tesunai
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2005 12 October :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Three Days Grace - Take Me Under
ihavent written in a while, iv just been lazy i guess, never know what to write bout, but im sure ill think of something. my day wasnt productive at all, i did absolutely not a damn thing all day... fun huh, i bet u all wish u could do nothing all day lol, i must be lucky.. not really its very boring doin nothing oh well tho. see u all. im out.
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swimfan14
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2005 11 October :: 9.31pm
Aww..that seriously meant so much to me.
After what I did, and he still forgives me. How cute. Seriously!
Ahh I'm so happy.
End of Story.
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swimfan14
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2005 11 October :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: Happy
Maybe it's time you looked at yourself & stopped blaming your life on everyone else.
<3 ashley
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tails
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2005 11 October :: 4.14am
falling apart and hating being alone...i spent the night on liz's kitchen floor because my heart hurts and im really starting to scare myself on the inside...do i really need help?
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swimfan14
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2005 10 October :: 5.40pm
Here is a picture of just us girls before homecoming. I'll post more later.
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swimfan14
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2005 10 October :: 3.23pm
I definately will do it this time.
Only a week though.
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swimfan14
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2005 9 October :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow
Homecoming
This weekend was pretty fun. Friday I went and got my nails done and then I went to the game but Lisa, Brittney, and I left early because it was too cold.
Saturday I got my hair done for homecoming then like 17 people all went to Kourtney's for pictures, then we went to tgi fridays and then to the dance. It was really fun up until I seen someone who I wasn't expecting to be there and then I just ignored him and then I seen him walking over to me so I grabbed Emily Sorensen and Lisa and we ran out of there and he followed me and came up to me and started talking to me. It was akward and then Emily was just like "okay lets go" so it gave me an excuse to stop talking to him but I definately didn't know what to say or do at that moment. Lisa, Katy, Brittney, and I all went looking for little 9th grade guys and we would just go up to them and start like grinding on them..lol it was hilarious..some of them didn't even know what to do and some of them started dancing with us. It was definately fun. Afterwards a bunch of people went to Justins house. I hung out with everyone for a while and then I got really tired so I'm just like "yeah I'm going to go to sleep now" and some of us were inside and cohen was next to me on the couch so im like "okay im going to sleep on your lap" and I just fell asleep and then we left at like 2 and then Lisa came over and stayed the night. Today I went shopping and I bought two pairs of shoes that I didn't need but I also donated money to the hurricane katrina relief and then I went to Olive Garden (again for the second time this week) lol..so other than that, thats what I did and then tonight im hanging out with Andrea and Brie.
But I g2g get ready to leave. <3 ashley
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anachronism
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2005 9 October :: 7.31am
The dance was cool.
I had fun.
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empath
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2005 8 October :: 12.21pm
:: Music: NIN
I'm getting better every day.
I finally had a substantial amount of hope built up from Chris's love. Then there was a pep assembly and i was reminded that everyone is essentially identical and i wanted (again) to melt into a state of nonexistance.
I bought nine books this morning. And i'm going shopping later. Chris and I are skipping homecoming to see Hamlet. It should be good.
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swimfan14
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2005 7 October :: 10.49pm
:: Music: Wake Me Up When September Ends
For some reason this song (Wake Me Up When September Ends) makes me really upset and sad. Yes I do know that the music video is sad but the actual song makes me sad and I don't even get what it's about but it just makes me think about someone and then it just makes me sad, like that.
