its funny how, when there's one little crappy thing in your life, your random button reminds you of all the crappiest things that you have to deal with everyday anyway.

i'm afraid of being alone. i really am. just alone. not boyfriend alone necessarily, although it sort of plays a part. not having a best friend, not having even a really good friend. i think everyone's afraid of being alone. add that to the fear of falling and the fear of the unknown.

i think its normal. do bugs feel safer when the shoe is above them if they have a colony with them? do they convince themselves that it's not going to be them that dies, but the one beside them? or do they just wonder how it will feel?

if one believes in god, does god regret the moment he makes someone die? does he shake his head at the stupidity that leads him to taking that person's life? does he cry when he watches someone in pain? how would it be to have god as your best friend? would it be wrong to only idol and not put god as a god in your mind? i dont even know if i believe in god but how would it feel to know your best friend could take care of all your problems, but would rather you solve them on your own? to acknowledge taht you are stuck and have to accept what you ahve and use that to climb out of your hole, and just have him pat you on the back, and notice a tear fall on your pants and realise you arent the one crying.

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