Margarita Grille. I thought it would be so fun. For my 18th birthday woo.
BUT GUESS WHAT
big shocker right? He has no car ever since the Taurus' transmission went out, and the truck that the brake line broke got fixed on one side but they are going to fix the other side too so it doesn't happen to that side as well or blah blah whatever car stuff that i dont really understand and his sister probably won't let him take the van so HOORAY no transportation.
He wants to get a car and we want it so bad, but he doesn't have the money right now for a down payment and he doesn't really have anyone who will co-sign. So there are like, no options. He's going to see he how much he needs for the bank to give him a loan but other than that there are no real options so it just sucks so much.
Like seriously. i never want to hear anyone complain about their boyfriends. I mean, obviously if they are going through a break up then yeah, they have it worse. but i can't even see my boyfriend on my 18th birthday which comes once in a lifetime. Seriously if he doesn't come , then i will be doing absolutely nothing on my birthdya. just sitting at home. how much does that suck. Seriously and it's like well i can't get mad at roman. its not his fault. he's been doing all he can. and all he can do right now is work. and he's working 36 hrs a week, he can't be full time just yet but he will be and he works all the time so i what more can i ask from him? for him to grow wings and fly here?!
Oh and one more thing. Can you believe I actually came up with this idea and these words actually came out of my mouth? I suggested us not seeing each other for a whole MONTH so that he can save up for a car . It costs near 50 bucks to fill up that trucks gas tank so by not seeing me for a whole month he could save like a grand and make a down payment for a car. UGHGLAKJSLKF i dont even know. it might happen. how much does that suck.
You know, there's just nothing we can do.
I hate this so much.
And it's like what am I supposed to do, there's nothing to fix it. my parents wont let me drive down there.
theres nothing i can do.
seriously i just hate everything right now.
2 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 3 March :: 5.36 pm
well 5 hours has turned into 15 minutes and i'm SO EXCITED!!!!
have i said that enough!?!?!?
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 3 March :: 1.04 pm
So Roman's gonna be here in 5 hours and then we are heading off to the suprise!!!
hooray!
And jess sorry i wasn't in PE today... my mom took me out to lunch and by the time we were done, it was kinda pointless.
1 ::..So what? |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 3 March :: 11.08 am
Today is finally here! I can't wait to suprise Roman
YAY!
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 2 March :: 9.48 pm
OKAY I ALMOST TO THE POINT OF JUST SAYING FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE.
yeah i love roman totally with all my heart. but i never started loving you any LESS because of my love for roman.
doesn't any of that sound relavent.
well it should.
oh and on a totally different note. i seriously fucking hate racism.
FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!
2 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 2 March :: 4.40 pm
Well now that everything is a closed chapter I guess all I have left to do is move away from here.
Oh and I seriously don't know how Im' going to be able to stand IT. Oh my goodness don't even get me started.
And well I guess cause it's just me and you now......
I seriously would give anything to be alone in your room again ordering pizza and then finishing it off with some Edy's Mint Chocolate Chip.
UGHGHGHGGh. But no, if i wanted that now... I 'd have to drive 2 hours for it.
Great.
Stop taking everything for granted you stupid stupid bitches.
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 2 March :: 4.34 pm
well i know what I'm sick of and I guess I'm free of it now.
so yeah thanks in a weird fucked up way. UGH
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 2 March :: 10.57 am
Okay so I have the best suprise for Roman. The idea came to from someone else so thanks to that someone I got this great idea. And then my mom came up with an addition to it to make it an even GREATER idea and then that idea took a while to work out and I tried and tried and finally I GOT IT!
And then Roman told me he couldn't come here on Friday because he had to work and I cried and cried and cried. And then he said he can leave at 4.
And then the car was going to be fixed and he got the part and then OF COURSE it didn't work.
But his sister is letting him take her van and he will be here at six tomorrow and i CAN'T WAIT!
It has been so hard keeping this suprise from him because I'm so used to telling him everything but I seriously can't wait.
And, as for everything else in my life. I have no idea what is going on.
AT ALL!
so whatever.
2 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 28 February :: 10.48 am
So yeah I have the best suprise for my boyfriend and he's gonna fricken love me more than he already does!
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 28 February :: 10.40 am
BOMB
i got it!
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 27 February :: 9.32 pm
I must.
No, I WILL win!
Muhahahahahahhararrrrrr
Rarrrrrrrrrrr!
Lol I really hope anyway!
2 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 27 February :: 3.34 pm
ahhhhhh if this works out i'll feel like the best girlfriend EVER!! hooray!
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEe!
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 23 February :: 10.40 pm
So..... I guess I'm gonna take an anger management class. It was kind of a joke but...
Ha
Yeah who saw that one coming.
I dunooooo nevermind. *breathes*
3 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 23 February :: 3.25 pm
:: Mood: sad/pissed off/cranky/terrible.
