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2004 2 January :: 3.14pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: real world on mtv...marathon
caution: stress causes thinking
well i was trying to call a company for something cuz i guess i owe money...whatever...they won't even fuckin answer the phone, so why should i pay?...anyways...denisse is over again...lol...i should marry her...ha ha nope...it'll be joey don't worry people...
i was thinking about something today...& if anyone was to answer or give a suggestion of this problem it must only come from those other than joey danny denisse...ok...it was brought to my attention today bout the issue w/ danny...do i keep him as a friend even though it kills him...i can't dump joey, yes i do love him...hell i'm planning on getting married...but losing danny as a friend would kill me cuz i know he wouldn't act mature bout it...what do i do?...
talk later...estoy cansada lol...i love you joey...
1 Lost Their Way |
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2004 2 January :: 3.09pm
:: Mood: cranky
CONGRATULATIONS YOU KNOW EVANESCENCE!!! if you get
this message you can message me or aim me, my
sn is insanefishhead!!!
are you obsessed with evanescence like i am???
brought to you by Quizilla
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2004 1 January :: 11.45pm
:: Mood: awake
heh...
Metal: Everything you do seems to be heavy. You
don't get along with many people that well, but
you do have a taste in music that is more
sentimental than most.
What type of music best fits your lifesytle?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2004 1 January :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: okay
happy new years...my first real big entry of the year...*ouch* ;)
well i have a few things i need to get out...some good, bad, scary, stupid...but then again, it's my journal...i don't give a fuck what you think...(this would be a wonderful time to back out now...chickenshits...lol)...ok now that that's out:
my dream from the other day...god that was scary...before i start i must give some background info-> i guess i've been thinking bout my old friend Amber Culverson lately...i haven't seen her since the end of our sophomore year...we kinda left on bad terms...we got in a fight the month before school got out...supposedly she was pregnant & i was mad cuz she didn't tell me...come to find out she lied bout the whole thing...but then again, i dunno...well we both apoligized, but i don't feel completely forgiven i guess...or i dunno bout that either...what i do know is that i miss her & the thing that hurts most to know is that i won't get to graduate with her...& if things go along the way they should soon, then she won't be at my "wedding"...(that's another topic, maybe another time)...well that's the background, here's the dream: i had this urge to find Amber once & for all...i decided to go on a road trip to Sacramento (where supposedly she lives right now) & look everywhere for her...i signed up online to do those ppl search things...i looked everywhere in the state practically...i finally decided to give up on it for a while...i got back to school & was told there that Amber had commited suicide that day...i cried so badly...i remember justin coming in w/ the local paper w/ the story inside & hugging me...then i even saw my ex jake (who was also her ex too) & he cried w/ me...i went home & saw my aunt rosa & she told me, "i'm so sorry, i hope they find the killer."..."WAIT, SHE COMMITED SUICIDE!" i started to yell...the news was on tv saying that it was a murder...so justin, jake & i went looking for the killer...i had other parts to my dream that had no point of finding her...but it was scary...& i thank danny for waking me up w/ a phone call that morning...i woke up breathing heavy & crying...& to this day i'm still shaken up by it...i talked to ben bout it some...:
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
i just have this feeling i'm never gonna see her again...during the summer when i was driving dannys car i all of a sudden freaked out & started crying because i realized i wasn't gonna get to graduate w/ her...the funny thing was though i was still driving so perfectly & my eyes were so full of tears i couldnt' see shit lol
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
but yeah
war at the warfield says:
i can tell u miss her dearly
war at the warfield says:
lol well keep tring
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
yep
war at the warfield says:
u'll get contact someway or another
i'll struggle on & on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me... says:
yeah your right
so after that i kinda felt better...thanx ben...
denisse finally sent in he app for sarah lawerence...oi...well i sent mine in yesterday for christian heritage...let's cross our fingers now...*sighs*...
i forgot to mention to ppl bout this bit of info...i got my license on the 22nd...so yeah...
i'm still running for carrot queen though i know i'm definetly placing last cuz i haven't sold very many this year...if you wanna buy tickets email me or call me...
oh yeah...i have a new number: 1612...haha hope you all know the first 3 numbers...lol...just the ppl in the imperial valley...whatever...
i've downloaded kazaa...big whoop...i still am gonna have danny make me cds...cuz i love the way he makes them ;) (sarcasm baby...just eat it all up!...lol)
well i think that's all for me tonight...the first of january...kinda crazy huh?...well have a goodnight everyone...happy new years!
joey, i love you...my new years resolution is to be honest w/ you...never to hesitate to tell you what i think...be more calm when i know a fight will start...& to call when you ask me too...lol...i'm gonna marry you soon...& that's a promise i'm willing to keep...*kiss*...i love you!
