danibean
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2005 27 June :: 11.18pm
mmmmmmmm..........the beach tomorrow
camp
counslers
named
tom
band camp
shaved legs and naturally dried hair
longing to be there again
need to talk to beansy
sigh
2 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 21 June :: 4.30pm
Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string
Till you cut through my tether and changed everything
From the sky you looked small, but I loved you the same
So I darted back quickly to spell out your name
And when they say that I'm just a terrible kite
You'll tell them you're proud of my loveless flight
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 15 June :: 8.33pm
oh gody god
it can't even be possible. but you know. it would be hilarious in a very sad way.
but not really. it would be the more horrible thing. EVER.
i can't hide. and. oh. i have to be something.
i won't be the girl from cedar springs.
3 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 11 June :: 9.56pm
:: Music: vertical horizon-the best i've ever had
So things are cool. . .
My mom and I are getting along. Here's the trick. I make it seem like I'm busy and I run around for her a lot and talk to her and she seems to leave me alone. And it's not so bad. She's just lonely I think.
Jake and I have stopped fighting. and things are just very nice nice nice.
My open house is tomorrow which means some money for some things.
I have a roomate who is not crazy and she knows my stepsister
aaron is gone
my car is working
it rained a little bit
i have bangs
someone noticed my very intense eyes
i'm not sad about band camp or school or anything
i don't have anemia, lukemia or mono. i just need to eat more meat.
i signed up for my classes
i'm not being a bad babysitter for the most part
so here's the usual vagueness
today is the anniversary of your death and
i celebrate
with
enthusiasm
i will bury you with
duct tape
thank you
thank you
thank you
for closing the door
no
slamming
abrupt
and throwing the deadbolt
and while i pounded
until my
fists were bloody
all over the unwelcome mat
then YOU crawled through the window
and
i wasn't disapointed
gush
8 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 8 June :: 11.47am
yay! i had orentation yesterday! it was fun, but really hot out. everyone was kind of quiet and shy, but i know it'll all change. we were all just nervous. anyways, here's the classes i'm taking in the fall!
EDU 107- INTRO TO TEACHING- 3.00
HEV 100- HUMAN GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT: LIFE- 3.00
BIO 101T- GENERAL BIOLOGY- 3.00
MTH 130- PRE-CALCULUS MATH- 4.00
MUS 114- LISTENING EXPERIENCE- 3.00
16.00 TOTAL CREDIT HOURS
sounds fun huh?!
2 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 3 June :: 9.51am
:: Music: fallout boy-grand theft autunm
I am going to lose it. Not even joking.
I thought things were going really good. I just graduated, I have cool friends, everything is pretty great on the boyfriend front and I thought my mother finally calmed down.
But no. Underneath all of that niceness she's harboring her bullshit. I can't even describe it that's how completely stupid everything is. I guess she expects me to spend my whole summer vacation cleaning. That's not happening. I do my chores. I do what she asks me. I drive A-ron around. I only ask her for money when it's totally nessesary. I try to whine less and I don't talk about how I don't love Jesus. I did my invitations. I'm working on the picture thing for my open house.I'm even trying to organize all the photos so we can be a happy family again.
I don't get it.
and the job thing. I've applied at Great Day, D&W, Meijer, Arbys, Tractor Supply, Movie Gallery, Kohls (twice) Debs, Rue 21, Shulers, and I don't know where else. I've picked up applications to like everywhere in Cedar.
Everyone MIGHT be looking at apps in a few weeks. So I go in or call to see how that's going. Oh, still looking. They'll call me. Not.
Arbys says my availitbilyt sucks even though I can work weekends and every day of the week, just not during the day on Monday and Tuesday.
Meijer? Who knows.
Bath and Body Works wasn't interested.
To work part time at Kohls you have to have open availability and I was willing to give up babysittting to do that. But now they're not hiring.
What the deal? Seriously. I'm qualified and I like working.
And I'm getting better. I go to the therepy. I take the medicine. I do breathing. I go into crowds and I try not to flip out. I didn't even cry when she yelled at me last night.
I don't want to live with my dad. I don't want to have two transitions this summer. But is that my only option? I don't want to punish my mother. I love her and everything she does. But why can't she relax and just accept who I am, an absentminded procrastinator? I seem to manage don't I?
Or maybe I'm missing something and I'm the bad one. I'm lazy and selfish and demanding.
oh my.
5 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 29 May :: 2.35pm
Open House
June 12th
1-5pm
636-4135
call for directions!
