mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 7.25pm
they dont really understand how it is to struggle through school...this quarter i actually tried. everytime i didnt do my homework was cuz iwas working on projects...and granted, i had people over and went out...but do you all expect me not to have some sort of life?
i went shopping wtih jen
i bought loads of clothes...
pants
a pink panther shirt
ducky underwear (blue
and yellow)
bras
shorts
a tank top (orange)
more underwear
sunglasses
socks
tigger socks
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Aaron
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2004 27 March :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: uneasy
:: Music: UNcle chuck playing with his new Amp.
I feel sort of weird, being on the journals for the first time in months. I've been reading wild at heart by John Eldredge and I can't explain how helpful it's been... My favorite part so far is when he was relating life to a part of a war book he had read. The quote reads.
Soldier-"Lueitenant, they're shooting at us!"
Lueitenant-"Well start shooting back!"
Hello? That's what happens in war, you get shot at, and this is how it relates to life. S-H-O-O-T B-A-C-K.
Yip. That says it all. That is the stratigy. The wounds hurt, and there is no shame in that. It's not your fault they hurt. let them hurt, accnoledge the hurt, and then fight the wound, NOT THE PAIN! the pain is not the enemy, the wound causing it is! oh, they want me in the other room. cya.
~Paul
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 12.10pm
my third entry today...im waiting for my clothes to wash...
im eating stale cheez-its...actually they arent that bad.
i need to pack. then do a thousand things with jen before we leave tmro
bye.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 12.08pm
i stole this from Angel_Bob....shes sooo cool!
"The farthest distance you will have to cross isn't an ocean or mountain, it's the twelve inches between your head and your heart. You will spend a lot of your life arguing between the two. Just remember that love is more rare than rules of reality."
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 11.43am
Pop-Up
i just saw this....and you know how it drives you nuts when people say words with another vowel than you're used to...i dont know what it is..it popped up but i laughed.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 March :: 10.08pm
:: Music: soundscapes
my four biggest worries for the end of the year/next year:
~losing boyfriend
~losing half of friends/all of friends
~failing/ having to take classes again
~moving away
any of the above topics are saddening, in fact, if i start talking about them, ill cry...
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mudpiegrl
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2004 23 March :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: silencio
its all okie now...
hola all...thank you to jill for calling me and letting me know my little issue with mr neil. i talked to him...we walked...and watched the sunset over the lake, listening to the geese talk to each other. i told him that i expect him to know better, especially since we've been through this before, in which case i could also talk to goli, but i cant really in this episode. i told him if expects me to respect his wishes in not commenting about his mismatching or bad smell at odd moments (if you dont know, dont assume...you can ask...if you care), i also expect him to respect the fact that i get jealous and that it makes me nervous...
what's worse: he knew he was doing it! it was funny cuz he says i was walking with my hand on her shoulder today after class (jill sayd neck but eh) and later on says i wasnt even near her today...i was like uh huh...it was kinda hard to have your hand on her shoulder if you werent close to her. he's talked to chris about it before...i've talked to trix and jill about it before...my parents have noticed. its bad when i notice...worse when my girl friends notice...but when the guys notice as well...thats awful, 'specially since they're pretty flirty too. even more to my disappointment, he had talked to chris about it recently, and apparently only noticed in the last week...
...but he seemed to understand where i was coming from and decided to talk to her and stop the madness...and my jealousy...a girlfriend should not be jealous of other girls flirting wtih her boyfriend. okie...history paper...thanks again guys
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 March :: 6.06pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: sharon osbourne
::squee::
i am overwhelmed with joy
Gir Pillowcase...you have no heart if you dont think this is cute
Mister Spooky!!!
so...easter's coming...
if you wonder what my icon is...here you go.
I want like everything on this page...even the air freshener!
gasp!...its me
eep! its soo funny!...dont get it....you loser.
ahhh piggy and gir!
okie i think im done.
so i was thinking about something for neil for 1 april cuz its our ten month...
once when we were out for dinner and i made him a heart of the pink sugar packs and
...since i'll be in arizona,
ill frame the pink heart with "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." in the middle...
yup...thats all for today...adios
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mudpiegrl
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2004 9 March :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: inucbus
thing
want some entertainment?
