thedarkerside
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2003 18 May :: 10.46am
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: Metallica- Sanitarium
Its over
I finally ended it. I feel relieved but nervous. I dont like fighting but I had to. This wont defeat me..it never was going to. Its over. Thats all there is to it.
1 made me bleed |
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 17 May :: 12.25am
:: Mood: none
:: Music: none
none
Dad not loosing job. False alarm.
He only has to work 4 days a week starting June 1st. He still will get same pay
All that crying for nothing....
oh. well.
Cedar Point rocked. I'm going to hang out with Danny and her friends more often. They are nice. I had a great time. Jesse was funny and I got some good pics. Will add later
Must pee.
Night
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 15 May :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: none
:: Music: none
Quiz
You should be an Aries, Outgoing, Extravert,
Energetic, Dynamic, Courageous, Generous,
Strong, Extravagant but sometimes can be
arrogant, insecure, jealous, concerned with
looks and others' opinion
~*What is your TRUE Zodica sign?*~
brought to you by Quizilla
so freakishly true.
1 made me bleed |
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 15 May :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: tired.
:: Music: none
Sigh.
I guess...I'll go.
::inhales and exhales::
1 made me bleed |
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 15 May :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: tired.
:: Music: none
Sigh.
I guess...I'll go.
::inhales and exhales::
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 15 May :: 5.45pm
:: Mood: depressed.
:: Music: none
I cant breathe
I'm shaking.......
I cant breathe...I cant.....
My dad got home today and told my mom something about pay cuts in his job. I didnt get to hear the whole convo.
I heard my mom say that my dad might loose his job.
Mom:"John we cant afford to lose money. Were tight as it is. If you lose your job or get a pay cut i'm making you get a second job. You have to. We cant live off the money that we would be getting."
Mom:"If you dont figure things out maybe i'm just going to have to sell the house and get an apartment and you go your way and I go mine. You can move back with your parents and I'll have to get an apartment around here."
Divorce....
Losing house?
..
I cant think...I just cant.
I'm not going to cedar point tomorrow...
I just cant.
They are trying to force me to go.
Mom:"Just go. its already payed for. Whats going on right now doesnt concern you"
It does concern me..it concerns everythin. No spring break. No vacations.. No money..no nothing...no food...possibly no house??! How can that not fucking concern me?!?! You tell me how.
I cant go and I WONT go. If i went i'd probably end up crying. I dont want to cry.
My life is 10 times more of a hell than it was before.
I'm going to lay this on the table while i'm at it. I'm going to be ending alot of my friendships with alot of people except for Krystal Carinna lindsey and theresa. and who knows who else.. I dont konw how much more i can take. I'll talk about this more when I feel like it.
18 made me bleed |
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 14 May :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: strangly floaty lol
:: Music: Watchin Sorority life
Hmm...
I've seen him twice and its had an effect on me. I dont know why. Maybe because he was something new to see. Maybe its because he didnt seem to care about the things that most guys care about. He wasnt arrogant or egotistical. He seemed so nice and perfect.
hhehe egotistical reminds me of testicals.
I'm out.
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thedarkerside
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2003 14 May :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: strangly floaty lol
:: Music: Watchin Sorority life
Hmm...
I've seen him twice and its had an effect on me. I dont know why. Maybe because he was something new to see. Maybe its because he didnt seem to care about the things that most guys care about. He wasnt arrogant or egotistical. He seemed so nice and perfect.
hhehe egotistical reminds me of testicals.
I'm out.
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 14 May :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: none
:: Music: none
quizes
Laughing eyes. The world is funny but tough. You
laugh at random times and say random things.
What kind of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
take a stab
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thedarkerside
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2003 14 May :: 11.53am
:: Mood: ok
:: Music: nothing
At School
Today has been ok. I'm supose to be typing up my project thats due tomorrow but I'll just do it tonight.
If you sit and listen to other peoples conversations its weird. I mean I'm not listening like hanging on every single word they say. I'm just sitting and hearing voices all around me and if you stop to feel, it feels weird.
I'm not exactly too happy about the whole group situation. Its not even about the group anymore. Its about certain people. Certain people who are letting other things consume them. I dont like it and I'm not going to deal with it. Next year I'll start fresh. But I wont forget about anyone or anything. I'll always remember the ones who I loved.
I dont care if they think i "used" them. How could some even think that. You cant use frieds for like a year. It doesnt work that way. Screw them. Let them think what they want. I know what the truth is and thats all that matters.
Screw them all. Screw who as ever doubted that my friendship or my actions were true.
Thats what makes me unhappy.
I'm content right now. Nothings bugging me I'm just tired. Just tired of people...noises...talking...thinking.
I just wish I could sleep for like 10 days straight and just be renewed and have no memory of anything at all besides the basics.
Note to self: Dont wish for things that are truely impossibly.
I cant wait until schools out.
I feel annoyed when other people besides my frieds read my expressive portfolio. They are too quick to judge.
"Wow thats personal."
i still dont understand what that means. I know she meant well.
Tomorrows another day just like always. I'll never feel releived until school is over with and I can sleep and do whatever I want.
Even though I know that wont happen either.
1 made me bleed |
take a stab
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