I am so tired I don't think I can stay awake any longer. This morning I woke up at like 6:30 (which is early for me) and I got ready and then I went back to bed and I set my alarm for like 7:10 and I turned it off and then my dad came downstairs at like 7:20 and was like "Ashley!?! What are you doing?" and I woke up and I'm like "sleeepiing" but I wasn't late for school, I was just later than I normally am. I have to get up at 8:00 tomorrow but on Sunday I AM sleeping in whether anyone wants me to or not. I haven't been going to bed this past week until 12:00-1:30 and it sucks. Anyways, After school I went and got my nails done with Kourtney, Megan, Brittney, Emily, and Ashley.I spent $50 just on my nails today and then tuesday I went shopping and I spent $200 then Wednesday I spent $140 and last night I spent $100. I need to stop spending money thats not even mine!!! Ahhh...im so bad. I went out to eat again last night, so that would make it the third night in a row. I'm so excited for Homecoming tomorrow and I think afterwards were going midnight bowling, and everyone knows how I bowl lol, esp Brianna, Dan, and Kevin. They all laughed at me and I came in last place during our first game but then the second game I was came in second place, how I don't know!? But most of my friends suck at bowling so I guess it's okay lol. Sunday I'm hanging out with Andrea and Monday we don't have school so I don't know what I'm doing yet. I didn't find out that we didn't have school Monday until yesterday.
Kourtney and Brittney think I should have a party for my birthday which I think if I do I'm going to just invite my close friends and go stay at a hotel with them for a weekend since I did that before and it was fun and thats what we all decided we think I should do for my birthday. I remember for my 11th birthday I had a limo and my friends and I went to the mall lol and I remember I didn't invite Megan because we hated each other and she always thought Brittney and I were going to be better friends than they were. Which was dumb because we were 11!!! Anyways yeah so I think thats what I'm going to do. Sounds like a plan.
Anyways I will update about my weekend and homecoming in the next few days. Anyone who is going, have fun! I'm a moron and I haven't charged my phone in two days so obviously it's been turned off so now I have four voicemails to go listen to and text messages to read.
Much Love, Ash
P.S.-If anyone heard H's speach, it was really sad!! I started crying even though I've heard it over the years. When he was like "do you see that chair, LOOK AT THE CHAIR...that could be YOU" I was like "nooo..stop it, it's not going to be me!" I guess that speach was juat a reality check.
What does it tell you when you realize we've never been just friends?
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anachronism
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2005 7 October :: 6.35am
:: Music: BOB DYLAN
Well, the 40 days of purpose res life group meetings started last night. As you can tell, I have no idea what to call it. Anyway..it went very well. There are 7 groups of couples, Brad and I are the youngest. Not by much though, all of them are in their early 20's. It was nice because I was expecting it to be really dull and everyone to be uber churchy, but they weren't like that at all. We all just talked and laughed the entire time. I guess it's every Monday for the next six weeks. It was supposed to be Thursday, but people had problems with that I guess. So, sorry Erika and especially Keegan. ;) Laguna night must be rescheduled!
Today is black day and I'm having fun with it. Even though my stinky boyfriend is being a shmuck. =) Hehehe..
I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be!
You'd be non-conforming too if you look just like me!
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swimfan14
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2005 6 October :: 10.53pm
I hate how we don't talk for weeks but then all of the sudden you talk to me again and it's like as if nothing happened and I slowy start falling for you all over again.
~Ashley Megan~
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swimfan14
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2005 5 October :: 9.37pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Unwritten Law- Save Me
My days...
So things have been pretty good lately. I still think about it whether I should or not and I still wonder what happened with us. Anyways last night I went shopping with Lisa to get all our homecoming stuff (yeah I know it's late to go shopping for homecoming but we just decided we were going the other day) and then we went to Olive Garden and I seen Spike from my drama class (last years class) and she walked up to our table and I didn't even recognize her and she recognized me and she had to tell me who she was because she looks so differen't but she is coming to the play to watch me and everyone else that she knows from Cedar so I thought that that was pretty cool. On the way home we got lost. We always get lost because we had to go to my dads house to bring him food from Olive Garden and we got on the wrong highway/freeway I dont know the difference between the two. We are horriable with directions. Then today I went shopping again and I went out to eat at The Outback Steakhouse...it was pretty fun but I have to go do my homework. Ugh...
ashley
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Tails
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2005 5 October :: 9.09pm
Im sorry for anyone of you who is my friend. I'm such a roller coaster of emotions it must suck for those of you who think im cool enough to still hang around. I found a way to get the money but now im so broke i cant get gas to get to school tommrow...(gah im lame) so anyway. I'm really glad i dont mean the shit i say or id have been dead years ago lol. Well i love all of you cept mish cause she wont get off my ass for quitting arbys even though it was the best thing i could have ever done. i have a new job at 9 bucks an hour so at the end of october life should be sweet again. with this new job ill have enough money to start saving up and get a cushion underneath me for occasion like a 100 dollar book. or something else that is stupid and makes me hate life. money makes me really really really sick to my stomach. i threw up yesterday cause i was thinking about it so much. but then i read my favorite book and life seemed in order again. so yeah i guess im back to another pocket of contentment with my stupid silly stupid fucked up life. *gasp* for fun i did that. ok bye bye kids.
