The Truth of Killing a Song Bird

:: 2008 26 October :: 9.54pm

Its hard to forgive what happened.

Its also hard to lose a friend that close.

what to do?

:: 2008 26 October :: 3.52pm
:: Music: blink 182 - always

for once, i'm enjoying the rain

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.19pm

it really sucks losing sombody i was that close with, Its not worth my pain for that though.

also, with all the depressing entry's lately, i bring you ken, the lawn jockey

:: 2008 25 October :: 4.11am
:: Mood: numb

"regret nothing, Live every day as if it we're your last"
Since red flannel I've learned alot about myself, alot more than I care to know.

I know now that I try and change myself to fit in with someone else.
I know what its like to say "I love you" and truly mean it
I have cried, I don't do that ever.
I have driven to points where I feel nothing at all, then I cut myself just to see if pain even exists, it doesn't.
I have compleatly handed my heart to someone
who had no idea what to do with it, and later crushed it.

I knew what I was getting into, she warned me, told me not to do it.
I've also learned to listen.
I've learned lies hurt more than the truth.

In the past month, I've felt the best I ever have in life, I feel the worst I ever have right now.

This girl has driven me to do things I've never considered ever before, I wish I could put into words the way I'm feeling now.

flexeril can't even take these feelings away.

When the time comes, just remember.
"Regret nothing and live every day as if its your last."

Erin Marie Crisp,

Again, I've never been as sorry as I am now about how much i hurt you.
again I'm sorry.

Justin McW,
You we're right, my knife is definatally not sharp enough.

:: 2008 22 October :: 11.28pm

Sons of Anarchy
so far on SoA i've recognized 2 songs

clutch - can't stop progress
Dropkick murphys - johnny i hardly knew ya

jax is a badass, plain and simple, throwing a guy through a glass door last week, then this week shooting him in the head.

also gemma's friend had a good one liner "six years of taking two in the ass while a teenager cums on
my face!"

jedibumblebee

:: 2008 20 October :: 7.43pm

I want to ask you
Do you ever sit and wonder
It's so strange
That we could be together for so long
And never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head
Things I've felt but I never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all...)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand up and paint me (paint me anything)
Any face that you wanted me to be
See, we're damned by the existential moment
Where we saw the couple in the coma
And it was we who were the cliche
But we carried on anyway
So sure I can just close my eyes
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize
But can you go back once you know?

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all...)

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ahh....)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ahh...)
So easily led astray, an errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash then
Why the fuck would you want me back?
Maybe it's because...

You don't know me at all
(Ahhhh, ahh...)
You don't know me, you don't know me
(Ahhhh, ahh...)

So what I'm trying to say is
What I'm trying to tell you is not going to come out like I want to say it
Cause I know you'll only change it
Say it

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all...)

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all!)

What?

:: 2008 19 October :: 11.11pm
:: Music: weigh on my mind - the transplants

I've made the decision to stop drinking so much, also i need to get some shit straightened out in my life.

and i bring some lyrics,

Read more..

1 You are Invited | Would you drop everything?

:: 2008 19 October :: 7.43pm

so. Interesting weekend.

I went and saw some old temple. I say it like that because after your 5th or 6th temple you stop appreciating the grandeur of them. Not that I have no appreciation at all... but they start to blend together. This one happened to be on top of this hill/mountain and almost naturally blended into the scenery. I mean, you had to look past the hordes of people that were there but otherwise it was quite scenic. It also helped that I had a fantastic tour guide, although I dont' think she thought so so much. Whatev, it was a good time.

Afterwards we went to eat pizza... which you don't see very often. (I've been here for about a month and 3 weeksish now and I've done pretty good, so I deserve a good cheating).

I've been progressivly losing weight... not so healthy I don't think, but I eat alot. Maybe I should just eat more?

this up coming weekend will be very hectic. Shigadai party on friday, and then kyoto on saturday (like every fucking weekend). But it's sort of the halloween weekend for them, so it should be interesting to see how they percieve the condemned holiday.

speaking of which, I still can't decide on a costume... any ideas?

:: 2008 18 October :: 3.28am
:: Mood: high

i see it, i wonder if they do too.

:: 2008 16 October :: 10.29pm

bowled a 102, 180, and 152. i'm feeling good.

:: 2008 16 October :: 4.26pm
:: Mood: accomplished

feeling great right now.
truck is in my driveway, hoodlatch is fixed, needs an oil change though, also needs the steering shaft u-joint or whatever, it kind of wanders.

I get to bowl tonight and i'm going to kick ass at it, fuck yeah!

:: 2008 16 October :: 2.49am

in my attempts to understand others, i still don't understand myself.