E-Shrooms
yea.....its a party.....
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mudpiegrl
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2004 4 March :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: tru calling (i really like this show)
so i was searching for a picture of an eye...and i found these....
this site looks awesome...its a game thats going to come out...and the images are amazing...i love the dark twist on alice in wonderland...
Little Beast
Blue Eye
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mudpiegrl
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2004 4 March :: 6.54pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "it's a beautiful morning..."
joseph pictures...
so we did "joseph and the amazing technicolour dreamcoat" and if youd like to see the pictures. the sheep trix and jill and jen and jackie and i made...the scarab (the big green thing that looks like a guitar...its supposed ot be a modern symbol...for elvis...if you know the show you understand) was made by sarah, blair, stephanie, shay and i did a little bit. The cacti were sarahs, stephanies and lauras...the palm trees were also sarahs...with random people...but jen did most of the corn...and the gold coins. thanks to chris for the lights and spencer for the sound (but you cant really see it) and to sandy and goli for being in the picutres lol...i odnt know what else to thank you guys for...lol thanks for your wonderful voices...!
adios...thas all folks! ::dun dun dun dunn duuuun::
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mudpiegrl
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2004 3 March :: 11.08pm
:: Music: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
^hm...guess what thats about...
yea so guess what song jen and i listened to today...lol....its in my head...
sorry i never updated about theatre fest....or the concert...didnt even talk about joseph......or the act....probably cuz i havent been on....id love to complain...cept it doesnt bother me that much until someone goes...you have to do this by this date...specially if its before march twenty fourth, seeing as i have six projects due by then, two of which are due tmro. woo...two down! this kid is such a moron. im working with him in spanish...first he doesnt let me help, then he cant even spell sun (sol) and for god sakes wont fucking believe me when i tell him the hurricane is one so the verb will be singular...but oh well...i have my prose analysis presentation tmro eighth period. i shall die. i hate presentations...at least in spanish i have a partner....
today jen and i went to mcdonalds and shopping with charlie...hes funny as hell...i love him to death...not like that...but anyone who thinks charlies an ass needs a life cuz i think hes awesome. he can get obnoxious but i think anyone can, and you learn not to take him seriously...
you know it really makes me wonder...i dont care who reads this...but when lisa decided "i think ill throw a fit now to see how many people side with me about something so incredibly stupid that happened three months ago" she said ", i really dont even care about whatever happens with me/jorie. i would have cared a few months ago, but now, im used to not liking her, so it really doesn't make a difference. its just amazing how long it took her." and i wondered...how the fuck can anyone tell that youre mad at them if you walk around, saying hi in the fakest high pitched voice as if youre sad as fuck but acting happy...but noticably? she was quick to point out how she hated when i corrected peoples english, how jill and kyle didnt like my comments on looking younger in the dress for HC and for saying he needs a haircut, and how im "dilusional". She also mentioned how i never listen to anyone and basically dont deserve to have any friends...and then suddenly shes all nice to me as if the "war" either never happened or was solved. the cause of it all was because i wrote her a very nice email, possibly too nice, asking her to please clean up her mess when she comes over, because i dont like doing it, nor do my parents. and so, suddenly she was mad at shaina cuz "shaina sided with jorie instead of me" "she may have gotten shaina". oh lord....honestly...i didnt even care...the girl called me a bitch, so i kindly told her i could read...ooh lets start a one-sided arguement and convince ourselves we're losing...woo...but recently...this is what bothers me.
i dont mind that people are her friends (cuz everyone needs friends)...but i find it slightly pathetic to say "this is a shout out to all yall out there who think you're my friend. just wondering how many of you there are. so leave me a comment, k?" feeling abandoned is okie...asking for support is another...but three entries spent on "guys support me i feel friendless today!"...arrg...because you know shes just searching for pity...and whats worse is that people complain and complain about her...about how she does this...and thne the moment comes when she does it...and "oh im sorry lisa ::hug::"...are we no longer aware of the word hypocritical...?
