Lap Dance!!
so today was good. biiiiiiig difference from yesterday. yesterday, so thought I was going to die...or at least I wanted to. Alex and I got into a huge fight..which I know was alllllll my fault, don't get me wrong..but I just wanted him to hold me..hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. and he did..but after hours of fighting and crying. I love him so much, and he loves me..which makes him such an idiot. but I'm glad he is. anyways, today was hilarious..it started off with Rach's aunt taking the two of us to school..we're driving Dike Rd. when we see Alex riding his yellow bike and wearing his red helmet. Rach and I thought this to be quite funny, so Rach's aunt decided it would be just hilarious if we turned around just to honk the horn at him and yell "hey coop!" so we did. and it was funny. but what made it even funnier, was that 2 seconds after we did it and we're at the red light looking back at him, he gets off his bike and drops it, throws his backpack off, and just looks at the ground..just standing there staring at the ground. Rachel and I thought this was like, the funniest thing since velcro. so yea, we get to school and apparently, he stopped because he was tired and his tires were flat..okay..? lol..riiiight. so then the three of us are in the cafeteria, and I gave Rachel a couple of my homemade lap dances which sent giggles up their spines..and then as I was taking a sip of Alex's drink, Rachel says to me "Shannon, you're mentally disturbed," which made me spit everything out on Alex...hahah, geez..last incident..felt really weird..like, 20 minutes later, was going around to everyone taking their necks in my hand and saying something, I forget..so I try going over to Megan, and I wasn't aware of the backpacks I had to step over to get to her..and I fell. wow..kind of embarassed, but too weird to care so I just laughed..laughed laughed laughed. funny day..
we had FCAT science today too..ehh..well, I don't know. it wasn't as hard as I thoguht. but it wasn't all that fun either. whatever, it was our last day..now we only have to take the NRT on Monday. but ya know, forget the fact that we're doing all these tests, Mrs. Johnson thinks it's a great time for a quiz or two, a chapter test, and a 9 weeks exam. starting tomorrow, ending next Thursday..can't wait..
no no no, something I reallly can't wait for (no sarcasm in this one) is to go bathing suit shopping. :)
alright, I'll leave..I want Alex..grr.

She would have cried her life away for him.
I've decided to interpret the song My Immortal by Evanescence as her boyfriend or best friend committing suicide, and her being left here alone..without him. I'm pretty sure that's it. actually listening to the lyrics just makes the melancholy of her voice and the piano seem ultimately sadder. I didn't really like Evanescence that much before because they kind of seemed..I don't know. but after this song, I really like her. as for the rest of the band, I haven't decided.
anyways. I'm in a really not good mood. ehh, I wrote two depressing poems last night. I have to modify one, but other than that I think they're pretty good.
I have to say it again, this song is so incredibly sad.

thanks Alex, thanks a lot.

"It's just a phase."
I think that maybe I should just make a debate journal. where anyone can comment and share their opinions about things regarding anything from gay marriages to this week's latest Jennah and Brett episode to abortion to 13 and 14 year olds all of a sudden starting to smoke pot everywhere you turn. I think it'd be interesting, but I'm not sure how many people would post..which would be the point..so if no one would be willing to post, then there's not point. so to all you, as I like to say it, "diehard fans", let me know if you think it's a good idea. hah, watch like, 1 person respond.."cause it never happened to me." don't know where that came from, sorry. yea, I read this article about the gay marriage thing in Rolling Stone and I'm definately starting to think that President Bush is turning this into a mondo huge idea to cause distraction because he doesn't know what the hell he's going to do about the war in Iraq. and you have to admit, that with John Kerry 1. being a democrat and 2. being from Mass., it would be a strong pinpoint..targeting him and making voters believe that he supports gay marriage..which he doesn't...but they're all dirty polititians so they'll lie about anything to save their asses. and I have a question..how many of these dirty, lying, homophobic, christian bastards do you think have ever fantasized about lesbian sex?..I'd bet almost all of em. it's like, a give-away..kind of. I don't know, does anyone else see what I'm getting at? I mean, you don't know for sure about those kind of things, but if they can watch lesbian porn, or ya know, have affairs and fantasize about things of that sort, then why can't all these super hot women get married? there's so many more important things to be concentrating on, especially since it's election season. what about, like I've said many times before, the war in Iraq? or what about health insurance? gun control? what's going to happen with our on-the-line economy? I don't know, I just think that our President should be touching more on things that affect everyone, or things that bother everyone..not just his fellow christians. this country is famous for freedom of religion, but President Bush doesn't seem to be recognizing this..IT MEANS THAT NOT EVERYONE IS CHRISTIAN! NOT EVERYONE AGREES WITH THE BIBLE! NOT EVERYONE AGREES THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN!! Jesus Christ, how many times can you say it? freedom of religion. it shouldn't be that hard. and how perturbed are you going to be if you see two gay men holding hands walking down the street? for some reason, I DON'T SEEM TO CARE! becuase it isn't my business. it really really is none of my business whether or not one man falls in love with another man. or if a woman finds her soulmate in another woman. I mean, like Addie said to me earlier, they're still going to be together. you're still going to see those two gay men walking down the street holding hands..so what's so disturbing about letting them share the same last name? I know that that's not it, but whoa, insurance, a house, maybe a dog and white picket fence, who cares? it is not fair to let a man and woman share these things, and completely disregard the fact that there are same sex couples who have been longing to do this as well for ages! for ages and ages! I think it's selfish. the supreme law of the land is the Constitution, not the Bible.