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2004 1 January :: 9.24am
:: Mood: calm
just a bit bored in 2004
you're velvet goldmine. you're sparkly and beautiful, and possibly from another world.
take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the  slinkstercool community.
You are a pair of sunglasses. You try a bit too
hard to be cool and to fit in. You are very
easy to get along with because of this except
when your attitude kicks in.
What kind of glasses are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 31 December :: 1.11pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: the tv...joey's watching it
oh boy
well joey is gonna come over in a few...never mind he's here...lol...dont' really know what we're doing tonight...so yeah...i had a scary dream last night & i'm kinda thankful that danny called me this morning & woke me up from it...
i'll talk bout it later...gotta do apps for CHC... *ugh* :(...talk later...
Send Me An Angel
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2003 30 December :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: bouncy
that's kinda funny...lol
Send Me An Angel
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2003 30 December :: 4.38pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Evanescence & Mana songs
hee hee hee motha fugas
i'm back on the net!!!...whooohooo...i got my computer for xmas & i just got internet today...well that's all i've got...oh yeah & i went to disneyland for the very first time :D...alrighty then...talk later.
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2003 19 December :: 11.56am
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: the nutcracker...heehee, i said nut...lol
catch me as i fall, say you're here...& IT'S FINALLY OVER NOW!!
FINISHED MY TERM PAPER!!!
:D
HAVE A GREAT XMAS BREAK
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2003 18 December :: 10.14am
:: Mood: confused
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
i can't handle the fights that joey & i have...at least i haven't lost my sanity to the point that i want to break up...thank god i guess...what does he want me to do?...he has a problem w/ danny (& it's understandable)...& he says it's fine if i talk to him & hang out w/ him...but then he gets all jealous (understandable once again) & then makes me feel like crap & i get the hint that i can't hang w/ danny anymore...but when i said i wouldn't talk to danny anymore he said it was fine...WHAT DO I DO NOW?!...
joey, i need help...
ppl reading this, i need a tissue...
:'(
3 Lost Their Way |
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2003 17 December :: 1.37pm
:: Mood: one step up from depressed...lol
:: Music: library noises...nothing...ha
oh boy here we go again!
so yeah this week has been such a bad week...term paper is due for mac friday, muscle analysis due tomorrow...haven't started anything yet (of course, it's cuz i'm an Alaniz you know...lol)...i've been so stressed out from band, homework, the radio, trying to sell tickets (which if you'd like to buy any raffle tickets, email me & i'll give you more info-only $1!)...& i'm surprised joey still stays with me after this week...i've gotten into multiple fights with danny too...i had thought of for a long time of the possiblity of ever getting back with danny after high school more than likely but i've realized we've both fucked it up for both of us...too many fights, too many bad memories...there were good ones too, but still, pain outwieghs happiness in my terms...so yeah we got in a stupid fight lastnight & i hit him so hard...i just wanted to tell him how much i hate him & how i wish i'd never met him...but i would've lied...i don't regret going out with him or anything, don't regret losing my "precious gift" to him, don't regret getting in trouble cuz i lied to my dad to have to go out with him...it's not that...sometimes ppl say things just to be the bigger person...& i hate that bout myself...i got a complement lastnight when joey dropped me off @ my house after work...he told me that he envied me...cuz i have compassion for others...cuz i can be friends with my ex's & actually try to be there for them, when usually we see in society that once the relationship is over, they erase every memory of them...i can't be like that...we had an arguement today & to see him fall was to be the highlight of the day, yet when i got into class i cried like a pansy...so did he i was told...i hate to be so mean, i really do...but the fact of the matter is that i don't think we'd ever be able to go back there again...who knows...but know that this doesn't mean that i'm breaking up with joey...oh HELLS NO!!!...he's been good enough to be patient with me & i admire him for that really...i think the only problem is that his family gives him insecurities...i guess his mom isn't really happy with me cuz i still hang out with & talk to danny...but sorry he's still my friend, even though sometimes i wish i could pull out his heart through his asshole (i'm sorry, i was joking with that, but it came out way too graphic, so i apoligize if anyone was offended or if i've triggered anyone's upchuck reflex...lol)...so yeah i got that going for me...hee hee...