if any of you disagree thats your perogitive...thats my thoughts, this is my journal...if you have any thoughts...put them...but i dont need to recieve hate mail because i wont respond...and its very pointless.
in other thoughts...im tired as fuck. i want to sleep...two presentations tmro...did i already say that? oh yes...thats right. my back really hurts. auditions are next monday. its wednesday. ::sigh::
i want to audition but not make it. i want to do crew but i want to know if the possibility is there. yea. i finally made callbacks for razzle and one acts so i know that they have started to like me...whether my acting or just cuz they feel bad. i should do all my papers this week and not have anything to worry about for the rest of the month. yea...right...okie i have to go finish my spanish outline so i can start memorizing...sweet dreams
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Aaron
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2004 31 January :: 3.37pm
lyrics
The Noose Lyrics
So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curiuos
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead
Recall the deeds as if they're all
Someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn
Before us all
So glad to see you well
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead
With your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin'
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippinn' down
Your halo slippin' down
(I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends)
[repeated]
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin' down to choke you now
Nine Inch Nails Something I Can Never Have lyrics
i still recall the taste of your tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore.
[Chorus:]
come on tell me.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll you make this all go way.
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now.
this is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll you make this all go way.
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
in this place it seems like such a same.
though it all looks different now,
i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see.
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.
[Chorus]
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
i just want something i can never have
think i know what you meant.
that night on my bed.
still picking at this scab
i wish you were dead.
you sweet and perry ellis.
just stains on my sheets.
Nine Inch Nails That's What I Get lyrics
Just when everything was making sense.
You took away all my self - confidence.
Now all that i've been hearing must be true.
I guess i'm not the only boy for you.
But that's what i get
That's what i get
That's what i get
That's what i get
How could you turn us into this?
After you just taught me how to kiss you.
I told you i'd never say goodbye.
I'm slipping on the tears you made me cry.
But that's what i get.
That's what i get.
That's what i get.
That's what i get.
For trusting you.
That's what i get.
Why does it come as a surprise.
To think that i was so naive.
Maybe didn't mean too much.
But it meant everything to me.
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Once it smiled a silent dell
Where the people did not dwell;
They had gone unto the wars,
Trusting to the mild-eyed stars,
Nightly, from their azure towers,
To keep watch above the flowers,
In the midst of which all day
The red sunlight lazily lay.
Now each visitor shall confess
The sad valley's restlessness.
Nothing there is motionless-
Nothing save the airs that brood
Over the magic solitude.
Ah, by no wind are stirred those trees
That palpitate like the chill seas
Around the misty Hebrides!
Ah, by no wind those clouds are driven
That rustle through the unquiet Heaven
Uneasily, from morn till even,
Over the violets there that lie
In myriad types of the human eye-
Over the lilies there that wave
And weep above a nameless grave!
They wave: — from out their fragrant tops
Eternal dews come down in drops.
They weep: — from off their delicate stems
Perennial tears descend in gems.
We're going to north town...hey, that was before we were dating. don't worry about it...I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me.I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me...........
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Aaron
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2004 31 January :: 1.46pm
:: Mood: tired...guilty...suicidal (of course)
quizirific stuffesis!!!
" What color of Pernese dragon are you? " - Results:
You are a bronze dragon! You are the biggest of the males, and generally you are the only one who gets to mate with the queen. You are an excellent leader. Your human partner is likely to be a Wingleader or even Weyrleader, the person in charge of the entire Weyr, and you are the mate of the senior queen. You are respected by the lower colors, and if you are the Weyrleader's dragon you are always obeyed, unless the queen contradicts you. Since queens are relatively uncommon, you are widely considered by humans the best dragon to be paired with.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:
You are a bronze dragon! You are the biggest of the males, and generally you are the only one who gets to mate with the queen. You are an excellent leader. Your human partner is likely to be a Wingleader or even Weyrleader, the person in charge of the entire Weyr, and you are the mate of the senior queen. You are respected by the lower colors, and if you are the Weyrleader's dragon you are always obeyed, unless the queen contradicts you. Since queens are relatively uncommon, you are widely considered by humans the best dragon to be paired with.
