so i've decided to work myself into the ground to pay off some bills and shit.
today
work from 8-3ish
get out, come home take it easy for a little whiel
howies from 5-10:30
get out there get up to the shop clean another bus or two. ~2 hours per bus
go home, sleep for.... 6 hours or so, wake up go to work do it all again.
You know... everyone was all talkin about how they'd like to bone the girl in the green dress. I don't know... the whole time I'm thinking, I kind of want to have sex with her maid.
I received my letter of acceptance, which means that it's official. I leave september 1 and will not be back until May. Believe me, I was estatic to hear it. The only problem is that now they want me to give them a million things in a week. It's like a really stressful scavenger hunt. Kind of fun, really.
What would you do for a klondike, or two dykes that look Christina Milian like? yeah, I'd be on time for that...
Stopped by the bookstore today. Noticed that the girl working the front desk was quite attractive. She really pulls off the hot librarian scheme really well, and in the end comes out looking fairly sincere. "I'd hit it," is the phrase I guess I would use. The way she asked me if I had any Bulldog Dollars, mmm mmm mmm.
Maybe I was so turned on by the $30 I saved by going to that bookstore in the first place. I hate Ferris and their horrible price mark-ups on their books. They want my soul, man.
So I had this dream that I was on a tropical island, drinking a mojito (does that mean I'm gay? oh only if the mojito was wearing loafers) and walking down the beach. Then I saw Bill and Phil with laptops but they wouldn't talk to me. I kept on walking and saw a plethora of old high school friends, but none of them seemed to want to pay any attention to me, so I kept walking. Then there was a John Mayer song playing in the background ( yep, gay), one of the old ones. And then I saw Andrea Groner, and she said Hi. Then I woke up.
You see Andrea, as creepy as I may be, this is inevitable... :P
no more 3x5's Andrea, no more 3x5's...
On a less creepy note, good weekend ahead of me, but first I must get through class today. I managed to get all the homework done for b-law despite the ridiculous requests the professor makes.
I've managed to wash my hands relatively clean though... and it feels good, and is a plus for my mental status. From now on one step at a time, no more trying to change everything at once. Should be interesting, I'll keep you posted.
so tonights update involves weird dreams, sitting on my butt, and bowling.
there has been a battle in my head about various things in life, and afterlife, questioning my beliefs and such. I'm not sure what I believe right now, Almost like I'm scared to believe. weird isn't it?
Anyways, Tonight I sat around and pretty much did nothing, I talked to Erin and noc online and now i'm laying in bed, fuck i forgot my pushups and crunches, so i'll be doing those right after this entry.
I bowled tonight, Nothing great, a 144 was my high game :( we got raped tonight, everyone on the other team was bowling much much better than we we're. oh well, shit happens.
Erin's coming soon, I'm excited for that. Really really excited.
I need to find a new job soon, I want alot of stuff and I can't afford it driving pizza. Its just not worth my time to do it anymore :(
::
2008 22 February :: 12.45am
:: Music: temple of the dog
i shot ten minutes of b-roll, and twenty minutes of interview today. so, nobody can say i'm slacking off. i have a com midterm tomorrow at two. filming some more b-roll from 3 to 5. not sure what's happening after that. possibly another interview.
saturday morning i have the studio from 8 to 10, so stewart can come in and lay down some phat bass grooves. midday might do some more interview action. and in the evening, kevin requested my company doing god-knows-what.
sunday i planned on doing church, lifting, maybe a movie, and then making up a bunch of shit for that scriptwriting assignment i wrote about last time. i also have an article due monday by two, so that might happen sunday night as well.
it looks pretty when i say it like that. very neat and orderly. everything fits.
however, reality is very very different. reality includes all the stuff i know about but didn't add to the schedule. it also includes all of the unfortunate (and sometimes fortunate) random shit that i'll never see coming, no matter how hard i try.
i don't know which i'd prefer, the reality as it is now, or the reality as it would be if it followed the paper exactly. the paper would be boring, but i feel like i'd be much more productive and much less stressed out. and i wouldn't feel as guilty about forgetting people (since it wouldn't happen) and i would never have to deal with the trauma of "picking favorites" (regardless of whether they're actually favorites, or just necessary damage control).
meh. life treats me well though. far better than i deserve. i just hope to god there's a light at the end of the tunnel. because, it feels like there is, but that it's never going to come. as we all know, light moves faster than i do, so i have zero chance to ever catch up with that shit. none whatsoever.
but i guess i'm supposed to be okay with that.
thanks once again, mr. j. for letting me bitch into you, and for having you not judge me. or even notice me at all, really. i appreciate that sometimes.