I'm not gay ..Alex :).., I just support the fact that we live in a free country and should be entitled to our freedom.

'You were always so lost in the dark..'
so. I guess I'll just be standard and tell you about my weekend. Friday..Alex came over. "Friday, I'm in love." :) We watched Say Anything..gotta love John Cusack..and part of the Best of Will Ferrel..but I didn't pay any attention to that. I love just lying next to him. we don't have to be kissing or "doing anything" or even talking, though that's nice too, just lying there looking at him looking at me..it's one of my favorite things..ever..so, then on Saturday..we had some horrible plan making skills going on, but finally Rach, Mishel, Alex and I went to the movies..saw Eurotrip..it was okay. the best part was when that chic Shannon and that guy Alex started making out and-oh..wait, that wasn't in the movie. hah, silly me..ehh, FYE didn't have Anatomy of a Ghost..kind of upset. but I got my chapstick..the good kind. ;) Rach came over after that, then Erin came over and we had a 75% fab 4 sleepover..ha..ha..it was hilarious. we thought we saw AJ and his friends walking down the street outside, so Erin of course gets all excited and both of us were staring out the window. and there was this one kid, with a serial killer mask on. and I'm like, "hey, that looks like James.." and then we're like, "wow, and that guy really looks like Mishel.." so we go outside and it's Mishel and James and some other kids. so the kids leave and uh, I talked to Alex on the phone while Rach and Mishel cuddles and Erin and James awkwardly just stood there. lol. sorry Erin. back inside, the three of us girls just pigged out on chocolate and talked. then slept. woke up early to find it was just Erin laying next to me. Rach had made herself her own little bed on the floor. cute. so we all get up, after me telling them about my dream of course, which was weird..Erin made huevos con queso, Rach made pan tostado, and I fed the cats. we were actually being responsible! I was so proud. then some more horrible plan making skills took place, leading to Alex and I fighting. it made me sad..it always makes me sad. but the amount of happiness he gives me when we aren't fighting, definately makes up for it. so Ms. Michele and Mr. John pick us up and we go to Alex's for a little bit. most of the time Alex and I were in his room talking about my mom, which made me cry..a lot. a lot a lot. but his shoulder is the best to cry on..maybe because it's so pretty..he has the prettiest shoulders..they're so smooth, and he has a few freckles on them..it's so cute..anyways, sorry..:)..so we talked and ah, he made me feel better. or at least feel loved and cared about, which is what I needed. then he left with Mr. John and some guy to go see the Passion of the Christ, haha, and Ms. Michele took Rach, Erin, Sydney, Sydney's friend and I to Thriftko. there I got 3 shirts, including an old tight abercrombie shirt with something that looks liek a Gryffindor symbol on it..hahaha. can't wait to wear it. after that she took us all home. it was fun..hanging out with Ms. Michele I mean. but I like hanging out with Alex more..just because he is my boyfriend and all. :) I love him.


one of the saddest songs..ever..


I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
all I can feel

Remembering
you standing quiet in the rain,
as I ran to your heart to be near,
And we kissed as the sky fell in..
Holding you close,
How I always held close in your fear
Remembering
You running soft through the night,
You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow
And screamed at the make-believe,
screamed at the sky,
And you finally found all your courage
To let it all go

Remembering
You fallen into my arms
Crying for the death of your heart..
You were stone white,
so delicate,
Lost in the cold..
You were always so lost in the dark
Remembering
You how you used to be
slow drowned
You were angels
So much more than everything..
Hold for the last time then slip away quietly
Open my eyes,
But I never see anything..

If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart
All my pictures of you

Looking so long at these pictures of you
But I never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
But always just breaking apart
My pictures of you

There was nothing in the world
that I ever wanted more,
than to feel you deep in my heart
There was nothing in the world
that I ever wanted more,
than to never feel the breaking apart
All my pictures of you..

Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.

Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.

Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.

Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.

Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.