now i know, once and for all, and it pains me a little, but the scars will fad, especially ten years from then. but until that day, in a matter of months, i won't let go of her. i don't care what they say or do about this. they're all just more bricks in the wall. i love her....

My final potatoes
ok, that's mother fucking it, i've chosen my potatoes, and to hell with it all... i'm sick of hiding, i'm sick of holding back, this anger keeps breaking out in small bits and it's hurting other people... today, i blew up and almost killed madeline and hit my mom, and then i like, yeah, hid in my room for fourty five minutes. of course, i had a vision, and it scared the shit out of me, but now, no more hiding, no more holding back, i'm fucking going all the fucking way. i'm over the deep end now. don't try and pull me back.....

Tori, as always
hmm, hm hm hm...... i feel like complete shit ferris, i smashed a little kid named satan, i smashed satan, oh dear, dear dark master, i'm so sorry... well anyway, today i felt an awful lot like she was avoiding me. it was annoying, but i understand why, i'm falling even more in love with you letting go of all i've held on too, i'm standing here untill you make me move, hanging by a moment here with you.

it feels like a long time since the night she said yes. but it hasn't been. what, two nights? well, it feels like a long time, but it's not. maybe she was right, but i've heard no one say that before. well, whatever, if we do we do, if we don't we don't i guess i'll pick my potatoes.... maybe this weekend....it'd be my first one. wow. i'm already thirteen and i still haven't.......that's a weirded out thought. well, yeah.

wow
i'm actually happy. wow. god fuck it tori, wha'dya do to me? ha...............ahhhh........i wonder when i'll have to fight again......i can't believe it, what they did to you, what we did to you, and well, that's just so much pain...nothing can stop me now.......I'd kill them all, but it's not really their fault, after, they run with the system, their just another brick in the wall......cause i just don't care.....i found it amusing how alex tried act like she was out. but i'm glad she's not, it's not worth it, but now that we're here, it's like maddy's quote, there's no going back, our potatoes are down......i see the truth when i'm all stupid eyed.........the perfect drug.........i love NIN. well, guess it's that much closer to over...

she's right, i was right, we're all fucking right
Well, now that this is partielly cleared up, i've got some stuff to do......... shit i hate this part, oh well......I have to go before i'm shot by my sister

wow......
i actually believe it. man i was so tired last night that i couldn't remember what i'd said, so i went over the conversation this morning. i was so stupid in them, so so stupid, but i was happy, and i still am, sort of, but yeah........ i've got may head but my head is unraveling, can't keep control can't keep trck of where it's traveling, i got my heart but my hearts no good and your the only one that's understood, I come along but I don't know where you're taking me, i shouldn't go but wrenching dragging shaking, turn off the sun pull the stars from stars from the sky, and i want you, and i wan't you, and i want you, AND I WANT YOU! you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug, you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug.
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside, i see the truth when i'm all stupid eyed, you go straight to my heart, with out you everything just falls apart, my thoughts want to say hello you to you, my feelings want to get inside of you, my sole's sole fight to to realize to realize, every little thing just falls apart, and i want you, and i want you, and i want you, and I want you, and i want you, you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug the perfect drug, you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug, you are are the perfect drug........................with out you, with out you, everything falls apart, with out you, it's not as much fun to peices, with out you, with out you every thing falls apart, with out you, with out you it's not as much fun to pick up the peices.

she said it.
wow. i'm stubborn, i still don't believe it. she said it right to my fucking face abd I still don't believe it. maybe i was halucinating, or dreaming, or something, but i can't remember clearly, I just remember thinking about it, and getting "gooy". well, i have to be at school in halph an hour, so i'll shut up now.

OK....shit....fuck....no....ARGH!
If anything weird happened, it happened today. It was faiely embarassing actually. I wanted to shoot myself, so Yeah, I wasn't thinking, then I looked at her, thought about kissing her, and I shnigiffed. It was weird as hell. I nearly fell over, because It was a really bad one to. Normally they feel weird, this one hurt. Yeah, and then I went into her head, and I saw it again, so what the hell am I saying? well, if you don't understand, chances are I don't want you to, so ha! oh yeah, fuck...........................................................

no
No. I'm coming now. I won't hide it. I tell you my dream. The guy I shot, that was Quin. why? ha! I'd kill anyone for shits and giggles. Except you of course. no. nonononono. what am i saying? Quin's my friend, but then, I guess what I'm going to tell him WILL kill him. oh yeah, tori, so about those things in your head? like what? who you love? oh thats not hard. that answer i've halph known all along. but I hate it. what choice do I have.Oh, well, this'll make you lauph. certain sources tell me that god won't let me love you any longer. and that if you ever came to love me, well, he's stop that to. I'd like to see him try.

Let me be you fuckers!!!
Maybe it's me. Maybe she does love me. that would be a gift. I know she doesn't. It's not real enough. it can't be true. but I can hope, can't I?

Empire of dirt
Fuck I'm sorry, what am I thinking, I should leave. I'll bet you hate me so what's this worth anyway? life. anything but hate. I told you about life. what it means to me. I feel so stupid now. I am that stupid. HOW!? HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!? WHAT AM I!? HOW CAN ONE PERSON MAKE ME THIS WEAK!? I have to go. for you. start over.
hide. god, didn't I do this once already? WHAT AM I!? shit. that's all I am to you. Shit. I know how you feel. You hate it that I love you. How am I supposed about Alex feels twords me. I hate it. Not her, just her love. I can't be tweaked for her. It's hopless, and thus I hate myself. I hate it all. I wish I could do something. Why do I feel. NO! I was wrong. You MAKE me feel. But that's all I feel. Hate, love, and fear. fumnf! ha! what comes between fear and sex? fumnf! fuck I'm sorry. I gues I'll see. I hope not in hell. not yet.

DOWN WITH THE CHURCH!
I don't wan't to got to church. I have better things to do. like this, for instance. But I have to take michael the stuff he left hear friday oh well. I guess I have to put up with will again. I hate him. Why won't he let me be my self? He thinks I'll take the church to hell in a handbasket, that's why!!! Fuck it, to hell with it, DOWN WITH THE CHURCH! DOWN WITH THE CHURCH! DOWN WITH THE CHURCH! oh yeah, tori, um I went to your friends button, and was looking through that journal, I think It was alex's but I'm not sure and there was some stuff about when they watched porn, and that was well, disturbing, so my point is, well, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR FRIENDS DOING WATCHING PORN! P-O-R-N!!! God~1, wow, I'd deleat that typo, but it's really awsome, but I'll wright it correctly anyway !*. Ok back to subject (oh because you know it's my favorite *gag*) Yeah, I don't care who was envolved, you all get to be hit upon your heads... most dramatically..
............. Not spanked, and just because I had that pass through my mind, I think I'll have quin do it. I hate being male. It sucks. No really, it's bloody hell, CAUSE THE REST OF THEM (I told you I was bitchy) WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT THIS HOT GIRL THEY FUCKED OR THAT GIRL THIS GUY MADE OUT WITH, BUT WAIT IT GETS, BETTER, IN THE LOCKER ROOMS, GUYS WILL BRAG ABOUT HOW BIG THEIR DICKS ARE AND TRY, TTTRRRYYY TO GET WOODIES JUST TO PROVE IT!!!! ok i'm