Finally bAck
ahh feels good to be back. school ended yesterday, cried so freaking much and had my picture taken like constantly. crazy. Justin's moving to Cassville, Kayla's moving to South West, Heather's getting homeschooled, Marissa's moving somewhere, they dont know yet...all my close friends are leaving me :(. anywhos...i already miss everyone! lol im so pathetic, i already miss school even though i compleatly hate it. Im so weird *sighs*
Anyways, finally got to talk to my love, but not for long for he had to scamper off to work. Oh the rumor of me being knocked up was still going around yesterday, had people coming up and asking me when i was due while touching my stomach.
FREAKS I AINT PREGNANT!
Anyways...next thing will be i had an abortion because no kids popped out of me by next year. You just gotta love people!!!
Rachel

Kelly (yay!)
Yay! Kelly and I havn't talked in for SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long, but I emailed him...and he emailed me back...and now I'm happy again! yay. lol anywho...funny how much a simple email brightens my night *blushes* lol bUt I do not care, I'm happy and everyone can just shove it if they aint happy with me.
"Take this job and shove it"
"I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying and crazy for loving you"
"Whiskey river take don't run dry"
"You're cheatin heart will tell on you"
"Cuz I'm King of the Road"
"I feel into a burning ring of fire went down down down as the flames went higher and burns burns burns that ring of fire that ring of fire"
"Delta Dawn whats that flower you have on"
"Stand by your man and show the world you love him"
"Countin' flowers on the wall that don't bother me at all playin solitaire at dawn with a deck of 51 smokin ciggeretts and a watchin captin' kangaroo now don't tell me I'v nothing to do"
"He stoped loving her today"
Ok, those are like some of my favorite old country songs like...ever. they aint the titles, but most of them have the titles in the lyrics. anywhores...lol im bored as hell, but I gotta go take my shower still. lmfao I'll go sneak past mom and dad, moms sleepin on the couch and talking in her sleep...something bout jelly beans and the ocean *shrugs* and then dads asleep in the recliner. I swear they don't even use their freaking bed that they spent so much on. oh well. anywhores night!
Rach

mom fucking grounded me because i stayed home from church to do my god damn fucking homework. i didnt WANT to stay home and do it, but i cant exactly fail all my fucking finals because i didnt study enough. wtf shes such a bitch. anyways, yeah i still have to go finish the fucking work. wow and im cussing alot because im so freaking mad. anyways i dont fucking care anymore. moms a bitch. dads got something shoved up his ass and taylor and ashley are both just a cross between mom and dad. trevor...lol he just makes me laugh. he beats taylor up, and always calls mom dad and ashley names. ahh hes great. anyways...fucking homework calling my names.
a full god damn week for doing homework! god...*walks off muttering*
Rachel

Nameless Poem
-So hard you make my life seem
-Your voice crashing on me like a wooden beam
-On purpose do you do this?
-Making me strive for something only to simply miss
-More so then the dark I am scared of you
-Just me or is anyone else scared too?
-Faded out of existance
-To you nothing am I but past tence
-Not favored like the rest
-But I swear I try my best
-I am here, but to you I am faded
-My soul weary and jaded
-To end this pain?
-To go on in vain?
-To be the Devil's little harlot
-Sprawled upon each and every cot
-Or Gods perfect witness
-Staying in perfect religious fitness
-To you am I really this petty?
-As useful as burnt up confetti
-Is tomorrow yet another day of hurtful words and pointless anger?
-Of hurting again will I be in danger?
-The razor calls my name
-The ledge calls for me to play it's simple jumping game
-Can I live and take this all?
-Towards the light should I fall?

Yup that's my debute poem. Dad said that it's good up untill the last 4 lines...I think thats like the only good part of the whole damn thing. I'm not a poet....I dont write poetry. There was simply nothing else to do tonight.
Rachel
I'v wrote like 4 times today...I think I need a life :s

I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sense of time
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I fear there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend in the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman mind
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman mind
Kryptonite
Yeah!!

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman mind
Kryptonite

Ahh I love that song. Truely truely love it. I love everything by 3 Doors Down. EvErything. *sighs* anyways, I'm bored out of my freaking mind, and so I'm just sitting here thinking about a bunch of stuff. I havn't talked to Kelly, Karl or Nicole lately. When I was signed in on MSN earlier, it said that Kelly signed in, so I told him not to worry about paying off the journals because I'm sending it, and then he was gone, so I don't know what was with that. Anyways, I'm out of here. Later
Rachel

colors colors colors
I've been wanting (and needing) to change my colors lately, so i decided to keep the couch and my book waiting and go ahead and change the damn colors : ). yay! lol i like them...im not a big fan of blue but they're still ok. they go along with my picture and thats more or less what i was going for. anyways, yeah im going to go clean my room now because mom will be so pissed off if she comes home and it aint done, and she gets off in like an 2 and a half hours...lol and its probably going to take me that long. i swear, im like a neat freak, but since im like never in my room i dont really worry about it, though when i wake up in the morning and i cant find what i want to wear because its in the floor under more clothes, i tend to get pissed off with myself...ahh its all good though, everything will be hung up in my closet shortly. alrighty later
Rach
lol i had to add some pink into the colors to take away from all the blue. like you look at it and now you see pink...ahh i like it. anyways NOW I HAVE TO GO CLEAN MY ROOM! AHHH