i feel tons better cuz i'm typing so fast right now, it's really incredable...i haven't been on a computer for a while now...hopefully i can get a computer for xmas...YEAH RIGHT...so anyways, well hope everyone has a good rest of the week & if i'm not back by then, have a great Christmas Holiday... :D
2 Lost Their Way |
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2003 13 December :: 4.25pm
:: Mood: tired...if you only knew
:: Music: the sound of my popcorn being eaten by a beaner...we won't mention names... :(
so yeah...
well i took the act today & i think i did fine...saw vanessa & her bitch today...lol i don't mean it in a bad way, but if you've ever really seen the way they are at school then you'd totally know he's whipped...ha ha...i got to use the car last night to go to the xmas dinner @ church, then afterwards i took denisse out to the country to find lu & danny & we cruised round a bit, dropped them off, then i dropped off denisse...danny & i got in a fight again last night (tell me something new i bet you're saying to yourself), so yeah...but we're cool now...lmfao...anyways...well i've just had an ok day today...hopefully i get to go out tonight...i hope i get that job at the movies now that i think bout it...damn...well gtg, the popcorn misses me & i want to kill the person who is raping my food...DAMNIT, BACK AWAY FROM THE PALOMITAS BEANER!!!
talk later :D
2 Lost Their Way |
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2003 12 December :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: thinking of "my immortal" from evanescence
the tears that would never fade from within
well if you haven't noticed joey & i have been fighting & we've been keeping it updated on the journals too...which is something i kinda hate but whatever...anyways, sometimes it seems like it's getting better, but i'm afraid they never will...things keep coming up & it doesn't help when he's got insecurities bout me...i just wish he'd come up to me & say something bout it...it makes me feel like i'm not important enough or he thinks of me as a lier...i hate also to have the thought that everyone is keeping me in check for his sake...sometimes i feel like i can't be myself anymore...i've acted like a bitch all this week & i hate it so much...after we got in our fight the other day i debated on something that i'm still debating on even now...no no no, it's not breaking up, but it's something that i have to make a great desicion on...i think i was just more disapointed this week because i was so wanting badly to get married this weekend with all my friends there...& this fight comes along & he bummed me out when he said we should wait til next year... :( ...ok...i guess we can...
:'(
& what sux is that no matter how hard i try to cry, i can't...
1 Lost Their Way |
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2003 4 December :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: kids in class...mac's class to be exact
just doing nothing as usual
Artist: Christina Aguilera Lyrics
Song: The Voice Within Lyrics
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
You'll break it
(Hold On)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Send Me An Angel
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2003 20 November :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: SICK & PISSY
wtf is up w/ you asshole!???
well my bf hasn't been acting himself lately...& i'm starting to see things fall apart...i just wish he understood what he makes me feel now...i'll be honest, i could've had more fun @ homecoming & the quincenera, but just little comments joey made didn't really help...& i can't help but dwell on it...whatever...i'm gonna play my bass right now w/ the guys...i hope this band works out...LIKE HELL MAN!!!
2 Lost Their Way |
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2003 14 November :: 1.27pm
:: Mood: bored now
:: Music: still bob marley
this is kinda funny:
You're in the Freak box.
What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 14 November :: 12.51pm
:: Mood: sick but somewhat good
:: Music: something again from bob marley...i'm in mac's so she loves that music in class
well hello there again!
well hi everyone, i just felt like getting on & updating for those of you who don't see me much...i'm in mac's again & this is just a whatever post...homecoming is tonight...i was excited bout it, but now i'm kinda *eh* with it...i'm starting to get sick & i feel like i don't have the "perfect dress"...which really shouldn't matter to me, but whatever...i'm still debating bout weather or not i'm going...i probably will, but i'd rather just get some chinise food w/ joey & watch a movie @ his house...whatever...tomorrow is lina's quincenera...i'm a bit excited for that...tomorrow i'm supposed to be moving too...so yeah...wish me luck w/ that...i came to the conclusion just right now that if i try to be so helpful & nice to danny & i get nothing in return, then i guess us being friends just wasn't meant to be in the first place...i've gotten so impatient w/ him & i wish he would get past the fact that we didn't work things out in the end...i think he's got his chick hating me...that's fine i don't want her friendship as much as i would want danny's...but ni m odo eh?...damn...anyways...i'm gonna surf the net a bit & stuff right now while i still have the chance...hope everyone has a goodnight tonight...as for me...i hope i'm feeling better & have fun w/ whatever i end up doing...LET'S GO VIKES!...LET'S PUT THOSE IMPERIAL TIGERS TO SLEEP!...
