|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 30 June :: 2.50pm
I can't help but laugh...
If you'd like the WHOLE story, go to Gillette's post about Jesus Camp. Get in on the debate if you'd like. For now, an excerpt that is, well, awesome.
"i'm happy how i am. living my life day to day trying to be the best person i can be and let me tell you when i die i will go to wherever i wish to. if it is my own paradise then so be it. perhaps i'll go to disney world. i don't fucking know. i'm not dead yet.
btw how do you know all these things are real. has a dead person come to your hosue and knocked on the door and said i died and went to heaven i also went on a fieldtrip to hell. no i don't fucking think so. it's only what people tell you. read a history book or ask a fucking history fucking teacher.
the bible was written by men. men lie. they are all liars. but aren't we all? we all must repent. if we want to live eternal life in the joys of jesus with golden roads and lollipops."
-Jessie Gillette
1 Coded Line |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 28 June :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I was sitting in the middle of Zach's field watching him and Rueben build their earth bag structure and watching the sun, shrouded in clouds like holy cloths, sink slowly behind a grove of trees and down into the horizon...and the clouds that were in the sky above me were very tall and large and loomed bright and purple and pink, slowly drifting to the west...and I sat there in thought, the clink of shovels filling bags with earth as my background music, my medium of meditation, while I braided grass that I collected from around me...the conclusion came suddenly of the selfishness of it all. We live for each other. Humanity is too wrapped up in itself, and that's where all the problems come from. Too involved, too lost in self absorbtion to get even a glimpse of the real, big picture...and it was just me wedged between the earth and the sky, the clouds pressing down on me as the light diminished to shine in another place. What does it matter? It's all too big. We live as if it matters what we do. It might, for a moment...but not for long.
I spend my days in a large building with no windows. Eventually, the field that was raped to put that building there, will destroy it. The grass and trees, and the little insects we sell repelents to destroy will consume it. It will take years, but what does that matter? The earth has years.
And then, when it's gone, what will it matter that I spent my days locked inside that building, wrapped up in the price adjustments, and money transfers, and the selling of overpriced synthetic food items?
I should have spent them else where, doing something else. But alas, I'm wrapped up tightly in it, playing by all the rules, doing what is expected, what is supposedly right.
And even if it's right, or wrong, or indifferent, what will it matter?
And it's hard to live with these kinds of questions in my head. It's hard to wake up in the morning with no purpose, with up becomind down and down turning up. Confusion is the name of the game. I don't know if I have a purpose. I know it's not to do the bidding of some guy up in the sky.
But somehow, I have this, this seemingly eternal hope. Hope for what? I have no idea. But it keeps me going when it seems like there is no purpose, no reason for it all. I suppose it's just some animal instinct that's buried deep in my subconscious, the message in the DNA to keep going, to procreate...
But we've created such an elaborate game of it all. If the goal is to procreate, why don't we just do that? Why are there so many other factors involved? Byproducts of something of evolution. It seems that everything we've created is so unnatural...
Why can't we be like every other animal and fuck each other and then die?
1 Coded Line |
Submit New Line of Code
|
angel_bob
|
::
2007 27 June :: 3.01pm
Did I tell you that you all suck?
Because you do, losers.
3 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
angel_bob
|
::
2007 26 June :: 6.33pm
Did I tell you about when I saw Mark Ruffalo in Prague?
It's a good story.
5 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
sike-a-delic_grasshopper
|
::
2007 26 June :: 12.34am
I quit my job today. I am excited. I'll still be working there till wensday, and then thursday I am going with the fam to WI. Should be a good time, provided I survive the car ride.
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 25 June :: 2.24pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Along for the Ride" Vannessa Carlton
I'm in a rut. A summer rut. I don't like summer. It's too...loose. There is little structure, routine. I find myself wasting time. I dislike wasting time. I don't have time to waste, yet, that's what I do, I waste it.
Right before I fall asleep at night, my mind races with a thousand things that I should do the next day. I can't remember them when I wake up in the morning, and I'm caught in an endless cycle of waking up, eating, watching t.v, usually going to work, coming home emotionally and physically exhausted, reading for a while in bed, and going to sleep.
This is the point where I think there is more. And there is, but I just don't have the [drive, motivation, energy] to do whatever it is.
I just felt a horrible, unexplainable loss when I woke up this morning.
I'm way too uptight. And I don't think I know how to relax.
