goose
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2005 17 August :: 10.12pm
I wish i didnt have to play the other people liking my boyfriend game...but i guess thats just life. ill get used to it.
speaking of my boyfriend...he has friends, and they talk to him, and sometimes when my "friends" talk to him while he's at work, they tell my boyfriend about it...thanks guys...thanks a lot...
Have my fears pushed you out?
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goose
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2005 15 August :: 10.27pm
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pixeldot
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2005 8 August :: 3.43pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave
I walk the streets of Japan till I get lost
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
With a graveyard tan n'carrying a cross
It doesn't remind me of anything
I like studying faces in a parking lot
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like driving backwards in the fog
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved, things that I've lost
Things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
I like gypsy moths and radio talk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like gospel music and canned applause
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like colorful clothing in the sun
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like hammering nails, and speaking in tongues
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved, things that I've lost
Things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
I like throwing my voice and breaking guitars
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like playing in the sand what's mine is ours
If it doesn't remind me of anything
Have my fears pushed you out?
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toki
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2005 8 August :: 1.37am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: All I Ask Of You
No More Talk Of Darkness....
I haven't been doing my physical therapy exercises. Ooops. Shh. It's a secret.
I feel sick and gross right now. Too much food today. Among other things, I physically just feel like crap. You know? Gahr.
For once, I'm happy. It's one thirty in the morning and I'm happy. Which doesn't happen often.
I like it. I really do. I'm not trying to rub anything in anyone's face or anything, I swear. I'm just saying. It's nice to feel loved.
I found a good boy. ::nods:: Probably the best of them all. I'm lucky.
-Patrice
3 people have been pushed out by my fears. |
Have my fears pushed you out?
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pixeldot
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2005 24 July :: 9.57pm
Stunkel seemed as though he was trying to be away from me today at Ren Faire.
I thought (being the optimist I am. Ha. Thats a joke) Maybe he wanted to say something to Reid that he didn't want me to hear, and one of the possible things he could have had to say to Reid would be news of him wanting to ask me out again.
But I just asked Reid online, and he said that he is sure that Stunkel wont ask me out again, and was avoiding me because he felt awkward around me.
Upon being utterly bummed out by hearing this, I vented to the only person online, Joe. Joe said that he agrees with Reid, because he still feels weird seeing his ex-girlfriend from 3 years ago.
Then I started thinking, and it was true. I still get butterflies seeing Adam... but bad butterflies. I fear him talking to me, and we broke up 2 years ago. And Adam did want to go out with me again. Stunkel probably feels the same way about me as I do about Adam... but multiplied by like 1000 because I only have the chance to see Adam twice a year at conventions, but Stunkel has to face me a few times a month.
And being one who has experienced it, I'd never want to force that type of feeling on anybody, especially someone I care about so much. So thats that, the chapter is over. The page has been turned. I'm just going to stop wishing for it, and stop pursuing it, because I'm just being a nuicense in my efforts. Its hard to just drop such a strong emotion as love, but I'll just have to be strong.
Have my fears pushed you out?
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pixeldot
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2005 24 July :: 7.50pm
The book is closed. I'll stop bothering anymore. I'm just being a nuisence.
Have my fears pushed you out?
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pixeldot
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2005 23 July :: 5.18pm
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "... for example, and still be conscious. Consciousness is like a room that..." from Jung's Map of the Soul, a psychological study.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? Parents bed.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Haha, last night I was watching Oprah, they were investigating the American Prison system. It was actually pretty interesting.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 5:20
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 5:27
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? "Loompa Land" from the CatCF soundtrack.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Went to see CatCF with dad this morning, then we went shopping for a bit.
8. Before you came to this website [started this survey], what did you look at? Livejournal, other peoples xangas.
9. What are you wearing? Jorie's baggy black jeans and a bright green tshirt that says "Peace Love Art"
10. Did you dream last night? I did, everybody dreams usually 4 times a night. However I don't remember the dreams.
11. When did you last laugh? ...At the movie, methinks. Or at my dad saying "Johnny Depp is really an amazing actor. I mean, he made Jack Sparrow into the biggest fag of a pirate I've ever seen, but I still loved the character! That takes talent."
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Nothing, its my parents room xD If I had a computer in my room, this would easily take up half a page.
13. Seen anything weird lately? "I've tried it on like twenty Oompa Loompas, and they all turned into blueberries. Its just plain weird!"
14. What do you think of this quiz? It makes up for the lack of people to talk to at the moment.
15. What is the last film you saw? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Is anybody suprised?)
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? Johnny Depp, and a Willy Wonka costume for him to wear around the house. I guess if that wasn't possible (Slavery is frowned upon, you know), then a working Playstation 2 xD
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: If you don't know it already, then why should I just blurt it out all of the sudden? Some things are best kept secret...
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? I would stop country/culture boundries. Everybody would be considered another human being, and there would be no more wars, because the land would belong to everybody.
19. Do you like to dance? Oh I love it, can't say that people enjoy looking at me dance however.
20. George Bush- Ugh >.<
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Gwenyfara Madeline
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? I'd like the middle name to be Vash no matter what... but as far as first names go... Issac, Sebastian, .. theres more, I just can't think of them.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad? I'd like to travel the world and meet as many people as I can.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? "Hey, you're that girl that looks like a squirrel!" Haha. I kid, I kid. I'm not sure, though I would want a full report on whom I have influenced and how it worked out for them.