I went to pay my ticket and the envelope said it was $70 and 3 points, I get there and the lady tell me its going to be $80 because they raised the prices.
Then i show up late to work because i was at the court house longer, Bill was opening today, for those of you that don't work at hungry howies, bill is the district manager, He wasn' t pissed thank god.
I had to close with him tonight though, we had the entire place ready to close at 8:30, I was impressed with how he did stuff.
I get home, played some Q3 with the rabid-duck crew.
Now my arms and abs are sore from the pushups and crunches i just did.
It feels good.
i'm completely overwhelmed by this assignment. i think it's really cruel to make us go right into writing a full-on script. i have NO ideas. none! i like documentaries, because you can just find something to observe, and then manipulate what you see into something artistic. i like working with small groups of people, where you collaborate and build on each other's ideas. not like this. i'm so small and alone and insignificant and inexperienced. i suck at writing scripts, because - while i am good at writing, at least in certain ways - all of those qualities are things that don't make a damn bit of difference in scriptwriting. i have NEVER done theater, whether writing or performance. my short stories have all been bad - with some good parts in there - but as a whole, bad. and i understand that the point of the class is to get better at it. but i don't see how you're going to get better when you're bogged down and stressed out and completely nonplussed. i mean, i can look at a script, once it's written, and probably pick out some of the things that are good and some of the things that are bad. but in the process of writing it, i'm so lost in the formatting and the coming up with any ideas - anything at all - that i have no attention span left for critical analysis.
i'm just pissed.
calm down chris. you're okay. you're going to the studio tomorrow night, and it will be beautiful. you're done for the day, you only have one class tomorrow. it'll all be just fine. quit being a fucktard, and just enjoy it.
the one time i forget to copy my text before i submit, is always the time the whole entry gets deleted.
anyway, kevin:
dad's getting a band together. i want you to come try out. i will get you more information as soon as it's available. even if it's only for the summer, it'd still be fun.
also, i'm going to try applying for my passport this week. wish me luck.
::
2008 13 February :: 12.33am
:: Music: the little river band
reminiscing
you know... not much has changed, in me anyway. i like to think that i've grown or improved in some way. but i haven't, really.
gangles was on american idol tonight, doing the same thing he's always done. granted, he was essentially booed off the stage. and i knew when i saw him drumming in the intro stuff that it wouldn't end well. i think he would have been much more successful with guitar. and honestly, i wished he would have gone on. which is probably sad.
but it got me wondering... why isn't some podunk town somewhere in an uproar because I'M on national television, making an ass of myself? why isn't it me out there, doing what i love to do? and i came to the conclusion that it's the very same reason that mike chose gangles instead of me. the same reason i was always overshadowed by him in the talent show.
because i'm not a dickweed. i wish i were, but the fact remains that i am not, and i haven't been in a long long time. there was a time when i was. and i enjoyed the privileges it afforded me - just as he enjoys the privileges it affords him. but ultimately, i made a choice growing up that i wouldn't be a dickweed; that i actually wanted a few close friends who liked me, instead of many distant acquaintances who liked me and close friends i pushed away.
but lately, i've been becoming more of a dickweed again. i've begun pushing away many of those close friends, and attracting a handful of distant acquaintances. however, this time the switch wasn't really a conscious choice. sure, i've always been jealous of the dickweeds in my life, since they got to do more and be more, and i just sat there and let them. but i don't think it's worth it to me to give up my close friends, just so i can do more and be more. i'd rather have them and live in squalor, than become big and have nobody there.
even still, i find myself continuing down the path to dickweed-dom. how do i stop it? can i stop it? do i want to stop it? i don't know. maybe. yes.
but i still have no idea where that puts me, or what the next thing i have to do to change it might be.
but hey, i did dishes tonight, worked on my fafsa, did some networking business for my school projects, and watched some T.V. so what am i complaining about? i can pretend to be a big rock star later. for now i'll just be the poor college student i'm supposed to be, and find some way to assimilate and be a happy part of the machine.
"shyah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!"
well, i got my script done. it's shitty. the dialogue is bad. i'm pretty sure it's formatted incorrectly. which is honestly no fault of mine, since he gave us a bunch of different examples, each of which was ambiguous, and different from the next. but at least it's done.
i'm pretty sure he's a terrible professor. good guy, knows a lot about film, but terrible at teaching. which is unfortunate.
here you go:
FADE IN:
INT – OFFICE – DAY
The office is brightly lit, but dark furnishings and wall coverings are ominous still. PHIL – the boss - sits, lost in thought examining paperwork, in a very imposing chair behind a large oak desk, with a large window behind showing the side of a neighboring skyscraper.
