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2003 11 December :: 10.45 am
:: Mood: aggravated
well. it just so happens that a person i used to care about a lot has finally managed to make an ass out of him self. can you believe it. wow. im actually pissed at him. i see him and my anger finally doesnt dissolve. im pissed, cant wait till next hour. i will be feeling good in a little while. my concert is sunday. cant wait. jason is home. there at least some good news. varsity soccer is going to be difficult. talk later.
pooper dooper scooper |
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2003 9 December :: 10.56 am
:: Mood: bitchy
well i just changed my icon from purity. fun. i have a band concert sat. go me. i have pep band tonight. this should be great fun. oh yeah and i smell like dead cat. there is another plus.
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2003 9 December :: 10.41 am
well yesterday i had to work on a paper with heather and then brent came and picked me up and we went to the rockford pool. we were swimming and he was trying to teach me how to dive. it is really hard off a diving board. umm....still upset. heard some news i dont know how to take in yesterday. dont want to ever hear it again. dont talk to me.
pooper dooper scooper |
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2003 8 December :: 12.14 pm
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2003 8 December :: 12.07 pm
:: Mood: amused
so it is after lunch and i realize i hate being here. and most of all i am getting upset knowing that everyones life is going great and i am stuck in a pothole far behind struggling to get out and catch up. my friend grant just gave me my first real caffeine pill and im waiting to feel something. (i just took it.) my back hurts really bad. i am sick of feeling like shit constantly and i dont think i should. and something else that i find funny is complaing all the time. yeah ive definately been doing my share of that. im getting depressed and no one knows. im sick of the way my life is carrying on like hell. any sugestions?
pooper dooper scooper |
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2003 8 December :: 9.07 am
so my day was going fine till the girl ryan was flirting with the last time came up to me with a huge smile on her face and asked why we broke up. im so pissed. i was haveing an okay day until that happened and now im going to end up thinking about him the rest of the day. i dont know what to do.
pooper dooper scooper |
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2003 5 December :: 12.11 pm
:: Mood: crappy
shaking.
so everything is going to hell now. have a test in anatomy i probably failed, have an essay and a presentation due in global studies, see my famous ex flirting with someone else, and crying even more than yesterday. i cant stand things right now. i wish i could just take a while from school and let my mind and body rest but we know ill never get the chance to do that. the whole ryan thing is confusing...i saw him in the media center and he gave this girl molly fish his coat. he never let me wear it. then i saw them like flirting and what looked to me like hand holding. im probably taking things way out of proportion but what else do i do? i had to move to a corner because it bothered me so much i couldnt watch. i9 found myself shaking and now im finding myself complaining and i know that it doesnt do anything. I am sick of being so unhappy. i am again not hungary. (sp) so congrats with everyone else who get to be with who they want, and enjoy what they want ect. i give up. on everything. back to my cave. That didnt last long.
3 poopss |
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2003 4 December :: 12.21 pm
:: Mood: confused
smirk
okay so im walking down the hall with April and Ryan is standing in the hall by his class room door. and i look at him and its like he was laughing at me. he had this huge fucking smirk on his face. so i went to lunch and tears shed slowly but steadly down my face. this is really sucky and the worst part of it is the fact that i want him back. and he treats me like crap. but i still want him back.
3 poopss |
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2003 4 December :: 7.36 am
:: Mood: pessimistic
so it happened
im not sure why this happened. as much as i wanted to be with him it still didnt matter. just when i thought things were getting better and then BAM...it felt like a smack on the face. im pissed because i dont understand fully on why he did this. i thought for once id be fine and i could work whatever out so we could be together. i was so mad at him. but when i saw him at church last night my anger dissolved. i hate this feeling of lonliness that i have so oftenkly come upon. i still want him even though it isnt mutual. his reason"I dont have time for you right now. AND "something in the letter you wrote kind of got to me..." which i dont think makes sense at all...so i am single and feeling like total shit. no one really relates.
3 poopss |
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2003 2 December :: 10.33 am
:: Music: break the cycle
ugh.
i dont even know if i deserve a boyfriend anymore. I was mad because we were supposed to hang out yesterday and he said he actually could. anyways i was mad because he didnt even call yesterday. i was mad so i even brought the cd player so i could try to ignore him. too bad i couldnt. um it was lucky though because he told me he called twice and it was busy. im so pissed off. it sucks when you are waiting a specific call and then everyone else calls...when they dont call on normal days (even though you do love talking to them)...its weird and the one person whos supposed to call doesnt even get through because of all the other calls. i like ryan so much. a lot. i dont want to loose him. maybe he will hang out with me tonight. i have to babysit a little while and i can have my mom bring movies back. so maybe he will want to hang out with me. i like him a lot. oh yes and someone has come back from the past.
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