I wonder if I'll ever know exactly who I am.

spud	:: 2008 15 October :: 3.46am Bzoink Friend Tests I got 1000000% on jessa's Test! Take The Test \| Create One Bzoink.com \| View Scoreboard 5 You are Invited \| Would you drop everything?

spud

:: 2008 15 October :: 3.32am
:: Mood: sleepy

I mean, crap, man.

... that's, like, his stomach plug on the ground, there. That's not even physically possible, if you think about it....

::

so yeah. i really need to clean out my email inbox. it's seriously bad.

i also need to stop failing at doing my homework. i turned in a paper today that was almost a week late, and when i was called on for discussion in another class, i just told her that i couldn't answer the question, because i didn't do the reading. not that half the class did. but the fact that i had to put it out there in words was awkward.

and it's not going to let up. theoretically i'll be starting work soon, which will only cause things to get worse. then again, maybe it will keep me busy to where i'm more productive and more motivated. hopefully that's the case.

either way, something has to change, because i can't keep going on like i am. i have serious issues with getting to bed, getting up, getting my work done, and getting places on time. especially lately. and it's very uncool.

that aside, the front moved through. that's nice. much cooler tonight. makes me happy. i'm excited for fall.

:: 2008 14 October :: 6.39pm

alright,

truck just needs plates to drive now, insurance is transfered, brake lights didn't work, fixed those.

need to get the hood latch to work now, change the fluids, and i'll be good to go.

:: 2008 14 October :: 2.27am

I've decided to just take things for what they are.

I've also decided my new years resolution is to spend less time on this fucking computer.

:: 2008 13 October :: 7.40pm

dakota runs now.

it was corroded wiring, all i need to do now is bolt the box down, plates, and insurance.

1 You are Invited | Would you drop everything?

:: 2008 12 October :: 2.44pm

So meh...

another day.

I wish I spoke more japanese.

I had an interesting night last night. let's call it a Kevin moment and call it a day shall we?

who else had an interesting night last night?

8 You are Invited | Would you drop everything?

:: 2008 10 October :: 11.46am

also, i bowled a 144, 151, and 170 last night

:: 2008 10 October :: 12.29am

again, i'm keeping her.

5 You are Invited | Would you drop everything?

:: 2008 8 October :: 11.39pm

so... the girl across the street.

:: 2008 7 October :: 10.58pm

I'm MCing a halloween party here for the students...

why? because sadly enough I'm the least introverted person who isn't making a beer bong or a hemp necklace and puking in a bar every saturday...

also, I get to scare japanese children in a haunted house!!

:: 2008 6 October :: 11.39pm

I'm in a really good mood right now. ^_^

:: 2008 5 October :: 1.27pm

underwear day was a success.

mannlyguy

:: 2008 4 October :: 2.41am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Fuel-Hemorrhage(In My Hands)

So it's the same old story......work sleep work. 10 hour days 5 days a week and working most weekends really blows ass. This really was a f$#$ed up week, mostly because my mom had a heart attack on Tuesday which really kinda set things into perspective....a few things at least. Have you ever just wondered why in the hell we live and then we die? What the hell is the point to our lives if they are realitively short in length and typically have no bearing on the world? If you have an answer feel free to tell me because I really have no idea. Again just another mindless ramble from me so I will cut it short as not to bore the woohu population.

4 You are Invited | Would you drop everything?

:: 2008 4 October :: 1.14am

tomorrow, red flannel, after party is at jenny's

you want to hang out with me tomorrow?
call the cell

616-835-2734

i'll be ooot and abooot all day.

:: 2008 2 October :: 1.00pm

phone interview in an hour, wish me luck.

:: 2008 2 October :: 8.38pm

So I'm actually bored for the first time in a month. Go me!

Stayin alive, meetin a lot of interesting people, slaughtering english grammar and spelling, the usual...

doing good in my classes. Which is nice. I'm enjoying slowly being able to pick out one or two words that someone might throw at me. Motherfuckers talk fast.

Going to a party at the local university tomorrow followed by dinner and probably more drinking.

saturday will be yet another excursion to kyoto followed by more dancing and drinking...

and sunday morning probably even more so to get rid of my hangover...

I've eaten a few random things. Raw ground beef with a raw egg on top... surprisingly delicious. They seasoned it somehow, but none the less, looking at it would make you gag.

so I'll probably go stab myself now. TTYL!!!

*edit* also noteworthy that I experienced an earthquake. It was lame.

:: 2008 30 September :: 7.20pm

found out where all the missing coolant was going.

not on the ground, in the oil pan.

:: 2008 30 September :: 1.53pm

phone interview 2pm thursday