oh by the way: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JOEY...YOU'VE GOT A LOT IN YOU TO PUT UP W/ ME THIS WEEK...*kiss*
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2003 7 November :: 2.05pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: something from Bob Marley
hello again everyone
well it's been a while, i'm not planning on being online ne more...i've moved out of my house to live w/ my dad...we'll be moving again into an apt later next week...i'm living w/ him & his gf...it's good for me...i've found myself to be less stressed out...i'm in class right now & this'll be the only one i write in for a while...i've found that i get in trouble for writing things at all...well, i wonder how ppl would be w/out writing things...you realize that books, songs, movies, plays wouldn't be written?...damn ppl...my step mom didn't like the fact that i wrote things down...some of those were my feelings twords her...yet whenever i would get mad @ my dad she yelled at me to write him a letter bout how i felt then...the irony i tell you...well i better get going right now...
I LOVE YOU JOEY W/ ALL MY HEART...YOU'RE THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE & YOU KNOW IT...HAPPY EARLY 17TH BDAY BABY!!!
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2003 26 October :: 10.45pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: juanes - la paga
here's something to ponder on...
isn't it silly that a couple is married...yet they don't live together?...lol...don't ask where that came from...
i talked to my dad today...he doesn't sound very well...*sigh*...this week i was thinking bout how it was when i was little...i thought of the dumbest things...like when he used to cruise round town a bit to listen to the radio before he'd drop me off for school...how we'd put ice cubes in our soups to cool it down...how he used to sing to me when i was really small...*sigh*...
i was thinking...i don't want to go to school now...& to be honest i've been feeling like this...& it's not because of joey...but because i don't feel like i'm ready yet...i want to stay here for one more year, get a job, figure out things with me...& then go off...but i don't think my parents will want me to do that...i don't think they'd even want me to go to IVC...shit...i'm lost...
I LOVE YOU JOEY W/ EVERYTHING IN ME...YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING & I THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE!!!
3 Lost Their Way |
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2003 26 October :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: trying to download "la paga" by juanes
talking to hector has made me happy today...
Guys Like That You're Sensitive/h2>
And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!
What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
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2003 26 October :: 9.00am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: thinking of metallica's "unforgiven II"
time change is kinda good :)
well i'm tired as usual & i'm still kinda sick...i wish that joey was w/ me 24/7...that may sound obsessive, but think bout it...*think think think*...ok you can stop now...lol...
i'm constantly thinking of ways to make up w/ danny, but then i realize it's no use...i heard he really is going out w/ griselda...*sigh*...yeah i'll admit it i'm fking jealous, but you've got to understand that i got the better end of the deal...& that's what i'm telling myself over & over & over & over...i guess one of my friends went up to her & told her to be careful kinda on my account & she just said something rude like, "oh i've heard those stories & i know what i'm getting myself into..."...biotch shut your face!...freshman don't know shit...whatever...i have reason to believe that she hates me & the feelings are definetly mutual...
at least i know i'll have someone for the rest of my life!
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2003 25 October :: 6.00pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: evanescence - where will you go?
...
My Immortal
*What Song by Evanescence are You?*
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2003 25 October :: 5.38pm
kick ass movie man!
CARRIE. This film is about a telekenectic girl who
is bullied at school and dominated by her
religous psychopathic mother at home, but when
she becomes the Queen of her Prom Ball her
dreams come true. Sadly a group of nasty
teenagers play a joke and pour a bucket of
pig's blood on her so Carrie, who has finally
had enough, locks everyone in the school gym
and burns it. Not a film for people who scream
at blood and female body parts.