Have my fears pushed you out?
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toki
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2005 22 July :: 8.12pm
I want to apologize, but then I really don't. I feel like I've been wrong. I feel like all I've done is hurt people. I feel like everything I've done in the past few months has been selfish and stupid. What happened to me? I don't deserve happyness. Isn't it sad that I honestly think that? I try to convince myself otherwise, I swear to god that I do. But it's hard. I can't do this anymore. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I think is wrong. I want a day that's like two summers ago. Or even last summer. I love the people who are here now, but I wish at the same time that those people (mainly Ryan) could have come into the picture and everything else could have stayed in tact. I guess we all grew apart. It wasn't just because of me. But I feel guilty. I just feel alone. It's been eating away at me for a while and I want to run away, but I don't know from what or to what. I don't know where I'm going. My future is basically screwed. I hate myself for not ding this shit sooner. I hate myself for being stupid. I have no future. Do you know whose fault that is? Mine. All mine.
Not that anything was ever simple (with us, simple was never a part of the equation, lol) But I guess what I want the most is simplicity. I want to be able to erase the bad pasts with people and only have the good times to look back on. I want to be able to invite everyone I know to a party without worrying who doesn't like who.
I really don't like who I am anymore. So I guess all of you who spend your time talking about how much I've changed for the worse, your time has now come. You were right. If I weren't me, I'd want to get as far away as possible from me too. I am me and I want to do that. I'm sorry that I'm not leaving next year. I'm sorry that you still hve to deal with me. I'll try to make it painless. I swear. I hate myself as much as you do.
2 people have been pushed out by my fears. |
Have my fears pushed you out?
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sweetyas
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2005 15 July :: 6.35am
:: Music: G. Stefani
OMG
Its only six thirty in the morning time is so slow. i wish i could do something. god damn.
1 people have been pushed out by my fears. |
Have my fears pushed you out?
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sweetyas
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2005 15 July :: 5.45am
:: Music: Foo Fighters
Movie Nights
So in these so called movie nights we no longer actually watch movies. Its sorta funny. But i actually like these movie nights better we just hang out pretty much. We just sit and talk.. Well yesterday we sat and talked and cooked it was exciting. i finally got my brother and his friends out of hte house but ofcourse he didnt come home till later but whatever. i dunno i have absolutely nothing to do. i just cant go to sleep and i've been finding this is happenin gmore and more often. alright nothing exciting is happening i get to work 40 hours for like three weeks now and so that just makes me tired. but in one week we had two people quit. The frirst perosn just never showed up saying he had research for school so my boss called him up and said show ulp or else you lost ur job and he never showed up. Ther other person just left a voice message saying she isnt coming ever again after five months of training her.
im done.
night. or actually morning.
1 people have been pushed out by my fears. |
Have my fears pushed you out?
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sweetyas
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2005 13 July :: 10.18pm
YOu know ur a loser when...
Theres a party at your house and ur not invited. I hate my brother for putting me in this position. I'm seriously considering taking up smoking, i hate him so much.
1 people have been pushed out by my fears. |
Have my fears pushed you out?
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toki
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2005 8 July :: 12.21am
Shoulder hurts. Eyes hurt. I'm sore. Tired. Wanted to write more. Nothing's working. Need sleep. Bye.
Have my fears pushed you out?
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Pixeldot
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2005 23 June :: 8.06pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: World at Large - Modest Mouse
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Ice age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gone to find another place, maybe one I can stand
I move on to another day
A whole new town with a whole new way
Went to the porch to have a thought
Got to the door, but then I just couldn't stop
Don't know where, and don't know when
But I've still got my words, and I've got my friends
Walk on to another day, work a little harder, work another way
Well uh-uh baby, I ain't got no plan
Gonna float on, maybe would you understand?
The days get shorter and the nights get cold
I like autumn, but this place is getting old
Pack my belongings, and I head to the coast
It might not be alot, but I feel like I'm making the most
The days get longer and the nights smell green
I guess its not suprising, but its spring and I should leave
I like songs about drifters - books about the same
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane
I walked on off to another spot
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?
Moths beat themselves to death against a light
Adding their breeze to the summer nights
Outside, water-like air was great
I didn't know what I had that day
Walk a little farther to another plan
You said that you did, but you didn't understand
I know that starting over's not what life's about
But my thoughts are so loud, I just can't hear my mouth
My thoughts are so loud...
----
This song really reminds me of Stunkel. Anyone who knows him well enough would agree, I think...
Have my fears pushed you out?
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goose
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2005 20 June :: 11.58pm
Im going to Mexico tomorrow...i wont be around for a while, bye everyone, if that matters
1 people have been pushed out by my fears. |
Have my fears pushed you out?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 16 June :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: determined
How about making a new friend today? Seriously, look around. Even better -- look outside your comfort zone. A new, interesting friend might be just the lift your spirits need.
I'm actually somewhat social at work...yay for me!
I suck at this game :-( Life isn't fair sometimes......oh well.
Always, Sandy
Have my fears pushed you out?
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