<center>pathos

My girlfriend spoils me. She feeds me, let's me have all the pot I want, my own bed, any movie I want to watch, she let's me vent, she cares about how I feel. She takes me out to eat my favorite foots and gives me massages. She laughs at all my jokes and thinks I'm great. She likes my brutal honesty and she accepts me for who I am. She wants the best for me. She even offered me a room in her home if I need it.

She feels like my best friend. And I haven't known her for very long. But it's so nice to finally find someone like that. It's exactly what I need in my life right now.

She doesnt get jealous. She'll wait for me if I have to deal with other things. I feel like I always have somewhere safe and welcoming if shit hits the fan.

I get a mini vacation every other day.

And I give her butterflies :3

godessalthena

:: 2011 4 July :: 2.47pm

I just want to give up. I'm done fighting. I'm done trying to be happy.

Life, you win. I'm just not cut out for you.. Or anyone else in my life for that matter.

I just wish for once I'd get what's coming to me.

godessalthena

:: 2011 4 July :: 10.40am

Just once I'd really love....

But I don't deserve it.

godessalthena

:: 2011 3 July :: 8.29pm

I just want to get fucked up and die.

godessalthena

:: 2011 2 July :: 4.44pm

Hello.

I recently became aware that I am a heartless monster.

That is all.

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 8.08pm

Will it ever end?

I'm feeling really disheartened. Disillusioned. I just want my old life back. I just want the last two years back. I feel a great injustice has been done to me and Sus. I feel like my life has been needlessly ruined.

And now we are both suffering more than ever. And all I want is tofeel loved and important. And that's all he wants too. But will we ever get back there? I feel so hopeless.

I honestly can't wait to have the apartment back. I can't wait to have the freedom to do whatever we want again. To not have to feed a deadbeat child trapped in a teenager's body.

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 3.35am

When I'm angry I catch a mean bug. I need to get it out of me before it ruins my life. I'm kinda afraid it's too late.

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 12.15am

godessalthena

:: 2011 29 June :: 10.09pm

I'm sad if I talk to you and im sad if I don't :(

godessalthena

:: 2011 29 June :: 12.55pm

I'm lost. I see no hope. There's nothing where a future used to be. I seem to have forgotten what is truly important and all I can see is how resentful and disappointed I am.

We used to have something so special. And I've cheapened it.

godessalthena

:: 2011 28 June :: 1.59pm

I wish I knew what I was doing.

godessalthena

:: 2011 27 June :: 7.23pm

Guess who has a girlfriend. Yeah. This girl. Hell fucking yeah!

godessalthena

:: 2011 27 June :: 1.44pm

I feel like there can be no winner in this situation.
And I feel like that's whats expected.
And it's sad :(

godessalthena

:: 2011 26 June :: 1.48pm

Things are tough. And unpleasant. But I still have a few good things to hold onto.

Mark fucked up. Big time. And I'm pissed and hurt.
Alyson fucked up big time. Over and over again. And I'm pissed and emotionally exhausted.
Things with Sus are still rocky. Mostly because I fuck up. And it's really saddening.

But I made a few new friends. Liv and Heath. They are really rad. They spoil me. And whenever I go over there we just sit and watch stupid tv, smoking and drinking. No one cries. No one gets jealous. No one gets way too drunk and fucks up. It's just relaxed, some cuddling with Liv. Some girl on girl action. Stress relief. I feel a little guilty because I'm the only one in the house getting relief from stress. But I think I deserve it. Not more than anyone else, but I went looking and found it. I got lucky.

Also. I think I'm going to start doing my hair and makeup more often. I feel so much better about myself when I do. And I need all the good feelings I can get.

poisonedheart

:: 2011 26 June :: 1.07am

Oh no I'm all drunk.

And Jen is gone for the rest of summer, I probably won't see her again until next summer.

This makes me quite sad =(

godessalthena

:: 2011 25 June :: 4.28pm

I am so confused.. :(

shalee

:: 2011 25 June :: 2.20pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Bon Iver

The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.

godessalthena

:: 2011 24 June :: 2.55am

I love the foo fighters.

godessalthena

:: 2011 23 June :: 8.24pm

Why can't that be me?

godessalthena

:: 2011 23 June :: 11.21am

I want to salvage my day without taking pills. So I need to start thinking positive and focus on the good things in my life rather than this issue that won't go away over night and is completely ruining what's left of our relationship.

So.. I have an adorable puppy who loves me and misses me when I'm gone.
I have new amazing friends who spoil me like I deserve to be spoiled.
I have a wonderful job that's easy and has good pay and benefits.
I'm smart, skilled and live in a country where I can be myself.

Idk if it's helping yet. But here's to healing!

shalee

:: 2011 22 June :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: awake

Those who really love, love in silence.

1 = | +

godessalthena

:: 2011 21 June :: 6.25pm

Day 4 w/o meds. I can't even tell the difference.

I feel like it's a little too soon to say I'm cured, but I feel so good that I want to say it :)

godessalthena

:: 2011 20 June :: 10.57pm

Had my first sober girl experience the other night............ AND LOVED THE HELL OUTTA IT!!

Tbh I was worried I was of those obnoxious drunk lesbos but I'm totally a sober lesbo haha go me!