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anachronism
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2005 5 October :: 6.34am
:: Music: BOB DYLAN
Things are good in the hood.
Who's all going to Homecoming? I'm just wondering..
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swimfan14
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2005 4 October :: 9.56pm
Wow..so much for going for the whole "month" thing.
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swimfan14
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2005 3 October :: 5.13pm
I have something to say but i'll probably regret it so I will just keep my mouth shut. Your really making this alot easier for me and your definately giving me plenty of reasons to move on and not to care anymore so nice work. Don't try to think you know what im talking about.
Friday I went to the game with Emily and Lisa then afterwards I went to Sam's house with Lisa and Kayla. We stayed the night there. I seen someone at the game who I haven't seen since 5th grade so that was a little weird and he remembered me because he came up to me and was like "hey Ashley"..I couldn't believe it.
Saturday I went to Red Flannel which was boring like always. Then we had our powderpuff game which was pretty fun I guess. Then I went to Brittanys little party thing and hung out with everyone. Then I went to Brittney Themm's and stayed the night and then Sunday I went to the soccer game with them and hung out with Cohen, Ethan, and Tj then we all went to the mall afterwards and then I went to Megan's house and I ate dinner with her mom, dad, and brother because she had to leave for two hours to go to work. Then later on that night Kourtney, Lisa, Emily Esch, and Brittney all came over too and we all stayed the night and talked and hung out. Emily and I are morons lol. We all skipped first hour today and then it was wacky hair day and Megan forced me to do my hair really weird and wow did everyone look at us but I did get alot of compliments on how awesome it looked.
Today I didn't really do anything besides play practice. I think the play should be really good this year. I had dance tonight but I didn't go because I need a break. I always have something to do every day after school and it's getting old, real fast. I didn't sleep much last night so I'm really tired. I guess this is all for now.
Sometimes I wonder what it is about you that makes me try so hard.
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swimfan14
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2005 1 October :: 1.20pm
Maybe I can't be just friends with you.
Lately I've been so busy I don't have time for anyone, or anything.
It sucks but I have to get ready so sometime this weekend I'll make time to actually write a serious update on what's been going on, besides these little two minute ones.
Ashley
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anachronism
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2005 1 October :: 9.26am
I am in the play. I get to be a Citizen of Oz. I know, I know.. it's a very minor part and I probably have no lines that I say individually, but I'm just excited to be a part of the play. I didn't try hard at auditions and my heart was never really into this play, but I'll put my all into it now.
Red flannel day is today. How exciting. I get to do fucking everything because everyone in yearbook is a lazy ass. No one can just offer to do anything if they don't benefit from it. It drives me crazy how everyone can take that class and yet not want to do anything for it. Whatever.
Hopefully today goes well. I need to shower, later.
Edit>>
I got my Homecoming dress, it's brown. And brown is the best, so I am happy. Erika and Keegan your couple is back!
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anachronism
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2005 30 September :: 6.22am
He made me smile.
I need to just stop caring, worrying, getting so worked up, etc.
Last night was perfect. We argued a little, but it didn't end in us yelling, storming off, or me crying. It ended in him saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." And that was that.
Then we talked about a lot of things for an hour or so.
And I just want this all to last, because if I had this huge part of my life good and fixed again I don't know what could bring me down.
I love you. And always remember every word you said last night.
You can go.
I trust you.
And you know me saying that is a huge step.
Just don't make me regret these words.
Tony's a good friend.
Continue in the good direction you are going in now.
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