1 Coded Line |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
angel_bob
|
::
2007 20 June :: 4.23pm
Things I forgot about:
Read more..
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 15 June :: 11.27pm
A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of the books have been lost.
A Presidential spokesperson said the President was devastated, as he had not quite finished coloring the second one.
The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.
3 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 15 June :: 10.59pm
Rueben and I rented a few documentaries today. One was called Maxed Out, and it was about how credit card debt, and debt in general, is ruining the country. Well, not the whole country, just the majority of the people who aren't millionaires.
Then we watched Jesus Camp. If you haven't watched this, you really need to. For the first time, I found myself, as an agnostic/atheistic liberal, as the enemy. It really makes you wonder about religion. It can be taken to so many extremes. This is about radical Christianity, in our own country. We are fighting radical Islam, killing in the name of freedom, when the Christian Evangelicals are on the same path, except they're predominately white, upper middle class, and are fighting in the name of a different God, one that most of Americans can claim some type of allegiance to.
They "love" the United States, but are attempting to dissolve the separation of Church and State, and take away anything that isn't set out in the Bible. Homosexuality? Wrong. Abortion? No way. Violence? well, they're training their children to be an "Army of God." I'll leave it at that.
To all of you out there that think you're better because you have "God in your Heart," I understand that you might not agree with hardly anything that the Evangelicals are preaching, but you have to at least agree that almost all religion, whether it be Islam, or Christianity, is almost like playing with fire. It can easily be taken to the extreme. Can you understand? Can you understand how dangerous it can be to believe in something so much that you're willing to kill for your cause? To secure a place in heaven? Don't even get me into if heaven really exists, or what heaven can be defined as, if there is such a thing. Can you understand the necessity of the Separation? Can you understand that anything to do with a great mass of people can be dangerous?
No, I don't believe that some God waved his hand and made up the earth and the trees and man (and woman for that matter). Neither do I believe that the world is held up on the shoulders of a really strong man (Greek and Roman) or that the world sprung up on the back of a turtle (Iroquois).
I believe that every person should go through the day trying not to hurt anyone else, and maybe even trying to make someone else's life a little better. I believe in respect, and I believe in the idea that everyone is equal, even if it doesn't happen that way. I truly believe that I am a good person if I follow these few simple guidelines, and I don't need someone telling me to live "for God". I'm living for me, because really, I don't believe that there is anything once I die. I could be proven wrong, but for the time being, I'd like to know that I'm using my life for something, because that's all there is. You are born, you live, you change a few things, for the better, hopefully, and then you die. That's it.
And no, I don't go around telling people that they should become agnostics or atheists like a lot of others go around trying to recruit others to their religion. You know why? Because what I've choosen is right for me. And no one can talk me out of it. No one can scare me out of it. If I have to die for my right not to believe, to die with the knowledge that I don't have a eternal life, or eternal hope, I'm okay with that. Just as long as I don't kill others because they don't believe the same things as me. Just as long as I don't hurt anyone else, because in my mind, that's what good human beings do. They help, not harm.
5 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
sike-a-delic_grasshopper
|
::
2007 14 June :: 1.00pm
I am spamming about music but it is important and may improve your life.
So yesterday I came home and listened to this little thing called "The Diane Perry Tape" by a band called the Brian Jonestown Massacre. And it knocked my socks off like nothing has in a long time. Probably not since I heard Dead Meadow for the first time. And I love me some Dead Meadow. But anyway, I was thinking, "Hmmm I need to find more out about this band because I would like some more of their music." SO I went to their site, and lo and behold, they have entire albums that you can download for free. That's probably where I got the Diane Perry Tape from in the first place. So, in conclusion, go to the Brian Jonestown Massacre's site and download some music. It may suprise you.
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
angel_bob
|
::
2007 14 June :: 2.18am
I feel kind of bad because everyone else is reverse culture shocking it up and wants to go back to France.
But then I think about it and it is okay that everyone else loved France and wants to go back.
I am more happy here than I have been since maybe November or before whenever leaving for France became real.
They can have all the France they want.
Because it sucked and I hated it.
I seriously am surprised when men don't yell at me, check me out or honk at me when they drive by. And that is not a good thing to be surprised about.
