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2004 20 October :: 9.00 am
why i give up.
5 poopss |
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 20 October :: 7.55 am
as the tear slowly trickles down my face
and my hand grasps my pillow tight
more and more tears follow
rapidly
screaming into the empty night
my stomache aches
not as much as my heart
i feel ill be alone like this
my life is over without a start
i just wanted one thing
for him to like me too
how long is it going to take me
for this heartbreak to break through.
when will i get it
my love just uses me
when will i just realize
he doesnt hear my plea
1 poops |
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 20 October :: 7.52 am
i was right. i like how i havent been surprised by this person. he didnt show. or call, or answer phone calls. way to make someone feel worth it....i need to find someone who likes me as much as i like them. too bad im so upsessed with someone even though they insist on ripping my heart out and stomping on it.
1 poops |
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 19 October :: 8.00 am
so yesterday i swallowed hard, and then i dialed his number. it was the wrong number. whoops. then i tried again. he picked up. we talked about him and his band. the band camilla wants him to be their lead singer. wow. i asked him if he wanted to come over tomorrow and watch a movie....breathing stops in anticipation....he says yeah maybe ill swing by....but i work until 7. so i said id call him around 7.
i am so nervous i feel like throughing up. the funny thing in this is the fact that he probably wont even come. or answer his phone. so luckly at least ill get a clean house out of this and a nce clean bedroom with no more dirty clothes.
wish me luck.
3 poopss |
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 18 October :: 8.30 am
so i was at work yesterday, and weston came in (with his nephew, who happens to be the same age). anyways they came ina nd rented a movie. i dont understand myself. the only way to describe it is by writing the poem i wrote when i was uncontrolebly crying when he left. and luckly there was no one in the store.
the jump in my stomach
the ache of butterflies
from just a simple view of you
its pain but beauty to my eyes
i cant believe you came here
im unshowered and unclean
your laughing when you walk out
does it have to do with me?
my stomache really hurts now
it wont seem to go away
i hate you seeing me
when im not all done up, or any natural way
although i cant wait to see you again.
my hands are really shaking
my heart is skipping beats
i cant help any customers
with you their watching me
cant hold back the store is empty and all i do is cry
i wish i wouldnt have seen you now
i cant understand why
why do i do this. i hate my life
i want to get out of here
go far away,
so i can just forget you
problem is i can't stay,
away long enough, im obsessed
i wish i never met you
im admitting im depressed
that was a stupid sappy poem i wrote while balling my eyes out. i dont understand. i feel sick right now writing about it. in fact my eyes are tearing even just thinking about it. i dont know what to do....i want to disappear. I WANT TO DISAPPEAR! have you ever just wanted to get in a car accident, so you could get a way a while? go unconscious? or even to do it to see if you would get anyu attention then from that personn you would pretty much do anything to have. dont think im suicidal for saying these things...there just thoughts. too bad im to weak and scared to actually try them. i guess i could be saying if i did get in an accident, i wouldnt be dissapointed. i ahte myself right now. no one understands. they cant even begin to imagine how i feel.
1 poops |
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 15 October :: 8.22 am
so tonight i dont have any clue how it is going to turn out. i dont really know whats going on anymore. i dont even know AHHHh! um...i work till nine oclock tonight then i go home....hm...take a shower! oh yeah i got so excited when weston called me back. im hoping i see him this weekend. (this is the guy that i keep getting hurt by, that im in love with)
1 poops |
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 13 October :: 9.02 am
did you ever notice my middle name could twinkle>?
i love the littles.
awee!!!
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 13 October :: 9.01 am
blah!!!!!i love sleep! too bad i never get any! jess ill adopt you!!!i have more rooms!!!
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 13 October :: 8.17 am
well this is gonna suck cause now people know about the party that i dont like. garsh
pooper dooper scooper |
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2004 12 October :: 8.55 am
yay!!!
pooper dooper scooper |
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