Which horror film should you see? (with great pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 25 October :: 10.03am
:: Mood: sick & pist
raining on my fucking parade...
ok i understand that ppl aren't very happy w/ the way i go about things lately...i've not only heard, but read things now that make me feel like i am stupid & should get out of everything i'm in...well i've just bout had it now...i'm in over my head w/ everything right now...i'm only sorry to ppl for the fact that they have no happiness for themselves...maybe i have changed...but i like the way i am now...
once again if you don't like it, tough shit...
1 Lost Their Way |
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2003 25 October :: 1.39am
:: Mood: blah
well now...
i found out before i left to the game that my dad has been in the hospital for the week...*ay pinchi puto*...i'm debating on seeing him...i know that sounds mean...but it's me...
danny got me jealous...YOU WON BITCH...just know that i got the better end of the deal...at least i have someone who treats me right & loves me...
speaking of which...i was thinking bout these words that i hold true esp. today since i'm a bit under the weather..."in sickness & in health..."...awww...
I LOVE YOU JOEY W/ SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING IN ME & NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT EVER!!!...
goodnight everyone, i love all...
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2003 25 October :: 1.37am
:: Mood: sleepy
zzzzz...
You are Anywhere
Beatiful song. Anywhere is beatiful and tragic all
in one. It reminds me alot of the song
"Theres A Place For Us" from West
Side Story. All that you want is to be with the
one you love, but the people around you are
making that near impossible.
Your Lyrics:
Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
What Extremely Underrated Evanescence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 24 October :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: "you's a whoe"
& now for his bitch...
ok freshman...here's what i think of you:
you can flaunt around & you can definetly whore yourself round the rest of those band members...but DO NOT EVEN THINK you can do it better than the one's who created it...the only reason you can get away w/ it is cuz you are the type of person who loves sloppy seconds...*mmmhmm*...
respect your fuckin elders, especially the fucking seniors...just because you mind as well be fucking one doesn't make you any closer to us...know your role & shut your fucking mouth...
don't get into things that you have no information bout...next time you wanna ask me what the fuck is up you realize who the fuck you're dealing with & realize that i am NEVER gonna forget shit...i know you act innocent & but i can also see that you can't stand me round...fuck off bitch...he's yours i don't care, but don't for one minute think that you can get away w/ stupid shit & make me look like an ass when you know you'll get your ass kicked...
are we clear now...freshman?...cuz if not, then i guess i'll have to make a personal house call on that one now aren't i?
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2003 24 October :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: something on kazaa
yeah right!
danny let me say one thing:
i'm not sorry for your dumbass actions...i'm not sorry for you & your pathetic life...i'm not sorry that you may have had a crappy ass childhood...i'm not sorry that your parents are fucking crazy & have problems...i'm not sorry you can't get any anymore...i'm not sorry for what my happiness has done to you...i'm not sorry for being happy w/out you...i'm not sorry that deep down inside you suck at everything you try to do...i'm not sorry for things that you think i should be sorry for...
i'm not sorry for saying yes to joey...i'm not sorry we didn't go to prom...i'm not sorry that you didn't end the friendship sooner...
i'm not sorry that you'll never be "the one" in my life!
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2003 22 October :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: somewhat accomplished
:: Music: evanescence - anywhere
*eek*
well i got finished talking a bit to danny...we only talked bout scholarships...he seems nice over the net rather than at school...but whatever...so yeah we talked for like 5 mins or so...i miss talking to him as a friend...but i guess i have to respect what he wants...at least he gave me a chance...*sigh*...
i want another chance, but i know it wouldn't be fair...
Send Me An Angel
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drowning-in-you
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2003 22 October :: 3.43pm
:: Mood: happy...but sick :(
:: Music: ill nino - with you
if i stay right here & forever w/ you...
damn that's a great song...check it out if you ever get the chance...
well yesterday was great i spent some time w/ joey...that was cool...we talked & stuff...i guess i hit a touchy subject w/ him so yeah i'm a chismosa & want to know bout it all, but i have to respect him & if he doesn't want to talk bout it, then i won't bug him for it...i love him enough to not talk bout certain things...*sigh*...too bad he doesn't live like next door to me...or w/ me for that matter...he just makes a lot of shit go away...seriously he's way better than smoking...which then seemed to be a stress reliever...but it's all bout joey now...i love him so much...& i really fear fucking up the relationship like i did w/ my other ones...*sigh*...
we'll be ok becky...we'll be GREAT!
Send Me An Angel
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