What color of Pernese dragon are you? brought to you by Quizilla
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" good......dark`~Angelz~`light......evil" - Results:
;Fallen Angel;-You are a fallen angel. Once an angel of light you crossed the line into the dark. Most likely for one other than yourself. As a fallen angel, you can often be cold though your insides are burning with emotion. Noing that feeling for someone was what got you here in the first place and you are not willing to go there again. You do not dwell on your emotions though they are there and probably very stong. Your beautiful in an untouchable way. You are an independant spirit becuase of your past and people often try and harness that beauty though never able to succeed. You have a higher understanding of the world and the people in it. You are probably very empathetic to others emotions though not to your own. You wish with all your heart to return to the light. Though your outside is rough and changed through time Your heart remains ever heavenly. You most likely hate pity and cant feel sorry for yourself.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:
;Fallen Angel;-You are a fallen angel. Once an angel of light you crossed the line into the dark. Most likely for one other than yourself. As a fallen angel, you can often be cold though your insides are burning with emotion. Noing that feeling for someone was what got you here in the first place and you are not willing to go there again. You do not dwell on your emotions though they are there and probably very stong. Your beautiful in an untouchable way. You are an independant spirit becuase of your past and people often try and harness that beauty though never able to succeed. You have a higher understanding of the world and the people in it. You are probably very empathetic to others emotions though not to your own. You wish with all your heart to return to the light. Though your outside is rough and changed through time Your heart remains ever heavenly. You most likely hate pity and cant feel sorry for yourself.
good......dark`~Angelz~`light......evil brought to you by Quizilla
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Aaron
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2004 31 January :: 11.06am
:: Mood: Really fucking pissed off.
:: Music: The great below, Nine inch nails.
Oh, I'm sorry, do I sound BITCHY!!!???
hm...I wonder if just maybe there's a damn good reason for that.
1. I will read most things you write.
2. As arrogant as it sounds, I know pain and fear and what it's like to be "trapped" just a tincy bit better than MOST, not all, but MOST of you.
3. Yes, it's called intuition and a BRAIN. they make this lovely little combination that allow you to see just a bit deeper than the surface.
4. It's called "hiding". People do it all the time...YOU do it all the time. and what does it do? makes you see your self at a surface level.
5. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME MY IDEAS ABOUT REALITY ARE FALSE???????? YOU WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE REALITY IF IT WAS LOADED INTO A GUN AND FIRED AT YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay, now that I have that all out, I will state this. Most of you think you've been in "love" before. but the funny thing is, just that sentance contradicts one of the major charactoristics of "love". It doesn't ever die. it doesn't leave. It last FOREVER!!! don't you get that? you fall in love once, and never again!!! got that? good. next "symptom" of love. You EXPECT a relationship that is a result of love to last forever. got that? fantastic! thirdly, it waits. it's patient, and gentle. not forcing and bold. (hence the reason I asked...and I asked twice, over the span of an hour and a half, thank you very much...damn girls have a thing for exageration.) okay! fourth symptom of love...look people, it's not something that's designed to just step in or out of. It's not a doorway... though is often treated like one. if I was moving too fast, or saying things that made you uncomfortable, SAY SOMETHING!!! Goddamnit! It's a RELATIONSHIP...R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P!!! if Morgan said something that made you uncomfortable, what would you've done? bottle it up until it exploded, shattering the relationship, or would you talk to her about it? Why was it any different with me? I'm unpredictable, but that doesn't make me weak. okay.....It's time for me and Pat and Quin...if he ever wakes up, to go sit on the rock above the copper mantion and look over all of Spokane...and dream of what it would look like after being hit with 150 tactical nukes...
Later
PS...look, I'm sorry I'm so bitchy and irritable...and if you all hate me for this entry...I understand. But i won't hide anymore...This is how I feel...I mean, I love you all so much...you have no idea what you mean to me...but...but i have alot of anger in me right now...
byebye now...
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