ashley and my mom deleated yahoo messenger. i just found out. i probably should be mad, but right now im to tired to care much. its kind of depressing though...i cant listen to launch now without opening another window, and i dont really like having more windows open then i really need. im weird yeah i know but anyways.
ok so appearently im pregnant now. yesterday i found out about a nice little rumor thats been making its way around the school. i went over to KC's house like 3 week ago or whatever, just to hang out and shit, and i guess we had sex and i got knocked up.
Yeah ok whatever yall think
anyways, frank, more or less known as the schools stonner, ATE pot. he said that he had an allergic reaction to it and they had to give him some sterorides (yeah have no clue how to spell that) or some shit to help him fight whatever. im a little confused on this one though, i mean hes smoked it for a long ass time, and nothings ever happened to him....then one day he eats it and then all of a sudden he almost dies. but whatever hes fucking stupid anyways.
i havnt talked to kelly in a long freaking time, and im kind of confused as to where exactly were going. i need to talk to him about all the random thoughts floatin around in my head, but hes like hard to talk to or whatever...i dont know whatever. its probably just nothing.
so anyways moms going to be pissed today because they made her come in to work today. im supposed to have my room cleaned by the time she gets home, but im kinda in the mood to just sit here or on the couch and do nothing. read most likely if i make my way to the couch.
i just got done with the book "Phantoms" by Dean Koontz, it was really freaking good, but pretty freakin scary and messed up. thats the main reason i like love Dean Koontz, hes like the most awesome writer ever. anyways iv started another of his books "The Face" and its actually pretty boring as of right now...like its hard to get caught up in. In Phantoms, it was pretty easy. theres a town full of dead people with some 'thing' movin all over the place killin' the police and shit after the calvery moves in. anyways that was like a great book. iv got "False Memory", "Lightening", "Door to December", "Sole Survivor", "One Door Away From Heaven" and like a few more. i forget what all i have. i dont have all the ones that i want, but im slowly but surley making my way.
i would be lost with out my books thats for sure. omg i like love the book by Sylvia Plath " The Bell Jar" thats like one of the most awesome books ever. i love her poems too. and Walt Whitman, and Robert Frost...shit anyways i could go on forever about books and stuff so im just going to sit here and eat my cookies while deciding if i want to get my ass up and move to the couch.
Rachel

ScHo.Ol
I just got done with my science report. Like all the information was right in front of me, but it was still hard. Anyways, I did all 10 pages by myself, no help what-so-ever from my "partner" but yeah...at least we're more likely to get a good grade now. woah...that kinda sount concited or however you spell it...like snobby and self absorbed. huh...oh well. haha. anyways its almost time for lunch Yay! Actually I'm not really that hungry because dad dropped Ash and me some food off at school this morning. haha I got grape juice too! I love grape juice so much *sighs* anyways...I'm going to cut class and head on down to the gym...like we all sit in the gym instead of actually going to lunch in the cafateria or whatever. like those who do go eat, as soon as they're done they all come back and sit there with us too. we usually just eat out of the vending machines. ahh good times. anyways last night was graduation and though i had no reason to i cried. well my cousin graduated and this guy Brian thats on the fire department with mom and dad, graduated and so we knew him pretty well...anyways i guess i Sorta had a reason to cry. i dont really need a reason to cry. if i feel like crying then hot damn im gonna cry....anyways....lol later
Rach

These Days
iv had nothing to do like at all lately, so iv been random journaling, and there are quite a few interesting people out there leading quite interesting lifes...wish i were one of them peoples
*sighs*
but no, i stay with my ass on the computer. lots and lots. but i enjoy my computer time. and my reading time. and my alone time. just basically anytime that i can block out the chaos that surrounds me, im happy. unless im pissed off, then im not happy. wow ok now im rambeling...
NOW DO YOU SEE HOW BORED I AM!?!?
anyways i have YET to send off my freaking money for my journal...im just going to go ahead and send kellys off too.
*rolls eyes*
guess he didnt find time to go send it off or something. i dont know whatever. he wouldnt let me because he wanted to so i didnt, but neither did he. screw that. im sending it off...yeah i know i know, i said i would LONG time ago....but i didnt. i dont care. anyways, since my ass is like numb from sitting here im going to go. plus, i didnt do my homework tonight.
i got told to stay after in history. appereantly i have been "showing to much slack in [my] homework lately" well mr.reed can fuck off! good lord, we have ONE god damn week left of school, i can not wait till we get out, but then i dont want to get out at all. like all my friends are leaving me behind in this shitty ass town. so depressing
*sighs*
anyways, justin's leaving. my first love, or at least what i thought was love. i dont know now i have kelly, but justin and i are still really freaking close. like we talk about everything. hes the only one who knows about kelly and actually understands its amazing and so is he. lol he looks like EXACTLY like ashton kutcher. so hot...anyways.
alright im getting yelled at by dad, seeing as how its a few after 11 i can kinda understand. hes been in a bad mood lately anyways. as have mom and ashley and taylor and trevor. psychos the whole lot of them i tell yall.
alright well this was a pretty long update, but yeah
IM ALL ALONE AND BORED
so what do you expect?
~Rach~

screw it, im just going to send the four dollars up to michigan right now. well...tomorrow morning anyways. thank the lord everybodys as slow as we are and didnt get it paid yet and andy held off on deleating all the journals. anyways, im confused about so much crap right now, and well i dont know i need some time to think. oh today we took mom out to this resturant called Rex's, its good, little pricey but hey its mothers day we splurged. we got her this freaking expensive deck/lawn set that shes been dieing to have, and a gazing ball cuz trevor broke the one we got her last year and then a flower cuz shes like addicted to flowers. anyways its been a long ass day and im off to think or something. later
Rachel