godessalthena
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2013 15 October :: 11.26am
Dear Work Motherfuckers:
Fuck you. You won't even acknowledge I exist when I was by, when I say hello or when I need help, but you will fuck with my computer to the point of me needing to reboot it when it unlocked itself. You don't find the need to do this to ANYONE else. And to just make the deal sweeter you do this after a meeting about boosting moral.
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASS FACE SHIT FUCKERS.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled sub-human desk lackey.
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godessalthena
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2013 10 October :: 7.09am
I hate days like this. It's going to be long. And fucking shitty.
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godessalthena
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2013 8 October :: 1.47pm
The more people I interact with, the more I fucking hate people.
Most of them make my skin crawl. I feel so angry all the time, and frustrated, and hurt... I don't understand people, and I don't think there's anything I can do to change it. They'll remain an enigma for the rest of my life.
If anything, I'd love to not need them like I do. I feel the constant compulsion to interact with others, since I am human and social by nature. I just always feel such a let down, after I get excited that maybe someone out there isn't a complete tool. But I'm always proven wrong. And it's getting hard to deal with.
And this is said with the exclusion of my small social circle, comprised of a handful of close friends who are truly fantastic. I appreciate everything you do for me.
I just feel so depressed sometimes. (Really, almost all the time) it's hard to keep my head above water.
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godessalthena
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2013 3 October :: 3.36pm
Some days you're the queen of the world.
Others, you're a stinky loser. Today is my stinky loser day.
:(
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godessalthena
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2013 1 October :: 6.00pm
:: Mood: accomplished
Well... Yesterday was fantastic! I got to hang out with lala all day! well, for a long time! And then I got to kick it with Alexz, which was bad ass and I love looking at random stuff. And then delicious food. So much food was had that was tasty.
Then I finally got some attention of the sexual persuasion! It was fantastic, and I believe a repeat is in store for tonight ;)
I wish sex didn't make such a huge difference on my mood and general outlook on life, but it really makes a huge difference. It's just frustrating how difficult it is to get from someone you aren't ashamed of. But this guy is smart, motivated and pretty cute.
Plus he knows how to treat a girl ;) haha
Needless to say, I'm happy.
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godessalthena
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2013 30 September :: 12.29pm
Third times a charm..? We'll see how this goes.
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godessalthena
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2013 26 September :: 3.50pm
Today straight up crushed me. I feel like I barely got anything done. I couldn't focus at all. And we had two worthless meetings where I had to spend an extended amount of time in an uncomfortable position while assholes barked at us telling us to donate money to charities.
I just don't fucking care. About any of this. I'm done! Done. Checking on out of Thursday.
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godessalthena
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2013 24 September :: 8.12pm
Shoegaze and a cute boy. Trying not to take things too seriously.
I really need to get laid.
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godessalthena
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2013 22 September :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: listless
:: Music: Not The 1975 :(
The weeknd is always too short and the week is always too long. I hate livng for bye weeknd. I just want to live for the hell of it.
What is this really supposed to be like? What exactly am I doing wrong? If this is really it, thn why is it different for other people?
That's something I have never really understood... I know everyone is just the same as me. But I also know some people get to be a little different. I'm envious of that small variation, where they seem to be luckier than the rest of us.
We aren't in high school anymore, all this shit finally matters. One wrong decision could fuck me over for a very, very long time.
The more I think about 10, 15, 20 years down the road, the less I ever even want to be there. An ever eternal pessimist, I can only see things going down hill from here. The games will never stop, the lies will never cease, the drugs will be our only means of escape.
Life is misery, with scattered showers of happiness, freedom, beauty...
I need a brownie.
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godessalthena
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2013 20 September :: 11.52am
My new bed gets here today XD
Extra epic weekend planned!
So much exciting.
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godessalthena
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2013 18 September :: 10.33pm
Dude.... It's almost January...!!!!!!
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godessalthena
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2013 18 September :: 7.24pm
8 more weeks of school and I will be done with my AA degree! I feel so proud of myself. It's been difficult working and doing school at the same time - mostly just getting the gumption to do homework after I get done with work.
But soon I'll have more doors open for me because I'll have a degree under my belt. It's disappointing that anymore an AA degree is like having a High School Diploma, but at least it's better than nothing at all.
Now to decide what my next steps are.. Which school to go to..
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m&ms487
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2013 15 September :: 8.47pm
:: Music: Man on Fire-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
PhDing and teaching. It involves lots of reading. And grading. Eventually, there will be writing. This year marks my 4th academic publication, and 2014 will hold conference presentations 7-9 at major conferences.
I really hope there will be some semblance of a good job at the end of all of this.
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godessalthena
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2013 9 September :: 12.03pm
Pin up is a type of pornography.. That's why they started taking your photos. And that's why you're in your underwear or posing implied nude. And when you are looking full into the camera, it's hard to buy that it's an "artistic" photo.
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godessalthena
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2013 7 September :: 9.47pm
I went to the most beautiful wedding today. One that would make anyone believe in love again, at least a little bit. Knowing both of them, and hearing all the testimony, and seeing all the expressions on their faces, listening to them tearfully say their vows. It was just so, so moving.
Most people don't find that. Even if they are looking, they just don't find anything. They met in a mattress store, he stole her number from a form she filled out, and then three years later they are married. I want that for myself. I want that for everyone.
It was just so humbling and awe inspiring. They are want all the love poems are written about.
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