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:: 2007 13 September :: 8.34pm

blahhhhhh..

tomorrow
will be epic

hopefully :)

eastman
and
no fi soul rebellion

:D:D:D

woo
i loves me some no fi

maybe i'll even see jake there,
who knowwwss

but i'll have fun with katie and raelynn
and then ambure and stina
:D

:: 2007 11 September :: 11.01pm

Sometimes I want to just leave.

Not even tell anybody, just go to the bus station early one morning, but a ticket to somewhere far away, and never come back.

It's probably a good thing I don't have a job, I'm just impetuous enough to do it one of these days.

:: 2007 11 September :: 10.43pm

we have forgotten that which makes us human....

:: 2007 9 September :: 2.40pm

i love my little bazooka

:: 2007 6 September :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: lost

i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over him

:: 2007 29 August :: 9.49pm

where do i belong..?

:: 2007 29 August :: 8.54am

Today is orientation.
and i remember i hate these things.
because me + forced interaction = bad usually.
i just get into a super akward mode.
and it sucks.

everything is stupid here though.
sometimes... i hate my parents.
also, i sometimes really don't want to go back for christmas because i don't want to go around them and have the jeporady of them bringing up something i don't want to talk about.. or them controlling me.

i really, really am sick of them running every aspect of my life that they can get their hands on.
and i'm seriously thinking that i'll get a new cellphone and new cellphone service so they lose all control in my life.
though, that will take away from my kitten fund...

i don't know.
i'm just so pissed at him right now.
and i'm sure he's pissed at me.
but whatev. his bad.

:: 2007 28 August :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: curious

one time my friend matt showed me how to call yourself on your landline phone
by dialing some special number

but i forgot it
and now i'm sad

because it was funny everytime morgan would pick up
and no one would talk back to her

:]

:: 2007 27 August :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: nostalgic

i've got my train tickets
two more days

today was an odd day
a lot of thinking about how things used to be
it was nice
but kind of sad

i miss him
and i hope one day he can be who i remember him as
and we can hang out and have fun
with our bear trap proof pants

:: 2007 26 August :: 2.02am

i think i might be broken.
but it's fine. it's probably better that way.

it's so early.
i miss him so much.
it's using only one leg for five days.
it's so frustrating, and you miss your leg so much.

i really, really don't ever want to do this again.
my tummy hurts...

:(

:: 2007 23 August :: 4.57pm

I've got some hardcore circles under my eyes.

:: 2007 23 August :: 10.13am

i am something special...
it's just that only ~~two~~ three people can see it.

one day, though, the whole world will see how special i am.
and the whole world will love me.
and then i won't feel alone....

one day isn't soon enough though...
but i can't help that.

i've been watching sailor moon a lot lately... i've realized that this show has pretty much molded every aspect of my world view. whenever i watch it i wish and wish that i could be like sailor moon. i really really wish that i could be as strong and amazing as she is...

but i'm fine the way i am. and the things that aren't fine will be fixed eventually. it's just a matter of time.

because i really am something special. i'm different. i'm good. i deserve the love i have. i deserve more love than i have. but the love i have is more than i could have ever dreamed of.

i'm the luckiest girl in the world!
for serious.
member that.

dawg.

:: 2007 21 August :: 11.04am

why is there always a problem in my life?

why can't i just be "healthy"?
why isnt being beautiful good enough?

and why do i have to feel like all my close friends have betrayed me?
why is it that i can't just love people anymore?

why can't i just do things anymore?
why am i so scared and tired?

...
"failure is not an option"

:: 2007 14 August :: 2.28pm

i'm going to be so tired by the time i have to go to work tonight it isn't even funny.
i want to shoot someone who needs to learn how to schedual people better... because this is just stupid.

oh well...

today is payday. i'm hoping that everything is going to be so amazing that i'm going to get everything i want.
or at least... close to it.

:: 2007 14 August :: 2.28pm

i'm going to be so tired by the time i have to go to work tonight it isn't even funny.
i want to shoot someone who needs to learn how to schedual people better... because this is just stupid.

oh well...

today is payday. i'm hoping that everything is going to be so amazing that i'm going to get everything i want.
or at least... close to it.

:: 2007 6 August :: 7.13pm

man... spokane soon!
dawg yo.

...

:: 2007 4 August :: 10.03pm

work is almost done!
and bumbershoot soon!
and other good things coming up...

now to just motivate and get shit done...

sigh...

growing up sucks.

:: 2007 29 July :: 9.22am

I had another dream about Brooke last night...

:: 2007 24 July :: 10.03pm

i hate feeling so god damned alone...

i wish i could just... not be.

i don't even know anymore.
i'm so lost.

and i'm so scared of my future it isn't even funny.
i'm so afraid to fail that i'm afraid to even try.
and all this time i've believed the fact that i'll probably never amount to anything...
and it's killing me.

i just want to forget all those things and know i can do this.
because i can.
and i will...
but it's easier said than done.
and much more so when you're alone.

wish me luck...

:: 2007 21 July :: 7.22pm

i feel so sick right now...

i should be doing my homework because it needs to get done...
i acutally need to do a lot of things right now...

i knew growing up was bad news.
and it's probably the worst news i've had in a long time...

it's raining... it's been raining for the past four or five days...
it just keeps coming... isn't it july?

but that's okay, it's more fun to do drive thru in the rain anyway...

:(

:: 2007 19 July :: 8.06pm

fuck you.
just fucking... get out of my head.
i want to just...

I WANT THIS TO FUCKING END.

i'm so tired.
i'm dying.
and i just want to be able to let you go.

because i don't think you care anymore.
and i don't know if i can stand something different.

maybe i'm supposed to be alone forever.

god damn it.

:: 2007 14 July :: 9.51am

i keep having dreams about brooke.
and all of them break my heart when i wake up.
i am afraid to go to sleep...
the dreams here want to destroy me...

:: 2007 13 July :: 9.22am

there is a thunderstorm going on right now!
it's exciting and kind of scary...

hehe

:: 2007 12 July :: 10.22am

i feel like i've been abandoned.

everyone is moving on.
all my friends are gone...
and i'm alone again.

i don't know if i like this new chapter in my life...
the one where everyone moves away from eachother and forget how important everyone was to eachother.

and now, even my strongest feelings are fading.
and i don't have any passionate loves.
it's like this place is killling me...
and i can't figure out why...

i hate how i feel.
i hate forgetting people.
i hate being forgotten.

i hate change.

:: 2007 9 July :: 1.32pm

love is how it's lost, not how it's found.

:: 2007 7 July :: 11.45pm

i want to pretend like nothing ever happened.
like i never knew you.
and i never loved you.

:: 2007 7 July :: 9.32pm

everyday it hits me harder.

:: 2007 6 July :: 9.14pm

Why do people get so mad when I lump modern religions and ancient mythology into the same group, I mean, there's no real difference, it's just made up bullshit people believe so they can ignore the fact they really don't know that much about the universe.

:: 2007 6 July :: 10.24am

i keep having weird dreams...

today i'm making zuccini bread.
i hope it's good...

:: 2007 6 July :: 12.03am

i feel like throwing up.

can i disappear now?

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