:: 2003 14 November :: 6.36 am
:: Mood: ugly.. =(

Lordy lord i dont think dat ive ever cried dat much in my entire friggin life.. ='(

Ive decided not to go to skool t day..*dont wanna deal wif thier shit* and im not goign to work t day *ditto* but im not gonna stay home..*cant stand seeing my mom in da state that she is rite now* Soo see i dont have anywhere to fuckin go anymore.. =(

Last nite, after everyone had gone to sleep..i ly still more awake then ever..*thinkin* I walk into the kitchen, grab the biggest knife outta the drawer..and hold it up towards my neck..i scrap ever so slightly against my neck..jus to see..and den im tempted to press harder and harder and harder until i fall to the floor and sit in a puddle of my own blood until its all gone and im dead..but i dont instead i take the knife bak into my room, and hide it in a drawer..until next time..until t nite..

2 And i fall in love again.. | Then i see your face

:: 2003 13 November :: 11.35 pm

Too bad soo sad.. =(

Lifes a bitch and den you die..so lets jus get it over wif now! ='(

Then i see your face

:: 2003 13 November :: 10.16 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

He didnt even get a chance at life..
Okay dis entry was influenced by britts entry so thanks britt..neways..

Dude i member when i was going out wif Travis in 6th grade and Justin and him were like best friends, and i met Justin fo da first time..He was kinda crazy, but really really funny. We became like really good friends..but as time went on after me n Travis broke up..our friendship begin to build a rift..and after a while dat rift was too big too mend, so we jus kinda grew apart fo a while..da next time we started talkin again was in 8th grade cuz he was like in all of my classes and we would sit by eachother alot..and we always got in trouble hehe..well not me but him *smiles sheepishly* But after a while during like da second quarter he began to drop hints dat he liked me..so i flirted of korse..and we got alot closer..he was never someone dat i would go out wif..he jus wasnt my type as i sometimes put it..but he was really awesome and i loved da kid..he asked me out many times but i jus used da lame ass excuse dat i jus wanted to be friends and didnt wanna ruin da friendship..and den summer came..we spent alotta fun times in conrads class..gettin in trouble EVERY CLASS! But summer came and we didnt talk at all..and den next thing i know..HES GONE, HES DEAD! And soon to find out, *by travis* is dat he liked me ever since 6th grade when we were going out..he liked me alot..and i was jus sucha bitch and didnt even give him a friggin chance..life didnt give him much of a friggin chance either!! And its not friggin fair!!

There i said it..fo da first time..i said it..i got it out..there is everyone happy..

now did dat make me feel any better to jus open up and say all dat shit..

NO IT DIDNT! so wtf was da point..i unno latah!

4 And i fall in love again.. | Then i see your face

:: 2003 13 November :: 8.37 pm
:: Mood: melancholy

Urgh t day=shitty! =(

My mom these days jus sits in her room, crying and feeling srry fo her damn self! Does she understand dat she has kids out here dat SHE needs to take CARE of..im sick and tired of takin care of myself and doing everything fo myself *dat sounds selfish* but i seriously mite as well fuckin live on my own cuz i do everything fo myself, she dont do shit fo me..and never has..and its not really dat bad dat shes doing dis to me..cuz shes hates me n all but like shes doing it to wilson too! I get her up in da morning i get her around i get her on da bus *sometimes breakfast if time* I do her laundry, i clean up her messes *i clean da house* i makes sure dat shes doing her homework, and dat shes gettin good grades..and if shes got a problem at skool, i make sure dat she fixes it! Like when she was failing her class wif *mrs blume* i was da one dat went after skool wif her and talked wif da teacher bout wat was going on and why she was failing..NOT MY MOM! No korse not..if she needs a ride from skool, if shes going out on da weekend or something..i usually have one of my friends and i friggin pick her up, or i get her around to leave wif her dad fo da weekend..or wateva i seriously do everything fo dat spoiled lil brat..*yah shes only 11* but she needs to grow up a lil more and take more responsibility fo her damn self cuz i can take care of her and myself its crazy i really souldnt have to do it anyway..its not like im her friggin mother! Im jus a kid..i cant deal wif dis shit..and have a job, and deal wif skool, and all da shit afterskool, and keepin a social life, i mean wtf? I cant be a mother! to me and wilson! Dats fuckin wrong and crazy! ANd i hate it! I jus wanna be a kid fo once! I miss being a kid.. =(

I dont know anymore dis shit round here is gettin way too fuckin crazy..i dont nkow wat to do im soo friggin stressed out!

Geesh everyone thinks my life is soo easy..n GOOD..yah i wish it were..i wish dat i could go home fo one day and not have to wrry bout anything but *who im gonna call, wat homework i have, and wat time my fav tv show was playin t nite* Like a REGULAR kid..i unno anymore..

Hey do u like my new journal theme thingy? I do!! Fits mucho better fo someone like me.. =(

Love..me..korse.. =(

Then i see your face

:: 2003 13 November :: 6.47 pm

borderline


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DA LAST LINE..IS SO FUCKIN RITE IT AINT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!! =(

Then i see your face