For clarification, when I was in the airport in France waiting for my plane wearing khakis that I'd slept in and an old comfy shirt, airport security guards clicked at me. It's this thing that French guys did. They clicked at girls like you would click at a cat or dog to make it come to you. When I was in Texas and wearing a shirt white dress with a tennis skirt that snapped in the front, a guy looked at me and moved on. Like a normal person.
I am so glad to be home.
Plus there are stores open later than 7 at night. And I understand everything people say.
Seriously, this is the best country in the world. And you know how I hate this country.
I just wish I had my car and my job.
I love you all and I am so happy to be home. Beyond happy.
2 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 13 June :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Delila - Plan White T's
The summer is catching up on me. And I just realized it. I've been home for about a month and a half, and I'm still readjusting...in little ways, but readjusting nonetheless.
After a long, horrible night of work, I got home at eleven thirty last night to a letter sitting on my bed. It informed me that I had been awarded a $1000 scholarship from the GR community foundation. I'm relieved. I'm definitely in a safe spot with my financials for next year right now, and there is even a bit of a surplus.
Lately, it seems like I'm biding my time, just waiting to get to the real "life," the one where I'm suppose to do something meaningful, where I enjoy what I do. The life when I come home from a day on the job and I can say to myself, "I made a difference."
The only difference I've been making lately is on the stains on the tile floor behind the service desk.
I've been doing announcements lately, over the PA at Meijer. Just for stupid crap, like the credit card..."Attention Meijer guests, Would you like to save 10% off your entire order today...." and "Currently we have patio sets for 15-33% off thier original price in the garden center..."
A few people have told me that I should be a radio DJ. That got me thinking. I would like to do something with my voice. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be the voice of an animated character in a movie or on a tv show. I think it would be really fun to do something like that. If only...
Well, I have to go to work now, unfortunately. I get to work with Phil tonight, so that should be fun. I like working with people who are very laid back, because I'm really uptight, and I need that reassurance that everything isn't as bad as it seems.
All for now.
Michelle
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
1010101
|
::
2007 11 June :: 1.45am
Hmm, So I've finally started writing again it seems. Quite slowly, but surely (well, more the former and less the latter), both in this journal, and in my story. For those of you who haven't received frequent updates on the status of my story, and who care, I've pretty much decided for sure about what I'm going to write. I even kind of have a rough framework drawn up and whatnot. Now I just need to go through the tedious and almost painful process of filling in that framework. Tonight I actually managed to get the better part of a page completed. Though that might not sound like much, trust me, that page has taken at least a month to emerge in it's current form.
So, aside from my story and a few random happenings with friends and whatnot, my life is pretty damn similar to how it probably was about a year ago. I'm still working at meijer, mostly because I couldn't get another job. I'm not pushing carts, but instead running around fixing registers and telling computer-illiterate people how to resize windows and cut/copy/paste files. Yeah, it's uh, fun >_>.
Oh, though one of our servers did catch fire a week or two ago. Granted neither I nor anyone from my department was there to witness it, but I still found it funny that one of the computers there caught fire after all the jokes I've made about registers spontaneously combusting.
I've also resumed my hobby of looking for poorly named products at meijer. Thus far the best ones I've found have been: Mount Gay rum (I guess it's from barbados or something...), and then Worm Blower, which I found in the fishing aisle between the Rod Holder, and the Mouth Spreader.
Hm, so what else is there...
...I guess I beat Final Fantasy XII a while ago. It took me 106 hours and I still only got through 2/3 of the side-quests. For those of you who may happen to be playing the game, or who are even thinking of playing the game, DON'T SPEND TIME ON THE DAMN SIDE-QUESTS. They are completely worthless wastes of time in which you run for about a half hour to get to some dumb monster, defeat said dumb monster, and then run back to the dumb person that asked you to kill the dumb monster to get a really dumb reward. Nothing is added to the plot, none of the characters are developed, and just about nothing of interest happens during them.
Yeah though, that's about all I can think of right now. Adios amigos...
5 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
angel_bob
|
::
2007 9 June :: 8.49pm
Buddy and I found a ribbon generator:
1 Coded Line |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|
sike-a-delic_grasshopper
|
::
2007 9 June :: 10.34am
So we're getting new dog from the shelter. His name's Edward but we might change it and he's a lab mix. Not too sure what's in the mix but he's real friendly. We can't bring him home till monday so maybe then I'll post some pics if I can figure out how.
2 Coded Lines |
Submit New Line of Code
|
|