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 29 May :: 12.06pm
So many things have happened. *sigh*.....
just 2 seconds ago i wanted to talk about everything....now it's all a blur. maybe because i'm sick
well....hmm...prom was wonderful. i couldn't have had a better time. i felt more beautiful than i ever have before. like a princess. tyler called himself my prince. it really was a fairy tale night and i was cinderella....so happy.
on the other hand, if prom sucked, i wouldn't be in the perdiciment i am in now. it's so hard to have such an night and promise only friendship. it was so natural, the week before, that magical night. and now i'm here....wanting to rewind and go back to get that kiss i never got, and dance the last dance i never got. i wish so bad i could just tell him how i feel. but no, i must be a lady, and wait.
as for everything that has been going on with people from the band bashing me, i reallly don't care now what anyone thinks. the thing is, music will always be a love of my life. but not my first, and not my only. i'm going to CMU next year to study spanish and be a teacher....it's going to be great and i'm going to be happy. i'm making my life what i want it to be. if that upsets some people, then sorry, and too bad. there...and i've said my peace.
graduation was thursday. it's so surreal to me how it is all overwith already. now it's open houses to go to and planning my own. in 3 short months, i'll be 18 and off to central. my advice to everyone is to live everyday to the fullest. high school goes by sooooooo fast. don't ever wish it away. enjoy every teacher, every friend, every dance, football game, laugh and tear. because someday, it'll all be a memory. make it a good memory. i'll miss all of you. please keep in touch.
my open house is on Saturday, June 18, 2005
from 6 pm - sometime the next morning.
come for a barn dance, bon fire and lots of food and memories.
see you there!
much love........
1 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 26 April :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: happy
so things for prom are working out just like everyone said they would :) i'm going with tyler bauer and i couldn't be happier. we're on our way to having all our plans made and that makes me really happy. anyways....i just wanted to thank anyone who helped me when i was down...you know who you are and i love you all! :) can't wait to see you at PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
6 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 7 April :: 11.55pm
FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 2005
C.D. RELEASE PARTY
FUZZY LOGIC AT CEDAR SPRINGS HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM
TICKETS ARE $10 IN ADVANCE FROM BANK ONE AND STEIN BROTHERS PIZZA........WILL BE $12 AT THE DOOR
C.D.'S ARE $5
C.D.'S AND T-SHIRTS ON SALE AT THE CONCERT
SEE YOU THERE!!!!!!!!! THIS WILL BE AN AWESOME CONCERT SO COME OUT FOR SOME FUN AND TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT.
PARTIAL FUNDS GO TO PROCEDE GOD'S KITCHEN IN GRAND RAPIDS!!!!!!!!!
2 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 7 April :: 4.31pm
:: Mood: tired
well, day 2 at the grindstone. woot....tomorrow i work from 9-3. then i stopped into the ice cream store today to drop off my app. and i guess we're opening on saturday instead of next friday! soooo, instead of having a somewhat peaceful weekend, i work saturday 11-3:30 at ice cream, then 3:30-8:30 at steins. sunday 12-5, monday 11-4:30, and wednesday 5-10. ahhhhhhhh.........i'm excited though, i can smell the money $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :)
in other news, ryan called yesterday. we talked for over an hour and i didn't excatly ask him about prom. stupid me. i asked him if he was busy that weekend and he said he was booked until graduation. *sigh*...after talking to him i want to go with him more now than ever. i knew that it would be too much like a fairy tale and somewhat too good to be true if he could come. i just wish it would work out between us once. just one time. it's so hard too,...........ughaglkajglashdgakjdlfkaj. that's that. i have to be real, and i'm realizing that.
anyways, so i'm finally growing up i think. i'm starting to get ancy and wanting to get out of crap hole cedar springs. i'm excited to work 2 jobs now and maybe 3 if i do the farm this summer. if i can keep up. it just seems that i don't really care about high school things anymore. it just all seems stupid. i want to move on with my life. that's a first though...i'm not afraid anymore i don't think. and i know i'll make it.
well, i should get cleaning....if anyone wants to hang out when i'm NOT working, let me know.... :)
3 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 1 April :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: happy
i feel so good right now. i'm actually going to go hang out with people i like. and that i don't have to pretend and be fake around. and i went to tina's today and hung out with kale, sarah, and radine...it was like old times with stuffing ourselves with pizza and cheese bread..mmmmmmmmm yeah. and we used tina's tanning bed...yay!!!!! so i'm going to matt's tonight to play poker and have some genuine fun and good times. that makes me happy....break is going to be awesome. yup..:)
ok...i was in band....
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danibean
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2005 30 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: contemplative
hmmm....things are coming to an end. and some things already came to one. it's sad to think about, but exciting to look forward to new friends, living arrangements, and teachers. not to mention a lot of hot guys! woo...anyways, i've been thinking. weird...i know...but don't fear, for it's good news. i'll tell you...just things, not necessarily all bad or good...that have crossed my mind.
1. i haven't updated in forever....and i've had this journal since my freshman year...humph....that's kind of neat-o
2. it just crashed thunder and lightening...and i liked it
3. i'm over the fact that dan laatz lied to me only so he could ruin our friendship so he could be with someone else (this is good...)(that i'm over it anyways)
4. i don't have a prom date....this is bad...only because i feel like a complete loser....i have a beautiful pink dress...that makes me feel like cinderella, with the glass slippers and all...but no prince....i'm trying to figure out what my problem is....
5. graduation doesn't seem real....or in reach at all whatsoever
6. i wasn't as cool as andrea groner when i was a freshman
7. i'm fake?
8. i'm scared of change
anyways, it feels good to get stuff kind of written out. feel free to leave me love...and remember...i love you :)
12 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 7 February :: 10.02am
it's not a handicap, it makes me feel safer.
i'm pissed.
and if it wouldn't be weird i'd crawl under the desk right now.
2 can't stop the B.M. |
ok...i was in band....
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 16 January :: 11.30am
It is beauty.
ok...i was in band....
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