I miss you.
You know That I love you
I have loved you all along And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go.
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.
I wanted you to stay cause I needed... I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along. And I forgive you for being away for far too long.
So keep breathing cause I'm not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold on to me and never let me go. Keep breathing cause I'm not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold on to me and never let me go.
4 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 23 February :: 3.21 pm
COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 22 February :: 10.26 am
funny.
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 21 February :: 9.57 pm
Yeah well once again...
ugh!
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 21 February :: 11.09 am
Please read this, anyone who cares about me:
wow. so yeah my life is pretty much completely effed up.
Okay, so I don't think I can make it in college. My dreams of being a nurse are pretty much shot. I just honestly really don't think I am capable of doing it. I'm sorry, but I don't. It sucks, but I don't. I really just think all I'm cut out to be is a mom. And I guess that's just the way it goes. School is not for me. I hate it and I'm just not all there. It's not in my heart I guess.
I honestly think once you get to be a senior or at least just a little older and you start to see the world and what a bad place it really is a little bit better, you really start to realize that what they teach you in school is almost all USELESS. I mean, yeah some of it sure is going to be relevant but a lot of it is pointless. Like, I can't BELIEVE I wasted a semester (haha, like that's a measure of time..) of my life sitting in Current Events class. I found some of my old papers from that class and seriously if I could rename that class I would name it Penmanship because that is ALL we did is copy things from written documents THAT'S ALL! It was totally and completely pointless. Also, I can't believe I sat through Foundations although when Mrs. Gallert came into the picture, she did teach what needed to be taught, but for the semester before her, it was pointless.
I just think I am going to find a school to go for Cosmetology. Yeah, it makes me sound like I'm going to be a nothing all my life, but really ... I feel like I couldn't succeed at doing anything much greater than that and I feel like WHY spend the money to go to college to just find out I can't do any of the things I wanted to. And at least cosmetology would be a steady job and I could have kids and still work part time and then go back and always do that job when my kids are in school. Really my main goal in life is to have a WONDERFUL family. Which is a good goal for me. Honestly like yeah I'm a little disapointed I won't be able to say I have a DEGREE in something, but at least I can have a wonderful family and good life. I just honestly don't think i"m capable of it.
I've come to realize something... it's extremely easy to say "I'm going to be a nurse" But to actually DO it is a totally different thing. It's hard. And although the words "I'm going to school for nursing" have came out of my mouth a million times. It's a hell of a lot easier said than done. I absolutely HATE school and I struggle too much in Chemistry and math to be able to handle it in college.
So basically- sorry mom and dad, I won't be your prodigy child, I won't be the one you're most proud of. I'll be the dud in your eyes. But in my eyes I'll have the best life out of all of them. I'll be the one who's not swimming in money, but enjoying a wonderful LOVING family. Something you never experienced and one day maybe you'll see it too, and wish you could have it.
And well just think of it this way: 3 out of 4 isn't bad.
Right?
f u ck school. It's just hard because I know I will forever be looked upon as the mess up. Whatever. I'm not going to be what YOU want me to be. Sorry.
I thought I really wanted be a nurse. But when it comes down to it, I don't even know if I would be able to stick a needle in someone. I thought it would be great to know I helped make a baby healthy enough to go home. That'd be a great feeling right? But what if something I did messed something up and KILLED that baby. What if I killed someone's baby that they had carried around for 9 months and waited and waited for the day it would be born and then 3 days later some mistake I make kills it. I just can't have that responsibility. It's way to extreme. Going into cosmetology the worst I could do is give someone a bad haircut.
I know my family will think I chose this because I'm moving in with Roman. Which, say that to yourself, does that really make any sense? Does moving in with Roman have anything to do with my choice of not becoming a nurse? Obviously not. It's not a decision he can make for me. And it's not affected by him. It's me. One thing might have changed my decision though. I would have at least wanted to TRY it IF my parents would pay for my college. But since I have to pay for it on my own, why would I want to take the chance to waste my money. Like, part of me still would like to go to college and maybe find a different profession that would be good for me, but it's like... why not just do this cosmetology thing so I don't have to spend money on finding out that I don't want to do nursing or whatever else.
I don't know.... MAYBE there could be something besides nursing where I don't have someone's life in my hands. But honestly I don't think there is anything I would enjoy. And I wouldn't want to go to college. I honestly just don't think I have what it takes. I can see the foreshadow already. My grades are going to s hit . And I just don't care anymore.
Oh also, how can something so "IMPORTANT" as the ACT's be messed up? On my score sheet it was correct, but I guess when they sent it to the school it now says my math score is a 31 (hahaha, impossible!) and my reading - an 18. Those should be reversed. But with this simple mistake, I could get into a higher math class or whatever or have to take a simple english class. Ugh it's just so dumb.