There is a KNOCK at the door.
PHIL
Come in.
JOHN enters, not timidly, but cautiously.
JOHN
You wanted to see me, sir?
PHIL
Yes, please sit down. I'll be with you in a moment.
JOHN obeys and sits in front of the desk, looking around the room, absently fidgeting with his clothes. PHIL continues to be absorbed in paperwork
PHIL (CONT'D)
Sorry to keep you waiting, but I really needed to finish that.
JOHN
Oh, it's no problem. So, you wanted to see me?
PHIL
Yes, John. I've been hearing some very disconcerting rumors regarding your conscientiousness and devotion to your work.
JOHN
(pause)... Is that so?
PHIL
Yes. I understand that you habitually leave early for and return late from your lunch breaks, but fix the numbers on the computer. You have also been known to use a hostile tone when speaking to customers. And you don't always file your reports on time. We're considering putting you on monitored probation.
JOHN
Probation!? I've been with this company for over ten years! And now you're threatening me? After all I've done for you....
PHIL
I'm sorry John, but we have standards to adhere to. And we have to ensure that all of our employees, even those who have been with us for a long time, are adhering to those standards.
JOHN
(increasingly upset) Standards, eh? The way I see it, the standards of this company went out the door the moment they let you start running the show! You're more concerned about keeping up appearances, and a healthy bottom line for the stockholders, than you are about taking care of the very people who take care of you! What would you do without people like me, Phil? We work hard every single day, doing all of the menial, mundane, thankless tasks, which – if gone undone – would bring this operation to the ground. And you don't even give us a long enough lunch to go across the street for a bagel!
PHIL
We have a cafeteria he...
JOHN
(cuts him off, yelling) I don't care if there's some shitty cafeteria in this fucking building! I want options! I want freedom: I want to be able to choose to go to Joe's café for a coffee and a bagel on my lunch break, and not get fired for it. I want to be able to stop what I'm doing for five minutes, so I can take a piss, without having it docked from my pay.
JOHN stands up and BANGS his fist on the desk, angrily.
JOHN (CONT'D)
I'm sick and goddamn tired of spending every day dreading coming into work, because I know I'll spend it looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We would honestly get more work done, in a shorter amount of time, if we were provided a more relaxed work environment. But instead we're all just quaking in our little cubicles, waiting for your minions to waltz up to our desk and tell us to box up our stuff because we used a No. 2 pencil instead of blue or black ink on our latest efficiency progress report!
PHIL
(Very long pause) Well....
JOHN sits, somewhat awkwardly; anticlimactic.
PHIL (CONT'D)
... It's clear you're upset with the way things are run around here, and that you're intimately familiar with the needs and desires of our employees. It's also evident that you're not afraid to share your feelings and opinions on important matters with me. I'm creating a new position on my staff, "Employee Liaison/Advisor," and these capacities make you the perfect candidate. What do you say? Would you like to join my cabinet?
JOHN
(pause) May I have some time to decide?
PHIL
Absolutely
INT – CAFÉ – NIGHT
JOHN sits alone at a table next to a window, with a bagel and coffee, and his laptop open beside them. He is composing an email, addressed to PHIL, stating simply "I'm in".
JOHN
(to self) What are you doing? Can you even trust this guy? Well, I suppose he trusts you well enough.
He exhales deeply, just before CLICKING "Send". He closes the laptop, packing it in his bag, finishes eating the bagel, grabs the coffee, and walks out of the shop.
they say that sleeping over-abundantly is a sign of depression. but i disagree. i say it's just a sign that you're fucking tired and want to sleep.
then again, it could simply be that you just can't summon up the strength to rise and face the world in yet another pointless day, in which you scurry around doing pointless things until you're tired enough to fall asleep again.
...
naaaaa, you're just fucking tired, that's all there is to it.
all in all not the worst weekend ever. bowling was great. the whole DD thing kind of killed the mood for me, but at the same time provided a new perspective onto the intoxicated times had.
moped around yesterday and today. Boo to that.
it's about a negative four degrees farenheit here. cheers.
fucking chris got me stuck on turbo ford's
it probably wouldn't take much to get that car running, just a complete motor swap because the douche probably burned that motor up, its just an N/a motor with a turbo on it, can handle like 5psi max :(