So good. And that's all.
P.S. I wanted people to read this, especially if they are in college.... I guess to give an opinion. Maybe a suggestion of what I could do instead of nursing. but not for just an encourgement of saying "YES YOU CAN" because I dont want to hear it because honestly, how would you know if I can or not? You dont' know. I think I know myself better than anyone else does. So I guess... opinions please but no praises.
4 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 20 February :: 10.36 pm
FUCK YOU ALL
and i can't wait to fucking be the one
and in 3 months i can't wait to never have to be around you fuckers.
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 18 February :: 10.19 pm
Who knew life could throw so many pitchforks at your ass.
And then it laughs and laughs and laughs as it watches you rub your ass and cry.
Life's a muthafuckin bitch.
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 18 February :: 10.13 pm
I HATE MYSELF! AGAIN!
AND I HATE YOU TOO!
ALL OF YOU.
3 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 16 February :: 10.21 am
So right now I pretty much hate anyone who lives within any reasonable distance to their significant other. So that would be like everyone except Justine.
K, try living 2 hours from your best friend and the person you need to be there for you the most and the person who lifts you up when you are down and makes you smile and makes you feel good and listens to you and cares about you.
Try going 3 weeks without seeing that person's smile.
I hate any of you who ever take it for granted.
I would give anything for Roman to live 40 minutes away from me again.
GUASDKLGAJSGKLSDJGLKSJGLGK i hate money!
okay and why in the heck do you peole say i'm "violent"? I'm not violent, I don't physically hurt people. ;askldfj
1 ::..So what? |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 15 February :: 8.04 pm
okay i dont know how to make it a link but PLEASE do this.
please :0(
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Jessica Michele
and this!!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Jessica Michele
2 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 15 February :: 10.54 am
uggggggggggggggggggggggh you annnnnnoyyyy meeee sooooo mucccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
shut uppppppppppppp and stoppppppppppp braaaaaaaaaaggggggggiiiiiiiinggggggggg
. Perhaps, though, I'm just a little mad at the world.
oh and i'm not going to prom. Just so you know. And by you I don't know who I mean.
I miss Roman, as per usual.
4 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 14 February :: 9.42 pm
UGH i swear . are you the only one now!?!? you are!
2 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 13 February :: 9.06 pm
If there's one thing I've learned about high school it would be that POPULARITY changes anyone and EVERYONE.
Aasdgafgjdfj
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 12 February :: 11.11 pm
omg 11:11 it's such a sign
AHHHAHAHAHAHAH finally saw the love of my life tonight. no, not Bob Sagett, silly- ROMAN!
love love love love him. wanna shout it from the rooftops i am pretedning to be rascal flatts and i dont know the words but i love himmmmmmmmmmmm
and quote of the day
"I eat your boogers for fun, Jess!"
Well yes then everything is settled I shall never go another THREE FRICKEN WEEKS without seeing my glorious lover boy ever ever ever again because it SUCKS
and i love him so much
i love you baby!!
oh and at Olive Garden:
"So wait, is it Free salad OR soup? So are you gonna bring him the salad? and if i get the soup it's free? Are you bringing him a big bowl? So i could just have some of his?"
"Wow, it's only $28 this time? Last time it was like $50." "Oh, they must have charged us for the free bread sticks"
"Could I get a box for the soup too?" "Oh i'll bring you a bowl"
"How bout one for the water?"
"Bring us some more mints." "You'll get a bigger tip!"
"What's your name again?" "Amanda D." "We're gonna have you EVERY time! Aren't you excited?"
"Is she guarding the alcohol?"
"No one said Bonjourno to us" "What did you say to me?! I'm sick of all you damn Italians!"
"Bring her a big sombrero" "Ma'am I'm sorry I dont know if you were aware, but we're in Italy, not MOROCCO"
"What would happen, PERSAY, if it happened to be one of our Birthdays?!"
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"You know you get. I just had to collapse.." "Right, you just had to take a sit down"
"What? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" "I had to puke"
"Did you think that was gross???" "Psh, no. I eat your boogers for fun, Jess"
"LIVE GIRLS! And come see our 25 cent movie arcade!"
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lol lets just say we had a bit too much fun lol. Oh and dont take any of that too literally!! lol.
yeah so and .....
a ten dollar silverware set!!
bomb!
i love you baby! so much! today was JUST what i needed and i wish the rest of my world would disappear.
UGH!
4 ::..So what?..:: |
::Yessa..:: |
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2006 12 February :: 6.38 am
finally! i get to see roman for the first time in 3 weeks .
sooooooooooo happy!
thanks girls last night for a fun time at swirl.
oh and jess honestly you broke my toe. it's all purple, blue and black and it hurts so bad and i can't walk on it. so now i am cripple. but i know it wasn't your fault .
ouch.
1 ::..So what? |
::Yessa..:: |
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